"Even if you understand the person, understanding the situation is a different matter."

-- The Beauty Inside

It felt good to be back. After only three days back in Queens, I was already getting back into my flow. More cases had been pouring in. Jacobi was more irritated than ever. The kids and I spent a lot of time together now. Hayden and I dismissed the idea of a divorce for now. No one could think about it since we were back home. Everything feels right again.

Tamera, Abby, and I were meeting today to discuss Sha'Kayla. We all loved her at one point, but she was going far enough with Luca. I don't think he's even seen her in the past couple of days. If he has, then there's something wrong with that picture. If she thought playing with him while he's still in a relationship was the way to his heart, she was about to be kicked out of ours.

Maybe it was just me and my emotions, but I felt she was going to need a second chance. Until Lexi and Luca are officially separated, she won't be needed anymore. She can't be my best friend, but she can be a friend. I never considered her feelings in all of this. If she wants to tell them to me when we all confront her, then so be it. They don't have to accept her.

Just like any other day, I walked up to the café and was met with multiple cameras and mics being shoved in my face. How could I ignore something like this? They've figured out where I'm meeting my friends. I'm so grateful they're never allowed inside restaurants. The questions and flashes were muted as I entered the place.

"Hey, queen!" Tamera yelled. Right on time.

"Hey, guys. It's great to see you again." I smiled at both of them. "How's everything been?"

"Please tell your mom to stop giving the kids to me. I have two of my own who suck the life out of me daily."

"...I would have taken them from you, but Keke's mom hates me and I was pretty busy," Abby apologized. "We're not here to talk about us, though. We're here to talk about you."

"What about me?"

Abby looked at Tamera and sighed. I looked between the two of them. What was going on?

"...Queen, we know your week in California wasn't ideal with what's going on between the two of you," Tamera started. "You said you went gambling Saturday. How'd that turn out for you? You know Hayden isn't good at card games--"

"Except Blackjack," Abby cut in. "Even then...he muted your feelings with a platinum rose."

"We won over a thousand dollars in pocket money," I said. "He didn't mute my feelings with a platinum rose. I gladly accepted it, because if I opened my mouth to argue he would have smacked me."

"In public?"

"In front of all those rich people?"

"...Yeah. He's done it before. No one cares, because he is a freaking hotshot model and knows how to manipulate people."

Right. I was in an abusive relationship with a man who claimed he loved me. His schizoaffective disorder wasn't helping me at all in any situation. I doubt he would have held back at the hotel if I kept talking about getting a divorce. I've never known him to be depressed, but abusive...I'm very familiar with that.

But they didn't understand anything I was going through. I'm married to my best friend's brother. That makes me family. Anything I did to her while married to him is just calling for trouble. If Lexi finds out that I aided Wayne...I don't know what she'd do. How she'd react depends on if I can stay married to her brother.

"Have you heard from Erik since...you know." Tamera waved a waitress over. "He called me asking if you were still mad at him."

"About what?" I asked. I barely remember meeting him before leaving Queens.

"How would we know? You never told us. We only heard...that he tried to sleep with you."

Erik? Sleeping with me? That was something hard to believe. I sort of remember that night. Hayden was pretty pissed. Even though I may have died with how naïve I was acting, at least things didn't go too far. Erik was gay and I'm sure of it. No matter what anyone says.

"I...might visit him later." I sighed and stared down the waitress who was finally coming over to us. I wanted something different today.

"The regular?" she asked.

"Yes, please," Abby confirmed.

"Can I get the Nachos Supreme?" I asked. "I'm looking for something different today."

"Of course. Do you want it with your regular coffee or the Mexican?"

"Mexican. Add lots of Tequila."

The waitress laughed. I wasn't joking. Today was going to be rough. I should at least have something to keep my spirits up. She left with a smile on her face. I hoped she was going to do like I asked.

"So...are you?" Tamera asked.

"I don't know..." The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go through with it.

"Forget about it for now," Abby said. "Have you heard from Derek? You used to text him all the time. How does he look now?"

"How would I know? I forbade him from sending me pictures of him. For all I know...he could be married with a kid and not as sexy as he was in high school."

"His pictures are all over the city! How do you not know what he looks like now?" Tamera shook her head. "Call him."

Almost like the world was against me at this point, my phone rang. Tamera raised a brow. Abby leaned forward in her seat. It could only be Hayden, but getting a call from him while I'm with the girls was too rare. I didn't expect the name of the caller when I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Abby gestured for me to let them see. I flashed the phone their way.

"No way!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Yes way." I smiled. It was Derek! "Should I answer it?"

"Do more than answer it, queen. You should Facetime." Tamera nodded in agreement.

That's how I ended up talking to the guy I called my best friend since seeing him for the last time almost six or seven years ago.

"H-hello?" I answered timidly.

