"Fuck, I'm exhausted," Jameson complained, throwing himself on one of the threadbare couches in Kai's living room between Will and Seb, resting his feet on the former and his head on the latter.

Izzy was perched on the arm of the couch next to Will, and Kai and I were curled together—great for, like, the ruse, or whatever—on the other couch, with Cora sitting cross-legged on the floor between the two couches. The seven of us gathered together made the room seem vibrant; alive, happy, lit from within despite the haphazardly cleaned windows that only allowed a sliver of silver light. We all smelled of chlorine and sunshine and fresh air, eyes ringed with the faint red of goggles and the crests of cheekbones tinged red with sunshine, and my hair was crusted and frizzy with water, but our smiles were brighter for a day spent laughing. I felt pleasantly sleepy and happy and relaxed and a little bit in love with all of them.

The room wasn't big; just enough space for the two couches, a boxy TV that played free-to-air channels and a small coffee table stained with mug rings. It would've seemed sad if it wasn't for the collection of photos pasted to the wall; a mess of polaroids (donated by Jamie, Kai explained, the only one of them rich enough to have an endless supply) and printed images. Izzy, Kai and a good-looking older boy that must've been Kai's brother Zac were squished together in many of them, with Isabelle usually wearing something lavish and posing dramatically while the two boys laughed. Kai and Will were together in the half, sometimes joined by Jamie and Seb. Izzy and Zara in tiny dresses with their arms wrapped around each other, Kai and Zac throwing water balloons at a disgruntled Seb, Isabelle perched on Will's shoulders at a concert with her arms thrown into the air. In the bottom corner, Jamie had pasted a collection of photos from today; me, Cora and Kai with our faces pressed together, Seb sunbathing, Will frowning at the camera in his sparkly outfit while Izzy tried to yank his cheeks into some semblance of a smile, and a single photo of Kai and I in the water during dodgeball, laughing at each other.

I liked that I had a place in the house; that my face—wide-eyed and strawberry blonde and smiling—was in the space that Kai grew up. Even more than that, I liked that I had some sort of place with these people. That they welcomed me, considered me a friend. That despite the fact that I had lost two of the most important people in the world to me, I had gained five more. That when Jamie said ridiculous things, like fuck I'm exhausted, it felt wholly natural to respond, "You didn't participate in a single event, you lazy shit."

"Cheering you all on was very taxing," Jamie said, nestling the back of his head into Seb's lap, causing the other boy to roll his eyes. "I need a nap."

"You didn't cheer anyone on. You slept all afternoon," said Seb. "I asked you to come watch dodgeball, and you said 'why would I stop sleeping so that I can watch Kai and Valerie flirt? I can do that again anytime'."

"Oi!" I protested, throwing a pillow at Jamie's head.

Jamie threw the pillow back without looking; it bounced off the wall, dislodging an ugly picture of Will, who didn't seem to realise he was basically pointing the camera up one of his nostrils.

"Aw," said Izzy. "That one was my fave."

"I'm right about this, though, I don't need to watch Kai look for ridiculous reasons to put his hands on Valerie's ass," said Jameson, waving a dismissive hand toward us. "I have better things to do with my time than watch you two get all handsy."

Seb snorted. "Like what?"

Jamie blinked up at him. "Like getting handsy myself, obviously." Then he grinned and reached up to squeeze Seb's non-existent chest with a false leer, crumpling the fabric of Seb's shirt with a crab-like hand.

Seb batted his hands away, laughing. "You're such a dick."

"Stop feeling up Seb," Will admonished, slapping Jamie's leg—still thrown over him—with a sharp tap that made Jamie recoil with a disgruntled yelp. "No being pervy with your friends."

"It's okay if you're jealous, William," said Jameson loftily. "Don't worry, I'll feel up your boobs as well if you ask nicely."

"Well," said Kai, sardonically. "Now I'm starting to feel left out."

Jamie hummed, wiggling his eyebrows at Kai. "Don't worry, darling. If Valerie ever gets her hands off that sexy ass of yours, I'd be happy to take up the duties. Seriously, anytime, gorgeous."

Kai looked over my shoulder—bringing his face to the crook of my neck, until I could feel his soft exhale against my skin—and clicked his tongue. "Damn, I'm out of pillows."

