billies pov.

i know.

i already fucking know.

i'm a dick, i should've just been honest with her.  now we are here, and i had to tell her who really killed mario.

i've known for months, since i came home after being arrested. adryana pulled me aside and told me, she was scared. i promised her i would help her, for her sake and ava's. ava couldn't live without her sister, and if me taking the fall for it was gonna save adryana, then fuck i'd do it.

but finneas got me a lawyer, and they told me
they really have nothing but her mother's word. not even the gun, adryana threw it into an ocean she said. the only problem was, ahe was at the trap when she killed him. so mad shit, led back to me. so even if i got off for the murder, the gang affiliation shit is gonna cause me time or probation or some shit.

it's been stressing me the fuck out, so i leave sometimes. and no, i don't cheat on ava. i would never. i just go out for drives and smoke and make plays to just relax. from time to time i snort some shit, but it's nothing. i'm good.

i quickly snap out of my thoughts by marina. "ava! you need to go the hospital!" she says.

ava groans in pain, and i run to her. "come on baby, it's okay. she's finally coming." i say with a smile, rubbing her arm. "i know i've been an ass, and i will explain it all later, but let's go angel." i coo.

ava gives me a small smile, and nods. i take her up the stairs, and we all rush out to adryanas car.

once we all get settled in the car, adryana begins to drive. i sit there and hold ava as she is breathing heavy.

"i know you have anxiety right now babe, just breathe please. please. i'm here." i whisper into her hair.

the rest of the ride was me holding her and all of us just trying to calm her down. it was quick, and then we got there.

we got ava out the car, and we walk inside.

"she's in labor!" adryana yells at the nurse, and they immediately put her in a wheel chair. we all start following them but the nurse stops.

"are you all family?" she asks.

"i'm her sister, and this is her girlfriend she'll be signing the birth certificate." adryana says.

she nods quickly, "you two can come. but you have to stay put in the waiting room maam." she says, looking at marina.

marina sighs, and then nods. i give her a reassuring look. "i'll come out and tell you everything. you'll be the first come in with fin." i say, with a small smile.

she smiles and goes to sit in the waiting room, and we go with the nurse.

once she gets into a room, they put her on the bed and hand her a gown.

"put this on, and i'll come check how dilated you are to see if we can admit you." she says.

ava groans. "i think it's close..the contractions are almost every minute." she cries out, and i hold her hand. "it's okay baby." i whisper.

the nurse nods. "put the gown on i'll be back in 2 minutes." she says again, then leaves.

i start helping ava take her clothes off and put the gown, and adryana stares out the window. she's stressed about what happened earlier.

i tie the back of her dress and i move her hair, and kiss her neck softly. "baby.." i whisper. i know she was in pain, and needed me. but i knew deep down she was pissed.

she sighs. "after she's finally out of me, you two have a lot of fucking explaining to do." she says. okay yup, still pissed.

30 seconds later, the nurse comes back in and begin to check how much she's dilated.

i hold her and she winces in pain. "fuck this i'm not having no more kids." she mumbles, and i can't help but to chuckle.

suddenly the nurse gasps, and stands up quickly. what the fuck?

i look at her. "what? what's wrong?" i say, and ava squeezes my hand.

she takes off her gloves quickly. "you're almost 10 cm. i need to get the doctor. you need to push." she says, before running out.

oooh fuck. it's really happening.

"with no epidural?" ava says softly. "this is gonna be bad." she whispers.

i shake my head, and adryana goes to her other side and holds her hand. "i'm here, adryanas here, and soon aila will be baby. it's worth it." i say, kissing her hand. she smiles at
me, and i just feel like i fell in love with her all over again.

this is it. my baby girl is about to finally arrive.

***

ava's pov.

we are here, finally. i'm about to give birth, after all the bullshit. it'll finally be worth it. i couldn't wait. everything billie and adryana told me is not even a thought right now, but they better explain what the fuck is going on after the fact.

i couldn't believe adryana actually did it, but it also all makes sense. she turned white as fuck when my mother asked who did it, and all the secret meetings and shit.

i snap out of my racing mind, and realize i'm actually pushing.

