Chapter Sixteen - "You Did Everything Right"

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

August 28th practically laughed in my face when the day finally arrived. Otherwise known as my two year anniversary with Chase.

Awesome, right?

I didn't even realize the date until it was about halfway over, when I looked at the lock screen of my phone that read Tuesday, August 28. And when I did, I felt my heart sink.

I didn't know what he was up to on the day, but I forgot about it and hung out with my friends. It was a way for me to get my mind off of it. They didn't mention it once and they acted like things were normal. Like I was always single, and like Chase never existed.

Things had been alright, but I still felt pretty shitty. Over a month later and I was still hung up over him. But I couldn't get myself to heal completely yet.

I knew it would take time. I just wished it wouldn't take so damn long.

Two days later, Ashley and I were hanging around her house all day, doing nothing exciting. The rest of our friends were doing their own things, so it left the two of us, which I didn't mind.

We had been watching random movie throwbacks on Netflix for a majority of the day, mostly in the genre of chick-flicks and comedies. Then we ordered sushi take-out for lunch, which is my favorite, so that really cheered me up. As the time passed us by, now it was getting close to 5 o'clock and we were hungry for dinner.

"Hunter!" Ashley screamed from her room. I rolled my eyes with a laugh at her outburst.

Footsteps pounded down the hall, then her bedroom door swung open seconds later and Hunter appeared.

"What?" He spat, clearly irritated.

"Is Mom making dinner?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know," Hunter shrugged. "She's not even home yet. Her and Dad went out and they said they won't be back 'till late. Looks like you're gonna have to find food yourself," he smirked teasingly.

"Well, can you make food?" She grinned with hope.

"Nope." And with that, he shut the door.

"He's an ass," Ashley grumbled, turning back to the TV. I just laughed at their sibling banter.

I caught her staring at me from the side with a smile on her face, and I chuckled at her. "What?"

"How are you feeling?" She asked sincerely, putting her hand on mine.

I shrugged. "Alright, I guess."

"Do you think that you're like, better now?" She said carefully, obviously talking about this whole Chase thing. What else could she really be talking about?

"Yeah," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "It's just that... I haven't seen him, you know? I haven't seen him since he dropped my stuff off, because when I went to return his things, he wasn't home. So I left them on the front porch. But since I haven't seen him, I've kind of gone numb. I haven't been feeling so hurt and all that, and I don't want to see him because I feel like if I do, everything will come back," I rambled.

"It's hard because he's obviously going to be at school. But if I see him, I feel like I'll crack and break. And I don't want to do that," I shook my head.

She didn't say anything, which came as a bit of a surprise. I finally looked up at her, feeling a bit nervous for some reason when I saw her looking at me sadly. I chewed on my bottom lip, waiting for her next few words.

"Lindsay, are you... are you still thinking about him?" She said in a small voice.

A sigh escaped from my lips. The feelings came tumbling out next.

"It's so hard," I croaked. And I felt the tears burning behind my eyes as I kept talking about it. "I just want to forgive him and forget about it, and go back to how we were. He was my first love – my first everything. Well, not really. Todd was my first everything. But that's beside the point. I really loved Chase and I just want him back, but I know I can't do that."

It felt so wrong to say those things, but it was true.

I wanted Chase back. As wrong as it was, it was all I could think about. I couldn't deny the fact that for the past month, he was always on my mind. I kept picturing myself making up with him and going back to normal. Forgetting about that drunken mistake and moving forward.

But Ashley knew that was wrong just as much as I did. And she let me know that.

"No, sweetie, you can't," she reached her arm around me and pulled me in her side. A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, but that wouldn't be the last of them. "I know you loved him so, so much and I know he meant the world to you. What happened might not have been done on purpose, or maybe it was on purpose. We don't know. But you can't go back because what if it happens again?"

"I know," I nodded. "But he seemed really, really sorry. I put up this cold front when he dropped my stuff off... and I just wanted to hug him. But I didn't, I know I can't do that," I shook my head again, feeling my voice drop down to a whisper. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"It's okay, you're not supposed to know," she soothingly rubbed my back. "I know you want to be friends again and I know you want him back, but it's still too early. You're still hurt and really fragile, and it's best if you stay away for a little while."

"Yeah," was all I said after that. Then it was quiet in her room for a little bit.

We kept watching the movie that was playing on her TV in silence, with me still cooped up in her arms. No tears fell from my eyes, my breathing was pretty steady, and I felt kind of okay.

I wasn't one hundred percent, but I was getting there.

Eventually my wandering mind got the best of me, so I opened my mouth again and started rambling on.

"I just can't help thinking that it was my fault, you know? Is that crazy?" I broke the silence.

"No," she said unsteadily, shaking her head. "It's not crazy. As long as you know it's not true."

"I always think about what I could've done differently. What did I do to make this happen? What could I have done to make him stay? I feel like it's all my fault and I know it's not but... it's just something I think about," I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's normal for you to be thinking like that. I'm sure when this shit happens to other people, they always beat themselves up over 'what did I do to deserve this' and 'why did this happen'. Except you never really know what happened. That's what sucks. But you know what? You just gotta get all the nasty thoughts out and then brush it off and move on," she told me in a calm voice.

"You never seem to run out of advice," I looked up at her with a smile, seeing her through my watery eyes. She chuckled, squeezing me in her arms.

"You're a hell of a strong girl, Linds," she smiled, wiping away a tear on my cheek. "You'll get through this, I know it. And I'm gonna be right here with you."

"Thank you," I squeezed her, smiling. "I really couldn't ask for anyone better than you."

And for a moment, I thought about telling her everything. Everything that only Todd knew. The thing my family attempted to sweep under the rug. Everything that my friends had no idea about.

But I quickly denied myself of that thought and shook it away. There's no way I could tell her.

There was no way that I could ever tell anybody. It'd been two years and I still couldn't muster up the strength to tell even my best friends.

I needed to keep it to myself because it'd worked all this time and it would continue to work.

"Well, you could. But you wouldn't get anyone better," she joked, making me laugh.

I sighed, leaning up a bit and sniffling my nose. "I just hope that if and when I see him, I don't break down and cry like a baby," I sighed.

"You won't. Because you're a strong girl that can get through this," she smiled.

"I just... I really feel bad for him. You know? He really messed things up. He was an idiot and screwed up the best thing he could ever have. I gave him everything I had and apparently it still wasn't enough to make him happy," I shrugged.

"He really doesn't know how good he had it," Ashley shook her head.

"I pity him. He's so stupid," I breathed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Fucking idiot."

"There ya go!" Ashley grinned, nudging my arm. "Let it out, girl."

I laughed, shaking my head at her. "Where did I go wrong?"

"Nowhere. You did everything right. He was the one that fucked up," she side-smiled and rubbed my upper arm.

"You are absolutely correct," I turned to her and smiled.

"I know," she smirked. We both giggled as I wrapped her in another tight hug for a few moments.

Then we moved on to a different subject, a different TV show to watch, and a different restaurant to order take-out from for dinner.

Just like how I needed to move on from Chase.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

A/N - Sort of a boring, filler chapter but it's needed. Things get interesting real quick though, I promise! Summer comes to an end, school starts up again for senior year, and someone wanders back into Lindsay's life. Can you guess who it is?

Oh and by the way... THANKS FOR 1K READS!!! :') I saw it this morning when I woke up and I had the biggest smile on my face. Y'all never cease to make my day! Thank you for reading my stories, for supporting me and for being totally awesome! I love ya lots and lots ♥

Song: All Too Well by Taylor Swift (this song gets me so emo every time)

Photo: Lindsay

xoxo, sabbbycat