It was a showdown between Eddie and Trudy, and frankly there was no way he was coming out the winner in this one. Like, who says no to Trudy? Nobody, that's who! Still, he had to say something, even if it was useless.

Eddie gulped, knowing he had to clown himself. "I don't want you to see," he said honestly.

Their housemother rolled her eyes, while he continued to panic over the fact that Trudy— sweet, innocent Trudy— was about to see the body they stole from their teacher's house. "Why ever not?" she sighed, moving to lift the tarp up again.

Alfie and Eddie once again swatted her hands away, knowing that they were only delaying the inevitable, but suddenly Fabian had a breakthrough.

"Well, it'll spoil the trick!" he shouted suddenly, catching everyone's attention.

"Trick?" asked Trudy dubiously.

"For Alfie's magic act," he clarified, prompting Alfie to play along with his eyes. "For the open day."

There were several long beats of silence where Eddie was certain that either Trudy was going to call bullshit on the lie or Team Evil was gonna come sprinting across the lawn and beat the shit out of them. Neither of those things happened, however, and his legs nearly gave out from relief when Trudy half-smiled.

"Okay," she hummed, lifting her hands off the tarp. "Okay... Well, far be it from me to ruin the magic!"

Eddie wasn't a mind reader, but it didn't take super powers to know exactly what his friends were thinking, mostly because it was the same as him: Thank the fucking lord.

"Thank you, Trudy!" KT said around the widest grin he'd ever seen on her face, and she lifted up the front of the wheelbarrow, prompting the boys to follow suit.

They didn't need to be told twice, heaving up the weight of the tank with some difficulty— enough difficulty that their housemother decided to intervene again.

"Oh, dear!" she clucked worriedly. "That looks heavy. Let me give you a hand!"

They blanched and quickly tried to dissuade her, but she was having none of it. "Well, come on! Let's go!" she said, and Sibuna had no choice but to march on with their unwitting accomplice in tow. Or rather, she was dragging them along in tow, guiding them toward the school like a ship into rocks. "You'll want this in the common room, I take it!" she chipped jovially. "Up on the stage for everyone to see!"

KT laughed nervously, shooting Eddie a desperate look over her shoulder. "Sure, Trudy," she ground out.

"Yeah," Eddie coughed, aware of his blood pressure skyrocketing with every step they took, "sounds great!"

As if things couldn't get worse, their housemother's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh! We'll need someone to meet us there!" She fished around in her pocket to retrieve her cellphone. "I'll give Victor a call; he'll lend us a hand."

You've gotta be kidding me, Eddie thought, looking around at his alarmed housemates.

He locked eyes with Fabian, and his roommate jerked his head down at the wheelbarrow violently. "Drop it," he mouthed silently. "Drop it!"

Praying he didn't actually hurt him, Eddie dropped his side of the wheelbarrow, and Alfie and KT did the same. Fabian made a big show of crying out, clutching at his hand like it had just been crushed.

"Oh, Fabian!" Trudy immediately put down the phone, turning to him with concern splashed across her face. "Are you alright?"

"I- I think he caught his hand!" Eddie exclaimed, paling when Fabian accidentally pulled down a portion of the tarp covering up their victim. Alfie quickly pulled it back over with a nervous trill of laughter.

Trudy paid the cargo no mind, though, only focused on her poor, sweet Fabian. "Oh, lovey, don't try to move it!" she cooed, reaching out with gentle fingers to examine the so-called wound.

"I think it's broken," Fabian caterwauled.

Trudy bit her lip nervously. "O-Okay, nobody move! I'll go and get help!" She gave them all one more once-over before taking off across the grass to the school.

Fabian continued to cry out until she was out of earshot then rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"The kind of help we don't need!" KT hissed, lifting up her portion of the wheelbarrow again.

"Let's get the hell outta here," agreed Alfie. "Go, go, go!"

Without waiting to see if anyone was coming to "help," the group took off as fast as physically possible into the treeline.

—

"Okay!" Joy sighed, as Silent Jenny flounced quietly off the stage. "I think now we're ready for Jerome Clarke and his funny balloon animals?" She took one look offstage, followed by the distinct sound of a balloon deflating, and sighed again. "We are not ready for Jerome Clarke and his funny balloon animals... so, erm, let's have Mara Jaffray to the stage, who I believe has a very special song for us."

