PETE

The young master grabbed my hand too tightly when he pulled me away from the restaurant. I flinch because his grip hurt my bruised wrist and he realized it. He lifted my sleeves and found my bruised wrist. He asked me if Vegas did it to me so I said yes. I'm a moron for saying that. The next thing I know he dragged me back to the restaurant without wanting to hear my explanation.

Then, here I am now, living the most embarassing moment in my life : Announcing my own preference in sex infront of Porsche, Khun Kinn and the young master too. I’m grateful that I have at least 2 people who are willing to beat up my boyfriend for me but, this time, he really didn’t do anything wrong.

Hearing what I said it took a moment for everyone to digest the sentence that came out from my mouth and I can almost see their brain working very slowly before realization coming at the same time to all three of them. Porsche put down his fist, the young master dropped his tray that made a loud voice, as for Khun Kinn, from his expression I guess he just found something new he wanted to try with Porsche.

“What do you mean by that? Did you just try to protect him?” ask Tankhun

“Pete, you don’t need to be scared, this is the main family house, you can say anything here and we will protect you” said Porsche still holding on Vegas’s collar

“This is just the way we did it" I said again with a lot of annoyance "since the first time…”

“Ok, stop!” Vegas stops me before I can finish my sentence. He pushed Porsche’s hand from his collar and walked to me “You really don’t need to say anything, Pete, this is our private life and we don't need to explain anything to anyone.”

They were all just stunned for a few seconds. Porsche is the one who get his mind back first, he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the restaurant 

"You! Stay here!"said Porsche fiercely to Vegas 

Tankhun steps in to stop Vegas from following me and Porsche.

Porsche brought me to the waiting room in front of the restaurant where bodyguards usually wait for the bosses. He sits me up on the sofa then checks the surroundings to make sure no other soul is here with us. 

“Ok, Pete, now tell me the truth!” he said with a demanding tone

“I already told you, it’s just how we did it since the first time we had sex” this is really getting more and more annoying.

“Ok, wait! let’s start from the beginning”  Porsche took a deep breath then talk again “When did actually you had sex with Vegas for the first time?”

“When he held me captive, at the safe house” I can feel it will end really badly if I don’t choose the correct way to tell this story.

“You mean when he tortured you till you were bleeding and full of bruises like zombie?” 

“Yes…”ok, that sounds so bad when you put it like that, Porsche!

“Did he raped you!?” I can see Porsche face is turning red from anger and he is so ready to explode

“What? NO!” I sad quickly “Vegas never ever rape me, he will never do that to me! I was in my full consciousness and give him my full consent when we did it”

"You're lying?" Ask Porsche still not believing me

"I'm not!" I sigh so hard from the annoyance but tried to keep my cool because I know it's really important to explain everything correctly "Vegas is… very considerate and loving everytime we had sex. Almost soft and gentle but that's just not our style. He will never hurt me in anyway if I didn’t let him too and we always knows how far we can do these things"

Porsche looked at me in suspicion "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I said loudly "beside who want to stay with someone who rape you or had sex with you without your consent, that's just… unforgivable?"

Suddenly Porsche's expression changed. He somehow looks offended but also sad.

"What?" I don't understand, what did I say wrong?

"Well… I did" answer Porsche in a small voice, he avoided my eyes when he say that

It took me a few seconds before I realized what he said, then it's my turn to be in shock "WHAT?!"

"It's not really a rape though. It's just that I wasn't in my full consciousness and Kinn still did that to me…"

"Khun Kinn did that to you?!" I said more loudly than I intended 

"Yes…" said Porsche still in tiny voice "and that was our first time too"

My mouth wide opened without me being able to control it. I never thought the tough and strong Porsche would experience something like that, and by his beloved Khun Kinn too!

"But… How? When? Why? I…" how did I not notice my own best friend going through something like that?

"Remember the diamond auction event we attended"

"You mean when you were drugged?"

"Yeah…"

"Khun Kinn!" I was about to scream but I manage to control myself, I whispered my next sentence "he had sex with you when you were drugged!?"

