I leave a sigh of relief as I finally get back to my room. I had missed mum, even though she would visit every two weeks and even stay for one, I had missed her. But that doesn't mean that she gets to keep on kissing and pinching my cheeks every five seconds. To top that she wouldn't even let me do anything. I would love such a treatment on a normal day. On a day when I am not trying to get normal back into my life.

My overflowing suitcase was opened in the corner of my room but I didn't have the energy to unpack it at the moment. I take a seat on the edge of my bed and roll my shoulders to release some tension when my eyes fall on the curtains hiding my window.

Maybe it was instinct but the next thing I know is that I have drawn the curtains and am looking at the familiar window.

She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve me coming back. How much ever did my mother need it, Emma didn't deserve this. Nor did Ethan, but him being a part of my unfair life was inevitable the moment he had called me all those months ago.

His voice was filled with despair when he had confessed that he needed me, also adding that he was not Emma's brother at the moment but my best friend. That was all I needed to know that something had happened, besides me leaving.

Over the time we had formed a silent agreement that I wouldn't ask what happened if he didn't ask why I left. And somehow. I realized I needed my best friend as much as he needed his. I had realized that I need my best friends, both of them but I was not selfish enough to do something about the second one. I was only selfish enough to pull the one I hadn't fallen in love in this never-ending quicksand.

And even though Emma didn't deserve my selfish quicksand, she didn't deserve my being back either. Seeing her at the café was a shock, not only because I knew that Mrs. Lancaster insisted on a healthy homemade breakfast but because it was like she was waiting for me there.

The moment I saw her and I was taken back and would have stumbled had I not seen a boy sling his arm around her shoulder. I had never seen him before and judging by the fact that he called her 'Em', I was guessing they were close. I would have felt insecure but one look and I knew he was not her type. My heart felt relieved and yet my brain was disappointed.

Looking how normal it was from them to greet each other, I was jealous of him. I had never envied anybody more than I envied him at that moment.

Afterwards I should have known Emma would be at the tree, but my mind wasn't working when my feet had carried me there. And one look of her tears had made my mind work so fast to decide to push her away, to care but not to show and it had worked. She had walked off. Sometimes I wish that I didn't know her well enough to know exactly how to push her buttons but then I realize that just knowing her is enough to make up for whatever else life has to throw my way, even being away from her.

Then the day passed and Ethan showed up. A few punches were thrown here and there but only I know how much of a hormonal girl I had felt like at the moment he hugged me. What happened next was something I really didn't know how to handle.

Getting my first aid done from Emma was not how I had expected my first day back to go like, moreover imagining her shouting at me for forgetting to inform my mum that I am coming early.

The plans had changed so suddenly that I myself didn't get a moment to realize. I don't know why but a talk with my dad had me realize how much this extra week would mean to my mother and next thing I know I am in the car on my way back home.

Home. It felt so weird. Everything was just the same. The city, the house, my room and yet somehow everything felt different.

I didn't dare to notice much about the people but what I did know was that Ethan still had gooey eyes for Belle but I didn't miss the blush on her cheeks when she got what little attention Ethan was able to give her today evening.

After having a thick discussion with my mother and principal Collins I was finally going to school tomorrow itself. Honestly, I had not felt this nervous even on first day of high school.

'Yes, because Emma was there to calm your nerves down.' A voice whispered in my head.

Ignoring it I went to bed just to have a restless night wondering what the teachers would say? What the students would whisper? Who the hell is George? What would Emma do?

I tried to figure different scenarios for the last one. She obviously is confused and doesn't know what to do, therefore there will be quite an impulsive Emma. Then she will try to figure out how to go about it. Knowing her, her first impulse would be of making me confess why I did what I did or her impulses would be at bay and she would be scared to know a single reason. So, she would form an attitude, and I am guessing tomorrow is going to be one that would be ignoring everything that has happened. Everything.

'Deep breaths Jake, remember?' Emma's voice rang in my head like it always does.

Getting fed up of this wakefulness I got up from my bed, took my sweatshirt and went and sat in my car. Driving aimlessly, I felt my stomach growl and I landed up at a Starbucks nearby.

I remember coming here with Ethan, Emma, Belle and the rest of the gang so many times. Entering and seeing Josh behind the cashier desk brought back those memories.

"Hey Josh! What's up mate?"

"Oh my Lord! Tell me that what I see is not true."

"Sorry but it is." I chuckle as I move towards the counter.

"You are back! Oh Lord! Jake my mate is back!" He exclaimed again and again as he gave me half an embrace across the counter.I opened my mouth to order but he interrupted, "Don't bother, I know the usual and it's on the house!"

As soon as he said that another familiar voice came from behind the 'staff only' door, "Josh I swear if you are trying to impress another girl, I will kill you! What is on house this time?" The doors opened as Erika came out.

"Jake, is that you?"

"Who else would be able to capture your attention just by looking gorgeous."

"You narcissist! It's okay Josh put it on the house, not like we see him around anymore."

"Well now I am back for good. So, dump whoever you are dating if you are going to continue to ogle me." I joke and cherish this normalcy which I feel in the current moment.

"Christ knows I would just for those dimples," she says point at my cheeks, making me smile wider, "if only you were not twenty years younger."

"Age is no matter Erika!" exclaims Josh to add on to the joke.

"You continue to make his order. Don't tell me what matters or your pay wouldn't matter to me. And you," she looks at me, "I hope to see more of you, okay?"

"If only I wasn't twenty years younger, Ms. Hill." I smirk at her and she just rolls her eyes and goes back to where she came from.

I am looking at the goods in the display window, when I hear yet another familiar voice, "Jake, I didn't know you were back!"

I turn around to come to face with Noah. Its not a second and he is already on my nerves as he clicks my picture, which I am sure he will be circulating to everybody to goes to Kings Primary, even me. That being said I get a notification and my own face pops up on the screen, followed by many more notifications which must consist of people confirming, girls trying to confirm if I am single and some others wondering where I have been.

Switching my phone off and collecting my order from Josh, I turn back to Noah still standing there, quickly typing on his phone, "See you around." Not.

I get back into my car and have my black coffee and a chocolate croissant before driving back home.

Having nothing to do and with coffee in my system, I start to unpack. I am almost done, when I see the diary dad gave me. Keeping it on my table I continue to finish.

When I am done, I still don't feel sleepy and my gaze falls back at the diary on my table.

Then I don't know what takes over me but I sit down with a pen and start writing more than the two words which I had already written;

"Hope and despair go hand in hand,

One a figment the other a calamity.

I had left to get closer to hope,

And doing so left us all a penalty.

So, now there is a different desire,

Even though I wish there was none.

I hope that only I had suffered,

Giving pain to no-one."

Looking back at page I realized how it had felt all those months ago, not only the writing but the hope. Not being able to take it, the suffocation my heart felt all of a sudden, I go back to my solace. I go back to my window and look across. Just doing that gives me some strength and courage to carry on, at least till my eyes catch the right top corner of Emma's window.

There in the corner is a paper stuck, with a simple one-word question written. A simple question still waiting to be answered. A question I wish i didn't know the answer to.

'Bye?'