"So have you heard about the rumors about me?" I asked casually. Will, Matt, Scott, Jake, Kim, Laura, Caden and I scattered all around the game room. I really didn't know how to bring up the whole mom and Romero thing so I decided to play it cool.

"Yeah..." they trail off awkwardly.

"Yeah well there all true." I scroll through Snapchat not wanting to see there reactions well except Caden's cause he already knows but the rest of them don't.

"W-hat?" Laura stutters. Chewing on my bottom lips scrolling through peoples stories not even paying attention to them.

"Heaven." Will whispers.

"Wait what? Heaven." Jake says his tone full in confusion.

"And that's not even all of it." I turn off my phone placing it next to me. Hesitantly turning to them as they stare at me, jaws ajar.

"You can tell us anything Hevs." Kim assured wanting a deeper explanation.

"Yeah we love you." Matt said as they all walk up to me. Caden standing back giving me an encouraging smile.

"We won't judge." Scott said. They all give me a group hug. "Your like a sister to us."

"He's right Hevs." Laura agrees as they squeeze me more. "Were the non judging breakfast club." She adds.

"Did you just quote Blair Waldorf?" I laugh hugging them back.

"Of course I did." All of laughter rings around the room.

"If you go down we go down with you." Will ruffles my hair.

"Thank you guys." They pull away. "Well everything started in August when Romero and I got into an accident." I began telling them about everything Beatrice, the frequent routine with drinking and drugs, the shit that went down with Gretchen, Hudson, and Mikey.

Once I was finished it was dead silent. No one moved a single muscle, tears flowing down there cheeks with pained expressions.

Will was the first one to crack as he wraps me into a hug, crying into my shoulder. "H-he's d-dead." He grumbles. Slowly he backs away still looking at me. "I'm sorry for your loss Hevs." I nod in thank you trying to swallow the knot that formed in my throat.

"He's been gone for seven months." Laura whispered. Visibly flinching at her words. Has it really been that long? "And you didn't tell us? Me?" She looked at me heartbroken. "He was like a brother to me." I didn't say anything just casting my eyes on the floor. "Does this not bother you?" She slight raised her voice.

"It does Laura." I say calmly. "That's why I didn't say it." I look at her. "He was my brother and he died because of my actions." I get up from my seat. "And I have to live with that not you." I stormed out of the room.

It's my own fault. What was I thinking when I decided to keep this from them. I knew the boys since middle school and the girls since primary school.

I was standing outside the main balcony on the second floor viewing the busy streets. Everyone looking so small from here but there own problems big as ever.

"Are you okay?" A voice asked softly. Turning around seeing Jake standing in front of me. His eyes still brimmed with tears.

"It just the memories." He nods walking to stand next to me.

"I want to apologize." He croaked. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion on what he has to feel sorry for. "I remember we were at a party in the beginning of the school year and I offered you coke and weed."

"Don't apologize for that Jake." I shake my head. "It was my decision to take the cocaine and for the weed I asked."

"Yeah but we were friends at the time and a friend shouldn't have offered that to a friend and I should've-"

"Don't go around and blame yourself and I was doing worse from what you gave me. So there's no need to beat yourself up to it." I smile softly at him. "And wether you know it or not your one of the loyalist people I know."

"That really means a lot even if we were high talking about our depressed ass lives." He bumps his shoulder with mine. "Even if people thought I was a stoner or a fucking maniac." He refers to his very legal weapon business his grandfather passed down to him when he turned eighteen last year.

"Maybe you are a stoner but not a maniac." I joke trying to brighten up the mood. "And we're friends I will always defend your name." I remember all the times I used to snap at people who called Jake any negative names because I know he's more than that.

"And that's exactly why I love you for that."

"I would like to discuss that topic actually." A soft voice says from behind us. Kim and Laura standing by the door. Laura having a guilty expression, fiddling with her bracelet.

"Jake." Laura sighs. "I was never your biggest fan and I'm not going to beat around the bush like I would've have because I want all this shit out of the clear with the four of us here."

"Okay?" Jake trails off not knowing where she's going with this.

"This also isn't just Laura's doing too." Kim quickly adds in. "We were quick to assume the rumors circulating around you and-"

"We would drag your name through the dirt every time we would see Heaven with you but that was awhile ago." Laura nods. "We just want what was best for our friend and at the time we didn't think you were that and now Kim and I learned not to judge by what we see."

"She's right Jake." Kim glances between Laura and Jake. "But that was months ago you redeemed your loyalty and that's the the only thing that matters to us."

"I don't really know how to respond to you guys confessing that you were secretly dissing me but well forgiven." He throws his hands up. "You three look like you need to talk." He leans down to my ear. "Let me know if I need to handle anyone." Referring to Gretchen.