This announcement was followed by a bit of microphone feedback, that sent the whole room of parents, faculty, and students cringing, but that didn't stop Mara.

"You're gonna do great!" Kira whispered, giving her best friend a thumbs up. Beside her, Patricia was anxiously redialing Eddie's number, but it kept going to voicemail.

"Thanks," Mara whispered back, and made her way up onto the stage with her guitar clutched in her hands. "Hello, everyone! This is a song I wrote called—" There was another round of mic feedback that covered her words, and Kira winced at the noise, but tried to keep a supportive smile on her face. Undeterred, however, Mara strummed the guitar and began to sing.

She had a lovely voice, one that Kira had only really heard while her roommate was singing in the shower. It was such a shame there was so much feedback, though, always conveniently whenever she was about to sing Jerome's name. It was certainly strange, and if she hadn't been so distracted with the fact that her friends might get caught with a tank man, she would have been suspicious.

"Where are you?" Patricia hissed into the receiver of her phone for the tenth time.

"Voicemail again?" whispered Kira out of the corner of her mouth.

"What else?" she harrumphed.

Just then, Victor and Mr. Sweet reentered the common area, and the girls grinned taughtly at them as they passed. "Doesn't look like they caught them," Kira pointed out hopefully.

"But where's Denby?" muttered Patricia.

Before she could reply, Mara's song ended, and she erupted into applause at her bestie's performance like any friend should. As Joy took the stage again, she tapped the mic, thankful like everyone else that there was no god-awful shrieking. "Let's hear it for Mara Jaffray again, everyone!" She clapped a little more, looking around backstage. "And now could we have— and I'm not even going to ask where Jerome is— so now could we have Willow Jenks!"

The room continued to clap politely as Willow took the stage. She had a very serious expression on her face, and for a few moments, she was completely silent.

"Uh... What is she doing?" Patricia asked, having taken a break from trying to get ahold of their fellow Sibunas to watch the show.

"I have no idea," Kira admitted, unsure of whether or not she should clap.

"I have written for you all, a poem," Willow finally announced, a dramatic flair to her voice. "It is entitled: 'I Love Your Shiny Hair'." She launched into it then, rhapsodizing about romance while using some pretty interesting metaphors to do so. During that time, Mara had migrated back over to where Kira was standing, watching Willow with a sort of morbid fascination. Soon enough, Jerome materialized and joined his girlfriend.

"And if I ever feel low and whiny, I think of you and your hair so shiny," the poet was saying. "And if I roomed in the same house as you, then I could hear a pin drop too."

"What?" Kira coughed, while Patricia struggled to hide her laughter.

"Oh my god, I know who this is about," Mara gasped.

Jerome looked like he was about to burst into flames. "You do?" he gulped.

"Victor!" she whispered back, then gave a full body shudder. "Ewwww..."

"Eww indeed," Jerome agreed almost too readily, grabbing at Mara's arm to pull her away. "I think we've heard enough."

"Wait, no," she whined, gently shaking him off. "I don't want to go yet."

"Yeah, you'll miss a Tony-worthy performance," Patricia drawled, and Kira gave her a light smack.

"For you and I are meant to be," continued Willow, "like a teapot and some really good tea. Like a right-hand glove and someone's right hand. Like a Swiss roll and the country Switzerland!" She made a few motions with her hands to mime skiing down a mountain. "But before I finish, it would surely be rude, to forget your awesome ping-pong dude."

Kira raised an eyebrow at that, half-turning to give Jerome a questioning look only to see just the tail of his coat disappear through the crowd.

"You are a fine example of the human genome. You are my boyfriend, and your name is—"

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DO I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU!" Jerome bellowed around a balloon dog as he leapt onto the stage, nearly bodyslamming Willow out of the way. "PREPARE TO BE AMAZED!"

"I wasn't done!" Willow complained, tapping his shoulder. "I was about to say—"

"AN ELEPHANT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" he cut her off holding up what Kira had originally thought to be a dog, only now she could see the long deflated balloon that served as the trunk.

