❂❂❂

FOR A SECOND OLIVER DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HE was and this was clear by the expression on his face. He blinked at her a few times, stared at his hands and then slowly, like remembering a dream, it flooded into his eyes. Briar didn't want to be the first one to talk but she reached out and took his hand. He stared at her, light eyes and a tentative smile.

"You found me, didn't you?" Oliver asked quietly. Briar just nodded. "I'm sorry Bri... I'm sorry I tried to stop myself I really did"

"It's okay" she whispered, "you're okay... are you... happy you're alive?"

"I wouldn't say happy" Oliver shook his head, "but I'm happy I'm not dead... does that make sense?"

"In a way" she shrugged, "I don't want you to feel bad about it because I know you're struggling, I know you're tired... I'm not angry at you, none of us are we just want to help you Ollie"

"God Bri" Oliver sighed deeply, "I knew you'd find me... but it was too late when I heard you come in... I wasn't thinking straight until I downed those pills and then... I couldn't take it back"

"I was so scared" Briar murmured and despite the way her eyes had stayed dry for the hours she'd managed to distract herself, they pricked back into tears in that moment as she squeezed his hand and ducked her head slightly under the hope that he wouldn't see the tear trace down her face.

"I don't want to lose you" Briar continued, "I just want you to be happy... I want you to be happy Ollie because I love you, so much"

"I know" Oliver sniffed, he was close to tears as well. "I want to be happy too"

Briar moved forwards and hugged him without worrying about the tubes in his arms. She nestled her face in the side of his neck and started to cry again as he sat up carefully and returned the gesture. She leant across the bed at an awkward angle as he ran his hand over her back gently. She could hear the uneven breathing, the soft beginning of tears sticking to her hair.

"You're going to get better" Briar stated confidently, "I promise you're going to get better"

"I'm so sorry" Oliver sobbed, "I know you don't want me to be but I am... I never wanted you to have to go through that... it was selfish—"

"It wasn't selfish" Briar said very quickly as she sat back in her chair and noticed the way that Oliver seemed to cry the same way she did, only it looked different on his face. He wiped his eyes but continued crying.

"Don't cry" Briar took his hand again, "listen to me, you're safe... you're going to get help and... mom and dad know now"

"They here?" Oliver asked, trying to wipe the tears away before they fell, "I don't want them to see me like this"

"They've been constantly—"

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Just a day" Briar replied, "they'll be back soon, mom had to sleep she was dead on her feet"

"Have you just got back?" Oliver asked gently.

"No I uh... haven't left yet" Briar admitted softly as she played with the corner of his sheets.

"Bri" Oliver sighed, "you didn't need to do that... god you must be exhausted"

"No I've had a lot of coffee, slept for three hours but craned my neck doing it" Briar shrugged, "I wasn't leaving you Ollie so there's no point trying to convince me that I should've done"

"Alright" Oliver smiled, "thank you... for not leaving... you're the most important person to me...you know that?"

"I know" Briar nodded with a soft smile, "how do you feel?"

"Tired" Oliver yawned, "you wouldn't think... guess sleeping pills do that to you"

Briar stared at him incredulously.

"Too soon?" Oliver asked, "sorry... I haven't really thought about it. It was a mistake... not an accident I just... well you know how I feel. But it was stupid, I just feel so... depressed. I mean... makes sense I am depressed but... I feel empty and then suddenly I'm so angry and then I'm crying like there's no tomorrow. I'm just bored of it all, sick of wanting something else but everything always getting worse for me"

Briar just listened carefully, tears still drifting down her cheeks and hanging like the beginning of icicles on her jaw for a second before they fell onto her skirt with a soft patter that couldn't be heard.

"When I took them I just wanted it to end... like in Spain because I couldn't see another way out but then... it's hard to explain, it kinda hits you... everything at once and I try to ignore it. I mean... not everyday you survive two suicides"

"Don't you think it's a sign?"

