"𝙱𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝙶𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜"
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕤𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘴' 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

     NOAH tiptoes her way down the staircase. Ever since she has been avoiding Emily, the teen has to get her own glass of water before bed. It was the smallest gesture Emily always did for the teen and, now that it is gone, Noah realizes how much Emily always did for her.

The teen turns the corner to walk into the kitchen and notices the light on. She saw the light from the stairs but thought nothing of it. Now, she stands face-to-face with Emily.

"Hey," Emily quietly says as she sips her tea. Emily has been reverting to her life before Noah came along. Spending all night doing extra casework and having midnight teas.

Noah nods her head with a tight smile. Emily frowns as the teen grabs a glass from the cabinet.

"Can we talk?" Emily asks.

"There's nothing to talk about," Noah mumbles as she puts her glass under the water dispenser on the fridge.

"Don't play that card," Emily groans.

"Emily, I don't know what you want me to say." Noah shrugs and keeps her back to the woman.

"Anything! You've barely spoken to me." Emily pleads and sits her mug down.

Noah stays silent, not giving in to Emily's begging. The mother listens to the silence. Something inside her bursts as she realizes that Noah has given her no choice. She has practically been on her hands on knees, giving Noah all the time she needs and still doing everything for her despite the silent treatment.

"Noah, I get that it's a lot to process!" Emily exclaims, the change of volume in her voice startling Noah, "I know that what I did was wrong and the result of what I did gave you trauma. But I'm sorry!"

Noah keeps her back to Emily, taking a sip of her water to push down the lump in her throat.

"I feel awful! Is that what you wanna hear?! That I hate myself for what I did and I regret it?!" Emily shouts.

Noah's hand grips the glass tightly. Emily is saying all the right things to get a reaction out of her.

"Do you want me to hate myself, Noah?!" The mother cries out.

"Ugh!" Noah exclaims as she throws the glass of water at the wall. The water splashes all over the wall and kitchen cupboards, the glass shattering on the hardwood floor.

"I don't want you to hate yourself!" Noah roars as she turns to face Emily, "I just want you to leave me alone!"

"Don't you get it?!" Noah sarcastically shouts, "You left me behind!  You left me before I was even old enough to put up a fight!  I had no say in you leaving and you want me to look you in the eye and forgive you and just move on?!  Every bad part of me formed the moment you made your decision!"

Noah looks over at Emily and sees a tear fall down her cheek.  She can tell that Emily is trying to hold it in.  Seeing Emily's face is the one thing that snaps her back into reality, the storm of rage passing by.

"You don't get to cry, Emily," Noah groans as her voice becomes softer.

"No, Noah! I do get to cry!" Emily exclaims, "I'm losing a piece of my daughter by the day! You're distancing from me and you think that doesn't hurt me?! So, yes, Noah, I do get to cry!"

Noah's eyes fall to her feet. A piece of glass sits beside her left foot and she peers around at the shattered glass. She realizes what she had done and stares at the ground in fear. She lost herself for a moment.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow, Em?" Noah asks sheepishly and the calm tone surprises Emily. What shocks her, even more, is the use of her nickname.

"Uh, sure," Emily replies as she recognizes the fear in Noah's eyes.

"Goodnight," Noah says and heads to bed without a glass of water.

"Goodnight, honey," Emily softly responds and watches the teen walk upstairs. She knows that Noah was trying to be nice to make up for her burst of anger.

Emily looks down at the glass on the floor. She leaves it, not having the energy to clean it up.

—
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥

"Noah?" Jess asks as she opens her front door.

"I know it's late and I didn't give you a warning, but I could really use your overthinking-ness right now," Noah says as she folds her arms at the cold breeze, shielding her bare skin.

"Why aren't you wearing a jacket?" The blonde questions Noah as she pulls her inside.

"I was in a rush," Noah shrugs.

"From where?"

"My house,"

"Did Emily drop you off?" Jess asks as she looks around the street.

"No, I rode my bike here," Noah answers and sees Jess' eyes widen.

"Noah—"

"None of this matters, I just really need to talk to you," Noah pleads, "I really need...you."

"One sec," Jess says and brings Noah to the living room, "Hey, Mom?" She calls out.

Josephine turns her head around from her sitting position on the couch. She is dressed in her work attire, Noah assuming she must have had a late night in the office. The elegant blonde holds a glass of red wine — the perfect drink for a night in watching TV.

"Oh, Noah!" Josephine exclaims as she sets her wine on the coffee table.

"Hi, Ms. Finch," Noah sheepishly greets the woman.

"It's almost eleven, what're you doing here?"

"Uhm..." Noah pauses and looks at Jess, who nods her head, "Something happened at home and I just really didn't know where else to go. I'm really sorry to bother you—"

"Oh, I was just watching my show," Josephine chuckles as she stands, "It's no problem at all."

"You look like you're freezing," Josephine frets as she sees Noah's pale face, "Let me make you girls some tea to warm you up," She adds and waltzes towards the kitchen, both teens following her.

"You really don't have to—" Noah begins, but Josephine quickly shuts her down.

"Noah, you make a terrible guest," The woman jokes, "It's no hassle,"

Noah and Jess tell the woman about school and stories from them hanging out in the bookstore. Josephine loves nothing more than hearing her daughter finding a best friend. She had always known Jess and Olivia are close, but something was missing. Josephine thanks every star in the sky that Jess found Noah.

