A/n: This episode contains anorexia/bulimia/eating disorder and depression topics. I do not recommend this behavior it's about what's it like and getting trough it. If you don't feel comfortable don't read it
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"Fuck" I woke up to Dominic groaning
"What time is it?" I asked
"11:25"
"I HAVE TO GO" I jumped up grabbing my bag and pulling him up
"Why?"I dragged him back to the car
"I Uhm. I have doctors appointment" I buckled my seatbelt
"For?"
"Monthly check-up" I text my mom that ill be late because we slept in
"If you want to tell me, I'm here" we started getting home

I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell him. "You are just doing that for attention-seeking you self-pitying bitch!" I heard my ex-boyfriends words in my head. He is right but Dom makes me feel safe somehow.

I feel like I can trust him. After 20 minutes of silence, I spoke up. Ah, fuck it.

"I had" I lied because I still do "anorexia, bulimia and an eating disorder. I've been to recovery last year that helped " lie " I have to go back every month for a check-up for a year"
"So you have to like.. gain weight orrr.." he asked
"Kinda" I faked a laugh
"But you didn't, right?"
I closed my eyes and leaned back "I didn't. My mum takes these appointments serious that's why it's important to get home in time. We had a couple of arguments about my mental and physical health."

He didn't say anything just put his hand on my tight for me to hold it. I did what he wanted and he squeezed it then traced small circles on it.
"I hope you don't hate me now" I opened my eyes slowly glancing at the side view of his face. Damn that chin could slice an apple in half.

He burst out laughing still holding on to my hand

"I won't hate you for your mental health problems. I respect that you brave enough to talk about it and I want to help you with it"
"I know I know I just... My ex always said that I'm doing it so others will pity me and care about me"
"Well he's dumb as shit than for multiple reasons." he said and when I opened my mouth to speak but he continued " For leaving you and for hurting you"
I smiled at him and he changed the subject so to make me feel easier.

We arrived at 12:10, I walked up to my family's house and turned back to Dom.
"Thank you for the night and everything, text me when you get home"

I ran in, changed to more baggy clothes so my body shape is not showing and went to the bus stop to go to the hospital to meet u with my mom. There was a shop next to the hospital where I bought 5 pints of water so the scale will show 6 pounds more than I am. I just pray to not pee myself while we wait.

"Hey, mum!" I said happily and she stood up from the chair
"Hi daring" she hugged me
"Ava Smith" a nurse said "Are you ready?" I nodded

Mom sat down onto a chair next to the doctor's desk staring at the scale, I could tell she is nervous. I don't blame her, she loves me and wants me to be healthy, also I don't want others to think she's a bad mother.
"Oh well, would you look at that! You gained one pound since our last time!" the doctor smiled wildly and I just wanted to throw up by the thoughts of getting more fat.
"Calm down its just the water, you go out, pee and you will get it off don't worry" I calmed myself. It went quick, the doctor told us there's only one time left because of my development. After getting out I went to the toilet did what I had to while my mom told dad about how proud she is. Cool. Proud of my l lying.

*Later*

I was laying in my bed watching series at 3 am when I got a text on Instagram.

@ Yungblud
Look out of your window

He knew the front window is mine, I told him when we pulled up this morning.

"Dominic what the fuck" I said leaning out
"Hello to you too" he smiled and waved at me "Come down"
I shook my head and signaled one minute to him. I closed my window, picked up my guitar, my bag and went out. I know how to sneak out, I did it before.

"What's that for?" he pointed at my guitar
"I need your help with a song"
He held my hand and took me to his place. It was a huge modern house, lot of rooms, a big kitchen even though he can't cook, garage, etc. We walked up the stairs to his room.

"I cleaned it for you" he said being proud of himself
"Looks really cool"
Black walls but huge windows to make the room brighter, posters everywhere, vinyls, CDs, guitars and a king-sized bed.
"Show me" he sat down to it with his legs crossed
"It's not a Yungblud song but.." I joked and started singing

...I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cause nothings going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you

(Yes its Avril Lavigne I'm with you, yes because Dominic posted it on twitter)

He admired me with parted lips trough the song. I finished the song and asked
"So? Is it good? Any idea to the rest of the song?"
"I..it was beautiful" he looked amused "What's the inspiration behind it?"

"Last year I was deeply depressed, even psychologists said that. They said I have to take medication and sleep a lot so I did. I tried to overdose myself with the medicine but they called the ambulance in time. After that I only went to school, nowhere else which made me feel lazy, that's how my eating disorder started. All you do is eat Ava, I said to myself. I pushed my friends away, my parent were irritated by me because I never let them help me. I felt alone, I wanted to starve myself to death. Eventually, I needed to go to an anorexia recovery treatment center called The bridge. That's where I met Lily. She was a helper in her free time. You know teens to make you feel better and more comfortable. She gave me a reason to get over my depression and to start recovery. I was like, I don't know you that much but take me away from this shit I'm in." I told him

"I can relate to that" he sat next to me on the floor and hugged me for minutes

"You can tell me anything too I trust you so I want you to trust me" I said and he nodded "Also I that's why I asked you to help me. I know you understand these feelings"

"I do trust you. Do you want me to tell you a story?"

"Only if you want to"

He leaned his back to his bed
"I will tell you the story behind one of my songs too" he hugged his knees and rested his head on them "I was in love with a girl, one night we left her parents house around midnight to meet our best mates at the shop, buy some cheap wine and go to the club, you know to get away from the teenage everyday cliche pressure. Into the night after hours of partying she wants to go home but won't let me take her, she found another guy to hook up with. I told him to leave her alone she doesn't want to go home with ya but he kept pushing so they went home together. Later turns out he became her boyfriend, his name was Zach and he made her happy. One day she said they are moving to another country to get married, I said crying at the top my lungs "Don't leave me here, you're the one I love" but she didn't listen. I lost her so I lost my happiness too. I wanted to jump off from the bridge I took you to the other night, the I love you, will u marry me one. Luckily my friend found me before anything happened and helped me through it and since that we performe together with my mates."

"Aww" I hugged him while I cried and wiped off his tears too. Even though he was smiling he got sad inside I could tell "Let's watch a movie, I don't want to think about these right now" i suggested and he agreed.

We laid in his bed with his laptop on his legs. He cuddled to me when a cute romantic part happened. I slowly drifted off in his arms.