TWO CHAPTERS POSTED TODAY! Chapter 21 and Chapter 22. Happy reading, loves!

Kara

The hum of the fridge and my rapid beating heart were all I could hear as Cameron sat across from me on the table. I watched as he leaned forward, placed his arms on the table, and linked his fingers together.

I stared at his hands. There were things that always stood out to me whenever memories of him flooded my thoughts, and among them was how his hands reminded me that he was a strong, hardworking man.

"Why did you decide to tell me everything now?" I asked.

"Leaving you that night felt like I lost everything."

That night—the night he broke us apart, that was what we called it.

His words made my heart ache. I looked down on my lap, avoiding his gaze. I could feel his eyes on me, wanting me, needing me, longing for me.

The reason why he broke up with me always left me feeling hollow and confused. I could still remember that night—almost everything to the most painful degree. In time, some things had become clearer to me that weren't before. Like the misery in his eyes as he was breaking up with me, as though he was pushing himself to do it, as though he was going through torture.

The real reason why he left haunted me. Was that why I couldn't let him go? And after he told me everything tonight, could I finally let him go?

"And what happened tonight... Kara, I can't bear to see you hurt. If something bad happened to you, if you're gone in this world... I can't bear it. I won't accept it. I would do anything to protect you. Anything."

"And yet you were the one who had hurt me the most." This time I raised my eyes to his. And saw the same naked misery back in his eyes.

I pushed away the hurt and anger in my heart. There would be time to confront all of it. Right now, I wanted to listen and understand. "Why did you leave me?"

"I want to tell you. It will make more sense if I start from the beginning."

He leaned back against his chair, his hands turning into fists before he pulled them off the table.

"Raven, my mother, always had an unhealthy relationship with the people in her life, including me. Most of all me. After my parents divorced, I stayed with her. My father didn't want me. It seemed that she made it that way."

He'd gone pale. I could tell it was hard for him to talk about it, like anything pertaining to his past, but he kept going.

"Ever since I can remember, she had this irrational need to know where I am all the time. If she couldn't find me, she'd go ballistic. I'd sneak out when I was a kid, and when I got back, everything in our house would be broken. I'd always find her in the bathtub drinking, smoking, sometimes she was high."

I bit my lip, stricken by his words. This was why he hated sharing anything about his childhood.

"The times when she left me, she made sure there was a nanny who'd watch me. If she couldn't find anyone, she'd lock me up. She was selfish with me, wanted me only for herself like I was a toy, her possession. Hated it when anyone gave me affection and fired most of the nannies who took care of me.

"She made sure I didn't have any friends or get close to anyone. Least of all my father. She tried everything to make him hate spending time with me. And made sure I was completely dependent on her."

What would it be like to have a monster for a mother like he did? What did he feel, think, hope for while growing up? How did he turn out to be the strong, hardworking man he was now in spite of her trying to ruin his life? How did he manage to pull himself out of the hell she'd trapped him in?

But then I realized, had he really pulled himself out of that hell? Or was he still living in it? I felt bad for what he went through as a child and for the man who bore the scars of the child.

"Why would she do that to you?"

"She's twisted that way." His mouth curved into a self-mocking smile, but there was no humour in it. "Everything changed when I was in high school. I got older, bigger. She couldn't lock me up anymore. The first time I ran away, I went to my guidance counselor's house. He didn't expect me. He saw how scared I was, desperate to get out.

"I told him about Raven, and he promised to help me. He mentioned calling child protection services the next day. He was kind enough to give me a place to stay that night. The next day, Raven had called the cops on him. They arrested him."

I gasped, horrified. His jaw hardened, but he kept going.

"They let him go after a few days with no charges. I tried everything to clear his name, and even then, the damage had already been done. He got fired from his job and moved away. It was a while before I tried running away again."

I bit my lip, trying to keep the horror from showing on my face.

"This time, it was a classmate who helped me. We weren't even friends. He just found me at the park, figured I ran away. He brought me to his home, and his family offered me a place to stay. When I asked why they were helping me, his mom just said it was the Christian thing to do. I didn't understand it—the kindness from a mother. I never had it. I remember thinking it was strange to watch them. Strange, but I liked it."

He never had a mother while he was growing up—not one who showed him what love was like. A parent would sacrifice their life for their child, but he was the one who was forced to sacrifice his childhood for a selfish mother who wanted to keep him for herself.

No wonder Cameron looked happy whenever I did things to care for him. He craved love, the real thing, but was too scared, too hurt to believe in it, to ask for it. And that affected all his relationships and how he dealt with his suffering.

