"here we go, climbing the stairway to heaven
here we go, walking the road of ecstasy
taking a load, of the whole world off our shoulders
the door is wide open, for you
the door is open, for me".

st. ignatius loyola roman chatholic church was filling up with roman's family and friends as they were attending his funeral service. it was a gloomy day in new york as the dark grey clouds filled up the sky and the atmosphere was cold.

jimmy and jey arrived with their families, walking into the church with their sunglasses on to cover their eyes from the tears that they were shedding. roman's other cousins also came in, along with his aunts, uncles, and his sister summer. summer was very emotional, not even wearing sunglasses to hide her tears for her younger brother. it was a rough scene for everyone related to roman, as one of their own was gone.

iman's family and friends also came. her parents walked in along with some of her close friends and close extended family members that wanted to give iman some comfort and love after losing her husband. they came to show some support for one of their own that was hurting.

and then, a black cadillac limousine pulled up onto the street of the church. in that car was iman, jianni, julianne, and janelle since they all came from the house. iman was in the car holding jianni in her arms, saint laurent sunglasses on her face, tears beginning to form in her eyes. she was going to try and stay strong for her daughter, but she didn't know if she could.

"are you ready?" janelle asked her best friend. janelle had stayed by iman's side ever since everything happened. yes her and roman had their issues, but the last thing she wanted was for her friend to be upset. she felt so bad for iman as she was in so much pain over the loss of her husband.

"yes" iman mumbled quietly. her voice was hoarse, sounding like she was holding back tears.

"just know that you do not need to go up to his casket if you don't want to okay? and you also don't need to speak if you can't, one of us or even the twins could do it for you" julianne said. julianne has taken very good care of iman during this time as well, coming out of the hospital from her own trouble and making sure that iman was sane.

"I just wanna give him my final goodbyes, that's all I want" iman sighed.

"we got you sis" janelle told her friend, grabbing her hand to hold it.

the chauffeur opened the car door and let the four of them out. julianne walked out first, then janelle, and finally iman holding jianni's hand. while jianni didn't understand the concept of death and that her father would no longer be with us, she did see that her mother has been distraught throughout the past week, and it made her sad.

all eyes went on iman and jianni as they walked into the church. they felt so much sorrow for them since they would now be on their own. iman walked up to the casket and when she laid her eyes on her husband sleeping peacefully, she broke down. she kneeled onto the ground and began to cry, taking off her sunglasses as tears flowed down her face. iman's father, jimmy, and jey rushed over to her to pick her up and when she did get up, she cried in her father's arms. he rubbed her back as she let her emotions out on him.

jianni was looking at her mother and she was also looking at the casket. she still didn't understand what was really going on but she didn't like seeing her mother cry so it was making her upset, wiping her eyes before she began to cry herself. iman heard her daughter cry and went over to her, picking her up, and letting jianni cry in her arms. it was so overwhelming, why did this have to happen? why?!

afterwards, jimmy and jey came up to iman and gave her a hug. since these three were the closest to roman, it's been a rough week due to the loss. they were all taking it very hard as roman was someone that they all basically shared their lives with.

"if you need anything we're here okay?" jey told her. "we got y'all".

"thank you guys, I got y'all too. we gonna get through this" iman mumbled. she promised herself that she would, somehow she would.

before anything else could happen, jimmy's eyes widened and he signaled jey to what he was looking at. jey also widened his eyes and signaled iman as well and she couldn't believe her eyes at who she was seeing right now.

seth lopez. seth and his wife rebecca walked into the church and were about to approach them. seth was roman's old friend and was a hitmen for him at a point in time. they were very close, but once the drug game was beginning to be too much for him and once he realized that he wanted to settle down with rebecca, he left and him and roman fell out. he since moved to iowa to live his life with his wife and now his newborn child.

"seth..." iman gasped. "it's been so long".

"jey told me about what happened and I needed to come say my goodbyes. no matter what me and roman went through, that's still my brother. that will always be my brother" seth said, getting choked up as he spoke. "i'm sorry I didn't let you know ahead of time there was just so much going on-".

