Yamcha's 3rd Worst Date Ever

"I sell people car insurance but I'd rather not talk about work on a date, you know. I'm so glad that you decided to take me to the planetarium! I love that stuff!" a bodacious blonde in a glittery, sapphire dress quivered in her high heels accompanied by a rather overwhelmed Yamcha who did his best to try and get into this new situation.


"Uh-huh... You know, I know some friends that actually go to space from time to time. If you're into it, we can maybe arrange a trip or two," Yamcha scratched the back of his head, wondering how he was doing as he never really had to meet a potential romantic interest like this and charm them. Back when he was still with Bulma, things just sort of escalated and worked out. It was like a hectic chemical reaction. A wild blast.


"Oh, really!? That's amazing! I don't know what space is all about though... Like what would I have to wear out in space even?" the woman pondered, looking up in the sky as if a mere visual inspection might have suggested to her an answer to this surface-level predicament that wasn't giving her any peace of mind. "Anyway, I meant to ask you this for a while now, what is that thing following us, is it like... A cat or something?"


"Oh, that's Puar..." Yamcha raised his arm up, gesturing at Puar floating a tad behind him with his thumb. "He's my lifelong friend, you could say we're partners in crime of sort."


"That's so cute!" the woman shrieked out, jumping at Puar in an attempt to pet him and scratch his back as if he was just an ordinary levitating house cat. "I love guys that are good with pets. He's just my type too!"


"Y-Yamcha..." Puar cried out. "O-Okay, you won the bet, you can hang around women... Please... Get her off me, Y-Yamcha! Who's the one on a date here, for Pete's sake!?"


"He talks?" Yamcha's elegant date leaned back and covered her mouth in surprise. "He's not one of those anthropomorphic animals, is he? I've heard that those almost went extinct during the "Devil" mark incident!"


Both Puar and Yamcha's date froze staring at Yamcha who just stood in place and looked toward a blank point far away in the distance, far off to the south from Central City. The martial artist's look was serious and suggested a dire predicament though his unfamiliar with the world of martial arts date blinked rapidly a few times in turbulence as to what might have gotten her date so perplexed.


"Yamcha, do you have indigestion or something?" the car insurance saleswoman wondered with an innocent mumble. "Please tell me that's not happening to me again..."


"Crystal, this has been great but I think I need to go," Yamcha closed his eyes and turned to his date, speaking through his teeth as if he hated what he was proclaiming but felt like it had to be said nonetheless.


"Huh? Is it my job? Yeah, technically I'm swindling people but the legal definition of fraud is..." Crystal was about to get into something she considered of profound importance but Yamcha dashed up to her and grabbed her hands to stop her from talking.


"Look, there is a huge problem I need to take care of. It's... Sort of like work though it's more like my passion. My friends are working with it right now and they're way better at it than I am but I feel a bugging feeling like I need to check in on them and make sure that they can handle it," Yamcha explained it to the best of his ability even if his ditzy date didn't seem to be catching on to his implication in any way whatsoever.


"Oh, I see..." Crystal muttered. Then it was as if a sense of clarity hit her as her blood-red lips stretched out in an upward moon. "So that's why you haven't told me what it is that you do... At first, I wondered that you were just embarrassed like maybe you're an aspiring actor or a vendor machine ad guy but now it's all so clear – you're a superhero!"


"Huh!?" Yamcha freaked out.


"Yeah, like that Suppaman guy from Penguin Village, right?" Crystal leaned in closer to Yamcha's face. The poor dolt wasn't sure how to best handle this situation though he probably could've done way better than to just take off and fly away southward.


"Call me after you're done saving the world, okay?" Crystal yelled out to Yamcha before swooning to her hero as he disappeared from view.


"This is awkward..." Puar poked his furry hands together.


"Huh? You're still here, doesn't Yamcha-kun need you to draw powers from you and transform? Aren't you like his mascot or something?" Crystal wondered.


"Not quite..." Puar shook his head.


"Huh? But you seem like you can fly..." Crystal waved her hand through the space between Puar's bottom and the ground.


"I can float but I can't fly. I usually try grabbing hold of Yamcha-san before he flies away but even I didn't expect him to just fly off and leave us like that..." Puar admitted, scratching his cheek in embarrassment. "So... You wouldn't actually have a car?"


