"Freak."

That was usually how I was described by my peers. It didn't really bother me much at first since I honestly didn't care what people thought of me. But as time went on it started to affect me more than I expected...

Given most of the reasoning behind it.

After my mother passed during childbirth I was taken in by her close friends. They didn't waste any time in telling be about my biological mother however, and I honestly appreciate them for that. Although they informed me that I wasn't biologically theirs, they always did their best to make me feel like I was.

My father especially made sure I was spoiled; showering me in all the love he says my mother would have loved to give me. My adoptive mother treats me no different, I don't think I could ask for a better woman to take care of me. But, you can say I'm pretty much a daddy's girl.

As wonderful as they are; I still feel out of place sometimes..

I look nothing like my siblings and people definitely have no problem in pointing that out. They have the most fun when it comes to talking about my adoption and how my parents simply took pity on me. They've said such horrible things about my family life I can't even bare having to recall them.

I don't blame my family for any of it. But I do wonder what life would be for me if I had never lost my mother. I wonder who my father is— and where is he now?

Why wasn't he there for my mother when she went through all of those things? Why wasn't he there the day I took my first breath?

Why was I bullied for not being able to know my real family? Why do you treat me different over something like this?

I'm still human; why do I have to be treated as though I'm some strange creature?

It's not like I chose for my life to be this way, if anything I wish it wasn't.

I adore my family but I wish I at least had a chance to see my mother face-to-face. To be able to hold her, hear her voice, see her smile; photos are a blessing but I want more.

I want her..

I want to be cherished by her, hear about what her life was like before she had me, to find out who my real father is.

They never answer that question when I ask...why won't they let me know?

Do I not have a right to know who helped bring me into this cruel world? It's because of him my life is this way is it not; can I not at least be paid this much by him?

I have so many questions I want them answered—

No you don't.

What?

The less you know the better believe me. You may think you want to know now; but in the end you'll wish you would've stayed confused.

What makes you so sure about that?

Because I got answers.

I found out everything.

All that curiosity I had only lead me further into the pit of pain I had already fallen into.

How could knowing everything be more painful than not knowing anything at all?

You finally start to see and realize all of the things you had been blinded to or ignored before. Your eyes are opened so much you wish you could close them again.

What did you see..?

The truth, the lies, all of it.

I was so desperate to meet him; to see if all the sinful things I had been told he had done were really true..

And they were.

The man that was supposed to be my Father was a despicable, heartless, devil of a man. He was so cold and evil I don't think you could even consider him human.

What's worse is I was treated differently because of his actions, even though I had nothing to do with them. I wasn't even alive when the start of these things took place and yet here I am; paying the price for sins I didn't commit.

I hate him for the things he has done and I hate him for things he hasn't.

I hate him for the times he wasn't there and for the times he was.

I hate him for tricking me into thinking he had any affection for me. For taking advantage of my tolerance for him and stabbing me with manipulation.

The thing I hate the most however, is that regardless of the fact that my heart has no love for him anymore....I still care about him.

I hate my stupid heart for feeling any kind of feeling for him when he never bothered to show me anything genuine in the first place.

No, knowing everything isn't always a good thing. The truth hurts isn't a saying for no reason..

.....

It seems like you and I are somewhat similar..

What makes you say that?

We both want truth even though it hurts and we both love people we know we can't have in this reality.

Our pain is different yes but, it's also the same in some ways. We both feel different..

I guess so..

...We should stick together.

What?

I think you and I should be friends.

You do know they would only judge you more for being close to me don't you?

I know, but I honestly don't care anymore. Does it bother you..?

No it doesn't.

Good, then promise me no matter what happens we'll stay together. No matter what anyone says we won't let it change anything.

I promise.

You swear you won't break it?

Pinky swear.

We'll paint a different blue together.

—Different shades
similar blues

•

•

•

•

This may be a mistake,
trusting the son of pure human evil.

But with you I will still make this deal,
I feel that with you I can heal.

Promises are bound to break they say,
I hope you won't be the one to leave
me with that same fate.