Ashton's pov:

"Okay.. good. Jake don't push back! No! Don't do that!" Coach yells intently at Jake as him and Luke practice in the ring for tomorrow's big match.

I felt practice was good to forget the whole incident that happened last night.

Last night I kept tossing and turning, I barely got any sleep. I couldn't stop myself from staring out my closed curtains.

"You look like shit." Zander says from beside me. I roll my eyes as I look at him giving me one of his judge mental looks.

"I'm fine." I say sitting back in my seat and watching Luke and Jake throw punches at each other back and forth.

"Please, everyone knows that it goes from great, good, okay, bad, horrible, f*cked up, and then fine." He says squinting his eyes at me.

"What do you want me to say? I'm so happy I could poop glitter and rainbows right now. Happy?!"

He gives me another look before coach yells over at us.

"Okay! I want Zander and Ashton on." He says pointing at us then the ring. We both nod our heads avoiding coaches wrath and head in.

After putting on our protective gear, we both start off circling each other.

"Okay pretty boy, show me what you got." Zander says with a wild grin on his face.

I smirk as I head for his arm and punch it once. His grin falters a bit but it never completely drops.

He goes for my side but I quickly move so I can punch him in his rib.

Quickly after that, I feel a punch to my elbow and I look over to see Zander somehow in the last second got fully behind me.

"Ashton head in the match." Coach says as I snap out of my trance.

"Keep up Ashy Poo." Zander says in a high pitched girl's voice.

Suddenly, I get a flashback when Samantha called me that in the hallway.

I was confused at first since that day she announced her and Luke were dating, but I brushed it off thinking Zander told her to say it or something.

I'm still confused yet pissed that Julie was with her.

I started to hear giggling from the kitchen and when I walked in, I saw Julie and Samantha sitting side by side. So many thoughts were running through my head I couldn't even think straight.

It wasn't until Julie came knocking on my door that I snapped.

She couldn't pick a side.

She couldn't pick the people who have been there for her verse the person who hurt her and one of my closest friends.

I experienced what it was like to be chosen over before.

I was little, maybe second or third grade. About once a month, my dad would invite his 'friends' over to hangout at our house.

It was noon, and later on, I had my very first spelling bee that I was afraid to attend.

Believe it or not, up until I was in fifth grade, I had stage fright.

But it was shitty nevertheless.

Anyways, after lunch was over, they invited him to come with them to some fancy new bar that opened up.

He knew I had a spelling bee. He knew that I had been practicing for weeks. And he most certainly knew that I not only wanted, but I needed him there.

But he chose his so called 'friends.' I can't say they were his actual friends though because they were rude. They only included him for his pay check.

I was only in second or third grade and I knew that they were money hungry.

Mom tried to stop him from going, but he convinced her that there was no chance he would miss it.

News flash, he didn't show up.

I've had trust issues ever since. That's why I rather just stick with Zander, Jake, Luke, and Damien.

I let Julie into my life.

I let Julie become my friend.

I let myself start to have deeper feelings for Julie.

I let myself walk right into a trap.

And I let myself feel the pain of being betrayed again.

That's why I was so angry.

That's why I said such harsh words.

I turn around slowly to see Zander's fist almost connecting with my jaw, with all my strength, I ducked down and punched him right in the stomach.

He let out a grunt but didn't stand down.

I couldn't help all the events thumping in and out of my head.

I was growing angrier by the second.

It was like I was being trapped in my own memories.

I wanted out.

I started struggling fighting Zander.

I started slipping.

He noticed it too.

It was almost like I was drunk on life.

"Hey Ashton are you oka-.." but he wasn't able to finish because next thing I know I am quickly jumping out of the ring and making my way straight to the door.

"Ashton get back here!!" Coach yells at me. I grab my bag and storm out of the building and walk down the side walk to the nearest bench.

I rip my helmet off like it was suffocating me and I throw it in my bag.

I felt my hands getting sweaty so I took my boxing gloves off also and shoved them in my bag along with my helmet.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and laid my head back on the bench.

I can't believe it's happening again. I thought I got passed all the stupid shit my dad has done. All the times he wasn't there. I thought I moved on.