"Huh? Just because I sell car insurance doesn't mean I have a car and know how to drive it..." Crystal replied as if what Puar was suggesting was ridiculous and offensive.


"I see..." Puar scratched his head.


*****


"Huh, halt!" Angila raised his fist, preventing the rest of his platoon from entering the space above Central City as the appearance of a single figure blocking their path threw the Lord Slug commander for a loop. "I wasn't aware that Earthlings were a flying species..."


"Hey, you guys, could you please move aside, I am headed to South City to fight some evil force," Yamcha yelled out. "Come to think of it, you guys seem quite strong yourselves, just who are you?"


"The insolence!" Angila showed his teeth in disgruntlement. "You move aside, Earthling! I'm leading Lord Slug's forces to occupy this sector. Our intelligence suggests that it is the central, most important settlement of your planet from which your king rules your world."


"Central City?" Yamcha glanced back shocked. "So, you're with those guys that Goku is fighting after all..." he turned back clenching his fists and taking a more solid airborne fighting stance. "I won't let you through!"


"Are you an idiot? Lord Slug is the new ruler of your miserable rock of a planet so he will be the one to rule it from the throne meant for an esteemed conqueror such as him. I merely intend on securing his seat for him once he's done dealing with the trashy resistance your measly planet can offer!" the blue-skinned grunt with horns and antique style of clothing prepared to engage this irritating Earthling standing before him.


"Your Ki seems different but also familiar..." Yamcha muttered to himself. By now he had done enough training in God's Temple and various tests offered within to manage to muster up the conclusion that what he was facing was a member of Evil Tribe. Regardless of his excellent Ki sensory, Yamcha's gut instinct questioned if what he was sensing was truthful, perhaps he still lacked training which was why he made this distinction? After all, how could a member of the Evil Tribe that the Dragon Team had utterly exterminated be standing before him right now? The Ki in South City and scattering all over the world were too far away to tell for certain though.


"I'm done with this meaningless diversion, execute this Earthling aeronaut..." Angila gestured with a lazy wave of his hand, prompting his troops to line up before him, aim at Yamcha and open fire without warning. The Earthling covered up with his hands to protect himself from a barrage of plasma bolts formed and channeled from the Ki of the wielder of the weapon. It felt like a whole swarm of wasps stinging him with electric nips all at once. It burnt.


"You dirtbags, you ruined my suit!" Yamcha gasped in horror after examining the holes and burnt tears in his date attire. He didn't think that he had the time or the need to change before hurrying to South City and confronting this blue-skinned pretty boy. "Being an unemployed martial artist won't cut it for a second one!" the martial artist grunted as he lit up with an intense aura and blitzed across the skies, taking out dozens of soldiers and sending them plummeting down lifeless one by one as Angila observed in respectful awe.


"W-What is going on? Earth shouldn't have anyone this powerful in it, except for the female Saiyan, maybe..." Angila muttered as he witnessed the complete disarray of his platoon before him in the mere blink for which he underestimated the strength of his opponent. "It seems that you can do a bit more than just flying, though if this is the best you can do, you're no match for the strongest of Lord Slug's commanders."


"Now that you mention it, your Ki does feel kind of crazy..." Yamcha admitted, backing up and preparing to attack the elite commander of the enemy force next. The martial artist leaned back, extending his right foot forward as he raised a right hand over and opened his left palm by his side, adopting a modified Wolf Fang Fist stance before taking off.


The two clashed in the middle, sending rampant shockwaves and opening up the small lake in the countryside of Central City with the oppressed waters leaking out from their position. Angila immediately took control of the clash, assaulting Yamcha with a barrage of straights to each direction. Whatever fighting style this elite alien Evil Tribesman used, Yamcha was unfamiliar with it. The opponent struck with stiff straights diagonally, blocking off potential openings in his stance with his attacks. As much as Yamcha hated admitting it, he was losing ground and struggling to defend himself.


