tw: unsuportive parents, panic attack, slight flashbacks, mentions of bad blood, unhealed trauma

The option of going to Cassey's café was very appealing to Mei that early Tuesday night, but to her misfortune, the place was closed. It had become a habit, going to get a black coffee before going to work. Laurene had questioned it a few times, especially after the number incident, but over time she stopped asking. Her friend simply looked at the cup with a knowing look. She was the only one who suspected on Mei having a relationship with someone. For everyone else it was a secret, Laurene had kept her word on not telling anyone even if it'll be a good gossip.

Nothing much happened at the start of the day. Mei followed her routine: saying hi to Laurene when she got inside, going to her locker, leaving her stuff in there and grabbing her hospital attire. It was simple, just changing from her flannel and white t-shirt to a teal one with a black long-sleeved shirt underneath. Her nametag sat around her neck, making sure the information was facing forward. There was no clue to suspect what would be about to happen.

Mei had just gotten out of the locker room and was walking to her floor when her phone started buzzing. A call. She took it out of her pocket without expecting much, maybe a spam call from a company or hopefully Cassey to say hi. When Mei saw the name of the contact, she froze.

Not now, she begged, please, not now-

Still, she picked it up.

"Mei. Nice to see you answered the call," Mei mother's voice said from the other end of the line.

"Hi mom," Mei breathed in a forced a smile, even if her mother wouldn't be able to see it, "Isn't it a bit late for you to call?"

"I know what you are now, Mei. What is a "bit late" for me, is good for you. And if I want you to pay attention to us, this is the best thing I've got. Staying up a few extra hours."

"Sorry," Mei whispered, "How- how's it all going up there?"

"Not bad, not bad. Your brother has already started second year of college. He was coursing anthrocriptology, remember? Seems like the kid wants to become a professor in that field. This isn't what I would've chosen, but it'll probably be better than what you chose."

"Well... as long as he's happy-" Mei didn't finish her sentence, her mind and body where functioning at different speeds. Mark was doing anthrocriptology? It's right, he might've mentioned it before, but Mei never thought he'd go ahead with the idea. When they were little, he'd never shown any interest for that field, nor anything related to it. Was it- was this because of her? Did he change his mind on his future because of what had happened to her?

"...so you're still working as the cleaning lady at the hospital?" Her mother asked.

"I'm- I'm not a cleaning lady mom. I work distributing supplies, helping with the organization of the stock, helping families and patients find their way around the hospital, etc. But I'm not a cleaning lady."

"You're not a doctor either. I told you, Mei. When you said you wanted to study arts, I told you medicine would be better. You insisted with your little stubborn arguments, so I was supportive with your little fantasy. After your... accident, here you are, wasting your life away. You should've listened to me when I told you a medicine career would be beneficial, Mei. And you should listen to me now as well. You see-"

Her mother kept talking, but Mei wasn't listening anymore. Her mind was somewhere else, lost in another dimension. Why? Why did she have to mention it? Why did her mother had to remind her of the accident?

It had been two and a half years already. Why. Why still? Over the phone, she kept hearing her voice, talking long and loud, but there was no processing of information going on Mei's brain. Her mind was far away, on that alley, so, so long ago. When she paused to think about it- it barely felt like 2 years. It was almost 3 years. And she still wasn't over it.

A throb of pain struck Mei. She stumbled and leaned against the wall closest to her. It was hard, but the vampire made herself focus on her mother. It was the right thing to do.

"... What do you think of it, Mei?" The voice asked.

"I don't know," Mei answered. It took so much energy to stop her voice from stuttering, stop it from breaking.

"Mei, please, it isn't that difficult. Your father and I have decided that if you still want to work in a hospital, at least you should get something out of it. We are offering you to come back home and study again, this time medicine so you can be a real doctor. You are still 24. By the time you finish, you'd still have-"

"There's no need, mom. I'm fine here, I like my job," It was a risky move to interrupt her mother, especially with a lie, but Mei simply couldn't deal with her scolding. Not now.

"Hm. I'll leave the offer open. Mei, we simply want you to come back, at least for a visit. We haven't seen you in months, Mark misses you... we all miss you. You have to come."

"I'll try to go over Christmas," Her mother's voice felt like bong resonating inside Mei's skull, hammering and resonating, each word louder and louder and- "You caught me at work, mom. I have to go."