Willow shrugged and simply skipped off the stage, mostly unbothered.

Joy joined the trio of girls by the wall and shrugged too. "Hey, at least he finally went on," she murmured. "This whole thing has been a disaster." Mara gave her a look. "Ah! Um, except for your performance, of course.

"And now, for your amusement only," Jerome continued, slightly calmer now as he lifted another balloon creation from behind his back. "A poodle. A lost, lost poodle."

"What is he doing?" Kira asked in bewilderment.

Her best friend sighed dreamily, and laid her head on her shoulder. "Being Jerome."

There was a small commotion in the hallway, and Trudy's voice drifted over to the them: "Oh, Ms. Denby, come quick! It's Fabian!"

Kira and Patricia exchanged horrified looks, and without waiting to be prompted twice, tore out into the hall. Mara stumbled once her shoulder to lean on was gone, and she called after Kira, but there were far more important things to take care of.

"What's the matter with him?" Denby asked, brow furrowed.

"It's his hand!" Trudy panicked. "Oh, you'd better come see for yourself!"

"NO!" Patricia yelped, freezing when all eyes were on her. "Um, I mean, I wouldn't. Fabian is such an attention seeker! I wouldn't encourage him."

Trudy stared at her, aghast. "He did look like he'd really hurt it."

Reluctantly, Kira had to corroborate the lie. "Well, Trudy. Just last week, he got a paper cut, and told me he thought he was going to bleed out. Tried to make me call the ambulance."

Denby didn't seem to want to deal with this, and so she waved a hand dismissively. "Right, well, Kira, if you could go to the infirmary?"

"Absolutely!" she chirped.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," said Trudy. "They're giving a presentation in there, and Mr. Sweet wouldn't want you to spoil it with a real medical emergency."

"But the room is specifically for real medical— You know what? Fine," Denby said, throwing her hands up. "I have a first aid kit at the Gatehouse."

"I can get it for you!" Patricia offered brightly.

Their teacher looked beyond unimpressed. In fact, she looked extremely suspicious. "You know, Patricia, you're being awfully helpful today."

Something about Denby's stare was absolutely withering, and even the strong-willed Patricia shrunk away from it. "Well, it is a hidden talent show, Miss," she said meekly.

After a moment, she sighed. "Well, thank you, but I don't like people wandering around the Gatehouse while I'm not there. There are a lot of... very fragile antiques. I'll just be a few minutes." She nodded to Trudy and disappeared down the corridor.

Trudy worried at her lip and nodded back. "I'm going to go check on him. Hold down the fort, girls!" With that, Trudy took off too, leaving Kira and Patricia alone in the hallway.

"Shit," they swore in tandem.

—

"Once we get Frobisher into the crypt, it'll be fine," Eddie reassured them for the hundredth time as they approached the rather unassuming stone structure that marked the crypt.

"Ha! Alfie, you were right!" Fabian cheered.

Alfie smiled nervously. "Ye of little faith," he chuckled.

"So that's what it looks like on the outside!" KT remarked just as nervously as they came to a stop by the entrance. "And here I thought it would be all spooky!"

"So how do we get in?" Eddie asked, sizing up the wooden door. It was the same one they'd all tried busting down with their body weight, so he already knew that wasn't going to work.

"I've got a pretty good idea," KT said, lifting up her key.

"You always carry a key to a musty old dead people hang out?" quipped Alfie.

She chuckled in her awkwardly endearing way. "That's just the kinda girl I am."

"Okay," he said seriously. "Be careful for zombie stragglers."

Fabian rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Alfie, we've talked about this. Zombies don't exist."

"But there are such things as sleeping Egyptologists?" Alfie retorted. "I'm so confused."

Fabian leaned over to Eddie and shook his head. "We're gonna have to draw him a diagram."

KT cleared her throat and gestured to the now open door, and the boys groaned as they once again lifted up the weight of the tank. It took some maneuvering, but they managed to get him all the way down the stairs with minimal bumps and bruises.

"Okay," Fabian breathed once they were safely on the stone floor of the crypt. "Now we just have to wait till nightfall."

"That's still a long ways off," Eddie reminded him, out of breath from the toil of it all.

