The Funny Man Routine

Android 18 attacked without warning. One blink she was running her hand to comb her hair into a workable appearance, the next she was charging right at Krillin's face. The mouth of the bald martial artist stretched across his lower face in a freaky downward arc before Lazuli's headbutted straight into his and flinched Krillin.


While the stunned martial artist staggered backward, 18 appeared from above him with a downward elbow strike that nearly split his scalp into two with a thunderous crack. A quick jab from the Android's right corrected Krillin's posture by driving his hanging head back and opened him up. A push kick that transitioned into a gliding roundhouse left Krillin at 18's mercy while she chased after her airborne opponent, pummeling him mid-air with Ki blasts from a farther distance.


Krillin bellowed out a grunt and erupted with a scarlet glow and a booming crimson aura of the King Kai's Fist. The rampant shock wave of the technique canceled out the latest handful of blasts coming his way while the martial artist charged ahead with the sudden rush of power he had to enjoy for the entirety of a single heartbeat. Artificial Human No. 18 noted her opponent's crutch and instantly corrected her course, gliding backward while still keeping up her blizzard of violet Ki blasts rushing at Krillin.


With the full force of the King Kai's Fist burning up, Krillin proved to be too fast for the Ki blast barrage to harass him anymore. He began snapping away and vanishing from each successive blast that would've hit him straight, appearing in a different location but closing up the distance to his opponent bit by bit. Just as Krillin closed the distance up and threw a power blow, Lazuli vanished. Krillin began scanning the surrounding mountainside for the artificial woman.


Android 18's boots dug into the top of Krillin's head and sent him crashing into the mountain roadside like a scarlet comet. Cocky and satisfied with her successful boot dive, the artificial woman posed over her sock puppet dummy that found himself buried under a mountain peak of rubble. Carefully, Krillin moved the boulders entombing him aside so that he didn't disturb the panicking drivers any further as he emerged from the ruined mountain.


"Moving so fast with this hair is such a hassle. It always gets messed up. Do you think I could pull off shorter hair?" Artificial Human No. 18 asked nonchalantly, while Krillin wiped the dirt off of his face and examined his bruising that he's been accumulating at an escalating rate.


"If I use King Kai's Fist, I can just about almost catch up to you..." Krillin muttered to himself as he took an upward glide into the sky to join the elevated level of altitude where his opponent was. "Although your infinite stamina doesn't really match with the fatigue of the King Kai's Fist. It's a strategy that's doomed from the start..."


"Huh? What are you babbling on about? I asked you a question, you know. It's rude to keep a lady waiting..." Artificial Human No. 18 pouted, pressing her knuckles to her sides. "Oh... I get it, you're some kind of shy guy, is that it? Martial arts must be your excuse for getting to touch women..."


"Wh-What!?" Krillin freaked out. "N-No way! I mean... Maybe when I started out I wanted to look cool and impress girls."


"Eh? So, you admit it? Wow, you're one strange guy..." Android 18 smirked with a playful wink. "I know I should think you're a pathetic little bald man, but... The way you aren't afraid to own up to being a complete dork is kind of charming."


"You know, you didn't have to put it so rudely..." Krillin deflated.


"What? I'm complimenting you..." Android 18 shrugged in self-defense. "I think you could be fun to keep around as my pet. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two about fashion and you could be the guy I'd bounce stuff off of. You could be like a jester or something. Lapis can be a hassle though, you'd have to keep up with him or he'll get frustrated and ditch you."


"Sorry, not really interested," Krillin chuckled, taking a fighting pose. "Right now, I just care about stopping you from making a big mistake and setting you on the right path."


"The right path? You cocky moron, are you going to moralize me?" the face of the artificial woman shifted to a sourer expression. She glided onward with a charging elbow strike while Krillin burst with King Kai's Fist aura and absorbed the shock of her strike with both of his hands. Lazuli extended her hand, expelling a barrage of Ki blasts from point-blank range, but they only dispelled Krillin's afterimage.


Appearing behind Android 18, Krillin rocked her in the jaw with his right before transitioning into a double-arm rapid beat down, then into a core-rocking uppercut and a mighty right slam that sent Lazuli rolling in the sky. When the Artificial Human corrected her position and set sights on her opponent, a white shimmer around his entire body that glittered with bright starlight had surrounded Krillin.


