CHAPTER ONE
shadow

"Oh my gosh," I gasped as I looked at my table, trying to locate the stack of papers that were just handed to me. "It was right here!" I mumbled to myself, looking under my desk and suddenly a loud thud gets me to jump, almost out of my seat.

"I believe you're looking for these." He gave me a wry smile, his plump lips forming a smirk and I heave a sigh of relief.

"You're a life saver, Seokjin." I thanked him as I took the stack of papers. "Mona would've killed me if I lost them." I wipe my hand over my forehead, staring at the papers.

Most of the interns here had experience in the field of arts whereas I was still completely new to everything despite my interest in art. Mona has been giving me assignments to study during this period, trying to prepare me for the art galleries she had planned.

"You left them on my desk when you left Mona's office." He chuckled a little, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants.

In this week that I had been interning at Mona's art gallery, Seokjin acted like a mentor to me, helping me out whenever I was lost and I appreciated it.

"So, are you up for dinner?" He asked and I groan a little, throwing my head back.

"I can't." I pout, "do you not see this stack of papers?"

He playfully takes a long piece of tracing paper from next to my table, draping it over the pile of papers that laid on my table. "Nope, I don't see it. So can we go?" He leaned against the desk and I laughed.

"Seokjin," I sighed, sinking into my seat.

"Alright, alright," he raised his hands in defeat. "I guess I'll just have to go with Namjoon." He said, spinning around as he attempted to walk away but I stood up abruptly.

"You know Namjoon?" I asked and he nodded, adjusting his glasses.

"We're from the same high school." He stated.

"Oh." I feel something that had been buried deep within me resurface. "So, you know Taehyung?" Desperation laced my soft voice.

"That guy," Seokjin chuckled, "of course I do, why?"

I had been trying to reach Taehyung ever since that night, but he didn't respond. It was almost like he had vanished.

"I just wanted to know if he's doing okay." I say, sitting back down at my tiny desk.

"I wouldn't know. It's been a week since he left." He let out bluntly and he doesn't realise just how much his words affected me.

"He left?" My voice strained, wanting Seokjin to clarify.

"Yea," his fingers fidgeted with the stationery. "Apparently he went abroad to find himself. Work on his art or something." He said with the roll of his eyes. "He left Namjoon with a letter that pretty much explained nothing, so..." He sighed, still not realising what he had brought upon me.

"D-Do you know where he is?" I stutter slightly, my heart pounding against my chest as I tried wrapping my head around the fact that Taehyung had left.

"Nope. Like I said, the letter didn't explain much." He said with a shrug. "Anyway, I should get going, I don't want Mona giving me extra work." Seokjin scanned the room right before bidding me goodbye.

I simply nod, trying to take in what he had just said to me. My heart was racing out of my chest, I couldn't understand what I was feeling. It was like a part of me had grown attached to him unknowingly. The fact that I wouldn't be able to find comfort in his embrace anymore, let alone hear his voice, messed with me a little.

"You ready?" The voice peeped and I jump.

"Uh-" I stare at my table, trying to stabilise my breathing. "No, I'll have it in tomorrow." I say with a gulp and Mona sighs, walking over to me.

"I know you think I'm being hard on you. I just really want you to be able to catch up with everything." She said and I mirror her nod.

"I know, I'm sorry." I don't meet her gaze, my head still focused on Taehyung. "I'll finish up right now." I say and she simply walked back into her office. 

I dropped my head into the palm of my hands. "Not right now." I told myself, trying to get my mind to focus on art and art alone. "You can't lose this position, so suck it up." I whispered under my breath, flipping through the file. 

I see a tag on purity behind love and I frown, being drawn to it for some reason. I flipped to that page and a muffled scream escaped my lips as I slam the file shut.

"Are you okay?" Mona came rushing back out and I nodded hastily, my chest heaving. 

"I thought I saw a bug, it's nothing." I say and with a nod, she vanishes behind the door.

I suck in a deep breath, flipping back to the page where I stared at the painting of the familiar figure. One I had not seen for a while. It was the same man I had seen at the art museum and the basketball court. 

"Shadow self?" I read what was written below the painting, a wave of turmoil crashing over me. "The embodiment of the side of your personality that contains all the parts of yourself that you don't want to admit to having." I flipped through, trying to dig deeper but it didn't go in depth. "What?" I stared at the page, wondering how I had been seeing this even before I knew it existed.

"Jina, something came up. You can submit the papers next week. I won't be in." Mona spoke out, tearing me away from my confusion. 

"Is everything okay?" I look at her and a smile paints her lips.

"Just great. Keep your phone active, wait for my call." She points at me before rushing towards the lift lobby.

I plopped onto my bed, pulling my laptop before me as I decided to go into a deep dive into what a shadow self was. I start reading through articles but nothing seemed to fit the artistic sense of it until I finally reached a page.

The shadow self is ones darker side. In art, it's a personified version of your darkest secrets, a version of you that lacks something or has done something.

A/N: disclaimer: none of this is fact. anything theorised is a product of my imagination. 

also hi, if you have theories, I would love to hear them!