Going stag to the wedding was okay. Well okay until I have to hear my aunt complaining loudly and incessantly about the 'empty' space that she paid catering for. Or how it looks to have one table of eleven with only ten seating guests. Oh, the horror. The tragedy it has befallen on this joyous occasion.... I swear I don't think it was humanly possible for a human being to roll eyes so often as I have in the last 16 hours. 

It's been one month since I returned from Dusseldorf and one month and a half when I walked away from Daniel. Not that anyone in this place would know about it. That was my well kept secret from the world. A brief affair of connected hearts.

We still exchange polite messages. But he has stopped calling for one week now. The closer the date approached of his own departure to newfound lands, the further away we were. The mirage of a life together. 

I'm still dumbfound about how quickly life turned upside down. One moment I'm in idyllic bliss after conquering his heart, and the next moment I'm packing my bags to London and he is on his way to New York.  

My heart clenches at the thought of the last few weeks. Me rushing back to the hostel that invertedly prompted this love connection. The first few days there were numerous messages and calls. Long nights expressing regret and one night of unbridled and drunken passion that turned sour the following morning. 

Honestly, I never expected to find so painful to move forward with someone that I've only just met. But, no matter what, I stand by my decision. It was blatantly obvious now that our contrasting views of the world would always mar our shared connection. I will pursue my idealistic pursuit, while he stands still with his feet planted on the ground.

Someone approaches me on the beautifully decorated balcony and places her hand on my shoulder. "A penny for your thoughts?"

My mother knows me too well, and knows me when to drag me from the dark corners of my mind.

"What's keeping your mind so occupied in such a beautiful morning?"

I look up at the grey sky that threatens to disrupt the celebration with an outpouring of rain and smirk at her comment.

"Is it Harry?"

This comment is not unexpected. Harry found out that I'm back in London and since then he has been trying to insert himself back into my life. Even insinuated that the wedding invitation included him. Which technically did. When we were together. 

He has been persisting, borderline stalkerish. He has sent me flowers countless times. And waited for me outside the university. But all of his attempts at wooing me paled in comparison with any plain text message I received from Germany. A simple 'Hello' melted my heart more than one thousand roses. 

"How many times has auntie told you about the empty seat?"

Mom laughs out loud. "I've counted three, but there's one that passed as a slight innuendo. Not sure if I should also count on that one or not."

"Oh, you definitely should!" I smile and lean to place my head gently on her shoulder. Her presence always the darkest of hours smile a bit more brightly. 

"So... is it Harry? I saw the flowers he sent with the balloons...One of them is stuck in the kitchen. I need to find a way to  get it down without requiring me climbing the walls, spiderman style."

I roll my eyes and remember the large box that arrived at the house with balloons that scared the living shit out of me. Not to mention the large stuffed bear that appeared the next day. That thing is currently haunting my living room surrounded by flowers. It's like the bear died and we are holding his funeral. 

"It's ridiculous. I really would like him to stop now. When is he going to get it that I'm not interested?"

Mom hums and puts her arm around my shoulders softly. "Is it Daniel?" she whispers in my ear.

I open my eyes at the mention of his name.

"Daniel?" I repeat.

Mom smiles knowingly. "Just wondering, maybe if it was Daniel, the one that captured your mind this fine morning."

I frown. "If you must know. No one." My stomach roars. 

My mother envelopes me in a warm embrace. I shut my eyes and inhale her aroma. Her embrace always feels like home. "Liar..." she responds softly in my ear. 

I really hate how she reads me like an open book. Even if my stomach wasn't doing summersaults the woman can read me a mile away. 

As we break apart, I see my aunt approaching us. Mom beams while I try to put my best face that disguises my annoyance with another question about the damn table. 

"The car will arrive soon. Doesn't your cousin look gorgeous in her dress?" my aunt asks us while a tall, slim beauty walks out of the house with people surrounding her holding her long dress tail and the gorgeous bridal bouquet.

I smile at the sight. She does. But, then again, my cousin has always been drop dead gorgeous. "Yes, she does. Beautiful." I say while observing my relative pulling her dress up so she can walk down the stairs.

My aunt tilts her head sideways giving me the 'pity look'. Here it comes. My mom steals a glance to me, also predicting what is about to come.

"I'm really sorry to hear you broke it off with your boyfriend."

I plaster a fake smile.

"It's a shame you didn't bring anyone else as your date. There will be a seat at your table, completely empty."

And there it is. I sigh and contemplate for a moment if I should have asked Harry to accompany me to the wedding. Just to keep this busy bee gossip at bay.

"It's for the best." My mother speaks for me. "Besides, Natalie has her sights on her career now. Her wonderful friends. And, me. There's  more to life than a husband and a marriage."

