A.N. SURPRISE SURPRISE! I know that usually I make you wait longer for an update but I finished this early and couldn't wait to publish it for you! Pretty sad though BC we only have around 10-12 chapters left in this series. :/

"I've missed you so much." I tell him.

Peeta doesn't respond, but that's okay. He needs his rest, and I don't mind talking to his sleeping form. Our reunion had drained every ounce of strength he'd had left, and so when I told him to rest he didn't protest. He knew I'd be right here.

"You've got three months to recover, you hear me?" I tell him, even though I know his recovery will take much longer, mentally at least. "I need you. We need you."

His arm twitches in his sleep and I rub it softly, hoping to prevent a nightmare that might have been starting. I clutch his free hand in both of mine, bringing it to my lips. "I love you so much," I tell him. "I'll never let you go a day without hearing it."

It was one of my biggest regrets. Before Peeta ran to the hovercraft in the arena, I didn't say that I loved him. I know that he knew that I loved him. I know that he could see it in my eyes. I know that he knew.

But I still didn't say it.

But the past is the past, and you can't go back. That's one thing I've leaned from everything that has happened in the past year. You can only move forward and look ahead to the better things.

The hours stretch on, and I constantly squirm in the uncomfortable hospital chair, trying vainly to find a comfortable position that remains comfortable for more than ten minutes. I know that I should be sleeping, but I simply can't take my eyes off of Peeta. A part of me is still afraid that he'll vanish the second I look away, and so my eyes never leave him. There's also a strange part of me that thinks by staying awake, I'm in a way introducing the baby to its father. That by studying his features, memorizing them once again, somehow the baby is too.

When the clock shows that it's four in the morning, I feel my eyelids begin to droop without my consent. I've gone twenty-four hours without sleep before, but being pregnant changes a lot of things. I need my sleep, and I love a nice nap during the day. But I refuse to leave Peeta, even if it's by slipping into unconsciousness. Logic tells me that what I want is impossible. Eventually, for some reason or another, I will be required to leave Peeta's side. Whether it be doctor's orders, or more than likely Rye or Haymitch's. I will not be surprised to see Haymitch walk through the door in another hour or so. Some instinct tells me Rye will not be far behind.

When Haymitch comes into the room two hours later, I can barely keep my eyes open. "At this rate, you're going to look as bad as Peeta." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "Go get some sleep."

"I can't." I push back Peeta's blonde curls and notice that they have gotten longer than the last time I saw him.

"He won't know that you're gone." Haymitch tells me and I shake my head.

"But I will," I pause. "I'll know that I left him, and that's worse."

"He'll be here when you come back." He pulls me up out of the chair. "I'll sit with him."

I  walk towards the door and I turn around. "I'll be back."

"I don't want to see you back here until after supper." He makes himself comfortable in the hard chair. "I mean it Katniss, go get some rest. If not for you then for the baby."

"Okay," I say and my shoulders slump tiredly as I leave the room.

The bed doesn't feel quite as empty, knowing that Peeta will soon be back on his side. I no longer need his shirt to help put me to sleep, because I already know Peeta is close by. My eyes drift closed and I let my arm lay across Peeta's pillow, knowing that soon his body will be next to mine.

Grey walls surround me with a cold feeling. There's no life inside of the color and it reminds me a lot of Coin's eyes. Cold and lifeless. But a piercing pair of blue eyes stands out and I'm drawn to them and their warmth. His hair is the shiny, golden blonde that I remember. The strength in his chest and arms has returned. A soft, sun-kissed glow radiates from his skin once more, filling me with warmth. Peeta's okay. He's fine. It's as though he never suffered.

And that's when I notice the scars.

They cover his torso and arms. Some are long and precise. Some are jagged and gruesome, a sign of frustration and anger. Some patches of skin are puckered with burns. My eyes roam his network of scars. I force myself to examine every single one. Like a punishment.

I did this.

"Stop with the guilt, Kat." Peeta tells me and I look up at him. "You didn't do this to me."

"Yes, I did." I tell him. "Every time I was the mockingjay, you got another scar. This is all my fault."

He shakes his head and comes to sit next to me. "I won't let you blame yourself for something President Snow did to me."

I stare at my shoes and he tilts my face up towards his. "This isn't your fault." 

"Okay." I say softly and he smiles kindly at me.

"The next few months are going to be extremely hard. You'll have me and the baby, but my mind isn't in a good place right now. At times I'm going to want nothing to do with you, and you need to respect that. Walk away. But at other times, I'm going to need you." He kisses my nose.

"I'm a broken man," He wipes the tear off of my cheek. "But one day I'll be whole again."

I wake suddenly with the breath torn from my lungs. Slowly I get up from the bed and change into another pain of grey clothes and braid my hair quietly. I walk to the cafeteria trying to push the dream from my mind, but one sentence keeps coming back.

