Jan stood still at the same place until all the street lamps around the dorms lit up. Her mind was busy processing what had happened in the last forty eight hours. Nothing had sunk in yet.

Eventually she got a shiver down her spine. Partly from the cold, partly from realizing the whole thing hadn't been a dream.

Then she went on with her life. Doing her chores. Prepping for her thesis. Doing her chores. Prepping for her thesis. All while limping around with the plaster cast and her crutch. All while having part of her mind continuously drift back to the time she spent with Adam.

Luckily she could arrange some last exams and classes online with her school. And her roommate often hung out till late.

It's better this way, - Jan thought whenever she saw her reflection in the mirror. - No one has to deal with this absent-minded-injured-messy me. No one.

Then her stomach would wrench a bit, thinking about him.

She wasn't sure about her feelings about all that had happened. But she was sure she was glad to see and feel the plaster cast every day. It's undeniable proof that something had happened. Something painful, awkward, vulnerable. Something she tended to with great care.

Six weeks had passed quickly and then it was time for Jan's plaster cast to be removed. She felt both relieved - that she could move more freely now - and forlorn - that the thing marking her encounter with Adam had gone forever.

Apparently she had been active enough during those six weeks, because her leg had healed nicely with very little stiffness. The doctor was pleased. Still he advised her to continue using the crutch until she could fully walk again.

On her tram ride back to the dorms, Jan saw the reflection of her face and the crutch on the window of the tram when it passed by the museum square.

The only thing missing is him, - she thought.

It was another thing she had been actively working on during the last six weeks. She had settled on her stance on what had happened.

It was a dreamlike and unforgettable memory; it would always be close to her heart; and it would never be anything more than that.

At least that's what she wanted to believe in and told herself everyday or every time she caught herself thinking about him - which had happened more often than she would like to admit.

Like when she went grocery shopping and looked around for any figures having around the same height as him.

Like when she wrote her thesis and recalled the sensation of sharing her ideas with him, Max, and Shellback.

Like when she had nothing to do and her mind had kept drifting to the ballad he had sung in the hospital's garden.

And more.

After a while, Jan thought it was about time to try a new tactic. If she couldn't reason with herself, she would distract it.

She looked around for inspiration and saw her birthday coming up next week. She froze for a minute with the calendar in her hand, trying to shut down the unpleasant memories rushing back. To her surprise, that was way easier than stopping recall of Adam. And to her, that - not the birthday - was definitely something worth celebrating. Jan had ignored celebration for many years, so it took her a while to think about what she could do and wanted to do.

In the end, she decided to just take a stroll in the center of Amsterdam and buy some simple DIY crafts on the weekend. Because she wanted to make something rather than eating a whole cake herself, and she just missed walking during those six plastered weeks.

The weather had been somewhere between fall and winter, alternating steady drizzle with cold wind. People wouldn't choose to stay outside longer than necessary, except for tourists - of course - and Jan.

She had prepared herself with several layers of clothing, but she still shivered in the freezing wind. Luckily, it did get warmer after she had passed a few blocks. She had just started walking without the crutch. It was slow, but she did move forward. She didn't mind the sluggish speed at all, as long as it's enough to keep her from being blown away by the wind.

Jan felt immediately better when she entered a DIY shop. The beautiful crafts and materials on display warmed up her mood. Many of them had the theme of Sinterklaas, the Dutch version of Santa Claus, which was the same thing she had seen pop up everywhere these days. She took her time checking almost everything out. Then she spent less than a second to choose something to buy. Choices were almost non-existent and easy when your wallet was thin.

While waiting at the checkout, Jan started humming a tune softly. Not until she got outside did she realize she was humming the ballad Adam sang to her. Her heart ached. She stopped humming and walking altogether, not knowing what to do next.

(cont.)