I had an idea about his childhood from what he told me before, but I realized it was worse than I could have ever imagined. I should be happy that he was sharing them with me, not what he was telling me because his experiences were horrible, but that he was finally opening up. Somehow it made me miserable instead. And I didn't understand why.

"Raven was gone on a trip at the time, so I thought it was safe. I figured I'd stay for a couple nights until I could figure out what to do. I should have known better."

"You were just a kid. You were scared to be alone."

"I was used to being alone."

Used to being alone but didn't want it. What kid didn't need someone to lean on?

"I figured I'd run away to another province, maybe to the states. The next day, their store got broken into, everything destroyed. Raven showed up to pick me up shortly after. And I just knew. She never admitted it, denied it when I accused her, but I just knew. She did it or had someone do it for her."

A horrified sound came out of my throat.

"I kept running away after that, and I didn't turn to anyone this time. She kept finding me. My father eventually found out. He fought Raven in court and got full custody of me. He didn't want me but was afraid I'd get killed or kill someone and ruin his name."

"Cameron..."

"I need you to hear everything. This is hard to talk about. You don't know how much I want to stop right now, how much I want to hold you right now. But if I do, I don't know if I'd be able to keep going again. I have to keep going, tell you the rest."

I nodded, stopping myself from going to him and giving him comfort. No matter what happened between us, I hated seeing him in pain like this.

"Kara," he said grimly, "the one who offered to buy your shop from your Uncle Andrew was Raven."

A chill went up my spine.

"I found out when I talked to Andrew," he said.

After Andrew informed me that he was going to sell his shares from our shop, Cameron had followed him and found out Andrew was cheating on his wife, Charity. Cameron had threatened Andrew that if he didn't sell his shares to me and my family, as he had originally promised me, Cameron would tell his wife about his mistress. Andrew had folded and sold his shares to my dad.

"You got the shop back for me, for my family," I said.

His mouth turned into a stern line.

"Raven was gone for a while, but I knew she'd be back," he continued, dismissing what he had done for my family, as though it was nothing. It meant a lot to me. "A year from now, two. I tracked her car. She never went anywhere without it. I would stop her before she could get anywhere near you. Whatever it takes, I'll stop her—that was the plan."

I could feel the tension in his shoulders, the immense weight on them as though he was carrying the whole world.

"Who do you think broke into your house?" he asked.

My eyes widened in shock. "The broken pots on the porch. The...open basement windows. Cam, it was..."

Eyes bleak, he nodded. "It was a message for me. Kara, I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have left you that day. If I didn't—"

"Cam, stop."

There were a lot of things that we should have done, things we shouldn't have, and things we couldn't control. It would be hard not to go back and feel regret about all the times we could've prevented all the heartbreak, and maybe revisiting it together would help us find a way to get out of the maze of hurtful memories, but right now there were other things we needed to focus on.

"Are you sure it was her? How did you know it was her?" I shook my head, impatient, frustrated to connect all the dots. "I remember you were at work when the break-in happened," I continued. "You were five hours away, but you drove back to see me because you were worried about me. You'd always do things like that and made me feel..." Loved. "Cared for. You slept beside me that night, but the next day when I woke up, you were gone. Where did you go?"

It took a moment before he answered. "I looked for her."

"Raven?"

He nodded.

"And did you find her?"

"Yeah."

He looked sick. His hand shook as he swiped his mouth. I could feel the energy around him—dark and heavy with torment.

What happened that night? What did that monster do to him?

He pushed from the table, walked to the kitchen sink, and stood there with his back to me. I watched as he braced his arms on the counter, lowered his head.

"I want to know," I said. "What happened, Cam? Because the next time I saw you, you... you broke up with me."

He didn't say anything. I could see from the stiffness in his body that he was having a hard time.

"What happened between that time you left my dad's house and when you met me here that night? What happened to you?"

Slowly he turned around to face me. His eyes looked cold, unfeeling, painfully bringing me back to that night.

"You and Dylan got into an accident."

"Andrew came to see us at the hospital after the accident. He admitted that he was the one who cut the brake lines in your truck. He wanted to... hurt you. I'm sorry, Cam. I'm ashamed of what my uncle did to you—"

"Don't," he bit out. "Kara, don't."

The coldness in his eyes disappeared, replacing it with despair. I wanted to go to him, wrap him in my arms and give him comfort, take away the look of pain in his eyes. But I stayed where I was.

