A/N I did not come up with all of these, I collected most from the ideas of other people, so don't give me all the credit.  And if you have any ideas, please feel free to share.

1. I will not tell the first years that centaur rides are only three sickles

2. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore."

3. I will not let Fluffy go and then start singing "Who let the dogs out"

4. I will not tell first years that there are Easter eggs hidden in the Forbidden Forest

5. I will not declare a "Hug a Slytherin Day"

6. I will not use my socks to make a hand puppet of the Slytherin house mascot

7. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT shirt to school

8. I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard" when sent to the headmaster's office

9. I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.

10. I will not ask Harry Potter who died and made him the boss

11. I will not tell students that the best way to deal with a basilisk encounter is to keep eye contact

12. I Will Not Ask The Teacher's "What Were Your Parent's Thinking When They Named You?"

13. I will not ask Professor Flitwick how things are coming along in the Shire

14. I will not tell Voldemort, before the final battle, "May the force be with you"

15. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

16. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!"

17. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

18. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms"

19. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat??''

20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."

21. I will not grab Snape's hair and yell 'Eureka! I found oil!'

22. I will not call Professor Umbridge Professor Umbitch.

23. I will not create a bottle of Hair Gel, which says ''SHAMPOO SUX'' on it and then bring it out during Potions and ask who it belongs too.

24. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that Phineas Black challenged him to a fight

25. I will not tell Gilderoy Lockheart that Snape desperately wants his autograph but is way too shy to ask.

26. To drink Polyjuice Potion with Dumbledores/McGonagalls hair in it and then walk into the staff meeting with the opening line 'Whaaat's goin' down, bitchuzz & hoes!?' is not appropriate.

27. I will not make up rude limericks about teachers such as 'Whats under your cape, Severus Snape?'

28. I will stop calling Dumbledore Gandalf.

29. I will not call the dementors Ring-Wrath wannabes. (Lord of the Rings reference).

30. I will not tell Romilda Vane that she can sabotage Harry & Cho's relationship by writing Cho letters from Harry with rude limericks such as 'Cedric is a dead prick'.

31. I will not ask Voldemort to do the moonwalk.

32. I will not bewitch a bottle of shampoo to follow Snape

33. I will not impersonate Steve Irwin in magical creature class

34. I am not allowed to try to catch Seamus with a butterfly net. He is not a leprechaun no matter how short he is.

35. I will not run around screaming "TROLL!" In awkward silences

36. Firsties are not up for adoption

37. The giant squid is not a good date to the yule ball

38. House elves will not be used as replacements for bludgers

39. Lupin does not want a flea collar, neither does Sirius for that matter

40. I am not allowed to ask a Gryffindor: "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walk away

41. I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as the queen of toads. (Even if she is)

42. Professor Flitwick is not Yoda

43. Professor Dumbledore is not Santa Claus I will not sit on his knee and demand presents, especially in June

44. I will not impersonate the Swedish chef in potions class

45. There is no bring a muggle to school day

46. Professor Lupin is not a "nice doggy!"

47. I have not established or found a fifth Hogwarts house

48. At graduation I will not write that Voldemort is my inspiration

49. Magic is not the force

50. Professor Flitwick is very tired of the swish and flick jokes you will stop reciting them

51. Professor McGonagall is not CatWoman, and I will not refer to her as such, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather

52. I will not ask Professors Lupin, Snape, Dumbledore and McGonagall (Professors in the order) if Voldemort is Hitler or Osama Bin Laden

