10. Let go

Jan didn't know what to do anymore, for fear of the way her dream had concluded.

By some mysterious force, Adam turned around, saw her, and smiled at her warmly.

It's too late to run away now, - she swallowed hard and parked herself next to Adam.

His sharp eyes caught her nerve immediately.

"Is everything ok?" He offered her the ginger tea cup.

"Yeah," the warmth of the cup calmed her down a bit. It reminded her this wasn't a dream. "It's just... It's been a long time since I've had this much fun."

Jan blurted out her first thought again, then silently cursed the pathetic tone of it.

"This is also kind of a first for me," Adam said softly. His eyes fixated on the huge painting.

"It's so lively, isn't it?" She tried to switch the focus back to art. She didn't want to follow her dream's path. "Rembrandt was the first one who painted people in spontaneous positions like this. It's like you secretly take a photo of them before counting down out loud."

"Yeah," Adam had another big smile on his face. "Spontaneity is the best. I love it."

He finished the last three words when looking straight at her eyes. She immediately felt shivers down her spine.

What does he mean? The painting? This trip? The last two days?

Jan took a gulp of tea, desperately in need of something to distract her wild train of thought. Thankfully he went on with his thoughts.

"Many things were happening, distracting me from making the music I want. So I came here alone on a whim. I wanted to isolate myself for two months to do what I want where nobody knows me."

"Sorry, I ruined your plan," she whispered.

"No, you didn't," Adam suddenly looked very serious. His eyes widened. "I barely had any plans to begin with. I embrace spontaneity. What happens happens. And you happened to be part of it. One of the best parts of it."

Jan didn't know how to process what she just heard. She stared at him stupidly. Then blood rushed to her ears so loud that she had to say something to calm it down.

"I'm... I'm glad to hear."

Then tears also rushed to her tear duct so quickly that she had to wipe them away with her hands.

"Are you ok?" Adam quickly offered his handkerchief just like the last time this had happened. He sounded worried.

"Yeah..." was all she could manage to say.

"Shall we get some fresh air?"

Nodding was all she could manage to do.

He wheeled her immediately without further questions. Luckily when they got to the museum's garden, Jan successfully calmed her tears down.

"Sorry about that...," she said when Adam sat down and looked straight at her with his burning blue eyes. "I just...," she took a very deep breath in while maintaining eye contact, trying to convey what she was truly feeling. "Feel very happy..."

But somehow she couldn't bring herself to say the last words in her mind "... that I'm part of what happens in your life." It felt too important to say.

"I'm happy, too," Adam smiled warmly.

He was genuinely smiling, but the air around him was no longer... vulnerable. Not like a moment ago in front of the Night Watch. Not like a while ago in the garden of the hospital. Jan finally realized what that was back then.

And just like those times, the glimpse of his vulnerability disappeared before she could reach it.

"Would you like to continue or call it a day for now?" Adam flipped through the map of the Rijksmuseum.

Still, she wanted to try.

"We haven't been to the top floor yet. Would you like to?"

"Sure!"

Then he's back to his cheerful and charismatic self, making funny remarks about the paintings and sculptures. But the other side of him kept lingering at the back of Jan's mind, drawing more and more attention from her as the trip reached its end.

"I must say I enjoyed today a whole lot." Adam said when they're back at her dorms. "Thank you so much for showing me around."

"Likewise, likewise," she said quickly. "Thank you for accompanying and... listening to me."

He cast a quick glance at her plastered leg.

"Tomorrow I'll lock myself up to write new music. I hope your leg will heal nicely."

"I hope so, too," Jan said weakly.

"Have a great weekend," Adam smiled and held out his hand.

This is it, then, - she told herself.

"Thanks! You, too," she shook Adam's hand slowly, trying to engrave the shape and feel of it in both her muscle and mental memory.

They let go almost at the same time.

"Take care!" Adam held up one hand in the air before turning around and walking away.

"Take care!" Jan waved until his figure disappeared around a corner.

(cont.)

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