Josephine serves the girls their teas and continues to listen to them. Jess and Noah seem to tune Josephine out and eventually start reminiscing in their own bubble. The mother does not mind it at all, she finds it endearing that they always seem to go to their own world together.

"I'm sorry again, Ms. Finch," Noah apologizes once more as she finishes her tea.

"Noah, this is always a safe place for you," Josephine beams, "If something happened to Jess, I would want her to go to you and Emily."

"That means a lot to me — and Emily, I'm sure," Noah replies with a smile.

"We love you, Noah," The mother says and kisses the top of Noah's head, "You're my daughter just as much as Jess is."

Noah peers over at Jess and sees her smiling wider than she ever has before.

"You always have us," Jess adds and hugs Noah's neck tightly, "Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?" She asks and sees Noah nod.

"Let me know if you need a ride home, Noah." Josephine offers and heads to the living room to continue watching her show.

"Thanks, Ms. Finch," Noah chimes and follows Jess as the blonde drags her by the hand upstairs.

Jess walks Noah upstairs and to her bedroom. They both plop down on the bed, Noah choosing the left side of the bed like always.

"I am ready to start overthinking," Jess says, making Noah flash a smile.

"I did something really bad," Noah frowns as she looks down at her hands, which are nervously fidgeting with the strings of her hoodie.

"Oh, no," Jess playfully groans.

"I let my anger get the best of me and I..."

Noah stops and Jess watches her with worrisome eyes.

"What?" Jess questions her, "Noah, what is it?"

"I got violent," Noah mumbles.

"With someone?" Jess asks cautiously.

"I threw a glass at the wall," Noah says and watches Jess nod slightly, "And Emily was there and I almost hit her, and I...I messed up."

"Did you mean to?" The blonde asks her, encouraging Noah to discuss her anger openly.

"To throw the glass?  I mean, I threw it and—"

"No, did you mean to throw it at Emily?  Did you want to hurt her?"

"No, of course not,"

Noah's eyes wander to around the room.  She hopes that Jess does not view her differently or think that she will hurt her.  Noah never dreams of hurting anyone, but the anger gets the best of her.  Although, Jess is the one person Noah believes she would always hold back her anger on.

"Your anger is getting out of hand at home," Jess mumbles.

"I know, I just don't know how to deal with it," Noah groans and falls back onto Jess' bed.

"You deal with it by dealing with it," Jess tells her as she pulls Noah back up, "You don't push it away.  You look Emily in the eyes and you tell her how you feel."

"I did—"

"Without being sassy and shouting," Jess corrects her.

"I did not do that," Noah says and feels Jess' hand on her thigh.

"Sit down with her and talk to her.  You have yet to listen to her side of the story.  You need to hear what she has to say," Jess explains and sees Noah nod along, "I think you'll realize that there was some sort of logic behind what she did.  Emily is not the type of person to make a decision that makes another person's life miserable.  You know that,"

"I know," Noah agrees softly.

"Now, tell me the rest," Jess insists, knowing there is more going on in Noah's head than Emily.

"I don't know, I just feel overwhelmed. Like, everywhere I go, I can't breathe."

"You're breathing now," Jess giggles and sees Noah smile.

"That's because you're here," Noah blurts out, "You're one of the only people I can talk to who won't suffocate me with some problem."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"Everyone has some sort of issue with me," Noah sighs, "And the worst part is that it's always my fault."

"You need to stop blaming yourself," Jess coos as she rubs Noah's arm.

"But it is my fault,"

"But things happen that make you do the things you do. You don't cause trouble without a cause. There's always something behind it."

"Are you sure I don't just radiate trouble?" Noah chuckles.

"Well, sometimes you do," Jess giggles, "But I know there's a side to you that just wants to be happy."

"I don't know if that'll ever happen," Noah groans and lays back on the pillow.

"I've seen you happy—"

"For a moment.  But then everything comes back to me.  Usually when I'm alone in my room.  The only thing I can think about — dream about — is what happened.  My Mom, my brother, my Dad, my friend..." Noah trails off as if she is taking a moment to mourn everyone she has lost, "It never goes away...I can never seem to let any of it go."

Jess frowns and leans on her elbow to be level with Noah. She wants her to hear her clearly and show honesty in her eyes.

"You know that feeling when it's Winter and you walk outside and it's so cold and all you can think about is how you can't remember what it feels like to be hot?" Jess asks and Noah nods with a cocked eyebrow.

"But then Summer comes around and then you can't remember the last time you were freezing cold?"

Noah nods again, not knowing where it is going.

"It's the same thing.  You will feel that Summer heat again and you will feel happiness again.  And you'll also feel that unbearable coldness in Winter, just like you'll feel sad again."

"Nothing fixes itself overnight," Jess adds as she brushes Noah's hair behind her ear.

"I know," Noah agrees.

"What're you gonna do?" Jess asks.

"Get over myself—"

"Noah, you have feelings.  And I know deep down you wanna give Emily the benefit of the doubt, but you deserve to be heard.  But so does she." Jess advises her friend and watches Noah look up at her with those piercing blue eyes.

"If I hear her out, will you go to another house party with me?" Noah asks with a smirk.

"There's nothing else you want?" Jess groans.

"Not really..." Noah jokes, "How about if I hear her out tomorrow, you let me stay here tonight?"

"Now that I can agree to,"