"it's okay, you're here now, that's all that matters" iman told him, and seth gave her a hug.

"i'm so sorry iman, you don't deserve this. none of you do" seth said, looking at her, jimmy, and jey. he also looked over at jianni, which made him even more emotional.

"it's crazy.... i'm the last one standing. both of my brothers are gone".

besides roman, seth was talking about another man that roman was really close with and that also worked with them. his name was jon good. roman and jon were even closer than roman and seth were. they were BROTHERS and jon rode by roman throughout everything. iman remembers jon being a fun loving guy that loved the hell out of his girlfriend renee and loved kicking anyone's ass if they messed with the ones he cared about.

unfortunately, jon was shot and killed four years ago, and that truly took a toll on roman. matter of fact, it's really the catalyst of roman's egregious attitude that began to take over as the years went by. he really never got to grieve and and it made him become a whole new person. that and the fact that he, along with jon's family blamed him for his death. he never truly got over all of that pain. maybe now they'll see each other again and reunite, drinking beers somewhere. so yes, this is what seth means by losing both of his brothers. he lost both of his brothers in the same tragic way.

iman was greeting everyone that came, hugging and consoling many family and friends that were mourning the loss just like her. she felt for everyone because they all had a connection to him. the common consensus was that they couldn't believe he was really gone. they really couldn't believe it.

the meeting between iman and summer was the most emotional out of everyone. iman and summer hugged tight for what felt like forever as they were both in tears. summer was heartbroken, especially when she just reconciled with her brother not too long ago after an estranged relationship for a few years. it hurt so much that right when things were going to change for the better, he'a gone. also, that was her little brother. that older sibling instinct always wanted to protect him even when he didn't need protecting, and she couldn't.

"we're gonna get through this" iman mumbled, comforting summer as she was very upset. people have been giving her so much love but she felt like love needed to be given to his blood relative as well.

"thank you iman" summer nodded tearfully. "you've always been so good to him even when no one else was, thank you so much".

iman gave her another hug and when they released from each other, summer widened her eyes at who she was looking at. iman, wondering who now arrived at the funeral turned around and saw people that she never would've thought would have came. after everything that they had been through with her AND roman, unexpected wasn't even the word.

it was patricia, sika, and vanessa. roman's estranged family members were here at the funeral today. everyone else in the church was looking at them in shock, no one expected them to be here as the family drama between them, iman, and roman was well known. after everything that has happened (including the most recent incident in january at summer's house), them showing up wasn't even on the cards. but here they were, and iman's face softened as she saw his parents and other sister.

patricia for one had tears in her eyes, they were bloodshot red from the crying she had just finished doing (and was about to continue doing). sika, while he wasn't crying, had a sad look on his face as he was looking around the church and looking at roman's casket in the front. vanessa had sunglasses over her face, but iman was looking closely at her to see that vanessa had tears streaming down her face. iman wanted to speak to them, she actually wanted to say something to them but she couldn't as the service was officially about to begin, so she was escorted to her pew and his family went to theirs.

the service had begun and it started off with a beautiful rendition of my way by frank sinatra, which brought so many people to tears. after that performance, the pastor of the church did a small sermon that was loosely based on roman which lasted a while. once the pastor finished the sermon, jimmy and jey were brought up to speak.

"hey y'all" jimmy said to the church. he would be the one to mostly speak as jey was still emotional. jimmy was too but he would try to power through this speech.

"so... what to say about roman. my cousin, basically my brother, my uncle due to a crazy family tree..." the church laughed at that.

"we grew up with roman. we're the same age with him only being three months older than us. he would always make that clear to us too, he would always say that he was our "older cousin", always acting so superior to us and we would just tell him "roman you're only three months older than us, shut the fuck up". but even with us hating that, he really was like an older cousin" jimmy continued to say. "he protected us like he was older, always making sure that we were under his wing and that we were good".

"roman was a brother to us, and I never called roman my "cousin". when people saw us together, I told them that he's my brother. he will always be my brother..." jey said, getting choked up again.