"You know I don't believe in that" Oliver shook his head, "I woke up last time under the assurance that I was going to get better, that I didn't want to die and then I did it again. But I don't want to die it's just... sometimes I do and it's a lot stronger than anything else I feel. It's overwhelming, it screams at me and I just... cave"

"You are so loved" Briar stated, "I know that might not mean a lot, I know it might not feel like it but you are. Oliver you're my best friend... and I'll help you however I can I swear"

"I know" Oliver nodded, "I'm going to try Bri I promise"

"Good" Briar squeezed his hand again.

"How'd it go?" Oliver asked gently, "meeting the parents"

"Oh... horribly" Briar frowned, "um... it was fine until I left the room and then I heard them saying that I was a harlot... I didn't deserve Steve, he was too good for me... all the above"

Oliver sat up in his bed instinctively, a look of pure anger on his face.

"What are you going to do, go beat them up in a hospital gown?" Briar raised her eyebrows as she pushed his shoulder back onto the bed, "Steve stood up for me... and then I had a go at them"

"What did you say?" Oliver's eyes lit up.

"That they'd treated Steve like shit and that they weren't good enough for him" Briar smiled proudly, "more words involved but that was the general gist of it"

"Good for you" Oliver grinned, "I guess Steve is going to be around a lot more?"

"Yeah" Briar nodded,

"Good" Oliver said quickly, "don't like to think about him alone in that house"

"He's here" Briar added, "I think he wanted to leave us alone... went for a walk around but he's here"

"Nice of him" Oliver mused.

"Um... someone else is here too but say the word and I'll kick him out. I tried my best but he said he wanted me to convey how sorry he is... comes in sobbing all over the place—"

"Eddie's here?" Oliver whispered.

"Yeah" Briar nodded, "don't worry I yelled at him a lot, told him apologies mean shit but I also agreed to talk to you before I turned him away"

"What'd he say?" Oliver sank back into the bed.

"A lot" Briar shrugged, "he's sorry, he didn't mean it, he never wanted to hurt you, he was lashing out at himself and he'd do anything to prove that you're the most important person to him... um... he said he loves you"

"What?" Oliver frowned.

"Yeah he says he was being horrible because he didn't want to admit it... broken up with Lacey and everything"

"Oh" Oliver murmured.

"Look Ollie, he was a complete and utter dick to you and frankly he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. I know you like him Ollie, I know he's your best friend but I also know that you're fragile right now and you need people around you who aren't going to hurt you"

"You think he's gonna hurt me?" Oliver asked in a genuine way.

"I don't know" Briar shrugged, "the fact he already has is bad enough"

"Yeah" Oliver rubbed his face, "wow"

"I shouldn't have said anything" Briar said quickly, "I'm sorry... it's too soon, you've just woken up—"

"Briar isn't fine, I just feel like I've woken up from a weirdly long sleep it's not like I've had surgery or anything" Oliver muttered, "I never thought... he said he loved me?"

"Yeah" Briar replied, "he just wants to apologise apparently"

"Right" Oliver was still frowning.

"I can get rid of him" Briar told him, "he was just very resilient, almost got down on his knees and begged me to listen to him. Never seen such a mess in my life—"

"I wanna talk to him" Oliver sat up.

"Ollie are you sure now's a good time?" Briar sighed, "I told you because you deserved to know not because I thought you should talk to him. I think the opposite really, an argument is the last thing you need"

"I just want to hear what he has to say" Oliver smiled gently, "that's all... though I have to admit it's nice to have a personal bodyguard"

"Oh yeah... full of muscles aren't I?" Briar rolled her eyes, "fine I'll... go find him but Ollie... don't forget what he did"

"Trust me Bri I could never forget" Oliver shook his head, "but I also can't hate him so I might as well listen to him. I know you're pissed at him, I am too but I also know what he's going through. I know how it feels... I was angry too—"

"You didn't take it out on him" Briar pointed out.

"I wasn't perfect in the situation Bri" Oliver sighed, "I was a dick to him as well... even before I kissed him. I used to say some pretty horrible stuff about him, about him losing that bet. So I know he was an asshole and arguably did worse than me but I am by no means innocent... I'd just like to talk to him"

"Alright" Briar nodded, "right I'll go get him"

She turned and walked from the room, weirdly awake now her brother had woken up. Steve was sat in the waiting room, reading a paper and yawning behind his hand. He looked up as Briar walked into the hallway.

