TW
- SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
- SELF HATE/DOUBT
- SWEARING
- INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
- RUNNING AWAY

IZUKU POV

After a slow, annoying, long drive back to the house my social battery had officially died. Not that I had one to begin with but let's just pretend I did.
Also the silence in car gave my mind room to think and say whatever it wanted which was a pain in my ass. Intrusive and suicidal thoughts are fun. We drove past a relatively large tall building on the way back to the house which triggered the thoughts.

'I would die if I jumped from there'

and that's how it started.
When we pulled into the driveway and the car had stopped I got out of the car straight away and went to walk inside.
I walked straight to 'my room' then closed and locked the door. Im not sure why they thought it'd be a good idea to give me a room with a lock on the door but they did and it greatly benefits me. I walk over to the bed and lay down on it trying to get rid of the thoughts and voices in my mind.

'You could kill them and run away'
'You could kill them and then kill yourself'
'You could just stab yourself with that huge kitchen knife'
'What if you ran away?'
'What if they all hate you?'
'What if they're all just pitying you?'
'Everyone at school hates you'
'Hitoshi think you're weird'
'Go set something on fire'
'Go write your suicide notes and hang yourself'
'You should cut your hair'
'Go eat'
'Stop faking all your problems idiot'
'Go cut random lines on your skin'

Some are worse then others and some are really bad bad thoughts. Sometimes I listened to them and I did what they told me too but I didn't feel like it today. I hated myself and wanted to die but I didn't have the energy to go through with it you know? I was done listening to the thoughts they were annoying me it was like I couldn't escape them. Its like living in a tiny box while being claustrophobic.
I got off my bed and went to get my phone and earphones. Once I got them I went and layed on my carpeted floor. I put in my earphones and clicked on my favourite playlist 'rock solid' on Spotify (fav playlist atm)
I put my phone in my hoodie pocket (pretend he got changed at some point) and closed my eyes. The rock music was on the loudest volume. The first song that played was Self Esteem by The Offspring. I put my arm over my eyes while the music drowned out any thoughts. My ability to listen to, hear or think about anything other then the loud music in my ears was destroyed as I layed on the carpet floor.

I'm not sure how long I was laying there but at some point I felt the floor shake a little and could hear faint banging. I took one earphone out and could instantly hear banging and slight distraught yelling coming from my door. I got up and went to the door, unlocking it and opening it half way. There stood aizawa and toshi that seemed to have a look of relief on their faces as they saw me, hitoshi more so then aziawa. They didn't say anything yet and just stood looking at me for a couple seconds so I closed my door on them and walked further into the room actually going to the bed this time. I had kept the door unlocked this time incase they decided they wanted me again and wouldn't bang on the door. Before I could put my earphone back in I was interrupted by a voice talking and opening my door.

"Hey zuzu" it was toshi.
I didn't respond and rolled over to him but when I did I saw aizawa aswell.

"Izuku why was the door locked? It doesnt matter if it's closed but It doesn't need to be locked. We aren't going to murder you" Aizawa says. I rolled my eyes.

"If im not allowed to lock It then why is there a lock" I said as I looked him straight in the eye. That's when I noticed toshi again who was now sitting on the floor about a metre away from the bed leaning against the wall.

"Toshi why are you here" I asked as I looked towards him.

"Wanted to watch the dadzawa lecture"
He stated simply with a shrug. Of course he did. Fucking purple shit.

"Can you both get out" I asked them although it wasn't really a a question.
They both just looked at me with the stupidest looks I honestly cannot describe i can only say it pissed me off greatly.

"Now? Was that not clear?" I say letting myself get pissed. I didn't actually have the energy to do anything about it I probably would've just stuck my earphones in and ignored their presence but I didn't want them watching me like some creepy pedophile fucks that's were about to eat my face off with their face while they took turns tying me up and-

ok that's the end of that 😀

Yes I broke the fourth wall what about it

AUTHOR STFU just continue on with the story

Sorry bi-

Anyways I didn't want them being creepy and watching me. They seemed to ignore what I said AGAIN. Stupid fucks. Izuku you can't say stuff like that- yea no I didn't care about being nice at the moment.