My aunt nods and smiles politely, knowingly. Mother always had an uncanny ability to brush politely off the harshest criticisms. She has honed this ability through all the highs and lows life offered to her. My aunt takes her leave and we are alone once again.

"If another person asks me why I'm here alone or why I broke with my boyfriend..." I mimic my aunt's tone. "I think I'll jump outside this balcony." I exhale in an exasperation.

"Don't do it. Then we would have to call an ambulance and get the police. It would ruin the whole wedding. How would I face your uncle?"

I laugh at mom's nonsensical speech for a brief second. 

"Hiya, can you help me out. This keep falling off..." 

One of the bridesmaids approaches us asking for help with her hair and mom turns around to assist her. 

My dark thoughts return. 

I don't want Harry in this affair. I can't pretend I would have fun if he was here. But, I'm tired of pretending that I'm not heartbroken in this attention driven circus of a family gathering where your whole life is scrutinised and judged through the holy books of others' expectations of who you should be. 

I feel a pair of brown eyes looking at me intently. I look up and see my mom with a smile on her lips but a worry crease in her forehead. 

Deciphering my thoughts, mom leans to my shoulder and whispers, "Who needs a date anyway when you have me?"

I turn around and hook my arm to hers. "The best date in the world." I beam at her.

"I'm going to check on your aunt. Make sure she's not upset with my comment." Mom gives me a lingering kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you in a moment."

I go back at gazing at the world outside the balcony. My phone buzzes. I reach for it inside my clutch and his name blinks on the screen.

"Hey Kleiner. How are you?" I read. 

I smile at his continued use of the nickname. My heart longs for those weeks where I was his, and he was mine.

"Bored out of my mind. I hate weddings, but mostly hate family weddings." I quickly type.

"Did your aunt talk about the empty space at the table?"

I roll my eyes and laugh. "At least five times now."

The three dots quickly appear with a smiley face. "Need to go. Speak to you later?" Daniel types.

"Sure." I quickly respond.

I sigh. These are the brief exchanges that circumvent my life now. I wonder what will happen when he moves to New York. When he finds someone new. When the closeness of today is only a distant memory of the future.

Although I know the conversation is over, I can't seem to find the courage to close the app. I scroll up to read earlier messages. This has become a nervous habit every time I exchange messages with Daniel. I scroll urgently until I reach the message he left three days after our first kiss.

"Going to play football. Dinner and movie tonight? I want to treat my girlfriend to a proper date." I re-read his message three times.

I scroll down further. "Miss you," he typed when he was sitting in his office, enduring a three-hour meeting with Lukas.

With every scroll, I relieve our short-lived affair. "I'm sorry. I was angry. I don't want to lose you. I love you." My eyes well up at the last message. The one he left three hours after I left apartment 2A.

I can hear the excited cheers from my family as background noise, but not even the loudest of noises can drown my memories away.

"If it means that having you in my life as a friend, then I'll take what I can get. I don't want to hurt you." His last message on the day I left for London. The day he rushed to the airport and lingered the sweetest of all the kisses in the world on my lips.

My hands keep pressing the screen, not allowing it to fade away so I can relieve the best hits of our brief relationship, the highs and the inevitable lows.

"The good news is that your aunt is not upset with me any longer. The bad news is that I think I was a bit rude to that bridesmaid. She keeps messing her hair." My mother's voice echoes in the distance.

She looks at my hand and reads the text message. Mother puts her hand over mine. "What are you doing, beautiful?" she whispers while leaning to me and wiping a single tear that falls from my face.

I stifle a sob. "How can it hurt so much?"

"Love hurts."

"We were barely together." I respond and turn off the phone, shoving it back to its enclosure.

"That doesn't mean the feeling wasn't there and wasn't real." She pulls me closer and allows my head to rest on hers.

"Mom, I never said sorry about our fight that day... I told you I was going to stay back because..."

She shakes her head. "You don't need to say sorry. I knew you would make the right decision. I also knew that you were only responding to your feelings for him..."

"I never would have thought about it when I was with Harry. To leave everything for him..." I sigh. "But, with Daniel..."

"When we're in love, we make the most brave of decisions..."

I chuckle. "Love when you use the most British expression to tell me I'm being stupid."

My mother smirks knowingly. "What I'm trying to tell you is that you were never in love with Harry. You loved him, but you were not in love with him. Although I never met him. I know with Daniel was different."

"We're going to be late!" My aunt bellows.

My mother and I laugh at the theatrical display. "Promise me you will not behave like that when I get married."

My mother embraces me tenderly. "Only if you don't leave any empty spaces at the tables."

We both laugh heartily and make our way to the car.