"𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎"
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘴' 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

     "I NEED A NEW THERAPIST," Noah mumbles as her mother brushes her hair. They are stood in Emily's bathroom, Noah wanting to get ready with her mother.

It is the day of Haley's funeral.  The teen's days have been spent at the apartment, avoiding everything.  She has been stuck to Emily's side and refuses to get out of their home.

"Just because he went through Dr. Stephenson's office doesn't mean you have to stop seeing him," Emily tells her daughter as she carefully brushes through the teen's hair.

"I don't wanna bring any more trouble to him."

Emily turns the teen around to face her. She puts her hands on Noah's shoulders and peers into her electric blue eyes.

"Noah, Foyet is gone — he's dead," Emily reminds her.

"I know, I just—" Noah pauses to take a deep breath, "What if he's traumatized?  Can't even look at me because I remind him of what happened?"

"Noah, we talked to Dr. Stephenson and he wasn't in the office when Foyet went in.  He wasn't hurt and the only files he looked through were yours."

"I don't know," Noah shakes her head as she turns back around.

"I'm only asking you to stay because you were so happy with Dr. Stephenson," Emily mentions as she continues brushing, "I mean, we looked everywhere for a therapist like him and he's perfect."

𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜

"This place is supposed to be good, one of the agents recommended it," Emily says as she slides her laptop across the dining room table for Noah to look.

"Okay," The teen replies as she scrolls through the website.

"Read through the doctors and see which one you like," The mother suggests and watches her daughter scroll through.

The teen takes her time, which Emily understands.  The mother cleans up around the living room and waits for her daughter to be done.

Noah reads name after name.  She reads their profiles and what they specialize in.  She is about to give up when she comes across one of the therapists.  The picture of the man seems inviting — he has glasses, a nice smile, and he seems a bit on the younger side.  She reads through his profile and can feel that he is the right decision.

"This one," Noah calls out to her mother, who is in the kitchen doing dishes.

Emily stands behind the teen's chair and looks at the profile.  She scans through it and peers over at Noah.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Noah nods.

"You don't think having a woman will be more comfortable?"

"I don't know," Noah shrugs, "I think it would be better for me to have a guy. For a while, I was really hesitant around women because the one woman I had in my life was Gia. She made me think all women were the same. But I always felt comfortable with my Dad, so I think I'm less likely to be scared to open up if it's a man."

"Okay, bub," Emily replies and kisses her daughter's cheek.

"Is that okay?"

"Whatever you think will help you best," Emily says.

"Okay," Noah nods as she turns to the screen.

"So..." Emily trails off as she looks at the doctor's name on the screen, "Dr. Stephenson?"

"It says he mostly focuses on anger issues and diagnosing teens," Noah explains, "And in his bio, it says that he used to be a forensic psychologist, so he's worked with patients who suffer from crime and major PTSD."

"Okay," Emily agrees, "Dr. Stephenson it is."

𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖

"I'll think about it," Noah says and stares at her reflection in the mirror. She eyes her arm, where she knows the stitches are and her stomach where a large bruise is slowly healing.

"Go put your shoes on," Emily says as she finishes brushing Noah's hair. She sends the teen to her bedroom, watching her walk away with a sad expression.

Noah walks into her room and grabs the pair of Doc Martens on the floor.  She opens her sock drawer and searches for her matching black ones.  As she is rummaging, she feels something buried underneath all the socks.  She reaches further and grabs the cold chain, pulling out a necklace.

Noah stares at the piece of jewelry.  A simple gold chain with a pendant hanging from it.  She rubs her hand over the oval charm, her finger tracing the engraved gold tulip.  She squeezes it as her hand forms into a fist.  She places the necklace back, grabs her socks, and slams the drawer shut.

"You ready?" Emily asks as she stands in the doorway.

"As ready as I'll be," Noah huffs and slips her boots on.

The two walk downstairs and to the car. There is a silence that sits over them, but it is not comfortable. Emily worries about Noah and what she can do to help her while Noah relives the sight of Haley's body over and over.

Noah has seen gore before, whether it be from movies or the images from Gia's murder. She has always found a way to let it go, but with this it is different. She knew Haley was a good person and did not deserve it. To think someone could harm an innocent soul crushes her. She spends all her time wondering what she could have done to make it different.

"You sure you can do this?" Emily asks as she parks the car at the cemetery.

"Yeah," Noah mumbles and gets out of the car. She walks over to Emily and grabs her hand before they walk out to the crowd of people in black.