53. It is best not to bring up Michael Jackson's thriller around Professor Lupin

54. Calling ghostbusters on the resident ghosts is cruel

55. Moody does not need to be told his eye is creepy continuously

56. I am not the wicked witch of the west

57. I will not take house-points from first years for being too short

58. Conquering the earth with an army of flying monkeys is not an appropriate career choice

59. I will not upset Filch on the first day. Second maybe...but not first.

60. I will not throw paper airplanes through Professor Bins

61. I will not use sectusempra in public areas

62. I will not bribe Ravenclaws into doing my arthmacy homework

63. I will not ask McGonagall to unleash her inner cat lady

64. I will not ask Neville how his parents are

65. I will not sweep the floor with a Firebolt 5000

66. Do not tape a "free hugs" sign on the back of a Slytherin

67. I will not tell first years to high five Professor Snape

68. I will not call McGonagall 'Minnie'

69. I will not dye my hair blonde and say I'm a Malfoy

70. I will not say that Scorpius Malfoy is the next Dark Lord

71. or any other student

72. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes professor

73. I will not refer to the 'Accio' charm as 'The Force'

74. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets

75. I will not fly a car to Hogwarts because the train ride is boring

76. I will not use invisibility charms on anybody's clothes

77. I am not Voldemort's illegimate love child

78. I am not a reincarnation of Merlin

79. The song 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' is not appropriate

80. I will not go bungee jumping off the astronomy tower

81. I will not tell first years that I will banish them to the shadow realm

82. I will not convince Hagrid that pokemon are real animals

83. Seamus Finigan does not have a pot of gold under his bed (I checked)

84. I will not sell tickets to watch a basilisk and giant spider fight

85. I will not tell people that Teddy Lupin is a werewolf

86. I will not call Professor Flitwick a dwarf

87. I am not allowed to say Hermoine secretly loves Draco Malfoy

88. I will not tell first years that expelliarmus is an unforgivable

89. I will not use the Gryffindor sword to patrol halls

90. I am not allowed to bring a magic eight ball to divination

91. I will not tell people that I'm gonna resurrect Voldemort

92. I am not allowed to say that the killing curse is not an unforgivable

93. I am not allowed to doodle the Dark Mark on my potions essay

94. Or any essay for that matter

95. I am not allowed to say that Voldemort is alive again

96. I am not allowed to 'Accio' peoples clothes

97. I will not give McGonagall catnip

98. I will not use the Sirius pun (Sirius guys, I won't)

99. I will not tell people that Voldemort is in the Forbidden Forest

100. I will not tell people that using expelliarmus will send you to Azkaban

101. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell people it's the new Dark Mark

102. I will not tell people there are Ents in the Forbidden Forest

103. I am not the Care of Witches Underwear Professor

104. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled Firewhiskey

105. I am not allowed to feed first years to Fluffy

106. I will not tell people that Gandalf is Dumbledore's long lost brother

107. There is no 'open mike night' at Hogwarts

108. I am not allowed to use red paint to write creepy messages on the wall

109. I am not allowed to call McGonagall the wicked witch of the west

110. I will not use silencing charms on my Professors

111. I am not allowed to say that using 'reducto' will send you to Azkaban

112. I am not allowed to tell first years that I will sacrifice them to the Giant Squid

113. I will not tell first years that house elves work for Santa Clause

114. I am not allowed to sell Veritaserum

115. I am not allowed to sell Polyjuice Potion

116. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts a History

117. I will not use the Marauders Map for stalking purposes

118. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing

119. I will not give McGonagall string for Christmas

120. I am not allowed to wear bathrobes in place of robes

121. I am not allowed to tell people that robes are optional

122. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room

123. I will not tell people that Scorpius' animagus form is a ferret

124. I will not tell first years to build a tree house in the Whomping Willow

125. I am not allowed to dress up as Voldemort

126. I am not allowed to sing 'Do You Believe in Magic' in Muggle Studies

127. I will not throw lemons at people and say "life has given you lemons"

128. I am not allowed to say I am a dragon animagus

129. I am not allowed to put owls under the sorting hat

130. I will not yell "BAM" every time I apparate

131. I am not allowed to paint house elves blue and call them smurfs

132. I am not allowed to feed first years to Aragog

133. I am not allowed to make Nearly Headless Nick just Headless Nick

134. I am not allowed to make an army of pygmy puffs

135. I am not allowed to declare a "Slap a Slytherin Day"

136. I will not tell first year girls there are unicorns in the Forbidden Forest

137. I will not tell first years Hagrid will eat them

138. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro potion with pumpkin juice

139. I will not say that the Malfoy's are vampires

140. Hogwarts does not have a student council

141. I am not allowed to "borrow" a prefect badge

142. I am not allowed to replace the Slytherin brooms with regular ones

143. The correct way to report to the headmaster's office is with "You wanted to see me, Professor" not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence"