"He's awake" Briar smiled.

"Oh that's brilliant" Steve sighed.

"He wants to see Eddie but... I'm gonna send a nurse in to check on him while I find—"

"I'll get a nurse" Steve suggested as he got to his feet and placed the paper down, "I think Eddie's in the waiting room, next corridor. Last time I saw him he said he was going there anyway... that was a little while ago"

"Great" Briar turned and started walking towards the double doors at the end of the long stretch of identical looking floors, walls and windows. Briar pushed through and turned until she saw the large blue sign pointing to the waiting room. She followed the white arrow until she found a door, one window at the side of it. Eddie was sitting there, leg bouncing up and down as he rested forwards on his elbows. His head was in his hands, his hair was a mess.

Briar stepped inside, looking around to see the few other people. A lot of them were giving Eddie dubious glances for his attire.

"Eddie?" Briar asked quickly. His eyes shot up and collided with her.

"Is he... oh god he's okay isn't he?" His voice was panicked, scratchy.

"He's awake" Briar nodded as she folded her arms, "he wants to see you"

"Really?" Eddie seemed surprised by this, eyebrows raised.

"Tried to persuade him against it but... well he says he hasn't exactly been the nicest to you over the years. He wants to listen but you screw this up—"

"I won't... I swear" Eddie got to his feet, "can I see him now or... I can wait... I'd stay here forever if I had to"

"Stop being dramatic" Briar rolled her eyes, "come on... he wants to see you now"

Eddie followed her like an obedient puppy down the corridors, she could hear the chain on his belt making a soft clinking noise as they rounded the corners. Steve was sat back in his chair, he waved to Briar as she passed, walking all the way up the corridor. They stopped when they made it to the door. There was a nurse asking Ollie questions, he sat up with a patient smile but when he saw movement by the door his eyes flickered towards Briar and Eddie. Momentarily, his smile just dropped but then tentatively it came back. She turned to see Eddie's eyes were watery again, eyes wide and apologetic.

"I'll be back in an hour to check your levels" the nurse stated simply. Oliver nodded at her as she turned and walked from the room, Eddie ducked out the way to let her past before he stepped inside and gave Oliver another sympathetic glance.

"I fucked up" he said simply, "I really, really fucked up and I don't expect you to forgive me, god knows I don't deserve it"

"I'll leave you to it" Briar murmured. Oliver gave her another smile and she could see it in his eyes that he was thanking her. She returned the gesture before she turned and shut the door softly behind her. She couldn't hear them with the muffled use of the door but Briar never intended to eavesdrop.

Steve was looking at her expectantly when she came back down the corridor.

"He wanted to see him" Briar shrugged.

"I called your parents" Steve said quickly, "hope that's alright... they're on their way"

"Of course that's alright" Briar kissed Steve's cheek carefully, "thank you, I should've called them before I found Eddie I just... well I just felt Oliver would want to know what Eddie had to say"

"It was really bad then?" Steve frowned, "the argument?"

"It was awful" Briar nodded. She felt bad lying to Steve, not that it was really a lie. The alternative was worse, to tell a story that wasn't her own voice. She smiled at Steve, taking his hand and entwining their fingers before she rested her head on his shoulder and kept her eyes gently closed.

"I just want to say thank you" Briar murmured, "for being here, for being you"

"You don't have to thank me" Steve laughed gently, "Briar I'd never be anywhere else, I'm just glad Oliver's alright. I was scared too, I like Ollie"

"I know you do" Briar smiled, "I don't even want to think about what would've happened if... I can't even say it"

"But it didn't happen" Steve kissed the top of her head, "You don't need to think about it. Listen Bri... I'm here no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. I'm yours Bri, you don't have to thank me for it"

"I love you" Briar sighed as she felt herself relax into his shoulder with a soft murmur. She was so tired it was ridiculously hard to stay awake but she did anyway, holding Steve's hand with a certain glow in her heart. Briar was never exactly an optimist and given her brothers unstable and often erratic sense of anger and emotional healing it probably wasn't the best to hope that this time he'd come out on top but somehow she did. Somehow in that moment she felt everything was going to be alright and maybe it was the fact she was holding Steve's hand or because she she hadn't slept for about forty eight hours and her skull felt caved with an ache the size of an apricot stone but maybe (despite Oliver's stubborn attitude to ever believe in such rubbish) it was actually a sign.

