*right, I should have put that in the beginning of the story, but trigger warnings: violence, um... child abuse... ?

Nix walked slowly out of the cell and stood there, facing Fury. He nodded in approval.

••••• time skip •••••

Director Fury had declared that Nix would be staying there for some more time. But not in a cell. Although SHIELD's agents were still on their guard, it had been decided that Nix was not to be considered a threat any more. She would be staying in a normal room, just like all the other agents.

When Natasha led her there, Nix was shocked. She knew of course what a room was, she was not that naive. But in HYDRA her room was a lot different.

First of all, all the walls were made of metal and there were no lights. When Nix was to go to her room, it was lights out. Not that lights would have been very useful anyway, the room had barely two inches space around the bed, and there was nothing else in there. And the bed, barely as big as Nix, and she was always rather skinny, was as hard as a plank. She always wondered how the grown ups that lived there could sleep on those beds, they wouldn't fit in the slightest. Also, the bed only had a blanket that was thin and scratchy (was that even a word?) and Nix hated it because it was scratching her and it never kept her warm, she was always cold. All in all it was no wonder that Nix hated it when it was time to go to sleep.

The room here at SHIELD was not, by any means, perfect. But for her, it was the best room she had ever seen.

The first thing she noticed was a lamp on the ceiling. When they had walked in, Natasha had clicked on a switch next to the door and the lamp had opened. Nix observed it curiously before slowly clicking it. The lights went out. She clicked on it again and the lights turned on. A grin started to form on her face as she clicked the switch again and again, watching as it opened and closed the lights. Natasha wondered if the girl had never seen such a thing before, but did not question it. Nix turned at her still grinning widely.

"And I can do this whenever I want?" She asked

"Yeah but don't do it continually like that otherwise the lamp will stop working at some point"

"Oh" Nix stopped turning the lights on and off and looked back at the room.

It had so much space! (Not really but Nix didn't know that) She would definitely be able to walk in there and sit on the floor. Looking at the bed, she noticed there was a blanket in that bed too. And something else. She grabbed the edge of it and pulled it up.

"What's this?" She asked Natasha

The woman seemed rather surprised by the question, but answered nevertheless.

"That's a pillow"

"Pillow" Nix tried the word. It sounded so... soft. Just like the object itself.

"What is it supposed to do?" She asked again

This question surprised the woman even more. Had this girl never seen or used a pillow before?

"You... you put your head on it when you sleep"

Nix looked at the thing- the pillow, once more.

So strange... How came she had never seen one of those before? Maybe they didn't exist in her age? But if that was so, how came no one had thought about them yet? What if they did exist, and she just didn't know? Nix was becoming concerned at the amount of simple things she didn't know...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

That night, Nix was curled on the bed, under the blanket. Everything was so soft... And the... The... pillow, yes the pillow, was soft too. Nix smiled. This place was a lot better than HYDRA. She felt her eyes grow heavy. But as she looked around her, the darkness stopping her from making out anything, it suddenly felt as if it was becoming thicker, closing around her. Nix gasped, snapping her eyes shut. But it didn't help, it never helped. She still felt as if the darkness and the room itself were closing around her. She bit her lips, trying to persuade herself it was all in her head, it was not real.

"Look, darkness is just the absence of light. There is no sense in being afraid of the absence of light, is there?"

A four years old Nix shook her head, looking up at Johann Schmidt slightly ashamed.

He was right. Darkness was just absence of light. Darkness was just lack of light. Darkness was just lack of light. Darkness couldn't move, darkness wasn't thick, darkness couldn't close around her, block away the air. It was all in her mind. Nix was shaking, her heart beating fast in her chest, her breathing fast, her eyes open wide, trying to push the darkness away. It was all in her mind, it was all in her mind, it was all in her mind... Darkness doesn't have form, darkness can't close around you, darkness is just lack of light... It was not helping. She was afraid. She tried to calm her breathing, she just had to wait, to be patient. She would either fall asleep finally from exhaustion or the time for her to get up would come. Just wait... or maybe not? Maybe she didn't have to wait. She quickly jumped up and tried to find her way around the room. Not having the slightest idea where she was heading, Nix fell on a wall. "Ouch"

But that was good. She started walking, keeping her hands always on the wall. Soon, she felt the door frame and then, finally! The switch. She quickly opened the lights and sighed, the tension leaving her shoulders. That was better. She climbed back on the bed and curled under the blanket once more. That was soo much better.

A five years old Nix was standing, terrified, next to some kind of machine. She didn't have bad intentions. She was just curious, she wanted to know. She had never thought that Dr. Becker would be so angry. And he was very angry. He was screaming. He grabbed Nix by the hair and pulled her towards him.

"Explain yourself!" he growled through gritted teeth. Nix was terrified. She could not find words to explain, it was as if her voice was caught in her throat.

"Speak!" shouted Dr. Becker, hitting her so hard that she fell to the floor, whining.

"I wanted to see"

This explanation seemed to anger him even more. "Did you, now?" he asked mockingly. Nix backed away until her back hit the wall. She remained there, huddled and trembling. Dr. Becker nearly laughed seeing her so weak.

"Are you crying? Are you crying puppy?" he asked her sarcastically "You ruined a very, VERY important for us experiment, you know that? You were a very bad puppy... And you know what happens to bad puppies? The ones who are not obedient? The ones who are naughty? You know?" Nix had a very good idea what usually happened to the bad puppies and she did not like it at all. He had cornered her. She did not like it. Lightning fast she slipped away and tried to run. But she was not fast enough. Dr. Becker grabbed her wrist, turning her to face him. Holding both her hands he pinned her to the wall. "Ts ts ts ts" he shook his head "you do not learn ... do you know what an obedient puppy means?" he started talking in a harsher tone "it means that they listen, they do what they are told, and when they should be punished, they do not run. They accept the punishment and do not make the same mistake for a second time. Will you be an obedient puppy?"

Nix nodded quickly.

His hand raised in the air and then lowered it hard on her. Nix looked up at him with teary eyes.

"P-please s-stop" she stuttered. But doctor Becker raised his hand again.

Nix woke up startled, her hands raised in front of her in an attempt to protect herself, when she realised she was in her room in SHIELD. It was all a bad dream. But she couldn't shake away the memory. Doctor Becker had kept hitting her until she was crying in pain at his feet. Then doctor Zola had stepped in, stopping him, and taking her away. He had ordered her to wipe her tears because she deserved the punishment. But he had explained to her that in a lab you are not to touch anything unless you know exactly what you are doing.

"Will you remember that the next time?" Dr Zola asked

The girl nodded her head.

"Good" he said, and stood up, leaving her alone in her room.

He had locked her up after that, though, leaving her in complete darkness with no food or water for two days. But he had brought her a glass of water on the third day, and after two more days he had let her out.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Hello!

So this dream at the end, I know it's bad but... uh... no, that was not to show how things were bad for her, because, no, compared to others, things were actually good for Nix. The dream was to show you how some people became important to her. Oh by the way, I know it is weird, but no Nix had never seen a pillow before