"Raven's favourite game is blackmail, and she'll use anything to get what she wants from me. Kara," he said hoarsely. "There's something I'm...afraid to tell you. I will later if you want, but right now, there's something more important you need to know. I want you to listen to me carefully."

The severity in his tone made goose bumps race up my arm. "Do you remember before your accident, your car got written off and I gave you my truck to drive for a while?"

I nodded.

"I think Raven is responsible for your accident. Somehow, she found out you were using my truck. Andrew might have cut the brake lines in my truck, but she planted the idea in his head. I know her. It's what she does."

"She convinced Andrew to do something with my truck. He was drunk enough, mad enough with me to hurt me. Instead, you and Dylan got hurt." I could feel the violent energy coming off him in waves. "When I talked to Raven that night, she kept hinting it at me, but I was too fucked up to think properly." He took a deep breath. "And now the fire in your shop."

Fear hit me like a punch in the gut. I stared at my clenched fists. How far would this woman go to get what she wanted? Could she have been responsible for the fire at the shop? I wasn't scared for me. I was scared for my family.

Then anger took over. I knew it, I expected it, grateful for it. Whenever fear took over my body, anger followed because I hated feeling fearful the most. I'd rather fight than feel scared.

"Are you saying that she might be responsible for the fire in our shop?" I shook my head. "No, Cam. I don't think she is. There was a witness who saw some kids that started the fire."

"She doesn't do all her dirty work."

I looked up and met his gaze. The fear and anger inside me disappeared. The look in his eyes, the cold silent rage, decisiveness, and determination in them made me shiver.

"She will not hurt you again," he vowed. And I knew and felt that he meant it. "When you and Dylan got into that accident—"

"That night you said you didn't know about it. I thought that Dylan had told you and I wondered why you didn't come see me at the hospital."

"I didn't know. I saw a missed call and a text from Dylan that he wanted me to call him, but I...couldn't get back to him. He didn't text me about your accident or about your dad. I only found out when you told me."

I was silent for a moment, gathering courage to ask the question in my head. I took a deep breath. "Would it have changed things?" I whispered. "If you knew I was hurt in that accident, would you still have broken up with me?"

Agony flitted on his beautiful face.

"I will protect you with my life, Kara."

My heart felt like it was getting torn apart. "Answer my question, Cam."

"When I left you that night, I knew without a doubt it was the right thing to do," he answered gravely. "How could I stay when it meant you'll get hurt because of me?"

Gripping my hands together, I bowed my head, unable to look into his eyes.

"I would lose you, but I would endure it. I would do anything to keep you safe. It would be close to impossible, but I knew I had to leave you. I don't even know who I am anymore. All I know is that I don't deserve you. And as long as I'm away, she wouldn't dare be close to you or your family. But, baby, it was fucking unbearable."

"She threatened you, didn't she?" I asked quietly. "She used me. She used me against you."

I was crying now. Bitter, angry, heartbroken tears. He was in front of me in a flash.

"Kara." This man who looked like a warrior, beautiful, strong and solid, sank on his knees at my feet. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It was all my fault."

His hands reached out and pulled me against him, his dark head on my lap.

"The ugly things I told you that night... none of those things were true," he said roughly. "They were all lies. It killed me to say them to you. I'm ashamed of myself. For hurting the most important woman in my life."

My tears trickled down my face to his hair.

"Kara, losing you was the most painful thing. Every night I would dream of you, of that night. Every night, in my sleep I would lose you over and over again. But I'd rather have that if it meant I'd see you every night. It was agony, and I deserve the punishment. It's not enough for what I put you through."

His chest was heaving, and I knew he was crying. Moved with compassion because of his suffering, I reached out and stroked his head, buried my fingers in his hair. His hold on me tightened.

"I should have handled it better and not hurt you that way. I'd like to make it right if you'd let me. The thought of you hurt... I need you, Kara. I need you to exist in this fucked up world. You're the only thing I..." He took a deep breath. "I thought leaving you would keep you safe, but it did the opposite. I can't keep going if you're gone. I can't."

Tears poured down my face. How hard it must be to have a monster trailing you everywhere you go. When you knew that whatever you've built or wanted for yourself would get destroyed by someone who was supposed to love and care for you.

I felt for him. I understood now why he was so cruel to me that night. I knew he had to hurt me deeply so that I wouldn't look for him. And how painful and hard it was for him to do that.

But even knowing all that, the old pain and anger buried deep in my heart was starting to come out. The memories from that night bombarded my head.