Speed was his greatest advantage. He could channel more speed with his Ki and his rush techniques than any other martial artist Yamcha knew, as long as their powers were around the same ballpark, Yamcha could have outpaced anyone. The Earthling vanished at once just as he felt a handful of mean strikes hit their mark at his ribs. Yamcha wasn't even trying to blitz his opponent, his wincing expression betrayed that he was too battered for that. And yet, Angila's face, decorated with a malicious smirk, flashed right before him.


Thunderous shockwaves emanated through the entire field, emitting electric discharges where the two combatants met and clashed with their bodies against one another though once the resonance stopped, it was Angila who stood valiant with his collapsed opponent firmly in his grip. The blue-skinned, handsome devil with bony horn-like protrusions smirked watching the vain struggle of his captured opponent as he flung Yamcha into the air and raised his arms up, cupping them together before him.


A barrage of Ki Blasts beamed out in an oval-shaped excursion from its origin point toward the airborne martial artist but Yamcha clenched his fists and recovered just in time, vanishing and dancing around each and every resonating blast while delivering an elbow strike to Angila's right cheek and sending Lord Slug's top-guy skidding back across the air, with a bruise on his cheek and perplexed expression on his face.


"H-How dare you!?" Angila simmered staring at his open palm with almost infectious vigor, trying to make out the blood that his opponent might have drawn but there was none. Still, the handsome devil furled in wrath as if he saw it streaming by whole pints. "I am Lord Slug's most perfect work, your persistence at clinging to your pathetic and meaningless life has ruined the perfect angle of my cheekbones!"


"Yeah, well... Your goons busted my suit and made me stand up my date. Now we're approaching getting even, not yet though," Yamcha smirked. He was utterly outmatched here, to rush at his opponent was to rush toward his own death. Given that this was Evil Tribe that he was dealing with, it wasn't like this guy would just let Yamcha go if he got his ass beat. This was life and death though Yamcha found himself severely lacking in wallop needed to take this guy down.


He'd need to get creative...


"Solar Fist!" Yamcha yelled out, placing his hands up by his face and releasing an intense beam of flashing Ki to blind his opponent. Angila reeled back in pain but realized that the Earthling was setting him up for some bigger move, spinning around like a whirligig and stretching out his arms to use them as improvised whips. Yamcha covered his upper body up, not expecting being attacked this way at all. The lashes came by dozens and as they added up to their total sum, Yamcha found them too numerous and too adamant to keep taking.


In just a blink he lost focus and felt the gust of air passing through and brushing at his skin. He was falling! His enemy wasn't about to just let Yamcha fall and proceed with his way like that. Not after repeatedly committing what would have been mortal grievances against the Evil Tribe, far more aggravating to Yamcha's case of merely existing which already was a crime in the Evil Tribe's book.


"Evil Quasar!" Angila yelled out, opening up his mouth wide right after and stretching it to his very limits as he released an intense mouth beam gleaming right at Yamcha as he was going down. Yamcha cupped his hands by his side, hoping that he still hadn't lost his step since halting with the pursuit of martial arts excellence in exchange for some personal life.


"Ka... Me... Ha... Me!" Yamcha yelled out, firing off a blue, destructive Ki wave from his hands to clash against Angila's own technique. It was a very poor challenge in the beginning but vapor began streaming up from Yamcha's pores as his Ki aura intensified with an infernal gleam and ignited, swelling up the martial artist's skin. "Red-Hot Kamehameha!" Yamcha roared out from the bottom of his lungs as his body burst out from most of the tattered suit that he still had hanging on his chest and intensified his Kamehameha with the power of burning stress on his own body driving him to his limits and beyond.


The two waves pushed at one another but the fiery coil around Yamcha's Kamehameha made its force too overwhelming for Angila's mouth blast to deal with. What proved to be a hopeless challenge, in the beginning, had been evened out and reversed by Yamcha's clutch Red-Hot Mode activation, and now the stressed-out martial artist left hoping that with him fending off certain death now he might have done his opponent in as any other outcome would have left him weakened and open for Angila's reciprocation.


The blue Ki wave decorated with a coil of intense red overcome and consumed Angila's golden mouth beam, becoming a messy mass of bursting energy that enveloped and swallowed the elite alien commander whole blasting him away with both of the fighters' combined might. Yamcha's extended arms trembled in pain and exhaustion as his eyes felt heavy. His skin felt sensitive and burnt in places where Angila hadn't even struck him yet. The poor dolt had been too tired at that moment to even correct himself and fly upright instead of upside down.