"ok..in 3 your gonna push. 1....2...3." the doctor says.

i immediately begin pushing, and the pain is excruciating. billie was holding my hand and rubbing my hair, and so was adry, but i couldn't feel a thing. i was in paaaaain.

what was only 5 minutes but felt like 5 hours, was awful. i sigh and my body felt like giving out.

"i know your tired but her heads right there. we got it this time. push for 10 seconds. go." the doctor says, and i listen.

i push the hardest i can, and i feel something extremely painful, but weird, also moving.

"baby she's coming." billie says, with a huge smile.

"almost there almost there!" the doctor says.

i push harder for 5 more seconds, and suddenly i hear the crying.

"we got a baby girl!" the doctor squeals.

billie and adryana cut the umbilical cord together. 

she then puts alia in a towel and lays her on my chest, and the tears instantly fall.

she was all bloody, but she looked perfect. she was so beautiful from head to toe. i knew in this moment, this was meant to happen. the love i felt for my baby girl after only 2 seconds of her being out, takes over my whole body. i've felt nothing like this.

billie comes next to me and presses her head against mine, crying with me. "oh my angel, she's perfect." she whispers, rubbing her finger along her cheek.

they then take her away and clean her up, putting her in the blanket and the little hat.

i would never trade this moment for anything again.

Aila Victoria O'Connell
July 30th, 2018 at 8:56pm
7lbs 3ozs
17inches

       •

after everything settled down, and everyone came in to meet her, she was sleeping next to me and it was me and billie left in the room, with adry.

"she's beautiful ava. look at our girl." billie whispers, looking at alia.

i smile and nod. "it's all worth it now. i'm no longer just living for me, but for her too." i say.

i then remember.

the secrets, lies, all that.

i turn my head to face them, and i glare. their soft faces then get concerned.

billie clears her throat. "ok i'm assuming you want this explanation now?" she says, playing with her sleeve.

i nod. "umm yeah." i say, with a little bit of an attitude.

adryana sits up. "okay well jah needed clothes at billies other house, so we went quickly why marina was asleep. and while we were inside, mario was there. he was there alone, talking about you ava, saying he was gonna find you and billie and kill you both. so i did what i had to protect you, i grabbed the gun out of jahs pants and shot him." she half whispers.

"and then she came to me after i was arrested, and told me it was her. we didn't tell you because we didn't want you to be stressed while pregnant still, i'm just trying to find a way for us to both get it past us with no one getting in trouble." billie adds in, looking down.

i was upset at first that no one told me, but i realized she did it for my best interest. that still doesn't really explain the late nights, but i guess i'm just gonna let it be. aila is here now and that's all that matters.

billie stands up, and walks to my bed. "are you upset?" she asks.

i shake my head. "i just want you both safe." i whisper, looking over to aila.

billie looks over to her as well. "i can't believe she's ours." she says, kissing the tips of my fingers.

again, it was so perfect.
but it didn't last.

**

billies pov.

it's been a week since we came home from the hospital, and everything was normal again until 3 minutes ago. everything between ava and i was perfect still, she just went out with her sister and marina and aila to the grocery store to get out the house. so that leaves me alone.

my lawyer called me, and it wasn't the greatest news. things weren't looking to good for me, they're talking about a plea to do 6 years, or fight it and lose, to do life. a lifetime without ava or my daughter? finneas? i couldn't do it, but i couldn't do 6 years either. 6 of my daughters birthdays, 6 of ava's, it was all so overwhelming.

so i did the thing i would regret for the rest of my life.

i went upstairs, and grabbed a little baggy, full of percs.

i went back downstairs and sat on the couch, and pulled up the coffee table.

don't do it billie, is all i heard in my head.

but i didn't listen, and god i wish i did.

i grab a card out of my pocket, and i begin to crush it.

why did i do this?

i finish crushing it, and slide it into a line.

billie, you're so dumb.

i put down the card, and i begin to sniff, letting it all go up in my nose.

you fucked up.

it all enters my system immediately, my head in a different world. my eyes roll back and i lay back. i felt amazing.

not for long.

about 20 seconds later, it all came crashing down.