"I'm a broken man, but one day I'll be whole again."

I guess the real question, is how do I put a broken man back together?

It's not until I take my first bite of food that I realize just how hungry I am. For once, I'm glad for the extra portion my pregnancy guarantees me. In another ten minutes I've finished eating and begin to make my way to the hospital. With each step I take, nervousness coils in my stomach. Peeta will wake up today. Yes, he awoke briefly before when he was first brought in, but we only exchanged a few words and a kiss. Today the real struggle will begin. Today I will get my first glimpse into my near future—filled with whatever pain and heartbreak that may come.

I've just turned the corner of Peeta's hallway when I see none other than Plutarch Heavensbee arguing with Dr. Hodgens outside of Peeta's room. Immediately, my eyes narrow and I quicken my pace. "What's going on?" I ask, accusation weighing heavily in my tone.

"I was just telling Mr. Heavensbee—"

"Please, it's Plutarch."

Dr. Hodgens lips purse in annoyance before he continues. "I was just telling Mr. Heavensbee that he is unable to see Peeta at this time. Only family is allowed."

"But don't you see, Peeta had survived being a prisoner of war! All the districts will want to hear of this."

"No." I say.

"Pardon me?" He responds.

"No, you're not filming him. And honestly I could care less about the rebellion right now. I'm not leaving Peeta's side. So no, you're not allowed to see him."

He stands shocked and starts to so rack before rethinking. "Anything else, Plutarch?" Doctor Hodges asks him.

He straighten his button on his shirt and looks up at us. "Yes, we at Command simply want to know when you will be coming back to work."

I smile blandly. "Sorry, Plutarch, but I'm taking an indefinite leave of absence. I'm not leaving Peeta's side." Plutarch gives us a stiff nod before turning abruptly on his heel and stalking down the hallway.

I turn to the doctor and he laughs and he watches my face relax. "I hate politicians." He says and I couldn't agree more.

"How's Peeta?" I turn towards the door and long to be inside.

Doctor. Hodgens runs his hands through his hair and sighs. "Actually he's awake and asking for you."

I spin around and stare at him. "Why did you not come and get me?"

He looks down at my stomach and I subconsciously put my hand on it. "We aren't sure how he's going to react to you being pregnant. Yesterday he was pumped full of drugs so he was in a hazy state, but today he is awake and lucid."

"I don't understand why he would have a bad reaction to me being pregnant. He knows that I'm pregnant." I tell him and he nods his head.

"Yes, that might be true, but when we drew his blood there were trace amounts of tracker jacker venom in him." My mouth drops open and I shake my head.

"Are you saying they just let those things attack him?" I ask with a small voice I almost don't recognize.

"No, we believe they gave it to him in shots."

"But I don't get why they would give him that." I question and the doctor stares at the ground before meeting my eyes.

"They hijacked him." For a second it feels as though I can't breathe. I've heard of hijackings, and I know that anything the Capitol does isn't good.

"They turned him against me." I say shocked and the doctor shakes his head.

"It's a failed attempt. The hijacking wasn't successful, I guess he had something to fight for."

"He's still holding on sweetie"

My mind plays back what greasy Sae told me in the cafeteria not so long ago. I guess she was right, he really did hold on.

"I want to see him." The doctor nods and motions for me to go.

"Just be careful around him."

"He's not a monster," I reply and the man shrugs his shoulders.

The door is just as heavy as the last time I pushed it open, except this time it's as if I have a heavy burden on my chest as well. He's sitting in the bed sketching when he sees me, he doesn't smile when he sees me, he merely glances my way and returns his gaze back to his sketch. The twinkle in his eyes, it's gone and his soft smile left with it. When his eyes drop to my stomach he looks confused to say the least.

"You're still pregnant." He says.

"Yes."

"But I thought" he begins but I cut him off.

"I was pregnant with twins. ." I pause and look at my stomach. "I lost the little boy." He begins to shake and I go to take his arm. I hold him against me and do the only thing I can think of.

I sing to him.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your eyes And when they open, the sun will rise."

His hands begin to stop trembling, but I still hold him tightly against me.

"Here it's safe and here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

He pulls away from me before I can finish singing and looks at the other side of the room. "I need you to leave."

I'm shocked and I don't understand exactly why he is asking me to leave. "Peeta, I don't underst-" I say but he cuts me off.

"Leave." He tells me angrily and I stand abruptly. "Please just go." He says quietly and I don't even look back as the door swings shut.

The days of Peeta rubbing my stomach, kissing me softly, and holding me at night, they're all gone. And deep down I know that I'll never get them back.

A.N. Here we go guys! Don't worry, Peeta isn't hijacked but he is pretty messed up and it's going to take a while for him to return to normal. Hope you liked it and I'll see y'all later!

breezykb I hope this chapter was everything you wanted it to be! Love your comments. :)