This wasn't even close to being over! The Ki signature of the handsome demon was still smoldering around the area but Yamcha's movements were too slothful to locate him in time. A splash came from down below, grabbing Yamcha by his face and pulling him down under the rippling lake where Angila managed to slip off of the careening journey of the destructive Ki wave and prevent from rocketing alongside it into the depths of open space.


This couldn't have ended, not like this! Yamcha promised Crystal a rain check. He couldn't waste the time being dead. He was lucky enough as he was finding someone after breaking it off with Bulma seemingly for good, even this glimmer of good luck took him entire years. With his arms acting like the jaws of a rabid wolf, Yamcha snapped them around Angila's arm, smashing against his elongated muscle and making the demon's arm go numb, as evidenced by the fact that his grip opened up.


Releasing all of his remaining strength, Yamcha darted toward the location where he was being pulled down in with a diving kick and splashed into the lake, opening it up once more due to the rampant fields of Ki and the shockwave that his divekick had made when it slammed against Angila's gut. The demon took a frightening amount of damage from the blast – one of his horns had been busted and halfway reduced to dust, his body had been covered with bruises and burns and his antique clothes had been obliterated off of his battered body similarly to Yamcha's suit that still lingered on a few pathetic teeters.


It was foolish just slamming against the enemy like this. Yamcha was weaker and he knew it but he was too tired to run away effectively, leaving few other choices but to answer his opponent's shock and awe at the successful fight that Yamcha was bringing to him and fight on. Still, his luck couldn't have lasted forever, the two emerged from underwater, spiraling around one another as they exchanged their final blows of the bout. An iron-tight grip of Angila's hands locked around Yamcha's wrists. He had no arms to block with!


Everything went black. Something warm trickled down Yamcha's forehead, it ran over his eyes and made it even more difficult to keep them open. Darkness again. The dripping intensified. The third time it wasn't just black, flashing blinks of stars originating only to go supernova with flashes of the entire spectrum accompanied the oblivion that Yamcha's consciousness was sinking into. The Earthling's body went limp and powerless, he was within Angila's firm grasp and he could feel it. The demon wasn't going to keep playing around with him with the amount of Ki that Angila had lost and how far Yamcha had pushed the vastly stronger opponent by playing his limited hand of cards right.


Angila raised his hand up, showing Yamcha his elongated, white claws at the tip of his open palm as he prepared to strike and rip the throat of the poor, defeated dolt out with one strike-and-return motion. Suddenly, Yamcha didn't feel like resisting anymore. He just felt tired and... Sleepy...


"Huh!" Angila's eyes widened in surprise as his striking arm froze in place. He looked back to the south, in the direction he came from. "Lord Slug..." the commander muttered, answering the telepathic call of his superior. "Medamatcha? Are you sure? I have almost secured you your throne, must I..."


The demonic pretty-boy freaked out so hard from the response of his emperor that he dropped Yamcha to back-flop at the uneasy lake. Angila flinched at the violent telepathic response to his insubordination and questioning of his lord's orders. After being reminded of who commanded Lord Slug's forces, Angila took off with a quarter of his previous swiftness toward the rocky wasteland over which Medamatcha and his platoon were halted and seemingly scattered or wiped out.


Knowing the state he was in currently made a spark of fear glint in the elite soldier's heart. Neither he nor Lord Slug expected this buffoon Earthling to cause Angila so much trouble. Lord Slug likely didn't even realize in what a battered state his commander was when he ordered to check on Medamatcha. It wasn't even the life of one of his commanders that bothered Lord Slug and made him direct his attention to it personally, it was the news that Medamatcha might have stumbled onto an Earthling with the ability to make functional Dragon Radars.


Angila didn't doubt it for a second that Lord Slug would sacrifice both him and Medamatcha to get his hands around something that valuable so it didn't quite inspire courage that he was being flung aside toward this matter like this. Still, it was the vastly superior decision to make compared to the alternative of refusing Lord Slug and facing his judgment...

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