He hurt me to protect me. Why did that anger me so much? I wasn't sure if this anger deep inside me was toward him or toward fate. I knew his reasons, understood them, could even defend them, but it all felt unfair. The pain in my heart was growing, that old wound opened again and started bleeding. And it was all I could focus on.

I was dying inside. He sacrificed us, our future, all that time that we could have had together, all the pain and heartbreak we went through. If he only trusted me, if he only told me the truth. He thought he was subjecting only himself to hell, but I was there with him.

I was angry, but at the same time, the thought of him suffering, all alone by himself in his misery made my chest hurt so much. All the things Raven did to torture him made me hate her like I never hated anyone before. It overwhelmed me.

I was grateful that he finally opened up to me. I wanted him back, I wanted us back, but did anything really changed? How could I trust him again? The fear that he would break me again, and most of all, the fear that he would break himself. Could I watch him destroy himself?

If I accepted him back in my life, just as what my heart was telling me to do, what would happen if his mother came back in his life again? We both knew that it was only a matter of time before she came back. Would he leave me again to protect me?

I needed time to sort out through my emotions, clear my mind so I know what I really wanted and not just give in to my desires to be with him. Because when it came to being with him, I was weak and wanted to take the chance. And I knew he was the same. But it didn't feel right in this moment.

He pulled away and looked at me. "Kara."

The tears on his face slashed me open. I reached out and wiped them away. He held my hand against his cheek.

"I wish I didn't have to tell you," he said. "If I could save you from knowing this I would, but you have a right to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I thought I could..." He trailed off, raking his hands in his hair.

"Sacrifice yourself to save me? I understand what you did, but it wasn't right. You should have told me, Cam. You should have trusted me that I would stand by you no matter what instead of making the decision for me."

"I didn't want you to get hurt."

"It's not your fault that Raven tried to hurt me. No more than it is mine when my uncle tried to hurt you."

"That's different, Kara."

"No, it's not," I said. "I don't know what it's like to have a mother like yours. To have someone evil like that in your life. I understand it influenced your decisions. I'm so sorry for what you went through, Cam."

The way he was looking at me made me weak. The pain he was feeling felt like it was inside me too.

"I'm not scared of her," I said. "She wouldn't have stopped me from being with you. You did. Let me up, Cam. I need to get up."

He released me, rose to his feet. I walked to the cupboard, grabbed two glasses, and filled them with water. When I turned around, he was leaning against the wall, watching me with heartbreak in his eyes.

I handed him a glass of water before moving back behind the counter. I needed some space between us. I couldn't think clearly when he was near.

My hands trembled as I lifted the glass to my lips, sipped. My throat burned. The silence between us was painful.

"Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy for you," I said sincerely, meaning it. I paused, took a deep breath to steady my heart. "I'm scared, Cam. I'm scared that you'll break me again, you'd leave again. I'm scared to trust you. I don't think I can survive it."

"I... Kara. Whatever happens, I will never leave you again. I would die first. I know you have no reason to believe me. I'll prove it to you. I'll do everything to gain back your trust again."

I wanted to believe him, but the wound was too deep to expect it to heal overnight.

"You're only here now because there was a fire in the shop," I said quietly. "Are you here because you're scared Raven is back and she'll go after me or my family? What about when she leaves? Would you disappear again from my life? I can't do it, Cam. I can't break again. I barely put myself back together, and if you leave me again..."

I stepped back when he moved toward me. He stilled.

"Have I lost you?" he asked softly. "Kara?"

"Cam..."

"I'm scared you won't come back to me. I'll wait. Come back to me, Kara," he pleaded. "Give me a chance. Please."

Helpless, I wiped the tears on my cheeks. "It's too soon right now. I need to think about all the things you told me tonight. I need to clear my head. I need some time."

"I'll wait. No matter what," he promised. "I can't let you go. I won't. You're my life, Kara."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You should leave, Cam. It's morning."

He looked at me like a man drowning. In his eyes the torment was endless. I wanted to go to him and take it away, but my own pain was heavy, and I couldn't move toward him.

Silently I walked to the living room, opened the front door. He followed me.

We stood there for a moment. The raw yearning I felt from him made my knees weak, but I stilled myself. He took a deep breath, then stepped out the door.

"Goodbye, Cameron."

"Kara."

Tears kept flowing down my face. I closed the door, but this time I didn't wait to find out if he was still standing behind it, waiting for me.

TWO CHAPTERS POSTED TODAY! Chapter 21 and Chapter 22. Happy reading, loves!