She stayed there for twenty minutes, curled into Steve's side while he ran his thumb over her knuckles and held his face against her head in a joint form of leaning on one another. Briar couldn't wait to sleep again, warm under sheets. She still hadn't processed everything that was happening to her. Oliver's close escape, Steve's parents cruel words and of course college which had been locked in the back of her mind behind everything else. Time moved so fast that it was jarring to concentrate on but she knew eventually things would work themselves out.

"I should probably go check on them before my parents get here" Briar sighed as she sat up away from Steve and felt the pricked of tiredness poke at her eyeballs.

"Alright" Steve smiled softly, "I'll be here"

"Maybe after I check up we can... go home?" Briar asked, "I don't think I can stay awake too much longer"

"Sounds like a plan" Steve nodded. Briar smiled at him again, hoping to convey more words of gratitude through her eyes before she turned and paced back down the corridor.

She knocked a couple times before she opened the door, Briar let it close softly behind her as she stared at the two of them. If it had been any other situation she might've called them soft but it wasn't necessarily a soppy display of emotions but a sense of sweetness. Oliver had very clearly been crying, face stained red but he obviously hadn't been crying as much as Eddie who looked even more messed up than he had before. His hair was tied up then but still all over the place. Their hands were very firmly connected, Oliver's knuckles slightly white. He had his head on Eddie's shoulder, leaning into him for a sense of comfort.

"Before you start" Oliver murmured as he sat up away from Eddie, keeping their hands together. "He's very sorry, he's an idiot and I haven't forgotten what he did I'm just deciding to move on. There's no point holding a grudge against someone I love, alright?"

"I didn't even say anything" Briar shrugged. Eddie looked tense, nervous as though expecting her to yell at him again. She did feel like it, he still struck a rage inside of her chest but at the same time she was carrying it on behalf of Oliver. He'd hurt him, not her and although he'd tried to lash out with stupid lies that never meant anything to him it was clear that she couldn't use Oliver's anger for her own fuel when it had very evidently dwindled out.

"I am really sorry" Eddie said quickly, "for what I said to you as well... I didn't mean it Bri I swear"

"I know you didn't" Briar nodded, "I'm still pissed at you... but I'm also glad you're not pissed at each other"

"I know I've got a lot of making up to do" Eddie continued, "and I will, I promise I will"

"So... you two are..." Briar looked between them,

"In love" Oliver stated simply, "looks like we both fell for idiots"

"Steve isn't an idiot" Briar rolled her eyes, "you're a couple then?"

"I guess so" Oliver shrugged, "I mean... privately, you do understand that Bri... it's not safe to say anything"

"I understand" Briar nodded, "and... I'm happy for you, or I will be when Eddie does that making up he's promised"

"I swear Bri you'll never hear a bad thing about me again" Eddie spoke up quickly, "I'm gonna be a saint... well a saint who likes men which I don't think actually exists but I'll be the first queer saint"

"You figured yourself out then?" Briar asked as she took the seat next to Eddie.

"Not really" Eddie shook his head, "I like men, I like women... but I don't necessarily feel like I need a label on it for the time being... haven't found one I feel comfortable with"

"Well I hope you do" Briar smiled, "or don't...I guess whatever you're okay with"

"I'm okay with this" Eddie murmured as he raised the clasped hands and kissed Oliver's carefully.

"Oh god am I gonna have to put up with you two being disgusting—"

"Don't even start" Oliver gave her a glance, "the amount I have had to see between you and Steve is unattainable by anyone else I swear to god—"

"We are not that bad"

"You are" Eddie and Ollie said at the exact same time.

There came another knock on the door and Briar watched as Eddie and Oliver dropped their hands immediately. She felt bad about it as her parents entered with beaming smiles to see their son awake. She nodded her head towards the door and her and Eddie ducked out after quick hellos. Briar supposed it was the way the world worked and if they were okay with it she would learn to be too.