Despite the complete lack of necessity, he left his face practically buried against my neck for a moment. I could feel his soft dark locks brushing against my jawline, the black strands spilt like ink over my own light hair. The column of his nose pressed momentarily against the line of my throat; affectionate in the way that was usually bred from long-lived familiarity, almost painfully intimate, yet innocuous enough when hidden by the cut of his jaw and the curtain of my hair that it could be played off in a crowd as a simple fond gesture. What I couldn't play off was the hitch of my breath, a traitorous response, and I felt Kai's answering smile against my neck just before he pulled away.

No matter how much I might answer Kai's innate flirtiness with the casual confidence of my own—easy when it was almost a joke, easy when it wasn't real—he was truly in a different league. I liked flirting with Kai Delaney, but it was the kind of game I would only win if he let me.

But I really enjoyed playing.

A pillow smacked me in the face at the same time as I heard Jameson yelp in surprise.

I tore my gaze away from Kai to spot Cora, looking smug. At the triple-threat of glares she received from Kai, Jamie and I, she threw her hands in the air. "Jamie deserved it for being gross, and you two deserved it for being grosser."

Apparently, we were not as inconspicuous as I'd thought.

"Kai has always been utterly shameless," said Isabelle, examining one of her nails. "I just expected better from Valerie."

"Valerie's at her best when she's shameless," said Cora, with a casualness that didn't undercut the complete force with which her words hit me.

At her best when she's shameless. It was true; I was more fun when I was like this, flirty and sarcastic and playful. All the traits that I shared with Sydney, but filtered and diffused and muted because I hated garnering attention for those traits that simply existed in me. I loved Sydney—always would—but maybe she was stopping me from being at my best, my most shameless. She wasn't my best friend anymore, but she had defined my whole personality for most of my life; I had moulded myself around her edges, created a person who would compliment her perfectly.

I liked being shameless; especially when it wasn't even real, and my partner in that shameless deception was so very good at playing the game with me. In some strange way, Kai Delaney was something like my best friend. He was the person I shaped myself around, except that it was a version of myself that I was in love with as much as the person I was shaping myself around. It was more... me.

My fake boyfriend and my real best friend. It wasn't where I would've seen myself two months ago. But I liked it.

So, I shrugged, all the new Valerie, and tweaked a piece of Kai's hair. "He's hot, I don't see why I should pretend otherwise."

Kai's answering grin was downright wicked, and, dare I say it, hot. He was fucking hot. I had truly lucked out in the fake boyfriend category.

"Ugh," Isabelle said, wrinkling her nose. "Why do you have to be like this, Kai? I didn't raise you to be like this."

Kai stuck his tongue out at his sister, in a mature display of sibling affection. Will tapped Izzy's leg and lent upwards to whisper something in her ear, and Isabelle giggled in response. Will ruffled her hair.

Jamie sat up. "Oi, no whispering. I'm deeply nosy, and I demand—"

But we never would find out what Will whispered to Isabelle, or what Jamie demanded. Interrupting Jameson's outrage was a jangle of keys outside, fumbling. The smile slipped from Kai's face, a momentary slide, and I saw the others tense.

The woman who stumbled through the front door couldn't have been anyone but Kai's and Isabelle's mother. She was a tumble of black hair, vibrant blue eyes and sharp features. But it didn't hang on her in the same way.

The smile on Kai's mother's face seemed pasted on, as if a toddler had drawn an imitation of the expression—with big teeth that were just crisscrossed lines and crimson red lips that followed no natural curves—and stuck it in place on her face. Her eyes, so like Kai's, were almost unfocused as she turned her face skyward, tipping her chin toward the ceiling with an exhaled breath. She was the kind of beautiful that seemed painted over, like an old timber kitchen painted white, or floorboards covered with carpet. She was made up, careful foundation and lipstick, concealer and eyeshadow, but it was creased at the corners of her eyes, red stained at the side of her mouth.

Beside me, I felt Kai stiffen. "Mum," he said on an exhale.

She smelled faintly of smoke; the same smell covered by excessive room freshener in the Delaney house. Musky and almost repulsive.

Jamie, ever the advocate for well-manicured manners, smiled winningly. "Good afternoon, Maria. It's nice to see you." Even Jameson, whose charm offensive usually seemed groomed to impenetrable perfection, couldn't hide the strain in the creases of his smile.

Maria's answering nod seemed perfunctory, as if she knew the basic dance of politeness, but hadn't yet mastered the steps. She dropped her handbag, a weathered red leather thing, and toed her crimson heels off next to the bag in the hall. When she looked up, she looked to Kai.

"Kai, darling." Her voice was gravelly—nothing like the smooth cadence of Kai's own, or the bubbly enthusiasm of Isabelle's—and fell with a slight slur. "How was school, honey?"

