Tuesday morning
Dear Olivia,

Good morning, long time you haven't heard from me, but I warned you. I'm feeling a little lonely which is kind of odd. I thought I was always alone. My phone is firmly in my left hand, but I don't know what to do. I really want to talk to Nate, but what would I say? Tell him about what his mother told me and hope that he would apologize and say it slipped his mind or something. And even start up a joke and tease me as usual. School wasn't bad without him though. I guess, over the weekend everyone finally accepted that I am a cheerleader. And the captain at that. Ramona and the minions were now following me everywhere though which is kind of annoying. They always want to skip class and complain over everything I do. They act like I have a chain around their necks and pulling them to me everywhere I went. Believe me when I say, I would never ever ever do that. I'm wondering how Nate is doing. He's in France, so we are definitely far from being in the same time zone, but I am too lazy to check or figure out what time it is over there. We are starting soccer practice next week along with cheerleading. I don't know how that's going to work out, but the coaches will be meeting up before then. I think I am going to put down my phone right now for my hand hurts. From yesterday, when I came home after that dreaded evening of shopping with my mother, to present, I have had the phone in my hand. That's so pathetic. Ramona said I needed to loosen up, but I don't ever try to please people so I didn't really listen. I am starting to think I really need to loosen up. My world-consisting of myself and probably Nate- is crumbling away. I seem to have no hold of it and maybe I just need to let go and grab it back to have control again. Maybe I should go and talk to others. Be a little friendly. I don't consider myself unfriendly or mean, but maybe I am with not making much friends. You know what I think I should do? I am going to make another plan. Put down my priorities and what I want to achieve for my last year in high school. Prepare for going that extra mile or cutting off it. Maybe being closed in isn't always safe, but I don't think I'll trust anyone though. I will just talk and do what my parents do. Pretend. That's what they always do. Pretend to be happy. Acting like I actually love life and make sure no one sees what's behind the curtain. Anyways, that's how I know I can't really escape their qualities. I have their genes. Bye Olivia. This definitely makes up for not writing in you for so long.

AMBER

I try to get dress for school, but I find nothing that I feel comfortable wearing. The jeans pants are too tight, the dresses are a little too short and flirty, the blouses are okay, but they make my boobs look bigger and the skirts are definitely a no-no. Lucky thing she didn't change my underwear as well. I lay down on my bed in just my bra and panties with a robe.

"Ed Sheeran." I say before kneeling down to under my bed and taking out a box.

I take out a white Ed Sheeran t-shirt and put it on, ignoring the dusty smell it has. I can't find any sweatpants, so I just decide to wear the tight fitted pants that feel like tights on my skin or maybe like it is a second skin.

"I never knew denim could be so stretchy and revealing." I say to myself as I check myself out in the mirror.

I groan when I see that my mother didn't buy any sneakers that don't have some girlie thing on them. I take out simple black shiny shoes instead. It feels way out of my comfort zone, but it looks simpler and less dramatic girlie. I slip my phone and wallet in my bag before running downstairs for breakfast.

My belly isn't growling so I just look about something simple. As soon as I take a seat with my cereal and milk, my mom comes down the stairs on the phone.

"What happened to the blouses I bought you yesterday?" She asks as she enters the kitchen. "When since you wear your 'sacred items' by the way?"

"Good morning to you too," I say taking out a spoon and scooping up some milk and frosty sugary flakes.

"My bad, good morning," she turns to look at me with a protein bar in her hand. "You know, you're going to have to wear the things I buy for you."

"They make me uncomfortable," I immediately scold myself for not keeping quiet.

She sighs. "I know they are out your comfort zone and I know it won't be easy. Just wear them. Glad you're wearing the shoes and pants."

"Do I really have a choice?" I inquire not expecting an answer as I continue to stare in my bowl and not at her.

"You always do," mom pats my shoulder. "It's just making the right choice."

My mind then wonders to Nate. That's what he use to tell me on my bad days. A question then pops up in my head. Should I try calling him again?

1999beauty
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