144. I will not tell muggleborns the Forbidden Forest is Mirkwood

145. I am not allowed to conjure the words 'drink me' on any vial of potion

146. I will not dye the Slytherin's robes pink

147. I am not allowed to try to recreate the Whomping Willow in Herbology class

148. If Deatheaters attack Hogsmeade, I am not allowed to point at the dark mark and cry "to the Batmobile Robin."

149. I am not allowed to do a report in Witch Burninings in Muggle Studies

150. I am not allowed to say there is a sequel to Hogwarts, a History

151. Just because there are three unforgivable curses doesn't mean all of the curses are forgivable

152. I am not allowed to ask if Professor McGonagall and Teddy Lupin if they've had all their shots

153. Kentucky Fried Chicken is not Kentucky Fried Owl and I am not to refer to it as such

154. I am not allowed to tell first years about the time a Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student

155. I am not allowed to tell the Ravenclaws that they are basically useless seeing as Hogwarts smartest student is in a different house

156. I will not turn the Slytherin common room into a swamp

157. I will not send a ferret to Scorpius Malfoy for Christmas

158. I am not allowed to try to sell the sorting hat

159. I am not allowed to tell first years waiting to be sorted that you must say your deepest darkest fears out loud while wearing the sorting hat

160. Saying that the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin crest is wrong

161. I will not start a 'Who can blow up their cauldron first' contest in potions

162. I am not allowed to say that OMGWTF is a spell

163. I am not allowed to use the Floo system to play a game of 'Ultimate Tag'

164. I will not say "OOO! SHINEY!" when the light flies off a wand

165. I will not give Professor McGonagall cat food

166. I won't sing "I believe I can fly" whenever flying on a brromstick

167. I will not give McGonagall a scratching post

168. At random moments I will not scream "I GOT THE POWER!" while casting spells

169. I will not sing the My Little Pony theme song when I see unicorns

170. I will not claim "ABRACADABRA!" to be a spell

171. I will not dare people to go down the chamber of secrets

172. I will not imitate Voldemort

173. I will not misuse Voldemort's name by using it in every sentence

174. I will not insist that Hufflepuff house colors indicate they are covered in bees

174. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" Is not a challenge

175. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate

176. I will not go to class skyclad

177. I will stop referring to showering as giving "Moaning Myrtle an eyeful"

178. I will not insist house elves serve fried snake to Slytherins

179. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept

180. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends"

181. I will not tie-dye all of the owls

182. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall

183. Or anywhere else for that matter

184. I will not shave Mrs.Norris

185. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends"

186. I will not write my essays in red ink claiming it is blood

187. I will not ask Lupin if it is his time of the month

188. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts

189. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord

190. I am not a sloth animagus

191. Nor am I a tribble animagus

192. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick's wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it

193. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha

194. I do not weigh the same as a duck

195. I am not allowed to wear Death eater robes to dinner and shout "Long live Voldemort" because I think it's funny

196. I will not kiss Trevor

197. Nor will I lick him

198. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is

199. Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first years

200. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental

201. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's quarters to watch him sing "I Will Survive" in the mirror, as it is disturbing

202. I will not  mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements

203. I will not insist trees in the Forbidden Forest are Ent wives

204. It is a bad idea to tell Snape that he takes himself too seriously

205. It is a bad idea to tell professor McGonagall she  takes herself too seriously

206. I am not to owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death eaters

207. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl

208. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine"

209. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick

210. I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken

211. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she should have said so already

212. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

213. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

214. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead

215. Filch does not have a sister named Magenta

216. Black Phoenix  Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheromones"

217. I will not refer to the Slytherin dorms as "the Tremere chantry"

218. The Malfoys are not Draka

219. Hogwarts does not have a student council.  Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal.  Therefore, I will cease going after prefects with a sword

220. Richard Upton Pickman did not paint the Fat Lady

221. The giant squid has not made an appearance in any hentai film

222. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte"