Derek sees the two walking up and makes his way over to them, "Hey, we're about to walk out," He says, "Everyone's taking a rose — they were her favorite."

Noah looks over at the stand with a few white roses left on it. She walks over with her mother and takes one, smelling the sweet scent emitting from it.

Everyone stands behind the casket as Hotch, Morgan, and a few other agents pick it up to walk it to the burial. Noah readies herself as the small crowd walks. She remains close to Emily as she peers solely at the ground, matching her footsteps with her mother's.

They all stop as the men carefully place the casket down.  Everyone surrounds the black box with somber faces and weak hearts.  A cool breeze blows through and Noah takes a deep breath.  The prickly feeling on her cheek reminds her of the tingling fear she felt that day.

Hotch stands in front of the casket and pulls out a piece of paper from his suit pocket.  Everyone stands in silence, awaiting his speech that he so thoughtfully prepared.

"W.S. Gilbert wrote, 'it's love that makes the world go round'," Hotch begins, "And if that's true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it."

Noah twiddles the white rose in her hand between her thumb and middle finger. A quiet, but sharp breath escapes her mouth as she feels a prick on her middle finger. She peers down and sees that one of the thorns poked her. Blood escapes from her skin and trickles down her finger. She puts her hand behind her back and tries not to choke on the lump in her throat.

Noah wishes she could hear Hotch's speech. A part of her knows she is purposefully blocking it out, choosing not to listen. Because if she heard the somber words from the widow, she knows it would make her brain spiral with how she could have saved her.

Instead, the teen looks around the cemetery. So many lost lives and grief-stricken loved ones, but most importantly — so many stories. The stories of their deaths and the stories of their lives. Noah hopes that Haley's story lives on, but not the one the Reaper made, the one Haley made herself.

She was a devoted mother, a theater lover, a joyous soul, a woman who knew her worth, a woman who accepted her fate for the sake of the man who let his job rule his world and the son who ruled hers.

Emily peers down at her daughter and notices her disassociation.  She would comfort her in some way, but she knows that Noah will only turn that away.  But Noah's attention is drawn back to reality when she sees Haley's sister place her white rose on the casket.

One by one, each woman places their rose upon Haley's casket.  Emily goes up and sets hers down so Noah walks up as well.  The teen delicately puts the rose down — the symbol of reverence for the dead.

And as Noah takes one last glance she feels a sense of guilt.  For walking away from that day barely harmed and walking away from it at all.  Haley's death was a sacrifice that she made for the sake of her son and a girl she barely knew.

What Noah chooses to not acknowledge is what the weight of Haley's sacrifice means.  Whether Haley knew her or not, she made a decision that gave the two children a gift they may never fully understand.  She gave up her happiness for Jack and Noah to live their lives to the fullest extent — something she did not get herself.  As Haley stood before the Reaper that day, she knew she was making the right choice.  Because what makes you happy is not always what is right.

—

The team watches as Dave takes Aaron out to the terrace.  Although Aaron rarely shows a smile, the look on his face is not his usual stoic expression.  He is breaking on the inside and they all know it.

"What do we do?" Emily asks.

"There's nothing we can do," Derek mutters, "We just gotta wait him out."

Noah listens to the conversation but keeps her eyes on the table as she fiddles with the cloth covering it.  She has not spoken a word since they arrived.  All the words seem to get stuck or jumbled in her brain.  She is not sure if her words would come out properly or if she has any at all.

"You think he'll ever come back?" Spencer asks.

"Would you?" JJ replies with a blank stare.

"He'll come back," Derek assures them, "I just don't know what he's gonna look like when he does."

"We just need to be there for him when he's ready," JJ adds as she looks at her team.

Everyone's eyes move over as they hear the sound of a chair being pulled out.  They find Noah standing and before anyone can say something, she is gone.  Emily watches her daughter wander off, wondering if she will ever come back either.

Noah exhales the breath she was holding in as she walks over to the table of food.  She is not hungry, but she needs something to distract her.

As she eyes the food she cannot find herself wanting to eat, she sees Jack sitting in a chair.  He is holding his head up by his hand on his cheek.  She smiles sadly to herself before walking over to him.

"Hey, kiddo," Noah says as she bends down in front of his seat, "You're not hungry?"

"Uh-uh," Jack replies with a shake of his head.

"You sure?  Those little sandwiches sound like they're calling your name," The teen sings with a smile.

"I miss Mommy," Jack mumbles with a frown.

"I know you do," Noah sighs as she stands, gesturing for him to get off the chair.  The boy does as she suggests and she takes his seat, lifting him up to sit on her lap.

