POV Marcus

The day that Aria left had been difficult.

Marcus had spent most of the day running through the woods in his territory, mapping and then re-mapping them in his head. He didn't need to: he knew every rock and every stream better than anything. But it helped to keep him and his thoughts distracted for a while.

That is, until he found himself on the porch of his old home, trying to ignore the scent of his dead mate and their son.

He let his surroundings drip into his awareness, feeling the wood beneath his huge paws, letting the familiarity sink in.

He hadn't really noticed anything in the last five years, having been consumed by guilt and grief whenever he visited his old home. So much so that he'd stopped visiting entirely, choosing to visit the graves he'd made for his dead family instead of the site of their deaths.

It hadn't helped much. In fact, it had probably made his grief that much sharper and his guilt that much more acidic. Refusing to step into the place he once called home, the place he returned to each day to find Helena wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, her belly growing so quickly, had taken a toll on him. With a resigned huff, he sank to the floor, his claws catching on the chipped wood of the porch.

It had once been so pristine, both him and Helena making sure to take good care of their home together. He remembered spending hours on that very porch, the wood varnish staining his fingers, splinters embedded in his skin, polishing the wood until he saw his reflection in it.

Helena had always had a gift for interior design, something she'd wanted to pursue before she fell pregnant. He'd always encouraged her to go back to school once their pup arrived, promising to look after him while she was studying. She'd only laughed that soft, breathy laugh of hers and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

It had been those kinds of memories that had been the most difficult to come to terms with. He'd always been so eager to talk about their future, to imagine and plan all the things they would do as a little family, from teaching their pup to ride a bicycle to trips to the beach Marcus had grown up on.

But Helena had never really shared. his enthusiasm for it. And it had made Marcus wonder if maybe a part of her knew that she wouldn't make it past her pregnancy.

In the first year or so after their deaths, that thought had carved out chunks of Marcus' heart, making him feel even more guilty for the resentment he felt towards her for knowing she would leave him all alone. He'd howled at the full moon, pain ripping his vocal chords apart, pain ripping his vocal chords apart, crying because she'd known, she had to have known, and yet she never once thought to warn him. Had she been too selfish and wanted to spend her last years in happiness with him? Only to cause him immeasurable pain once she left?

He'd known that those thoughts had been fueled by hurt and grief, and the fresh sense of abandonment that rippled along the edge of his mind had slowly become a brand new insecurity.

Marcus knew he'd have to tell Aria about his dead mate and their son when she came back.

He knew and yet he fervently prayed that he could leave it in his past and never have to bring it up ever again. He didn't want Aria to look at him differently, he didn't want to see pity in her eyes. He wanted her to grow to love him the way he was sure he'd started to love her. He also didn't want her to feel obligated to stay with him out of a maternal instinct to 'fix' him. He wanted her to be happy with him.

In their short time together, Marcus had never felt the sheer happiness he'd felt when he was with Aria. It was something that he knew was special. Almost on cue, his mind offered up small flashes of memories, the times they'd spent knew was special. Almost on cue, his mind offered up small flashes of memories, the times they'd spent together that had changed his life irrevocably.

He remembered the first time they'd made love while he was in the throes of his heat, how his wolf had gone silent the second her lips touched his. It had been rough and visceral, but that had in no way changed how beautiful she sounded when she crumbled to pieces in his arms. Her face was still flawless as it contorted in pleasure, and her body magnificent where it bowed at his touch, pulled tight as a bowstring before release.

He remembered thinking that his wolf had gone surprisingly pliant considering his ruts were usually unbearable, and chalked it up to having stayed celibate for over five years. Of course, he knew better now. He knew that it was something in Aria's presence that made his wolf pliant and shockingly obedient, something he craved when she wasn't around.

He knew he hadn't needed all three days to decipher his own feelings, because what he felt was more than just sexual attraction.

He'd fallen for her in so many ways, for so many insignificant things, that he'd known the second they came to mind that he was so far gone for her.

It was in the way she smiled at him, so easy going and yet so sincere, a smile that she reserved just for him. It was the kind of smile he'd found himself dreaming of on many occasions after she'd first left to go back to her pack. He'd felt so blissed out by their days' long roll in the sheets that he'd scarcely thought of anything else until she came back.

Much to his annoyance, it was also in the way she'd grown a backbone, learning to stand up to him in ways that few others would ever dare. He'd found it grating at first, not accustomed to having his authority challenged like that, but he'd seen the way she blossomed with confidence because of it. And he might have incited a few situations just to push her further. She was already surprisingly strong, but he often wondered how much her soft-spoken demeanour kept her prisoner.

It was in the way she found little ways to be near him or touch him, no matter where they were or who was around. As simple as sidling into the space just behind him when they were downstairs grabbing snacks from the kitchen together, or playing with his fingers while they watched stupid TV shows on the couch in his room. Everything felt intimate with Aria, and yet it all felt as easy and natural as breathing too.

He'd realized that it had been the first time he'd experienced true happiness and peace since he'd lived with Helena.

The idea of asking Aria to be his mate in the future had crossed his mind many times. He'd caught himself gazing at her, a million dreams playing out in his mind. Thoughts of their mating run, the excitement and adrenaline coursing through their veins as he chased her down, evading her clever traps until he finally found her. He'd spent entirely too many hours of his life devoted to the image of her bearing her neck for him, giving him everything he'd ever wanted.

And he'd possibly devoted entirely too many hours of his life to the idea of coming home and finding her there, waiting for him, her belly round with pups.

He'd known that she'd be an amazing mother, and an incredible Luna. He knew without a doubt that, once she'd learned his pack's dynamic, he'd be able to leave his pack in her hands if something ever happened to him.

He'd imagined different periods in their future together, resting his head on her growing belly, being there when she birthed their pups, watching them grow up and seeing her evolve into an unstoppable force. Hell, he'd even begun thinking about having more than just one pup with her.

He had let so many scenarios play out in his mind, late at night when she was safe and warm in his arms, her head on his chest while she slept. He wanted a life with her, one where she was at his side, her shoulders thrown back and her chin high, his mating bite on her throat for the world to see. She was his, and he knew in his soul that he'd never belonged to anyone the way he belonged to Aria.

Because even if she called him on the third day and told him that she'd changed her mind, he knew that his own feelings would never change.

He only knew that it was too soon for him to ask such things, even if his wolf was overjoyed by the idea of having a mate to love once more.

He didn't know if he was ready for that kind of step, and he wanted Aria to be confident in choosing him. He didn't want her to come back just because she was running from her own pack.

He huffed against the weather-worn wood of his porch and shifted his head into a more comfortable position. This way, he couldn't see the door or the windows, and those apparitions of Helena would stay away for a moment while he collected his thoughts.

He wondered how to tell Aria about his past, whether he should sit her down and explain everything that had happened since he first met Helena, or if it was something that needed to unfold naturally instead.

His wolf grumbled in annoyance, telling him that they should have chased after her instead of letting her go back to a pack she wasn't meant for. But he ignored his wolf, arguing that Aria deserved whatever time she needed to sort through her own emotions. Being rejected by a true mate wasn't something that anyone could heal from in a day, and from the little bits of information Aria had given him, he knew that Aiden hadn't made any of it easy for her.

His eyelids grew heavy, the hours of running and stress catching up to him, and he wished more than anything, that Aria could have been there with him, curled beside him where she was meant to be.