"what the fuck are you doing?" i hear ava's familiar voice scream.

i shoot up, and i start wobbling. there's ava, with aila in the car seat still. adryana and marina staring at me with wide eyes.

and then her eyes fill up with tears, and she just let them all down.

she comes over to me, and wipes under my nose. and then i feel a hard slap. and a push.

"why the fuck are you doing this?!" she screams, as her tears fall.

i cover my ears at her loud noise. "i'm stressed." i said.

she raises an eyebrow. "and i'm not? i'm not going around snorting shit! billie we have a child! she's one week old and you have this shit in the house with her?" she yells, picking up the little baggy.

my eyes furrow at her, and i immediately get angry.

i wish i didn't.

i grab the baggy back. "it's just fucking pills, you act like it's crack. i needed to fucking ease my mind." i spat. i'm such a bad person.

she laughs mockingly, and continues to cry. "after all the bullshit i've been through with you, and all the things that happened, you're just gonna bring drugs into our home with a daughter? are you on crack? because it sounds like you are." she yells at me, and it angered me more.

and i said something that ruined it all for me.

i scoff. "you never had to deal with that shit. no one made you, you chose to come back after the shit i did. i told you i'd hurt you but you didn't listen. and you never wanted a fucking baby remember that?" i spat out, and from the moment i said it, i regretted it.

her face goes white, and the tears pour out. just as she was about to start sobbing, she did something i've never seen.

the tears stopped.

and those brown eyes, they went black. just like mine do.

it was silent for a moment, until she said the words that killed me.

"i'm done." she whispers, and turns towards the door.

marina and adryanas eyes widen.

my eyes also widen, and i walk to her turning her around. "what do you mean your done?" i say, getting angry. she can't fucking leave me.

"i mean i'm done. i'm leaving." she said, her eyes remained black.

my face softens, and i feel the tears. she told me she'd never leave me. and i believed it too. and i pushed her.

but then my high takes over once again.

"go. i don't care." i say, with a smirk.

i know. i know.
it was the high talking.

she nods, turning to marina. "can we go to your moms? we can get our stuff another day." she says, and marina nods.

adryana looks at me, and shakes her head. she back hands my nose. "smarten the fuck up billie." then her and marina go outside.

ava looks at me. "MY daughter will no longer be around you. since you do things like this. i want nothing like that around her, and your lifestyle? ha. more so a reason. you never planned on stopping." she spats.

i laugh. "you're not taking OUR daughter from me. did you forget my brother is the godfather?" i say.

she rolls her eyes. "did YOU forget that you have an open case for murder?" she spats.

oh. ouch.
go back harder.

"did you forget your sister did it? and you killed keyvon? i could take you down right with me." i yell.

by the looks of hurt on her face, i knew there was no going back from this. this was my fault. i did this. i was about to lose her. and i can't, i will lose myself.

ava picks up the car seat, and opens the door.

"ava, please. don't go. you're the other half of me, we have a family. you're just acting like
me right now, and i know it's my fault but angel-" i begin, i didn't care about the high or my pride anymore. i can't live without her.

she shakes her head. "save it. i'm done. leave me alone." she says, and walks out the door.

i follow her, and then she turns to me. "don't follow me." she whispers, and walks to the car.

i stand there in complete shock. i can't believe i did this. i was alone. i lost the only person i loved other then my mom. it felt like i was losing her all over again. i was numb. i was going to break down and scream. i wanted to be with my mom. i was losing my baby. my aila.

she looks back at me after putting the baby in the car, with her door open. for a second i thought she was going to stay, but i was wrong.

"and billie, i'm not like you. who would want to be?"

and then she was gone.

ahhhh the end of the first book🥺 thank you all for sticking this out w me and now it's finally done ! but don't worry , sequel is gonna be out TONIGHT ! and maybe another chapter of jenifer. almost 10k reads this is actually insane i'm so happy, thank u all a ton.
also
the doc tho???? 🥺🥺 i was a mess for hours
thank you all again so much
thank you for making this story what it is!
ily all
- gabrielle 🧚🏼‍♀️