Porsche nod "I didn’t remember much the next morning, all I know is I was lying on bed, naked, with Kinn beside me, also naked and my whole body especially my hole was sore and hurt like hell"

Bro! What you just described to me is a text book sexual assault! And I remember at that time, Khun Kinn also punished Porsche till he cried in the bathroom. I thought Porsche was upset because he was punished, I don't know if it turned out to be more than that. Now, I feel like a bad friend. 

"I'm sorry I didn’t realize what happened to you at that time?" I really really feel bad now. I thought I chose the devil of this family as my boyfriend but it turns out Porsche got it worse. 

"It's ok, Kinn apologized already"

"And you forgive him?"

"I did" he said with a faint smile

I can see myself in Porsche. Everyone keep saying I must be crazy choosing to leave my career, and my friends to be with someone who kidnaped and tortured me. But now, I know Porsche also chose to be with someone who did worse to him, and he forgives him too. 

I don't think I'll forgive Vegas if he ever did what Khun Kinn did to Porsche. That time at the safe house, he could easily overpowered me and force himself on me but he didn’t do that. He let me make my own choice and wanted me to give him my full consent. I think that's one of the reason why I started falling for him. The sadistic and merciless Vegas turn out has this sensitive and gentle side that I never know. And the more I know his other side the more I fall for him.

I smiled back at Porsche as a sign that I understand that we both are falling in love with a not so perfect man. But still, that not so perfect man is the love of our life and we love them regardless. 

"But really, Pete… I never know you like something like that" he still wants to talk about this? Seriously Porsche!

"Yeah, I do like something like that" 

"What causes this anyway?" He pointed at my wrist

"A handcuff"

"Did it always cause you bruises like this?"

"Usually not this bad" I said looking at my purpled wrist, it did really look bad

"Did you do it with anything other than a handcuff?"

"Sometimes we also use rope and other toys too"

"Toys? What kind of toys?

Ok, now Porsche sounds like a curious kid who wants to learn about something new.

"You never used any toys with Khun Kinn, did you?"

Porsche shakes his head

"Do your own research, my friend, it will surprise you how many toys you can find out there and how many things you can do with those toys"

VEGAS

My crazy oldest brother finally let me and Pete go after he tried to detain us because of Pete's bruised wrists. I don't know what Pete said to Porsche but Porsche managed to help us free from his detainment.

Nop, my head bodyguard came to pick us at the main family house. He looked pretty confused, because we told him we'll go for at least a week. It was only the third day, we were already back and we landed at the main family house too. 

"Is there any trouble, Khun Vegas" he asked with a worried voice

"No problem, Nop, no need to worried at all" I said 

Life has been very peaceful for us the last few months. No fight with the main family or with any other gangs. The bodyguard that resides in my home just enjoyed peaceful days that they rarely felt in the old days. I think they enjoy it so much that seeing me end up at the main family house worries them somehow. 

We arrived at our home and I felt so exhausted. Dealing with the main family, especially with Tankhun, is very energy taxing. 

My bodyguards take care of our belongings while I go straight to my room. I just want to take a hot bath and sleep while hugging my Pete. I was about to step on the stairs when I realized Pete wasn't beside me.

I went back to look for him and found him at the bodyguard's quarter giving out the snack that his grandma gave to us. I can see the bodyguards happily eating the snack and thanking him for that. Grandma bought so many snacks and there’s no way we can eat it all. I think that's why he shared it with the bodyguards.

The overall atmosphere in this house changed after Pete came to live here. Everyone seems happier and smiles a lot. Maybe because he used to be a bodyguard too he knows how it felt to be them, that's why he treats them very nicely. 

I'm watching him from afar as he walks to the kitchen with the bag of foods his grandma cooked for us. He told the cooks and maids how to reserve it and prepare it. 

"Make sure don't serve the spacy one to Vegas, ok?" he said

"Yes, Khun Pete" answer the cooks and maids

Unconsciously, I smiled while I'm watching him. I realized how much Pete has been taking care of me all this time. Every day he always makes sure I eat my meal regularly, tells me to work out and not spend most of my time in my room. He even prepares the clothes that I'm going to wear everytime we go out.

It feels really nice having someone taking care of me. Since my mom left I never had someone take care of me like this, and I almost forget how it felt.

My mom… why am I suddenly remembering her?