"What is that?" Android 18 wondered with an awed expression.


"It's the one technique I've mastered while training on Planet Yardrat. I don't think much of it, but I can already see that just amping up King Kai's Fist against you won't do. If there's anything that can help me out, it's going to be this technique..." Krillin explained while powering up and letting his aura imbue with this peculiar energy as it grew significantly out of proportion. "Let's go, Multiplication!"


The eyes of Android 18 widened in shock as she observed the nova of bright starlight swallow up the entire battlefield, blinding even the drivers that were hurrying to hide in the mountain tunnel or turn back because something wild was going on in the skies and it was turning the mountainside to ruin. When the expansive nova of energy returned to Krillin's body, it appeared as if though nothing had happened. Lazuli threw her gaze around, trying to see what her opponent did.


"Damn, sorry... It didn't work..." Krillin admitted while stroking the back of his head with a skin color that would've fooled one into thinking that he had turned into a beetroot.


"What...?" Android 18 exclaimed. Then she twitched a few times as something wild took hold of her. The woman began cackling before spraying it out there and just breaking apart into a fit of laughter. The hilarity proved so mighty that it seized her abdomen and wrapped her up completely.


"Okay... You don't have to... Laugh that hard. I already told you, I didn't think that technique was all that, so I focused more on the Yardratan Ki control training rather than polishing this technique. Plus, it's an advanced technique, okay? I could've gone the simple route and learned the most primitive Instant Transmission like Yamcha, but I took an extra step, so it's kind of awesome, really. You should be more respectful, you know," Krillin tried correcting the situation with a frantic wave of his hands.


"Holy hell, you're so precious..." Lazuli couldn't stop scratching the tears off of her eyelids. "Now I understand why Chayote and Son Goku keep you around. You should really ditch those losers and hang out with us, though."


"Or, better yet, you should just stop working with Dr. Puri and start a new life," Krillin jabbed back. "If you need a job, I'm sure that Bulma could give you one. You and your brother aren't bad people. It's a real waste seeing you do bad things and going on a wrong path."


Android 18 extended her hand, expelling an invisible concussive Kiai shock wave that sent Krillin flying away while she dashed up to him and kicked him aside to crash into the forest like a soccer ball. Krillin left a dirty ridge on the ground while dislodging the trees that got in his way and shredding right through him with his head with an impact that reduced them to sawdust on impact.


"I see that you're way more fun when we're fighting. When I give you a chance, you give me life lessons and that's so boring..." Lazuli said while slowly descending from above with her arms crossed. "I like you way better when you're being a pathetic little dweeb."


"Tsk, and I'd like you way better if you got serious and stopped wasting your eternal life!" Krillin clenched his fists, emerging from the rubble and wiping the slobber and blood off of his lip with the back of his hand, looking dire and serious. "Alright, this better work this time! Multiplication!"


Yet again a blinding flash of light enveloped the bald martial artist and made Artificial Human No. 18 cover-up as her opponent had been expelling a tremendous amount of Ki from his whole body. It was as if his Ki had skyrocketed multiple times before returning to normal. It was only when the flash of light cleared out that Android 18 found her favorite sock puppet and gasped, realizing that she was now facing two Krillins.


"Huh? That's all your fancy technique did? Couldn't Chiaotzu basically do the same but multiply into four people? Our data suggests that you're also capable of using that technique. Why would you use an inferior maneuver?" Artificial Human No. 18 wondered, pointing at who she saw as the "copy" Krillin.


"You should already be able to tell the vast difference between the Yardratan Multiplication and the Fist of the Four Bodies technique," both Krillins took fighting poses. With a battle cry, both warriors launched themselves straight toward Lazuli, but the artificial woman took both of their attacks on, answering with a thud that socked one of them away while a low kick tripped up the second. A flurry of thrust kicks seemed to break the Krillin she chose for punishment at his knees, his back, and his neck, while Lazuli grabbed hold of his face and plunged down carrying the martial artist with her.