"we even argued like brothers. lord knows the shit that we've been through together, we've been through so much. we fought, we argued, we cussed each other out. but no matter what type of shit we went through, at the end of the day we were ALWAYS family. that will always be family. he rode for us. even when it didn't show, he always rode for us and we'd do the same. so many things could've happened but he prevented that because we were family. he always protected his blood, that was the most important thing to him".

"we were the bloodline, and the bloodline ain't gonna be the same again" jimmy sighed, starting to cry himself. "a part of us is missing, we've done everything with roman from diapers to adulthood and not having him here with us ain't gonna be the same. I miss my brother, I miss him so much".

"he should be here!" jey exclaimed. "he should be here with us, with his wife, his kids, his family, his work. everything! he ain't deserve what he got, despite it all... he didn't deserve that".

"roman.... we love you man" jimmy said tearfully. "we got you forever, we gonna protect yours the same way you did for us".

"FOREVER UCE! WE LOVE YOU!" jey shouted out, and the two left the stage with the church clapping at their speech.

after their speech, the choir began a rendition of as by stevie wonder which happened to be iman and roman's wedding song. when iman heard the opening of the song, her heart became so warm and she started to cry again. it just gave her flashbacks of their wedding and the love she had for him. iman loved roman with all of her heart, no matter what happened she always remained the same on her love for him. being without him was going to be the toughest battle of her life.

"just as kindness knows no shame,
know through all your joy and pain
that i'll be loving you always.

as today I know i'm living but tomorrow
could make me the past but that I mustn't fear
for i'll know deep in my mind
the love of me i've left behind
cause i'll be loving you always".

after the performance, it was time for iman to do her speech. when she walked up to the front podium of the church, all eyes went on her as everyone wanted to hear what she had to say. she was hoping to get through this speech without breaking down. she took a deep breath, and began her speech.

"hello everyone" iman began to say. "first off I would like to thank you all for coming today, it means so much. roman loved all of you, he really loved all of you so... thank you for coming to his service".

"roman was.... he was everything. he was a cousin, brother, son, friend, father..... husband. he was my husband, he was my babies' father, he was some of y'alls cousin, friend, he was summer and vanessa's little brother, and he was patricia and sika's son" she continued to say, looking at patricia and sika. patricia was crying at this point, likely at the mention of iman saying that he was her son.

"I remember meeting roman almost six years ago at my old job bar on ninth ave. I was a bartender and that night was just a regular night for me, until he walked in. coming up to the barstool was the finest man i've ever seen walk into that bar up to that point. he was so attractive, and luckily I had to serve him some alcohol. when we first laid our eyes on each other, I noticed that he was a bit speechless which surprised me because whenever a man tried to flirt with me they were never speechless, they were always flirtatious and cocky. roman became flirtatious later on in our meeting but at first it was a change of pace i've never seen. I remember questioning him about why he ordered a whiskey and a beer and that's when we really hit it off, laughing and creating small banter with each other. once he got comfortable that's when he got real flirtatious, being the type of man that I always encountered. he even asked me a question that always resonated in my mind. he asked me "why is a pretty girl like you working in this bar?". I laughed at him but he was serious, he really didn't like me working in that bar" she said, making everyone laugh.

"so I had to continue working but he was so insistent on getting to know me despite the fact that I was still on the clock. he stayed at the bar for the rest of my shift because he wanted to get to know me. I thought he was crazy, but we did get to know each other, and it was amazing. by the end of the night, I was in love. I knew that he was the one that I wanted to be with, and I did get to be with him. I got to marry him, I got to spent six years of my life being with someone that I loved so much".

"we had our ups and downs. we had our arguments, our fights, our disagreements, we had it all. even with all of that, one thing always remained the same, and that was the love we had for each other. we always loved each other, he loved me and I loved him. he would do anything for me and for his kids. that's the thing that he was the best at, he was the best at being a father..." iman said, now starting to cry as she was about to speak about him being a father. she was getting choked up and tears were falling down.