223. I will not refer to the hippogriff as "horeseybird"

224. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy

225. -or any other Slytherin

226. I will not "borrow" a prefects badge for Peeves

227. I will not swap Draco's broom for one out of Filch's broom cupboard

228. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry

229. -or teacher laundry

230. Nor am I allowed to cast an invisibility charm ever again

231. While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to Belinda the Buttless

232. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result could be

233. I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present

234. -especially if I don't tell her what it is

235. I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in Potions class

236. -even if I bring enough for everyone

237. -emptying a bag full of them on Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior

238. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders

239. No matter what Professor Umbridge may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs

240. Chemistry and Potions do not mix

241. -testing this last is not funny

242. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that

243. I am not to mock Umbridge in front of the press

244. I am not to speak Latin in front of the books

245. May not insinuate that all beautiful American exchange students to Gryffindor or Slytherin house in Harry Potter's year are Lockehart's misbegotten heirs, even if it is true

246. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth

247.-nor is the Fat Lady

248. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers , I should ignore them.  Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent

249. -Especially if I can't

250. If someone's house badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin house, not "the sorting hat thinks their dumber than me"

251. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes

252. Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums"

253. -neither does he respond favorably to "Sev," "Sapey-Poo" or "Debbie"

254. Hagrid does not have relations with magical creatures and I should stop implying that he does

255. I am not authorized to sell incriminating picture of faculty to students

256.-giving out these same pictures free of charge is also frowned upon

257. House elf stew is not on the Hogwarts menu, neither is Niffler curry, so I should stop asking

258. A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become

259. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Snape's personal postbox

260. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder"

261. Neville is not my valet

262. When given a directive by my house prefect, I should not insist that "we don't need no stinking badges"

263. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow

264. I will not threaten the Fat Lady with dip

265. House ghosts do not regularly dump buckets of slime on anyone

266. I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has coughed up a hairball

267. -nor in human form

268. I must not spread rumors that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death eater circles as "Dobby's Homeboy"

269. The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, blonde, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support

270. When fighting Death eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout "There can be only ONE!"

271. I will not refer to any Death eaters as "Trixie"

272. -even if it is a legitimate nickname

273. I must not start a "Vetinari for Minister of Magic" campaign

274. I should not tell anyone that Dean Thomas' nickname is John

275. I will not go to any fundamental websites and argue that

Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the intelligent design

276. The next time I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid

277. Should I chance to see a Death eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of the Opera"

278. I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine"

279. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort

280. I will not put books of muggle fairytales in the history section at the library

281. I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News

282. I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace saying I took the "flu network"

283. I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy

284. I will not ask Professor Sprout where the Jolly Green Giant is

285. I will not subvert the lock on the fourth floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first years as the Chamber of Secrets

286. I am not permitted to utter the line "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a _ out of my hat!" during Charms class

287. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts

288. Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is not recommended either

289. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it

290. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother

291. I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams

292. A muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quiditch equipment, even if it is enchanted to fly

293. Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy"

294. Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide with the return address "Voldemort" is not funny

295. Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs. Norris

296. I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels"

297. I will not tell Trelawney that I prophesized her death

298. I will also not tell Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the dark lord

299. I will not use Sytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations

300.  If asked in class what the Avada Kedarva curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be the correct answer but is not the manner in which one should answer

301. Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here

302. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Snape's eyesight ever again

303. I will not use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas

304. -or tomatoes, plumbs, oranges, or any other food item that is not a bludger

305. I may not have a private army

306. -not even if it technically belongs to someone else

307. I should not encourage the house-elves to unionize

308. I must stop referring to professors by the embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their school days

309. I may not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate

310. Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Dumbledore's candy

311. Portable swamps are not funny

312. Revel fires are to be danced around.  It is not appropriate to dispose of old love letters or other sensitive documents in them

313. Bubotubers are not filled with tasty honey, and it is wrong to tell first years they are

314. Stealing First year's clothes and tossing them in or around the Whomping Willow is highly frowned upon

315. Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts

316. Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny.  He does not like to be reminded of his incident.

