"jesus touched me and i said ew, he's a pedo"

"welcome to gay burger, home of the gay burger, can i take ur order?"

me, reading something off the paper;
"How to lesbians- porn, wait start over"
"How do you por- wait"
"How do you lesbian poor- WHAT THE FUCK aM I DOING STACY"
" Les- wait  i've got this.... its  like some lesbean shit- LESBEAN OH MY FUCKING TITS"
"How do you watch lesbean- sorry its stuck in my head"
"HOW DO U WATCH LESBIAN PORN ON HULU AND NETFLIX BECAUSE IM FUCKING DONE TRYING AT THIS POINT"
"fucking sue me stacy, i dare u"


"i have a pen, i have an is, uh, small pp"

"sweaty greasy bumblebee toad"

"shit michelle can u stop shitting in my mouth goddamn"

my softball teammate:  "holy crap im so t-"
me: "no one cares about ur sweaty vagina, kate"

"ITS THE WORSE TIMEEEE OF THE MONTH"

"pp is pp if pp is pp and pp looks like the pp of a pp so basically pp likes pp and pp so i'm pp-sexual"

"nah thats too gay cheif"


"im jesus 2.0"
"but-"

"I AM FUCKING JESUS 2.0 DOINT MAKE ME FUCKING THANOS SNAP YOUR ASS TO HELL"