"he was a great father, he cared so much about his babies. the minute I found out about my pregnancy with jianni, roman was so adamant about us raising a family and he was so happy. he loves his babygirl, he'd do anything for her. he would've done anything for our baby boy coming as well, and it breaks my heart that our son isn't gonna grow up with his daddy physically in his life. it pains me that our daughter is gonna go the rest of her life without her daddy to protect her and love her. they don't deserve this, our babies don't deserve this". iman was trying to hold it together but she began to silently sob in front of everyone, which made everyone else cry for her. janelle, jimmy, and jey came up to the front and stood around iman as she wept. janelle was hugging her friend right and jimmy and jey had their hands on her shoulder.

janelle was about to speak in honor of iman in case she couldn't finish her speech due to her tears but iman nodded no and decided to continue with her speech.

"... roman may not be here physically, but he will always be there with our kids in spirit. he will be with all of you in spirit, he will be with me in spirit. he loved us, every last one of us. even when he didn't show it, he still loved us. and I love him, and I will always love him" iman said.

"roman is and will always be the love of my life. I don't know what i'd do without him, I don't know what i'd be without him. he's given me so much and I will forever be grateful to be married and in love with such a man that cared about me, our children, and family so much. i'm going to miss him with everything in me, but I know that he will always be with me".

"roman..." iman began to say as she looked up at the ceiling. "I love you, and I got you always. I will miss you, and thank you for everything. I will cherish you for the rest of my life, and your children will carry your legacy for the rest of their lives. we love you".

the church gave iman a standing ovation of applause with tears in their eyes. iman walked back to her pew and hugged her parents tight as she cried. she was so happy to have gotten through the speech but she was still very emotional, reliving everything that she's been through with roman. she really loved him, and this was going to be so hard for her.

but she knew that she had to make it through, for the sake of her babies and for the sake of herself.

after the funeral service was over, everyone relocated to the new york city marble cemetery for the burial. the burial ceremony was intimate and short, but the real heartbreaking moment was when they were about to lower the casket into the ground, and that's when it was really settling in that he was gone.

before the casket was lowered, iman walked up to the casket and kissed it. a lone tear fell onto the casket and when she backed away, the casket was lowered down into the ground. the final goodbyes had been said, and once the casket hit the bottom of the ground, it was official. roman was gone.

iman was holding her daughter in her arms as she looked at the casket go down. she was so emotional but she also knew that he would now go to a better place. she also knew that she had to stay strong for the children as this was now the rest of their lives.

the rest of their lives without roman.

there was a small repast at the house after the funeral and burial was completely over. while iman was feeling a little bit better after all of the overwhelming feelings from the funeral, she was still upset. her grieving process would take a while, but she was going to take it step by step.

iman was in the bathroom of the bedroom wiping off her makeup that was washed away from all of the tears when she heard a knock on the bedroom door. she stopped what she was doing and went to open the door. she was so surprised to see who was there when she opened it, but she was honestly glad that they were at the door and at the house.

it was patricia.

"hi iman" she softly smiled.

"hi" iman said back. ".... you can come in".

patricia walked into the bedroom, looked around, and sighed. iman went into the bathroom to finish cleaning her makeup off and then went to meet patricia who was still standing in the middle of the bedroom.

"you can sit down if you like" iman told her.

"oh, thank you" she said, sitting down at the edge of the bed. iman followed, sitting next to her.

there was some awkward silence that lasted for about a minute as both women didn't really know what to say to each other. patricia came into the room for a reason but nothing could really translate out of her at the moment. she was stuck. iman was also stuck as this was a woman that she swore hated her from the day she met her and now she was in her house and in her bedroom. this was really crazy.

"well, iman- I wanted to tell you that the service was beautiful. roman went out in the best way possible, thank you so much for doing that for him" patricia told her.

"you're welcome" iman said. "and thank you so much for coming, it means so much. more than you even know".

"I just had to. despite everything, that's still my son. roman is my baby boy..." patricia began to say, getting choked up by the last sentence. "when summer told me that he died, I cried the entire day. I just couldn't believe it. I know that he did what he did but, actually hearing that he was gone broke my heart".