"I've been in your spot," Noah mutters, "I can't promise it'll be easy, but I can promise that it gets better."

"Your Mommy left too?" Jack asks as he peers up at Noah.

"Yeah, a while ago."

"But, your Mommy's right there," Jack says as he points to Emily.  Noah looks over in her mother's direction, watching her talk to the rest of the team.  The teen smiles to herself before turning back to Jack.

"It was my other Mommy," She admits, "The one I had before I met Emily."

"Will I get another Mommy?" Jack questions.

"So, I'm not great at this pep talk stuff," Noah mutters more to herself, "I don't know, kid, but I do know that you and your Dad are gonna be okay."

"Do you talk to her?" The boy asks.

"Hm?"

"Daddy says we can still talk to Mommy. We do it every night," Jack beams as he thinks about what he is going to say to his mother tonight.

"He's right. You should always talk to her," Noah tells him, "Because she's your Mommy and she loves you, even if she's not here to show it."

"Did your Mommy love you?" Jack asks, too young to realize the weight of his question.

"Mhm," Noah lies as she holds back her tears.

"Maybe our Mommys are together," Jack mentions and peers off into the crowd.

"I hope not," Noah whispers, but claps her hands together, gaining the boy's attention, "Now, I will eat one of those sandwiches if you do.  How about that for a deal?"

"Okay!" Jack chimes and hops off her lap.  They walk over to the table together and Noah makes a plate for them to share.

Noah walks over to the table to find everyone standing.  She sits the plate down and gestures for Jack to sit down.

"Hotch said he'll take Noah home," Derek tells Emily, making the teen turn to her mother.

"What's going on?" Noah asks.

"There's a case," Emily mutters as she strokes Noah's arm, "You're gonna stay with Hotch—"

"What?" The teen questions as the color from her face seems to drain.  Emily can see the small quiver of Noah's lips that she so desperately tries to hide.

"I know, I'm sorry, babe—"

"No, I wanna go with you—" Noah pleads.

"You can't go with me, Noah, you know that," Emily tells her daughter with a frown.

"Do you have to go?"

"I do," Emily nods.

"What about Penelope?"

"With Hotch out, we have to have all hands on deck," The mother explains.  Noah shows a look of defeat and peers down at her shoes.

"Hey, I'll be back," Emily coos as she holds Noah's cheeks, "No trouble while I'm gone," She adds with a small smile.

"Okay," Noah gives in as she looks into her mother's eyes.

"I'll see you when I get back," Emily says as she pulls Noah's face towards her to kiss her forehead, "I love you."

"Love you too," Noah sulks as she feels Emily let go of her face.

"Bye," Emily says before she goes to catch up with the rest of the team.

"Bye," Noah mumbles as she watches her mother walk off.

—
𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘤𝘩'𝘴 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

Noah steps out of the bathroom with wet hair and her pyjamas on.  She walks over to Hotch's bedroom, watching him pull the covers back and neatly lay the pillows down.

"Hotch, are you sure I can sleep here? I really don't mind sleeping on the couch," Noah frets as she leans against the doorway.

"You're a guest," Aaron says, "I won't make you sleep on the couch."

"I sleep on the couch all the time," Noah adds, "Emily hates it because I always fall asleep when we watch movies."

"Noah," Aaron warns her, "The bed is yours."

"Thanks," The teen gives in, not wanting to push the man any further.

Noah walks into the bedroom and stands beside the nightstand.  Aaron stands on the other side, waiting for the teen to at least sit down.  He peers up at her, finding her blank stare and the gears in her head practically visible on her forehead.

"What's wrong?" He asks as he notices Noah zoning out.

"I'm scared," Noah whispers.

"What can I do?" Aaron questions.

Though he himself is scared, his protective instincts never fail to show.  He longs to protect Noah the way she protected his son.

"When I'm scared, Emily sits with me until I fall asleep," Noah mumbles as she hugs her chest, wanting to feel Emily's security.

Aaron sits on the other side of the bed and pats the spot next to him. The teen gets under the covers and lays down, looking up at Hotch.

"Do you need a bedtime story?" He asks with a small smile.

"Just someone to be here," Noah replies as she gets comfortable, pulling the duvet up to her chin.

"I'll be here all night if it makes you feel better," Aaron tells her as he sinks into the headboard.

If Aaron is being honest, he needs someone to be there too. He never thought he would find a kid to be the one to comfort him. He never thought Noah would be the one to make him feel safe. But here he is, watching her fall asleep and finding security in her presence.

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a/n: love to my late night readers! <3