"Mei-"

Before any other word could be said, Mei hanged the phone. She let herself fall to the floor, hiding her head with her hands. Her face felt hot, something unusual for a vampire, someone with not enough blood in their system to do so like a human. She opened and closed her eyes, awaiting tears that never came. Her mouth clenched and relaxed catching for air, heavy breathing, a knot in her throat. But tears never came.

Going back. Her mother had talked about going back. She couldn't go back. She couldn't. She couldn't bear to be in that room. That same room. The room. Her bedroom. Her bedroom where she'd been trapped. No. No. Not again.

Being in a hospital was fine. Yes. She barely remembered. She couldn't remember. Memories where scarce from the second the first hit came. In that alley. In that alley after pride. The hospital was bright, that's all she remembered. Rainbow, dark, blood, black, white, bright. And then her room.

She had hated it. It was terrible. Nightmares. Pain. Pain, lots of pain. And her parents. Her parents after her. Her parents keeping her there. Her parents trying to help. Trying to protect. Hurting. Hurt hurt hut.

It had been hard to recover. To adapt. Vampirism was weird. It hurt. And the blood. The bloodlust. The guilt. Terrible.

Almost 3 years ago. Why? How? Almost 3 years ago. So much time, so little experience, so much change, so little help. It was terrible. She couldn't- show. She couldn't, it was wrong. This was wrong. Terrible. Bad.

The knot in her throat tightened. Fuck, she was at work. Mei could- people couldn't see. See her like this. No. No, there'll be questions. Go. She had to go. Hide. Hide somewhere save.

Bathrooms. Bathrooms where close.

Mei leaned against the wall to help herself stand up, her steps short and bumpy, feeling as if she'd fall any second from now. But they were close. The bathrooms were close. And empty.

She rushed to the first stall, locking the door. Sat on the toilet. Grabbed a tissue, but her face was dry. Tears never came.

It still wasn't safe. People could come. Too loud. She was too loud. Her heavy breathing. Her dead heart pounding. Slow, constant beats, drumming her ears.

Calm down. How? How to calm down? Blurry eyes, but no tears. Her phone! Mei was still holding her phone.

Cassey. Cassey was good. Could Cassey help? She just needed a distraction. To not think.

"Mei...?" Cassey had answered. What now?

"Sorry. Sorry, it's- it's late. Well, late for you, I think. Sorry, I-" Mei regret the call the second she heard Cassey's tired voice. She considered hanging this call as well.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," A pause. The sound of feet touching the floor, "What's wrong."

"I- Th- there's nothing wrong," Mei lied, "I'm fine, I- just wanted to talk to you?"

"Mei, please, I wanna help-"

"Cas- please. It's alright, I don't- I don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh. Ok- um... Well, uh- what, what do you wanna talk about then? Is there- How can I help?"

"Sorry," Mei sighed, still trying to catch air, "Sorry, I don't know, I don't know, I- I want to stop thinking. I want to shut my mind off, I can't deal with this, I can't deal with this right now, I can't-"

"Ey, Mei, Mei. Focus on me. Focus on my voice," Cas told her, "I want you to breathe, ok? Come on, you can do it. Breath in, breath in deeply."

Mei tried to do so. Ignoring her shaky breath, she inhaled deeply as Cassey commanded.

"Alright. You're doing great. Now, I'd like you to exhale slowly. You got this."

After a minute of two of this, Mei's breath slowly became more consistent. Her chest fell like flames with every breath, the knot in her throat still tight, but slowly, her body started to relax. Her eyes where watery now, a tear or two rolled down, nothing more. When Mei considered she was stable enough, she straightened up her pose.

"Thank you," She said.

"You good?"

"Better. Thank you for being there for me."

"It's no prob Mei. I'll be here for whatever you need," Mei couldn't see Cassey's face, but she could've sworn they were smiling, "Look, Mei, now that you've calmed down, would you wanna tell me what happened so that-"

"No. I don't want to think about it."

"Alright. Wanna talk about something else or-"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Cas, but I have to go. I'll- We- I will tell you next time. Sorry."

"Mei-"

Again, Mei didn't wait to listen the last words that came after the call for her name. She didn't hang this time, she just took the phone off her ear and looked at the ceiling. She was so pathetic. So stupid. Cassey was probably so confused, so worried, so annoyed at her- Mei shook her head and wiped her wet eyes, making her shirt dirty with a semi-transparent substance. Fun fact about vampires: tears aren't like human ones. They were made of a darker, denser substance. With a tissue, Mei got rid of it all. She couldn't be sure if she'd managed to clean her face correctly. It made her sick. Whatever the result was, she'd have to deal with it. It was finally time to get to work.