"No school today," said Kai carefully. "Swimming carnival."

"Oh," said Maria, dejected for a moment before that doll-like smile split across her face again. "Well, did you have fun?"

She didn't acknowledge the rest of us, sitting uncomfortably in her living room. Not even me, the brand-new addition practically tangled with her son as she spoke to him. It was odd; she toed the line of strangeness where it was difficult to tell if she was simply whimsically different or if she was potentially on something. It wasn't hard to understand why Kai never spoke about home.

"Why aren't you at work, Mum?" Kai asked. "You told me you'd be home at 7."

Oh. Well, that explained the tense set of his shoulders and the panicked awkwardness of the others; Kai told me once that they usually hung out at Will's or Jamie's. Maria clearly wasn't the ideal addition to any social setting, and everyone but me had known it.

"Work, yes," repeated Maria. She looked at the corner of the living room wall, where the pictures from today sat. "That looks like fun, honey."

"Fuck this," Isabelle muttered, sliding off the arm of the couch and disappearing into her room.

Poor Isabelle. Will untangled himself from Jameson and stood up at her departure, moving toward Izzy's door. He shot Kai an apologetic look, to which Kai waved a hand tiredly in permission.

Cora was wincing, and I remembered that she had grown up with Kai. That they were family friends. Their parents had been close. I couldn't imagine the Hart's being friends with Maria Delaney; they were Type-A lawyers with a strict view on morality and an even stricter view on having as much fun as possible within the confines of that morality. Maria didn't seem particularly fun or strictly moral.

"I'm sorry," said Kai, and I could hear from the softness in his voice that he wasn't talking to his mother, even though his eyes were fixed on her, pointedly not looking at us. "I didn't mean for—" He stayed silent.

"It's fine, mate," said Seb quietly.

Kai nodded, but he still didn't look at me as he gently unwrapped himself from around me. I felt the loss of his warmth as a chill harsher than the one that had swept through the soft haze of our happiness at Maria's entrance.

"It's nice to see your friends," Maria said. "Can you introduce them to me? Who was Isabelle's nice-looking boyfriend?"

Kai swallowed. "That wasn't Isabelle's boyfriend, Mum. That was Will."

"William?" asked Maria, cocking her head. At Kai's nod, she shook her head as if dizzy. I sat completely rooted to my spot on the sofa, my limbs leaden with shock. Maria's confusion slipped from her face in a moment. "Okay, hon. Can you give me a hand? I'm tired."

"Sure, Mum."

It was then that Kai finally looked at the remaining four of us. Cora, unreserved sadness and deep understanding. Seb, sympathetic. Jamie, harbouring a deep and unreserved awkwardness that he tried to hide with a forced smile. And me, confused and heartbroken. I didn't understand what was before me—didn't understand the unfocused glide of Maria's gaze or the confused jumble of her slurred words—to any extent beyond oh, this isn't right.

"Sorry, guys. Truly. Mum's had a long day, and she probably can't handle this many people in the house." I bit my lip. Kai's voice was stitched together with a falseness that was belied by the scene we'd all just witnessed. Maria sat on a chair in the entryway, staring into the distance with a remoteness that could've been tiredness if not for the tilt of her chin, sloped down and lopsided. A long day? It fooled no one, and yet no one contradicted it. No one said a word. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course," Seb mumbled, and he pulled Jamie off the couch with him. The two boys stood awkwardly, offering matching cursory smiles, before nodding a quick goodbye and heading for the door.

Cora silently stood to follow them, waving at me to follow. I was staring at Kai, my eyes following the dejected curve of his shoulders, as if an invisible weight had forced them into a permanent slope. But he wasn't looking at me, and Cora cleared her throat impatiently.

So, I did the only thing I could do. I followed Cora.

But as I passed Kai, I laid a hand on his shoulder. He jerked beneath my touch. I ignored the answered pang of sadness that hit me square in the chest. "Do you need me to stay?"

He still didn't look at me. "It's okay. Mum's just tired, and I'm exhausted too. I'll probably watch a movie with Iz and Will and fall asleep halfway through."

I didn't believe him, but I couldn't implore him for anything else. Because his gaze never moved from Maria.

"C'mon, Valerie," said Cora quietly.

And so I followed the other three from the Delaney house; that dingy house of smoke and stains and sadness that could only temporarily be masked by air freshener and laughter before the truth crept through the uncovered cracks in the plaster, seeping from the very foundation of the household.