"Seriously, guys, you can go now," KT said. "We have everything we need to wake up Robert... I can take it over from here."

"Will you quit trying to be a martyr?" Eddie half-joked. "No way are you doing this alone."

"Exactly," agreed Alfie. "No way."

"They're right," said Fabian, patting her on the shoulder. "We're a team."

She looked around at them with wide, melancholic eyes. "You guys could be risking your lives."

Eddie offered her a lopsided grin. "Well, for some crazy reason, I think we all think it's worth it."

She smiled back gratefully, eyes shiny in the dim light. "Thank you," she murmured. "All of you."

—

"Oh, Kira! Kiraaaa!" Willow called, racing up to her in the hallway with a bright smile on her face. "I wanted to tell you this earlier, but I was so busy with the poem! Mr. Sweet said that I'll be taking Amber's old bed! We're gonna be roomies!"

Kira's expression must have been quite the spectacle, because even despite the stakes being astronomical for Sibuna right then, Patricia started laughing.

"We are?" she asked stupidly. "But I thought they were trying to stop with the overcrowding in Anubis House."

"Yes! You, me, and Mara! Isn't it exciting?" she squealed. "I guess three in one room isn't overcrowding to Mr. Sweet! I'm so glad it's not! Ahhhh! Imagine it: I'm an Anubis resident at last!" Willow grabbed her by the hands and twirled her around. "Okay! Okay! I have to go, but I'll see you later, roomie! Squeeee!"

Almost as quickly as she appeared, Willow skipped off, leaving Kira with a dumbfounded expression on her face. "It's not funny," she snapped at a cackling Patricia.

"What? I thought you liked Willow," she said innocently.

"Not to live with! Especially now that I'm busy with the weird kids clique!" she complained.

"Oh, come on, it's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is! Do you know how hard it is to slip past Mara? Now I have to sneak around Willow too, and I swear I think she's got magic powers or something." She threw up her hands. Why does my life keep getting more complicated?

Patricia rolled her eyes. "You'll survive, trust me. Anyway, we have bigger problems. What happens when Denby realizes the tank is gone? Because that's exactly what's about to happen when she gets back to the Gatehouse."

"We're gonna have to warn them," she sighed, tugging on the end of her ponytail anxiously

"How? Eddie's not answering his phone!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Have you tried calling anyone else?" she asked pointedly.

Patricia sucked on the insides of her cheeks sheepishly. "No..."

"Girl, you are not subtle," Kira snickered at her blushing friend. "Anyway—"

"STOP THESE PATHETIC ENTERTAINMENTS NOW!" Denby's voice roared from inside the student lounge, and they knew the gig was up. "NOBODY LEAVES; EVERYONE MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR!"

They exchanged looks. "Shall we go?" Kira suggested.

"Let's go," came the grim reply. "Now."

—

Eddie finally got a chance to look at his phone, and gulped to see the sheer number of voicemails and missed calls. "Eleven missed calls from Patricia," he reported nervously.

"Well, what's the message?" Fabian prompted.

Eddie pressed his ear to the speaker and grunted when no sound came out. "It won't download. There's no reception down here."

"What if she was trying to warn us?" Alfie fretted.

KT looked surprisingly unbothered. "No one knows we're here," she replied.

"Well, what if Denby has some special evil way to find out?!" he exclaimed.

Fabian rolled his eyes yet again. "Alfie, I really don't think so."

"Guys, you don't know that! She could come through that door at any second!"

As if on cue, the door to the crypt swung open above them, and the Sibunas froze in terror. "Move, now!" Fabian whispered urgently, and they all scrambled into action.

"Why am I always right about things?" Alfie cried, receiving several harsh shushes.

In the end, they couldn't move the tank into a hiding spot fast enough, and Alfie and Fabian were forced to simply duck behind it, while KT and Eddie wedged themselves in a darkened corner. None of them dared breathe as the menacing footsteps approached slowly, and Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. Of all the ways he thought he was going to get expelled, stealing a sleeping Egyptologist from his teacher's massive evil house never made the list. He set his jaw, waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was a deathly still silence, and then:

"It's hard to tell, but I think this is the most dickheaded thing you've ever done, dickhead."