While she took the diving crash ride, the Artificial Human expelled Ki blasts from her hand she grabbed Krillin's face with, blasting him point-blank as each Ki blast detonated immediately after forming and sank the pair in a shiny blitz of energy and a pillar of smoke. A fireball of energy expanded in the vicinity, forming a deep crater of ground dirt around the pair while 18 stood with her foot over Krillin's face and her arms crossed.


The other Krillin burst with King Kai's Fist and rushed in from the side, but Lazuli vaulted over her back with an overhead kick that grounded her rushing opponent while she aimed down and formed twin violet energy spheres in her hands.


"Infinity Bullet!" she yelled out firing a barrage of violet Ki blasts from the energy spheres at the grounded enemy, causing a chain reaction of detonations that devastated the forest landscape and left it a dirty wasteland with measly patches of grass to signify meek signs of life.


"This doesn't seem like all that impressive of a technique, honestly. If all you did was multiply your power, you were way better off multiplying it by fifty or a hundred times using the King Kai's Fist. Two of you might seem like something to a goofball like you, but it's actually nothing special," elevating herself over the two writhing Krillins, Android 18 crossed her arms while staying in control of the situation.


"Wh... Who said anything about two?" Krillin grumbled as he picked himself off the ground and straightened up. "Multi-..." before he could finish, Android 18 appeared in front of his face and swatted him aside with a kick lashing straight at his face.


"This is getting boring. If you've got nothing else to show, I'm afraid I'll have to cut our little time short. I think my brother could use a bit of help. As usual, his playful nature got himself in a bind he can't cash himself out of," Lazuli winked before turning around and flying away. Before she could do so, however, the artificial woman noticed that the sky had turned bright white.


Before 18 could react, twin, spiraling Kamehameha waves launched by both Krillins twirled around each other and formed a massive energy wave that encompassed too much space for the shocked Android to fly away in a blink from. The flowing pyroclasm of energy engulfed Lazuli whole as it pushed on and outward into space with a bright shine. When the blast quieted down, Artificial Human No. 18 hovered with her arms crossed up, her denim jacket completely tattered, and her hair a dirty mess reminding more of a stack of hay than an orderly hairdo of a young woman that cared about her looks.


"Now you've done it, shrimp..." Lazuli said with a straight death-inducing tone while lowering her defensive posture and giving the two Krillins down below that still had their hands raised in the Kamehameha position a chilling stare.


"Sorry, I can't let you join No. 17 and hurt Piccolo. I won't let you keep making mistakes and going this dark path!" Krillin called out to the artificial woman, but she was beside it by then.


The two collided in mid-air, they began exchanging blows. Krillin utilized every technical trick in a martial artist's handbook to do his best and survive a few rounds while doing his best from straying aside and hurting his body too much by abusing King Kai's Fist. While the two danced their tango of violence, the Krillin left on the ground, hunkered down, and set off a star-bright glow of Ki around him.


"Multiplication!" he yelled out. By the time that Lazuli realized what was going on and swatted Krillin aside, it was already too late, as there were now three Krillins in the vicinity. This one had the same tears to his martial arts uniform and the same bruises as the Krillin had created him. Given how Lazuli attacked the two Krillins in different ways, she couldn't help but notice the fact that the injuries of the first Krillin had been absent with the third as well.


"This technique..." she uttered before taking a headbutt from Krillin and flying aside. This gave the time for the three Krillins to regroup and take their positions in front of their opponent.


"That's right. It's actually amazing, I'm realizing!" Krillin smirked through the bruises and blunt force trauma littering his face. "It creates an identical copy of oneself but, unlike the Fist of the Four Bodies, it doesn't split your Ki. It actually duplicates it. This is a way to multiply your Ki without the stress on your body that the King Kai's Fist provides."


"I... My radar sensors can't tell which one's real," Artificial Human No. 18 took a slight step back in mid-air while preparing to test her superior might against three opponents this time.


"That's because we're all real!" the Krillin in the middle declared before crouching up and exploding with a scarlet aura. "King Kai's Fist X 100!"