"I'll keep that in mine Jake." I say sarcastically. He laughs walking away leaving us standing in front of each other.

"I'm sorry Heaven." Laura croaked. "I shouldn't have said what I said it was very insensitive of me. I don't want to make excuses but it's just that I was overwhelmed by what you told me about your mom and everything."

"I know you didn't mean any harm L but my brothers death will always be a sore subject and I knew both of you," I point to her and Kim. "Deeply cared for him as I did too."

"I love you Hevs." Kim finally decided to speak. "But I can't help but think what would happened if you could've just told us about your mom." She cries. "Your like a sister to me and I feel so bad that I didn't see the signs."

"It's not your fault Kimberly." I reassure softly. "I kept it well hidden and didn't tell anyone til after I was in the hospital my dad didn't even find out until he seen it himself."

"I just want you to be happy." She covers her face trying to control her sobs. "And to find out you were going through so much shit it just-" I walk over to her wrapping my hands around her.

"It's okay Kimberly, I'm okay now." I brush the hair out of her face. "I have you guys by my side and I can't be more than happy for that."

"Ugh!" She groans. "I hate crying! This is Laura's thing!" She shakes her head stepping away from my embrace.

"Shut up!" Laura yells through her cries. "Heaven do you want me to fight that Gretchen bitch?" She pumps her fist in the air. "I took karate when I was fourteen."

"Put those fist down L." I laugh. "And I don't even know where that girl is she can be in Antarctica for all I know. Come on they're probably wondering what's taking us so long."

We walk back into the game room all of them sitting in silence just staring off. Right as I was about to sit down I feel a tap on my shoulder. Matt embracing me into a hug with teary eyes.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Hevs." He whispered in my ear. "How long will your mom be gone for?"

"Life in prison." I whispered.

"I wish people could see how strong you are. How is your cousin? Is he okay? How is he doing?" He continued to ask.

"He's doing good, I guess, he's going to therapy four times a week but I like to check up on him to see how he really is doing." I know everything is never what it really seems to be and I learned that from experience.

"I'm glad to hear that. How have you been? Mentally." He adds.

"It's been a very rough journey but I like to think I'm getting there." I back away just to see his face. "How have you been Matthew?" I use his full name.

"Fine still hung up over my parents divorce but I'm over it already." He smiled down at me.

"How's your mom?" I ask. Morgan, Matt's mom is a classy Mexican woman who used to make incredible homemade cookies every time I came as Matt's dad was colleagues with dad.

"She's doing better are table is always filled with food every time I come back from school, I guess it was her way of coping." Lucky.

"Okay I'm jealous now. You need to tell her to make me her sugar cookies." I back away giving him a pointed look.

"For sure." He laughed.

We both sit on the couch, Caden looking at me with a worried look but I smile trying to reassure him that I'm fine. Looking behind him noticing the white roses on the counter.

He really doesn't miss a day.

Caden grabs them walking over to me. He gestures the roses in my direction hearing an Aw from Matt. Smiling as I take them standing right back up.

"Thank you Cay." I look down at them. "I'm going to put them in the garden." I began to walk out of the room.

"I'll come." Scott walks over to me. We began to walk in silence before he broke it. "So you've never seen your aunt and uncle til now?"

"Yeah, they're not really around they're either working or at church. They converted to Catholicism when Hudson was found but when they're not busy there hanging out with us as in dad, Hudson or me."

"Well it's a miracle he was found." I nod in agreement. "Romero would be proud of the person you became."

"Thank you Scotty. That's nice to hear." We walk into the garden as I take my time putting the roses in the vase.

"You have a lot of roses." He examines the garden. "Caden really knows how to make a girl feel special. It makes me jealous I'm not receiving roses from him." He joked.

"I really should start making a flower business." I teased. "So Scotty anyone who caught your eyes." I turn around wiggling eyebrows at him.

"Hell no!" He denies loudly. "I like to have my options open, you won't see me getting cuffed any time soon Carter." We walk back inside.

"So your going to be a bachelor man til your forty?"

"Forty? Why not add an extra decade." He ruffled my hair causing me to swat his arm away with a glare. "Nah but I don't want to be with someone right now I want to explore the world and have fun."

"Yeah I get what your saying Scotty." I walk backwards. "I'm going to start making fun of you when you get a girlfriend."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep walking like that and you'll get hit by a wall or something-" at the same time I bumped into a wall.

"No that was your fault!" I point to him now walking normal beside him. "You jinxed it."

"It's not like I mind linked the wall and say bump into Heaven." He says as we walk back into the game room. "You know what we need guys!" He announced to everyone gaining there attention. "We need to go on a vacation it's spring break and that mean no school so we're going to my lake house!"