I looked to aizawa with a look that was 50% I hate you get the fuck out
20% sorry but leave
25% I don't hate you i just want to die
And 5% please im going to cry I want to kill myself lmfao cri🤞
Yeah i don't think he picked up on the last part that much. He looked at me for a bit longer and then gave toshi a look saying get out. He got up off the floor and started to walk out.

"Im gonna go help pops with dinner cya zuzu" he said as he walked out.
Aizawa closed the door and walked over to me.
"What do you want I thought I told you go leave?" I ask with a quieter voice then last time, less agressive.

"I want to know what's wrong"

"What do you mean you want to know what's wrong? Maybe I just don't want to talk to you." I state while looking him dead in the eyes, going back to my cold tone filled with disinterest.

"I don't think so"

"I dont care. Maybe I'm just tired" I sayas I lay more comfortably on the bed.

"Maybe. But I don't think so. I think something bothering you" He replies.
At this point eraser bitch was really starting to annoy me. I might actually end up trying to run away again.

fuck what I said. Ill get found eventually and when I do ill go back with them and do it again when I feel like it.

"Ugh can you actually just piss off eraser bitch?"

"Not until you tell me whats upsetting you right at this very moment." He replies.
That was my last straw. I didn't want to deal with this today. It's what. My third day living with these heros? First day of the wonderful UA highschool for young aspiring heros? I already hate it. I hate it here.
I got up off my bed and walked quickly to the door that leads to the hallway. Aizawa seems to think nothing of me getting up until I open the door. That's when he gets up to run after me. Before he can get to me I slam the door shut and run down the stairs, jumping down the last 6 or so steps. I quickly run towards the front door and out of it as I hear voices calling out to me. I look behind me to see aizawa running after me, yamada in the driveway and toshi just outside the door. I turn back around and continue running as fast as I could.
Once I got into the more busy city part of the area I ducked into an alleyway and climbed up the fire escape and confused running along the rooftops. After a few blocks I turned around to see aizawa quite far back behind me so I slid down into another alleyway and hid in the darkness. I could hear aizawas footsteps as he ran and also him calling out to me. I stared to hear another voice and different footsteps which sounded like they belonged to yamada. They started talking.

"Did you see which way he went?" Yamada asked.

"No. For fucks sake this is my fault! I shouldn't have pushed him. We need to find him before he hurts himself or something" Aizawa yells.

"Hey sho it's not your fault... we'll find him. He'll probably come back eventually he just needs a bit yea? We'll keep looking for him I told hito to stay home incase he comes back while we're looking for him."

"Yea yea alright."

Both pairs of voices stop as the footsteps continue to get fainter and fainter until im unable to hear them.
Finally they're gone. They probably won't look for that long. I'll go back when I'm ready but for now I need my own time and I know the perfect place to go. There's the perfect spot in the opposite direction to where aizawa and yamada went it has a beautiful view of the sky because of how high up the building is.

-

Once izuku got to the building he scaled it with ease as he had done already many times before. The building was a large skyscraper that belonged to a famous multimillion dollar tech company that had 31 floors.
By the time izuku had gotten up there and say on the ledge he realised his music had disconnected. He didn't really care to reconnect his music so he fixed his earphones into his pocket and sat quietly.

After 10-20 minutes he realised that was a mistake. The intrusive thoughts returned now that he wasn't distracted or sleeping.

'What if you jumped off the building right now and killed yourself? You can't go back to your vigilante life it would be logically stupid and impossible to do, and you don't want to be in their house... so

Why

Not

Jump?'

Longish chapter as an apology for not updating in a little bit? Anyways yea have this chapter I've given to you I hope it was satisfactory. Until next time.

♡author♡