Just as the doppelgänger separated from the group and vanished in a halo of crimson, Android 18 threw an instinctual kick and caught him in the jaw, sending him flying aside while she raised her hands over her head and formed two golden energy spheres in both hands. "Energy Cannon!" she yelled out while unleashing a twin energy wave that connected into a singular wave and engulfed Krillin before spitting him out broken, battered, and in tatters from its blast zone.


"Come on!" another Krillin yelled out, racing alongside his doppelgänger and crashing into Lazuli with a flying elbow before the pair transitioned into a hi-speed flurry of punches and kicks together. Because Android 18 kept herself occupied with the Krillin using King Kai's Fist, she couldn't respond in time and took everything that the two had to give. The pair finished their beat down with a double dive kick that sent 18 crashing down while the two panted in the air.


"Multiplication!" the injured Krillin yelled out, expelling yet another identical copy of himself that took a stance by his side. Both Krillin clutched their ribs, looking like they were both about to tap out.


"Maybe you shouldn't have multiplied. You're creating injured copies with bodies as ruined as yours!" a Krillin from the pair above yelled out to the broken one below.


"You two were occupied... I saw a window, so I went for it..." the injured Krillin panted out.


"This is... Ridiculous..." Android 18 stood up with her outfit all torn up and signs of battle were apparent all over her body. "There's just no way that I'm being pushed this far by a joker like you."


With a maddened battle cry, the infuriated Android raised her hands over her head and formed violet energy spheres in both of them before pointing them at one of the injured Krillins. "Infinity Bullet!" she yelled out, unleashing a hail of violet Ki blasts at one of her opponents. She moved her hands in an arcing line, continuing her Infinity Bullet barrage while extending her blizzard of energy to overwhelm as many opponents as possible. When the smoke cleared, the overwhelmed Krillins emerged from the mass of dust and debris with their arms crossed up and minor bruises littering their scrapes.


"You've stretched yourself a bit too thin," Krillin noted. "By targeting three of us, you've reduced the power of your technique, meaning you didn't get either of us."


Together, the quartet of Krillins took off charging at Artificial Human No. 18 with the healthiest one of them socking her right in the jaw and sending her flying back. Lazuli turned around and scooped the other Krillin out of trying to kick her in the back, then swung and released him to smack into the first Krillin while both of them flew aside like rag dolls.


Vaulting over her front, No. 18 stomped with both of her feet, smashing the head of one of the most injured Krillins into the ground and reducing him to a broken mess. Turning around, she leaned out of the way of the injured Krillin doppelgänger and caught his arm over her shoulder, grabbing hold of it and breaking it with a downward yank over her shoulder. The cornered Android then thrust her foot back into the face of the injured Krillin and swatted him aside. Moving her arm over the unmoving and battered Krillin to fire a Ki blast through his chest that went straight through and into the dirt underground.


The Krillins all clenched up as the ground under their feet quaked and burst open with radiant jets of light. It became even more blinding to see even a single thing when the murdered Krillin turned into a shapeless mass of energy and fired off toward one of the surviving Krillins and blasted into his chest, merging the two Ki signatures together.


"So... They come back to you when they're murdered..." Lazuli fixed her hair and took a staggering boxing posture, preparing to brutally dispose of every Krillin doppelgänger before they multiply again and actually pose a threat to her.


"Does it hurt? Did the damage transfer through?" the other Krillin that came from the first crippled Krillin turned to his better-doing doppelgangers.


"Nope, it doesn't seem so. I don't feel any different at all. It's strange, I thought the damage you guys take would come back to me, but it doesn't seem to," the Krillin that just had one of his doppelgangers return to him replied.


"Oh, that's right, since that copy I murdered returned to your body, you must be the original one, right?" Lazuli sent a wicked smirk Krillin's way. "Maybe if I break you, the others will all disappear too?"


"Gulp!" Krillin leaned back, shaken by the terror of his opponent whom he properly pushed to the very edge of using the best of her abilities, and now he had to cash the check for what he signed up for. "Honestly, I can't tell if it will work or not. I've told you already, I haven't used this technique all that much..."


"It's a good thing you've got a scientific aide right here then," Artificial Human No. 18 said in a calm and just a little psychotic voice as she prepared to charge and punish this fool that had taken his jokes way too far. "Let's do a little experiment, shall we?"

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