Pete saw me watching him from afar and smiled at me.

"Sorry, did I make you wait?" He said as he run to me

"I turn around and you weren't beside me so I was looking for you"

"I was giving out the snacks to the bodyguards and told the cooks how to prepare the food from my grandma"

"Are you done? Can we go to our room now?"

Pete nod "I'm really tired and want to sleep now"

"Just sleep?" I ask him, we hold hands as we walked to our room

"For tonight, just sleep… please… I'm really tired and didn't even get enough sleep last night" He said in a cute begging face

"Ok, ok, I know" I smiled at his cute face "but first we need to take care of this, the color really worries me" 

I pointed at his wrists. 

"It doesn’t hurt anymore, but ok"

"Also…" I stop him in front the stairs and face him in a serious manner "we need to talk about some things"

"About what?" He seems worried 

I need to tell him about Khun Castin and about the nature of the deal. I have a plan but I don't know if Pete will like my plan or not. Either way, I need to tell him, because as we promised, no secrets between us.

KIM

Chay wasn't in his room. A bodyguard told me it's been a week since he moved to the university dorm. He's going to live there for a semester or two to make himself familiar with the campus life.

Kinn told me, Porchay didn’t get into the Music Faculty as he originally wanted. He changed his choice to Psychology because he said it will be more useful for him to learn Psychology so he can take care of his mentally unstable mom. 

I really want to meet and talk to him about all of this. I don't want to be the reason he abandoned his music dream. He is still so young, so naive, so fragile. And I felt really weak and useless every time I thought about how I'm not strong enough to protect him.

I'm back to my own apartment and opened the box again. I don't know how many hours I had spent just sitting here and looking at all of those polaroids with Porchay's hand writing on it. 

'I miss you'

'Can I hug you?'

'I love you the most, I'm so lucky to have you'

And before I realize it, tears started coming down from my eyes. How much I hope I can answer all of these words.

As much as I'm afraid he will become my weakness, I'm also afraid I will put him in more danger than he already has now. Because he is too precious for me, the most precious person I ever have. 

What should I do? What should I do with my feelings for you? Those questions keep appeared on my mind these past few months.

Never in my life, I have no idea what I should do with something. I always had a plan, 1 or 2 steps ahead of anyone else, but with him I'm stuck. It's been months and I'm still in the same place. 

But I can't be like this for too long. I still have things that I need to do, things that distract me from him all of this time. I sweep my tears and put all of the polaroids back inside the box then stand up from my seat. Let's get back to work!

PORCHAY 

"Hey, Porchay…"

"Hey, roommate…"

"Hey, cousin…!"

Macau has been constantly calling me, but I'm too absent minded to answer him

"Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat!" He called me by my full name

"What!?" finally I answer him

"Can you please stop making weird noises with your guitar?" He said pointing at the the guitar on my lap "I really need to memorize all of these chapters for my class tomorrow morning"

"Didn’t you said you want me to sing so you won't get sleepy?"

"Yeah, but what you did is not singing at all, you keep looking out of the window with a sad face and strumming your guitar randomly"

I must be look really absent minded and making Macau worried "Sorry, I don't realize that"

"Seriously, what were you thinking anyway?" He asked with a concern face

"Just some things, learning psychology turn out not as easy as I thought it would be'' I lied, what I was thinking is not related to my study at all. Learning Psychology is not easy but it is also fun. I learn many new things everyday, I just hope one of my classes will help me to understand him.

"Me too!" Macau drop his thick book on his table with a loud voice "I know learning medicine is hard but I never thought it will be this hard. All of these books I need to memorize everyday are just… Argh!"

I laugh seeing him messing his own hair in stress just like our other cousin when I saw him from my peeping hole.

"You know what, I think we need vacation," he said yet another random idea

"You just came back from a trip around Europe a few weeks ago"

"Yeah, that's not really a trip, more like being a constant third wheel in my brother and his lover's honeymoon" 

I smiled hearing that "Was it really that bad?"

"Yeah, not really that bad, actually, many things were fun too, like seeing P'Pete's face everytime I walk into them kissing or about to do something else" 

I laugh again "they must be very grateful you choose to live at the dorm"

"I am grateful I don't need to become their third wheel anymore" Macau said "You promise me, Chay, don't get yourself a lover and make me your third wheel too!"