"I am genuinely sorry Bri" Eddie said quickly as the door shut, "I know you don't think I deserve Ollie and... you're right I don't after what I put him through but—"

"He's better with you than without you" Briar looked up at him, "the worst thing you ever did was leave him... so don't do that again, alright?"

"Alright" Eddie nodded immediately, a hesitant smile on his face. "Does that mean we're..."

"A work in progress" Briar stated and Eddie's smile dropped slightly. "But I guess you're not a complete dickhead Munson... you want a ride home?"

"No I think I'll stay here" Eddie shrugged, "think this is where I should be"

"Alright" Briar nodded with a small smile, "I'll see you later Eddie... probably hogging my couch"

"Don't think I'll need the couch anymore Bri" Eddie said simply before he turned and started walking back towards the ward.

❂❂❂

AT FIRST BRIAR WAS LEFT FLOATING in a space between being okay and being really far from it. She spent a lot of her time with her brother for the days he was kept in the hospital, asked questions left and right. They'd talk for a while, mess with the shitty radio and avoid topics of conversation that would lead them into a spiral about what was really going on.

He seemed happier. Not happy but less downtrodden. Oliver very rarely said how he really felt, at least not to her. But apparently he was talking to his therapist, actually talking rather than just pretending to. It was five days until he was allowed to come home. Regular checkups were scheduled but at the end of the day no one cared about Ollie as much as his family did. The house hadn't been the same without the soft thrums of music coming from below their feet.

With Oliver being back, Briar saw Eddie hanging around the house as he once had. It was tense when their pathways crossed and realistically, Briar didn't miss how it had been before all the mess. She missed laughing with him but it wasn't something she could throw herself back into. She was happy for Oliver but at the same time what Eddie had done played on her mind whenever he turned to look at her. She knew it would go away eventually but for the time being it was just there.

The time that Briar didn't spend with her brother she spent with Steve, this made no change. She didn't want to go out a lot, they explored the mall on his breaks or sat drinking milkshakes in the dusted back room of Scoops Ahoy. Other than that Steve just stayed at her house, or their house as Briar liked to call it. Steve's parents were a taboo, no one mentioned them and they knew as soon as Felicity and Mitchell jetted off to yet another business trip, Steve would collect his stuff and not move back. It was a peaceful and silent negotiation that Briar adored. Spending her nights with Steve always made her wake up feeling better than it did to be alone.

The more time that Briar and Steve spent together, the more she realised that she never could've been without him happily. The very idea of college without Steve made her feel terrified for a future that wasn't hidden in clouds. Briar told herself she wasn't dependant on him but at the same time, she saw him everyday, they slept side by side every night and as they summer days dragged into sweaty limbs and an abundance of kisses she started to realise that she was dependant on Steve.

He was the first person she wanted to see in the morning, the last before night. He was the guy who tried to make breakfast to surprise her, who let her sit in the back room of his work sketching in hopes he'd take a break soon. A large part of Briar felt anxious that at some point, he'd grow tired of the constant attention. Back in the day couples like her and Steve would've made Briar roll her eyes because the very idea that people could not be bored of each other was stupid. Until she'd fallen for Steve it hadn't really crossed her mind that she could be that person.

Steve never made her feel anything less than perfect and she hoped that he doused in the same ideals of clinginess. Briar watched his features when she talked of college, of a future and his eyes never dimmed. It just seemed strange that something so perfect could happen to her. In the back of her mind she always feared that something was going to go terribly wrong.

However after the chaos of her brother and his slow recovery, Briar felt keeping things from her parents was anything but a good idea. College had been an acceptance letter stuffed in a drawer, whispers to Steve and an idea that never really seemed close to a reality.

She sat them down about a week after Oliver had returned home. It was weirdly formal and Briar immediately didn't like it. Her parents sat together, Oliver lying over the other side of the sofa with chip crumbs on his shirt, at least someone looked relaxed. Steve was sat on the end, smile on his face and Eddie had chosen to stand by the door, halfway out the room because he wasn't part of the family and Briar wasn't sure when she'd be able to say he was.

"I'm going to college" Briar stated, no introduction in case she talked for hours to simply avoid it.

