𝗝𝗮𝗻𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵
𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮𝗵, 𝗚𝗔
- - -

𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐊𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬

"okay just lie back for me." i followed the doctor's instructions and laid back on the examination table.

"i'm just gonna apply a bit of pressure to your abdomen, if it hurts just let me know." i nodded at his words and his gloved covered hands pressed down on my upper torso.

it didn't hurt so he went lower, still nothing but when he pressed close to my wound i winced.

"as i thought, you seem to be still a bit sore but everything is healing pretty good. you can sit up now." he said and i lifted myself up.

"how's the shoulder?" he asked gesturing towards my sling.

"sore but nothing i can't handle." i told him.

"alright and what about therapy? they tell me your doing great which is wonderful to hear." he said.

"yeah it's goin good, i'm just grateful i didn't have ta start all over. i have a slight limp but i don't have ta use the crutches anymore." i said and he nodded.

"perfect then you're healing faster than we thought which us rare but with you we've been through a lot, you're a miracle troy i'll tell you that." he rambled.

"so i've been told."
- - -

"how was it?" my memaw asked as i walked out the room.

"good i'm healin good too." i informed her.

"well would you look at god that man works in mysterious way but he knows what he's doin." she said while pointed her finger up.

"yes ma'am." i nodded.

"well since you're back home, how are things with you and your boy?" she questioned and bumped my hip a little as we made it to the car.

"oh my gosh." i laughed before continuing.

"everything is everything i guess. i know he thinks about what happened and blames himself and i don't know what more ta say because it's not his fault." i confessed to her.

"but partially it is troy. nobody told him not to get everything handled with that crazy baby mama of his, you got dragged right in the middle of it and damn near died." she said.

"nothin would've happened if i just listened, but if it wasn't me it was gonna be tootie and i'd rather myself than her." i said and looked out the window.

"you did make that decision, but what would've if they didn't warn you? what would've happened if you did die troy? hmm?" i shook my head.

"those what ifs didn't happened so you can't think like that because what happened already happened and it was my fault that i got shot. yes, i could've broken everything off with him but i didn't because i care about him and whatever we go through we get through. it's as plain as day and there's no tellin what she would've done even if we broke it off."

"she could've still held some sort of animosity towards me, i put myself on the line when i befriended them so this ain't nothin new." i shrugged my shoulders trying to brush it off.

"anything could've happened is all i'm sayin and this is the third time we been down this road and you ain't even eighteen yet. so the question is when you gonna learn? when are you gonna learn that puttin yourself in these situations bite you in the ass before anybody else." she said and i chewed on my bottom lip.

"i can't see you in a casket troy, i can't and i'm not saying they're bad people like the last but this isn't what i meant when i said give people another chance. you gotta stop making the same mistake and hurtin yourself."

"i love hard and i can't help it, but i hear you. i understand where you comin from. don't you think i'm tired? and do you think i wanna be six feet under? all these scars and i'm still hurtin at the end of the day."

"it's a lot ta carry on my back but i do it out of love because they need me just as much as i need them. i finally found a group of people that i could call my second family and if makin more mistakes means i'll hurt some more then so be it because they'll be there to clean each wound and make it better just as i do for them."

the rest of the ride to my house was silent, we didn't say anything. i could see why she was hurt and why she said what she said but mistakes are apart of growing and i've gotta figure my own way out. i can't be fed by a silver spoon so i've gotta be self made.

they always say what doesn't kill makes you stronger, and they're exactly right.
- - -

𝐆𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬
| 𝐌𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐚 |

"who the fuck?" i checked the cameras on my phone and saw troy standing at the door.

i got up from the couch and made my way to the door opening it.

"i thought whit was home, i can come back later." she said and went to walk away.

"girl get in this house." she obliged and stepped inside, i shut the door behind her and motioned for her to follow me.

we walked to the kitchen and she sat down at the island.

"you need some ta drink?" i asked her.

"a water please." i grabbed it for her and got a gatorade for myself before sitting across from her.

"i know i ain't made it easy fa you, but you can talk ta me until whit get back." i told her.

"you ever just felt numb? like- i can't explain it but that's how i feel right now." she spoke while looking at the marbled countertops.

"after my appointment today my memaw asked me about me and wiz, it was all so sudden and everything was so fast. we didn't argue but we kinda did, i just-" she cut herself off and stopped talking.

"i have a smile on my face everyday only ta have so much hurt built up you know? and i tell myself somebody is gonna take the pain away one day, i'm gonna find my person or my people and we can heal each other i guess."

"i went down this same path almost three times and this time i feel like i actually found it, i found ya'll or well ya'll found me and i found my person. i built my person back up only ta get pushed back down and now look at me, what? three, four bullets almost ending my life for the second time ever. i was so scared that night, scared for myself, scared for ya'll." she looked up and i handed her tissue so she could clean her face.

"whatchu talkin about?" i asked her because i was lost and didn't understand where she going with all this.

"before i met ya'll i had friends and they put me through the same life or death situations except it worse because once i built them up, they kicked me to the curve. i got jumped, picked on, the whole nine and anything else you could imagine. all this before my first year of high school and when i was talkin with my memaw she brought it all up basically sayin how i needed ta stop makin the same mistake. i don't mean ta keep gettin myself in these types of situations, it just happens." she shrugged and wiped the tear that fell from her eyes.

"i just want it all ta end, i thought when i met ya'll the cycle was over and then it happened but i stayed. i stayed because i actually feel loved here and i don't wanna leave, but why stay if i could get hurt again? i can take a lot of things but after feeling the way i did in that hospital i don't know anymore. i could feel every time my body gave out and i don't know if i could keep this cycle goin. i just want it ta stop." she was in full on tears and i was close to it because i felt her pain.

i got up and went around to hug her, she cried into my shirt and i sighed.

"i know how you feel and really all i can tell you is it get's better and it's okay ta leave and getcho self back right if we can't do it fa you. sometimes we all gotta be a little selfish."
- - -

"hey baby." whit walked in and stopped when saw troy asleep on the couch.

"what happened?" she asked walking over to her.

"she came ta talk ta you, but talked ta me instead. she cried and then she fell asleep." i told her.

"cried? why?" she questioned.

"she hurtin." i shrugged.

"is there anything we can do? i knew there was somethin, i could see it in her eyes." she frowned slightly before coming over to where i was.

"we gotta show ha that she's loved without a doubt, that girl been through hell and back. i know we all got a story but i don't know."

of course we all been through some shit and yeah, we almost died but i don't think it was anything compared to troy.

she reminds me of wiz when i first met him, but worse which doesn't even sound right. but it was true.

it's always the happiest people who are hurting the most and they hide it so well.

"should we call everybody over?" whit asked me.

"nah let ha sleep, but me and you got some plannin ta do. you can travel right?" i asked while rubbing my hand over her swollen belly.

"yeah but this'll be my last month to do so."

"perfect timin then."
- - -

authors note📌
not a real serious note i guess, but i love ya'll. if you haven't heard it in a while or felt it in a while, there you go. ya'll be safe and just know i'm here💕.