the wall that was up around her was built from broken promises, the little too lates and an absent father that was probably better off somewhere far, far, away.

it was glued together by her overbearing mother who tried too hard to make up for the absence of the someone who was supposed to give you a little too much money for back to school shopping and crack the corniest jokes that weren't supposed to make you smile but did. it was glued together by her new step father, that did everything in his power to win her over but she was used to being alone and she liked it that way.

boys had come and gone, some trying harder to knock the bricks down than others but the outcome was always the same: they left because they tried too hard. the harder they pushed, the more she pushed back and the stronger the bricks became and eventually the boys got too tired of pushing and gave up.

she hated the word broken but maybe that was the word best suited for her. maybe that's what she was. broken. sometimes, that's how it felt. sometimes, it felt like some people tried to put her back together and fix her but the only person that could fix her was herself and only after she fixed herself would she be able to let someone in. or so she hoped.

it didn't quite happen that way, however. after years of pushing and fighting and the boys that just weren't good enough, she met david. david: who never pushed, never pried, never took a hammer to the bricks.

david was kind and gentle and always let her have the final say. he never overcompensated and never tried to win her over like her stepfather and he loved her so much that maybe he did fix her.

david was like the sun, big and bright and everyone wanted a taste of the sunshine. his whole world seemed to revolve around david and the relief of having eyes on someone other than her was more than enough to keep her around.

when she was younger it was always about her. how are you feeling? what do you want to do today? was school good? she was the center of her mothers universe and maybe that was because she wanted to make up for her dad or it was because her mother didn't have anything better to do but it was exhausting and david gave her a break.

they met in town outside a coffee shop and it seemed so cliche she almost didn't give him her number but he had a boyish charm that made her cave in so she wrote it on a napkin and tucked it in his back pocket of his jeans and he called her later that night.

now, every time she passes that coffee shop she thinks of him and her vanilla latte she was holding and how she cleaned out the cup and kept it. she didn't know that he kept the napkin she gave him in his wallet even after all this time.

she was hesitant and careful, even after weeks of late night phone calls and inconspicuous text messages and she didn't know how she could trust him but she knew that she could. maybe it was his doe-eyes that gave her a childlike impression. that he could do no wrong. how could someone that innocent do her wrong? how could someone that innocent understand her pain?

the first time he introduced her to his friends he knew that she was nervous so he held her hand. that was before he started calling her his girl but the gesture was proof enough that she was all he could think about. that night, the attention went to her brain and swallowed up any common sense she had and she wanted to run. everything in her said run because he had too many friends that asked too many questions and the whole world cared about what david dobrik was gonna do next and if it was her, how would she handle that? would she be able to handle that?

her finger hesitated over the call button that night, shaking at the thought of pressing it and telling him she was done but when he answered, he told her to come back over because now he was alone and wanted her.

she was at his doorstep in tears, choking on the words. i cant do this and there was his boyish grin again and he kissed her for the first time and he tasted the salt on her lips and the hesitation in her breath but he felt all the desire trying to break its way through so he kissed her until it did.

the clothes that were being stripped off her body were like the layers of built up anger and rescentment and doubt being knocked down and all these years she thought it was going to take a bulldozer. who knew that a pair of soft hands and sweet nothings would be enough.

with a white sheet wrapped around her body and his arm draped over her shoulder, she traced patterns on his chests aimlessly until she built up enough courage to tell him the sad stories about her childhood.

he listened and nodded and didn't say a word until she was all finished and even after all of that, he kissed the top of her head and that was all she needed, really. she didn't need his sympathy or to hear how sorry he was, the steadiness of his breathing was enough for her.

that weekend, they spent the entirety of it laying in their own dirt and sweat. by sunday morning, they smelled like nothing but sex and each other. she was content just laying in his boxers and t-shirt. she didn't need a skirt and pair of heels for him to think she was beautiful. in fact, he found her the most beautiful when she had a mouth full of a chipotle burrito and he didn't even mind it when a little bit got into his shirt that she was wearing.

she could feel her hopes going up and up and up and it was only a matter of time before they came crashing down around her like they always did and she kicked herself every time she tried to self sabatoge, which happened a lot. david was patient and he was kind and he rolled his eyes every time an excuse left her lips and he replaced them with a kiss.

she had dreams of them and where they would go and to what lengths she would go to let herself love him. she wanted to love him so bad and she knew that she could and that scared her more than anything. she wondered if he had the same dreams, too.

he stayed in bed with her, watching DVDs that he let her pick out and even though he hated them sometimes, he still watched them all the way through. he let her talk about her favorite parts even though he's already seen them a million times and it was all because of the light that was in her eyes when she did.

he left her alone for a little too long and she found his dirty magazines under his bed and instead of getting mad, she pretended just to watch the embarrassment wash over him and see how flushed his cheeks would get until she bursted out laughing and he threw them away in the bathroom garbage bin.

they were the happiest when it was just the two of them and they'd stay up all night exchanging stories and telling jokes under the blankets and she had only ever seen david laugh and smile and the day she found out that most of that was just for her was the day she had to rethink everything.

he was crying and frustrated and overworked and it was the first time that she had to really be there for him and after months of it being the other way around, she didn't know how to react and when he choked out the words, "i'm not as strong as i look," her heart broke.

flashbacks of her mom working overtime just to put dinner on the table and her stepdad buying a teddy bear that was unnecessarily big just so she would like him came rushing back and maybe she was really broken. too broken for anyone to love easily. she was like a baby and everyone around her had to hide the truth as to not shatter her completely.

that was the second time she tried to leave but david grabbed her hand and whispered, "come on. don't do that." she shook him away and put the bricks up one and a time. some of them were broken just enough for him to weasel his way in but she was building faster than he could find the loopholes.

"david, you need something simple. something easy," she told him as she watched the sun fade from his eyes.

"don't go, i love you," he yelled after her as her hand gripped the doorknob. she was seconds away from walking out the door and probably out of david's life but he found the final crack in her foundation and it was enough to make the entire thing crumble.

"what?" she choked, turning around slowly to look at him. his eyes were filled with hope and she didn't want to crush them so she let him continue.

"i love you," he repeated, more certain now.

"don't say something that you don't mean," she told him. her hand was off the doorknob now and that gave david enough reasons to keep going. she could feel herself pushing and pushing to protect herself from the inevitable downfall of their love but all he could see was it going up.

"i do mean it. i love you and i'll say it every second of every minute of every day until you believe me if i have to," he told her. he took a step closer to her but she held out her hand to stop him.

"david-" she warned. the truth was, she did believe him. she knew that he loved her and she wanted to love him, too. she knew that she could and that's what scared her the most.

he ignored her warnings and closed the gap between them, interlocking their fingers together and he felt her relax under his touch and he knew he had gotten her to stay.

he wished more than anything that he could see herself the same way her saw her because when he looked at her he didn't see pain and self-doubt and a bad childhood. instead, he saw love and life and all the beautiful things in it.

"you don't have to say it back. not if you don't want to or if you don't love me back but i love you and i need you to stay," he said and cupped her cheek and rubbed her smooth skin that she always complained about but david never saw why because to him, she was always perfect. she nodded her head and she loved him back.

she loved him as much as she could love him and for her, that wasn't enough. she never felt like her best was good enough for him because she couldn't love him the way that he loved her, with his whole entire soul. for her, it wasn't enough and eventually, for david it wasn't either.