"it also broke my heart because... I began to have so much regret. I regret so much. I could've been apart of roman's life throughout these past few years but my bitterness, my hatred, my disrespect ruined everything. I was such a bitch to him, and I drove him away. I drove my son away, and it was because of how I treated you".

"and i'm so sorry iman" patricia said to her, and iman was in shock. patricia came to apologize to her? after all of these years, patricia was really apologizing? so many thoughts were running through her head, she couldn't believe this.

"I was the worse kind of bitch towards you. I hated you for nothing, I hated you because I couldn't stand the fact that my son was going to settle down with you out of anyone else. I was so vile and the way I treated you is the reason why my son died hating me and his father. he died having hatred for his parents because of the way I treated you. I regret treating you like that, I have so much fucking regret".

iman was getting teary eyed at patricia venting her apologies towards her. after six years of the drama between them and her and roman's relationship, patricia was saying that she regretted everything. maybe she was saying it now because roman was dead and she wished she wasn't the way she was, but did that even matter right now? especially at this point in time.

"I missed out on being there for my grandbabies. jianni has grown up without me in her life and now another grandbaby is coming soon and I was going to miss out again. I don't want that to happen, I can't have that happen" patricia continued to say.

"all i'm asking is for you to please forgive me. i'm so sorry for everything that i've done. instead of treating you like an outsider I should've treated you like the daughter in law that you are. i'm hoping that you could forgive me iman, forgive me and we can move forward together".

iman was thinking about it. six years have gone by and it's been an estranged relationship throughout. patricia gave her hell, and treated her as such. however, she knew that with roman gone and with them both in mourning, they couldn't hate each other even if they tried. the family had to be together, and if that meant forgiving patricia for the sake of her sanity, so be it.

"patricia, we're both going a lot right now. both of us are in mourning, and both of us have to get through this the best way that we can" iman started off saying. "during a loss like this, families have to stick together. they have to be strong and stand through adversity, remaining a solid front".

"I don't want to separate myself from any family member during this time because we all need and are going to need each other as we get through this. my children, your grandchildren don't need to grow up without their grandparents and aunts in their lives.... so we need to do this together. i'm willingly to do whatever it takes for us to get through this as one, so we must remain together".

"thank you so much" patricia cried, giving iman a hug. the two hugged tight for what seemed like forever, but it was definitely needed. the two ladies never would've thought that they'd be hugging each other, but they were.

a new hope for a new change.

after the conversation, they left the bedroom and went back out to the living room where everyone else was. iman walked over to janelle and her mother who were both looking at iman and patricia in confusion as they saw that the two were together. to them it was definitely a "what the hell?!" moment.

"so... what was that about?" janelle asked iman.

".... we're cool now" iman told her.

"cool?! the same lady that disrespected you and hated you because you were black and with roman?! you two are "cool" now?!" tonya exclaimed.

"yes ma. circumstances aside, we both lost someone very close to us. I don't need any drama or the thought of me having drama with anyone on his side during this, it's too much" iman explained. "families have to stay together, and that means me and his parents".

"you think she's changed? or do you think she's only sweetening up to you because roman's dead and she regrets being awful to y'all" janelle said.

"the fact that she came to the funeral when she didn't have to considering the last time we saw her was awful and the fact that she went out of her way to speak to me one on one honestly shows that she wants to fix things" iman said. "she was genuine in our conversation, i'm just hoping for the best ".

"it's gonna be a long road okay? I just need everyone on one side instead of the other, I don't want any problems. I want peace and I want everyone, including myself to get through this. that's all I want".

"well... we got you iman, you know I always got you" janelle said to her, giving her a hug.

"and I got my daughter as well" tonya added, joining in on the hug. "and I trust your judgement enough to know that you know what you're doing".

it's been a rough week for the family. everyone was dealing with the loss of roman in their own ways but one thing remained the same, they all missed him so much. iman knew that it was going to take her a while to get through everything. not having the love of her life was taking a huge toll on her, but she knew that she had to remain solid and grounded for her family.

because she knew that roman would've done the same.