Dear Voracia,

I recently inherited a fine parcel of land from my Great Uncle,  Wilhelm Crushmuch Ogreson the III. But I'm afraid my uncle stopped maintaining the property over the last few centuries, and a bunch of humans moved in and set up a dandy little den they call "Appleshirehamlington."  A bit pretentious for mere pests, if you ask me, making up imaginary kingdoms on MY land...

Anyway, I took over my uncle's monster duties straight away and started scaring the humans all the usual ways: eating their livestock, making trollish faces in their windows at night so all their wee babbins screamed, and generally wreaking the most horrible havoc. But they've banded together with unusual tactical efficiency (pitchforks and firebrands), and I can hardly steal a stray sheep these days. I'm worried I'll be driven away from my own home at this rate.

What can I do to rid myself of this human infestation, and regain control of what's rightfully mine?

Sincerely, 

The Embattled Inheritor

~*~

Dear Embattled Inheritor,

You could always try eating a few humans to really scare them off your land. But then, you might run the risk of the Appledumplingtons hiring a knight or traveling wizard to finish you off.  A human hero is the most bothersome pest of all! Trust me, I've picked my fangs with the bones of more than one noble hero in my day, and they're hardly worth the indigestion.

It sounds like this invasive species is well-established on your property, so you might consider a formal truce with their leader until you are able to muster the necessary brawn or sorcery to utterly destroy them later. Perhaps you could propose marriage with the spawn of their resident king or queen?

Good luck!

-Madame V.