I force a smile when I heard that last sentence "I don't really think about having one right now"

"That's great then!" He said "It will be even greater if we can find lovers at the same time and no one need to be anyone third wheel"

"You can find one, I'm ok being your third wheel"

"No, no, no, we can try to find one together" he suddenly took out his phone and started scrolling "do you get the invitation too, for the freshman party this weekend?"

He shows me a chat on his Line

"Yeah, I got one too" I said unantusiasically 

"Then we can go together and maybe find someone interesting at the party" he said antuasiasically 

I tried partying before, it's doesn’t really work well for me

"Come on, it's for the weekend after all, it's good to meet new people"

But thinking about it again, maybe it is not a bad idea after all. This is a college party, everyone that comes to the party are students from our college. We might meet new people that will help us in our study. 

"I'll think about it" I said

"I'll take that as a yes, then" he said while smile widely

I didn’t answer him and went back to my guitar, tried to sing something. I don't even remember, someone is also attending this same university with us.

VEGAS

THE WEEKEND

It's finally the time of my appointment with Khun Castin. We agreed to meet at a Japanese restaurant, just the two of us, no Kinn and Porsche. But without his knowledge, they will watch us from the next room with cameras that were already being installed in the room. My Pete was also there with them. 

I've told Pete about my past relationship with Khun Castin. Even though at first he was mad but in the end he understood that it was all in my past. Besides, if he want to spend his time being jealous over every man that ever had sex with me then he problably has to spend all of his remaining life only to be jealous.

I didn’t wait for long before Khun Castin walked into the room. He was a man in his mid 30's with a slender body. His face is not bad at all. Because he's mixed race he has a sharp nose and bluish big eyes that make him somehow beautiful. He smiled so widely when he saw me

"Hallo, Khun Castin" I offered him my hand for a hand shake but he walk to me and hug me

"It's really been a long time, Khun Vegas" he said while hug me tightly

I totally can feel Pete's piercing eyes through the camera and being really careful with my hand, making sure I'm not hug him back or even touch him at all.

He finally let me go and smile at me lovingly

"Please sit, Khun Castin" I pointed at the chair in front of me 

I only put 2 chairs here so he didn’t have a choice to sit and only sit at the only chair left. I did this so his hands and feet won't have a chance to being busy with under the table with me because the two chairs were too far away from each other.

"Ah.. sushi, you still remember my favorite food, Khun Vegas" he said looking at all of the sushi on the table

"Of course, you are a very important client for us" I said in a formal tone.

He smiled forcefully hearing my answer "I'm sorry I didn’t visit you when you were hospitalized, the main family said you didn’t take any visitor"

"Yes, because I need to focus on recovering"

"Glad to see you recover so well"

"Thank you, Khun Castin"

"And I heard about what happened to your father too" he put on a sad face when he said that "My condolence, Khun Vegas"

"Than you, Khun Castin"

"It was such a tragedy, really a tragedy, we've been business partner for so long and now suddenly he's gone, then some random ex-bodyguard is replacing him" he laugh mockingly when he said the last sentence "I can't make a deal with incompetence people"

"Porsche is still learning, but he's also family, he can take care of our business" I tried to convince him

"No, no, being born in a certain family doesn’t always make someone automatically capable of anything. You, Khun Vegas has all the capability, education, and spirit you need to do the business correctly, I'm not sure Khun Porsche has that"

I forced a smile "I'm flattered by your compliment, Khun Castin, but I'm no longer in the family business, Porsche is the leader of the minor family, now, and he will taking over all of our business"

He makes a pouty face, which is supposedly cute but it didn’t affect me at all "I only want to make a business deal with you and only you"

As I'm about to answer him, I accidentally nudged my drink and the water spilled onto my jacket. I stepped back from my chair to clean it up. Then everything happened so fast. I felt a familiar stinging feeling on my shoulder that made me fall from my chair. It quickly turn into a painful burning sensation as blood started pouring out from my shoulder. Khun Castin screams and calls for help in panic and people started coming into the room to help me. It took me a few seconds before I realized someone had just shot me.