junie gives us a puzzled look and leaves the room, taking diligent notes on their clipboard as billie and i break down laughing again.

junie comes back in after a little while with a piano... a grand piano? they were just carrying it in with one arm. note to self: don't cross the aliens, they are strong as fuck. 

"where did you get that?" i ask.

"oh i just had the ship suck it up the same way we got you two." they say like i obviously should have  guessed that.

"oh!" billie says with a giggle, placing her delicate fingers over her mouth.

she is so cute.

"you guys are gonna play music now," junie says.

"like now, now?" i ask. i am still really scared to sing for billie.

"yes, now, now" billie chuckles as she pushes my shoulder.

i am internally freaking out. my body feels like it's on overdrive and my heart is beating faster and faster, but on the outside, all billie sees a big smile and genuine giggle.

"you guys can wait a little bit, but we definitely want to see, ok?" ms. morrulia says as she walks in to join junie.

"good" i say as i turn to billie and she's giving me an impatient look.

i have been getting more comfortable around billie. at least i can form full sentences now... unless she makes eye contact with me. whenever she makes me flustered she giggles in that same adorable way and it sends flutters through my heart. she knows what she's doing. 

in the past, i have had feelings for a straight girl. shelby was my best friend at the time and i began to like her. i felt the need to confide in her all of the time, but my one secret was my innocent crush. i finally told her, apologizing profusely for catching feelings and hoping that things between us would not change. they did change.

it wasn't what you would think, i mean she did not act weird or uncomfortable around me like i expected, but did the exact opposite. this girl began to flirt with me and became very physical with me... something she had never done before. i suppose, looking back, she just gave me what she thought i wanted, and to be honest, i did want it. i liked that she was physical with me and tried to make me blush. i liked the attention, and i guess shelby did too. this went on until it was no longer fun, but excruciatingly painful. let me explain:

she began to talk to me about her budding relationship with this guy and go on and on about how much she liked him. that hurt like shit. i began to think about her and only her, every thought running through my head was associated with her in some way. i was obsessed, and i would later find out that i was in love. 

"hello?"

i had never been in love before and this was a very new feeling and a very painful one at the moment. i had to do something because i was spiraling, clinging to any attention she gave me and obsessing about it when i couldn't be with her. being with her became hard because of how much i wanted to have her, but being away from her was even worse. i decided that i would have to face her and ask her to please stop. stop flirting. she had to. it would be the only way for me to come back up for air. shelby did not take it well and we stopped being friends. that was my first heartbreak and it taught me to watch myself because i fall hard and fast otherwise.

"helloOoOo!"

with billie, the same things are happening. except she is not physical to get a reaction, but because it is her very nature to be close to people. how can i ask her to stop? how can i explain how i need to protect my heart? there is no question that i have to do something. i am not about to go down the same path i did years ago.

"DUDE" billie yells, clapping her hands in front of my face. 

i get startled out of my thoughts, as i completely dissociated just then. "u-umm, sorry, what?" i say, still gathering myself. i look around and see that junie left. the door to our room is loud as fuck so i must have been really deep in my head not to notice them leaving.

"damn, whats going on in that pretty little head of yours, y/n?" she smirks and pulls my hair behind my ear with one hand and places the other on my knee.

nope. i can't do this. shelby did this. shelby did this and it ended in 6 months of heartbreak. 

"stop, billie." i say, moving my knee from under her grasp and running my fingers through my hair.

"hm?" she looks at me the same way shelby did.

i haven't figured out how to explain it yet and to be honest, i am scared. i just look away and lean against the wall.

"y/n, what's going on?" billie looks concerned and lifts my chin with her hand, "stop what?"

"that" i say with an angry tone and swipe her hand from my chin. I walk to the other side of the room and look over at a saddened billie. clearly she doesn't get it. 

"look, im sorry, i shouldn't have said it that way. i just need some space, billie. physical space." that hurt to say. i didn't want space. i wanted to be so close to her that every inch of her skin was touching mine, but i couldn't. i had to protect myself.