But this whole situation reminded me how I simply was just trying to ignore it.

It never, and maybe WILL never, go away.

I sit up instantly remembering something. I reach in my bag and grab my 'water' bottle.

I never drink.

I don't even know why I brought it.

I just thought that if today's practice didn't help.. then maybe I could drink it away.

With that, I take a swing of the bottle.

When I hear a door opening, I shove it in my bag and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

I look over to Zander walking over to me with a frustrated look on his face.

"What the hell dude?! I knew something was wrong with you but running out of the ring? I think coach might have had a heart attack." He says sitting down beside me.

I don't even spare him a glance as I stare out onto the road.

"It's happening again.. isn't it?" He asks lowly.

I nod my head while he takes a sharp breath.

When I first met Zander, even at a very young age, he knew of my dad issues. Through the years, he helped me through it, and all the rough times, he was there.

That's why out of all the guys, he's the closest with me.

The guys know that me and my father don't get along, but they don't exactly know how bad it actually is.

About three years ago, I was able to get my life back on track. I wasn't so focused on my dad making my life miserable everyday.

Instead, I was able to distract myself from the problem, and from then on it hasn't bothered me as much.

Sure, it still annoyed me, but I never let it take over my life like it already did.

"Did something happen? I mean, it's been three years and you've been doing fine."

I shrug my shoulders and keep staring out onto the road.

I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed that I can't keep this from bothering me.

"Hey, its going to be-... what's that smell?" He starts to say sitting up and sniffing the air.

I look over and we make eye contact. His curious eyes burning into my sorrowful ones.

I watch as he stands up and yanks my bag from my arms. He takes out my water bottle and smells it.

I watch as he aggressively walks away with the bottle in hand and throws away the whole thing into the trash can.

"Ashton.. I swear.. you have NEVER took one single sip of any alcoholic drink in your f*ckin life. I know the problems you have with your dad, but you never took drinking as the answer. Tell me the whole story." He shouts glaring at me.

"It's..n- nothing." I feel myself slur out.

Although I had a sip, I didn't realize I took that big of a sip.

But now that I think about it, I basically chugged the damn bottle in my own pool of pity.

"Really? I have known you pretty much all my life." He states crossing his arms over his chest.

His eyes then go wide. "Wait a second." He says, I could almost hear the gears turning in his head.

"Yesterday at practice you said that Tessa's family, Samatha's family, and Julie's family were all coming over for dinner... did something happen with Julie-.."

"No!" I find myself shouting as I struggle to stand up, but instead, I tumble back down to the seat.

"I'm taking that as a yes. Ashton tell me what happened."

"She couldn't."

"She couldn't want?" He asks.

"She couldn't choose." I say putting my face in my hands.

At this, he sits back down right beside me.

"She couldn't choose what?"

"Us. She was talking to Samantha. I got upset and asked who's side she was on. She couldn't choose." I say.

"I know why."

But it didn't come out of Zander's mouth, we both turn around to see Damien standing on the side walk only a few feet away from us.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone" He says looking the most serious I have ever seen him. Me and Zander both look at each other before hesitantly nodding our heads.

"Samantha.... she's pregnant." I could feel both mine and Zander's eyes going wide.

"How do you know?" I find myself asking looking at him.

"Because I was there when she told Julie." He says shoving his hands in his pockets.

I look over at Zander to find he was giving me a blank stare.

"Why didn't she tell me?" I ask looking at Zander but directing my question at Damien.

"I told Julie I wasn't going to tell anyone. You're just going to ask her." Damien says turning back around but before he does, he turns back around toward me.

"Not to be mean.. but whatever you did to Julie.. made you an a**hole." He says before stalking back into the building.

Both mine and Zander's mouths drop in complete shock as we watch the door close behind him.

"Did he just?" Zander asks, his mouth still hanging open.

"Yeah..."

"I feel like a proud parent." He says putting a hand over his heart.

Not only was that the first time we EVER heard Damien swear... but for the first time, I let someone break down the wall that I built for myself.

I need to let go of my past, before I lose someone else in my life.

Because I can't lose her...

Before I even had her.