"What?" Susanna seemed shocked.

"You're going through clearing?" Arlo frowned,

"No" Briar shook her head quickly, "I got into college"

"But you said—" Oliver started

"I know what I said" Briar cut him off, "I lied because I didn't want to go and I didn't want your excitement over the idea of college make me... decide to leave for the wrong reasons but I've thought about it and... I'm going"

"Where?" Oliver asked quickly.

"Pennsylvania"

There was a muted silence in the room for a moment while everyone took this information in. Pennsylvania was not close by, it was not Indiana and it surely wasn't an easy move.

"That's... that's... I'm so proud of you" Susanna looked close to tears as she always did those days as she jumped up and pulled Briar into a tight hug. She almost lost her breath as she felt her mother wrap her arms around her and as soon as she was released she received exactly the same from her dad.

"Don't be too excited about me leaving" Briar joked.

"Oh of course not" Susanna gushed, "but... well we never got to go to college and it's so... amazing that someone in the family will get the opportunity"

Briar looked hesitantly past her dad when he'd let her go to see Oliver sat up, a deep set thought between his eyes. Steve was looking at him too, as though waiting for some verdict that would change something.

"That's uh... unexpected" Oliver nodded slowly, "not you being smart enough to go to college I mean... you're... you're not gonna be here anymore?"

"Well I'll come back" Briar said quickly, "all the time... and... I know it won't be the same but it's a really great opportunity. One of the best art schools in the country and they... chose me"

"Briar I'm... really happy for you" Oliver smiled, "I am... I'll just miss you... as will this idiot, surprised you haven't spoken up yet" he elbowed Steve.

"He already knew" Briar said quickly,

"Oh I see" Oliver laughed, "had time to process it then"

"He's coming with me" Briar added and Oliver's face dropped in surprise.

"He's... you're taking Steve?" Oliver asked.

"Yes" Briar stated simply, "we're going to move to Pennsylvania together. I know it won't be easy but... well it's the way things should be"

She turned to her parents to see some of their initial glee had faded somewhat.

"What?" Briar asked softly, "you know Steve... it's not like I'm jetting off with a total stranger"

"That's not..." Susanna sighed, "I'd be more than happy for you two to start up together I think it's a lovely idea but I don't think you realise just how difficult... how expansive it is to... pick up and start over"

"There's loans" Briar pointed out, "and... we can get jobs"

"We'll discuss it" Arlo said quickly, "we're not gonna stop you Bri and we're thrilled you're taking this opportunity, that Steve is so willing to go with you that's... I don't want you to find yourself lost there realising that you can barely afford to live"

"Surely one person wouldn't make that much more difference?" Briar scoffed, "I mean... we share food, we share a bed... we'll figure it out I know we will"

"And we'll help you, of course we will in any way we can" Susanna added, looking almost nervously to Arlo, "but you know... you don't come from much Bri"

"I come from everything I need" Briar said sternly, "don't look guilty you've done everything for me... you're the best parents in the world, money doesn't mean shit"

"Yeah my parents are rich assholes" Steve muttered, "and as I'm not even entitled to the money I can confirm it's much better to actually be good at raising kids"

"Well I... appreciate it" Susanna smiled kindly, "I don't want to shadow your hopes Briar I just think... we need to be careful, alright? I'm not saying it's impossible you just don't... exactly understand the consequences of trying to live for yourself"

"Okay" Briar nodded as she looked almost hopefully towards Steve. She had been expecting to see a bright glimmer of optimism, a smile that encouraged the dreams she'd been writing in her mind. Briar had expected comfort but Steve wasn't looking at her as though he knew in that moment he couldn't provide it. Briar hadn't thought everything through but it didn't make sense without Steve and there he was, dark eyes and a frown that suggested he'd listened a little bit too closely to what her parents had been saying. The excitement of telling her parents seemed to wear off as she accepted a hug from her brother and felt the desire to melt.

She couldn't do it without him, she wouldn't do it without him. This, Briar was sure of. Nothing was going to change her mind, nothing.

But then Dustin Henderson got back from summer camp and everything seemed to change.

❂❂❂

A/n
Words - 5260
Published - 10th September 2022

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