317. Trying to out-argue a Slytherin will lead to no good

318. Despite popular beliefs, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy.  Do not treat them as such.

319. I will not melt if water is poured over me

320. -neither will Umbridge

321. -take caution, wet Umbridge is even worse

322. I do not have a Cyberman Protronus

323. I am not a Wirn animagus either

324. "Nessie is actually a cyborg created by the Zygons" is not an appropriate thing to say in Care of Magical Creatures class

325. While it is appropriate to refer to Voldemort as "Master" while in his service, Voldemort and The Master are not one and the same

326. I cannot substitute Prydonian robes for my Hogwarts uniform

327. -Nor can my winter scarf be longer than standard issue

328. I am not to attempt the recreation of the Key to Time in Transfiguration

329. -or transform a pepper pot into a Dalek

330. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is

331. -that goes double when Draco is within earshot

332. A time turner is not a flux capacitor, and I should not, therefore, install one in any muggle cars

333. I will not fake rabies

334. I will not levitate everywhere in a pink bubble

335. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

336. No part of the school uniform is edible

337. Never, ever, attempt to correct Moody at anything, ever

338. I must not refer to Professor Dumbledore as "Mum"

339. -nor Snape

340. Not allowed to use silencing charms on prefects

341. Not allowed to use silencing charms at all

342. Not allowed to prophesy the end of the world more than once

343. I will not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures

344. -especially if I actually have them

345. Madame Hooch's name is just that, a name.  I will not ask her to share.

346. -also will not ask her to fly under the influence

347. I will not attempt to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology

348.  Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens

349. I will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half hour

350. If the thought of a spell causes me to giggle for over 15 seconds, I am to assume I cannot use it

351. I am not allowed to charm the words "ferret boy" on Malfoy's forehead

352. I will not sell tickets to the Chamber of Secrets

353. -especially not one-way tickets

354. Singing 99 Bottles of Potions on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in detention

355. Woad and other camouflage/body paints are not needed for DADA

356. I may not challenge prefects to "Meet me on the Quidditch field at dawn"

357. I shouldn't throw fanged Frisbees in the Great Hall

358. I shouldn't use photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or professors

359. I should not confess to crimes that take place before I was born, even if I have a time-turner

360. I should not show up to the front gate wearing part of another house's uniform, messily drunk

361. -even if a prefect did it

362.  Teaching exchange students to taunt other Hufflepuffs is not nice

363. Do not dare first year Gryffs to eat bugs.  They will do it.  They always do.

364. I will not refer to McGonagall as "cat-girl"

365. -Nor will I attempt to stop her transformation part-way through

366. -Same goes for Hermoine

367. I will not hand the new DADA professors red shirts and tell them it's the standard uniform for the position

368. I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose

369. I do not know the Avada Kedarva curse and telling people that annoy me I do is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover

370. I will not test my potion assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them

371. -especially not all of them at once

372. It doesn't matter if he is going on vacation, I will not comment on how the Minister of Magic is 'packing'

373. I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on the astronomy tower

374. -likewise a satellite dish

375. I will stop sending Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Lupin

376. I will not ask Lupin what happens between him and Snape when he brings him the wolfsbane potion every month

377. Luna Lovegood does not have pointy ears, and she is not to be referred to as "Galadriel"

378. Lucious Malfoy also does not have pointy ears, and he is not to be referred to as "Haldir"

379. Professor Snape definitely doesn't have pointy ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as "Spock"

380. -especially as he knows the reference

381. I will stop substituting Lupin's Wolfsbane potion for Polyjuice potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris

382. The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me extra-credit in potions

383. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper and I am not to claim he is standing beside the headmaster and tapping an hourglass impatiently

384. -Nor Harry Potter's

385. When being interrogated by a staff member I am not to wave my wand in the air and announce "these are not the droids you're looking for"

386. Thestrals do not resemble the muggle toy "My Little Pony"

387. Professor Flitwick is not to be referred to as the 'Dungeon Master'

388.  I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity

389. -Or Wicca

390. -Or any other religion

391. -This does not mean my religious rights are being violated

392. I am not allowed to hit bludgers at spectators

393. -Or referees

394. I will not commit crimes then claim to have been under the Imperius curse

395.  I will not insult people and say I was given Veritaserum

396. -I will not give people Veritaserum

397. The four houses are not Morons, Borons, Smartasses, and junior Death-Eaters