"Am I not important to you? Is it me who has to call to get you to realize I'm still alive? I feel so used, Nicole. I swear you're using me!" he declared. My eyes widened upon hearing one of my middle names. "I'm going to kidnap you the moment you ignore me again!"

"I-I-I haven't been ignoring you. I've been busy. I have a life, Derek. Children." I gripped my phone.

"They deserve more attention than me? I'm hurt, Nicole."

"Stop calling me that. Yes, they deserve more attention than you."

"I miss you so much. I'm due to come back to New York in a few years. Want to go somewhere when I get back?"

"...Really? Aren't you going to be busy?"

"When it comes to you, I'm never too busy."

Tamera and Abby seemed to have heard this. They squealed with delight and hugged each other. Really?

"You sure you're going to have time for me? You're a part-time doctor and full-time model," I pointed out. "There's no way you can put me into the equation."

"Too late. I already have," Derek confirmed.

💉💦💧

I stood in front of Erik's apartment door. I hadn't called or knocked yet, so he didn't know I was here. Hopefully before he decided to open the door I was ready to talk to him. Just standing here was making me antsy. I wanted to leave so bad.

But, why was I thinking this? I said I believed Erik wasn't gay. If he wasn't, I'm sure he wouldn't have done anything I wouldn't have allowed him to do. He's a good guy. He takes care of the kids when I'm busy. Whenever Hayden and I have fights, he's the first one to allow me to crash at his place until the problem is over.

Before I could stop myself, I knocked. I hadn't seen his car, so I was praying he wasn't home. If he was, then his mother came by and took it or it was in the body shop. Erik usually opens the door in the first fifteen seconds of a knock. I'm assuming he's either asleep or really gone. As I was contemplating leaving a note, the door slowly opened.

"...Sha'Kera," he breathed.

"Erik," I greeted. "How have you been?"

"Fine. I was waiting for you to call me back."

"I'm sorry. I've been busy with cases since I returned."

Such lies. I had so much free time between the cases I was getting. Not many people had many real problems. Just a case of petty theft or working out their differences. I think I've only gotten one divorce case and it ended just like that. I had time to call him or visit. I just wouldn't.

"Come in. I was...baking." Erik held the door open for me. I walked inside and was hit with the light smell of citrus. "Do you want anything? Water?"

"I'm good. What are you baking?"

"...Lots of things. Stress cooking. You know what I mean."

"Erik, I just have one question." He walked across the living room to the kitchen. I followed. "Let's forget about what happened that night, because, if I'm being completely honest, I would have slept with you without knowing what I was doing."

"Really?" He looked at me in disbelief.

"Yeeah. Plus, I still believe you're interested in men. Or at least want to be. Lying about being gay to get closer to me is something I don't want to believe."

"...I only told Hayden I wasn't going to get him to shut up. He always wants to be right, so to make him be happy with himself, I lied. Of course I like men, but there are times when women are just as good as men."

"So...you're bi? That's a weird way to say it."

"Sorry. Do you want anything to drink? I feel like we're going to be doing a bit of talking. Nice outfit..."

I had been waiting for him to say that. The girls loved it and told me I should definitely tease him a bit if he turned out to be straight. Since that wasn't true, I suppose it was just cute.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"Jacobi let you wear that?" Erik asked.

"Of course not! I wasn't working today. I was out with the girls."

Erik closed his eyes and took a deep breath. What was he doing? There was something definitely wrong with this situation. But what? How could him possibly taking a breath mean something bad? Was I actually about to believe Hayden all over again? All he did was breath deeply! What the heck is wrong with me!

Erik said he was going to get me some water and mochi. I wonder if that's hard to make. I could barely cook if it wasn't for my family. Anyone else would be dying from the lack of proportional seasoning. That reminds me. I need to get some cooking lessons again. I need to get Hayden some too. I swear he tries to kill us all on purpose.

"I made a batch myself, but I don't want to kill you with it if it's bad," Erik said. "How was your day?"

"It was great. I got to spend some alone time with the kids before coming here." I smiled.

"Where are they now?"

"Back with my mother. She said she was taking them to Flushing today. I don't know what's so interesting over there."

"It's definitely not Queens."

"Of course not."

This was getting a little too awkward. Usually we watched movies together or played a card game. Sitting here and staring at each other was messing with my spirit. What happened to us? Why did I let Hayden ruin the friendship I had with Erik? I can't even joke with him anymore. I feel like if I bring up something we used to do he'll look at me like I'm crazy.

"...Wanna Netflix and chill?" he asked out of the blue.

"Yes please," I agreed automatically.

∴∴∴∴

Imma cry you guys. I made a deal like an idiot and now I have to buy two people some K-pop merch. I'm broooooooooooooke. TT Then I have to save up money to go to New York this year and I barely have $5!!!! I think I might have to rob a bank. TT I need a new life....

⚜Author-nim⚜