"Wake up you fucking sorry excuse for an unsightly glob of hamster lard!" says a fair haired and intelligent yet bitter and twisted Minnesota ten-year-old, a boy who is always bullied at school.  The kids bully him, so he bullies me.

"Why do I even have such a waste of fur as you?  You're not good for jack-shit!  I wanted money!  Money for my birthday or like a gift card or something not some fat furry rodent!  I even liked the last hamster better!"  I gulp.  The last hamster?

Odd as this may sound James is in a fair-to-decent mood today... that is to say it was fair-to-decent to him.  Really he is still his bitter, sarcastic self... some people!

"I've got to go to that crappy crab shack they call school today," James complains.  Then a mischievous grin lights his face.  "But don't worry, I'll be back later to pester and jab you.  You're a lucky little thing, you just sit n do nothing in that cage.  Those teachers make me learn things I wasn't aware I need to know.  When the hell am I going to use long division?!  And those bullies.  Well fuck them!"

"Thanks for the pep talk, I Gruffy gruffly think.