I couldn't seem to get away from the whole dating thing, even though I had wanted nothing to do with it. It was like a virus that had infected everyone, and now they were spreading it to me. It had started with Jake. Everything could be traced back to Jake in my mind. He was responsible for all these confusing feelings I now had.

My life had been simple and uncomplicated until he stimulated my hormones into going crazy for him. He was the one who set off this entire chain of events that had messed up my life. It was because of him that I had agreed to go to the party with Dylan where Jason had seen me and decided that he wanted to be more than friends. Now I was in the awkward situation of having to decide what to do about Jason.

My first impulse would be to tell him that I wanted to remain just friends, but I had promised to think about it. Dating Jason would be easy. We liked so many of the same things that we would always agree on what to do on our dates. The only difference in our relationship would be the kissing. I had to admit that I liked kissing, so it would be nice to have someone to kiss on a regular basis.

I had told Jake that I didn't want to date anyone, so he would be hurt if I started dating Jason after refusing him. So far, I had liked kissing Jake more than I liked kissing anyone else. If I was going to date anyone for the kissing, he would be the natural choice.

Yet I felt afraid of getting involved with him that way. Even Dylan seemed like a safer choice for dating. He had made it clear that he was still interested and told me to call him anytime if I wanted to go out again. I wasn't even sure if Jake still wanted me to be his girlfriend, or if he had gotten over me like he said he would.

It was obvious to me now that he had liked me since we were kids. What freaked me out was the possibility that I had liked him all along too. How else could I explain to myself why I had grown my hair long for him? I had told him that having sex with him would make me stop thinking of him as more than a friend, but now I wasn't so sure. If my feelings for him predated the incident in my room, then they weren't going to go away by trying to exorcise the physical attraction between us. His absence should have made it easier to put him out of my mind, but I was feeling it more keenly with every passing week. I wondered if he missed me the way I missed him. He had said that being around me was killing him, so maybe he was glad to be away from me.

Kyle told me that dating Jason would only lead to disaster. "Your heart's not in it, Cam. If he starts falling for you, you'll only break his heart. Then your friendship will be ruined."

Was that why I hadn't been scared when Jason asked me out, because I knew I was safe from heartbreak with him? What did that say about my reaction to Jake? I remembered my panic when he asked me if I returned his feelings. I was starting to come to a conclusion I didn't like.

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I prepared to hang out with my friends. Jason had texted me that we were on for skateboarding with all the guys. We were taking advantage of the weather before it got too cold. I had made my decision about Jason, but I was going to tell him when we were alone. Kyle and I were driving separately to the skate park so that I could talk to Jason afterward. I was nervous about it, but I was more nervous about how the guys would treat Kyle.

It was a little awkward at first when we all greeted each other, but having an activity to distract us really helped. We were soon having fun skateboarding and attempting to perfect our moves. Kyle flawlessly pulled off a trick that had always thwarted him before, and we all cheered for him.

It was when he and Adam got into an argument about zombies, however, that I felt like things were back to normal. The rest of the guys joined in with their own opinions on this pointless disagreement. As I listened to them, I felt my heart swell with happiness. We were going to be okay.

Once things started winding down when everybody was going home for dinner, I hung back with Jason. He picked up on my cues that I wanted to talk, and he stayed with me after everybody else left.

"Seems like everybody's cool with him," Jason said.

"Yeah, thanks for setting this up. Did you have trouble talking Kevin and Taylor into coming?"

"They weren't exactly thrilled about it," he admitted. "I think we were all worried it was going to be weird, but it was like old times."

"They just needed to see that he's still Kyle. It's not like he suddenly became a different person."

"That would actually have been an improvement," Jason joked.

I laughed, but I was already dreading the next part of our conversation. "So, I thought about what you said. Our friendship is important to me, Jason, and I don't want to lose it."

"It's important to me too, Cam. If things don't work out with dating, we can still be friends."

"I think we should just stay friends." Kyle was right. I really had no desire to start a romance with Jason.

He looked disappointed. "So, you just don't like me that way."

"I'm sorry, Jason." I was worried about where we would go from here, because I could tell that he was unhappy with my answer.

"No, it's okay. Anyway, I gotta go. I'll see you at school." He took off without me then, even though we were going to the same parking area.

I let him have his space as I walked slowly back to the car with my skateboard. Jason had never shown any romantic interest in me before, so I hoped he would get over this soon.

Kyle seemed to think so. "He's just hot for you, Cam. He'll move on to lusting after some other girl. What about Jake? Anything new going on with him?"

I had nothing to report. Kyle would make a big deal out of it, so I didn't tell him that I had gone to see Jake play basketball. Connor was on the team too, but my motivation had been seeing Jake. It wasn't just his gorgeous looks either. I missed Jake, and I had thought about letting him know that I was there but had ended up just sitting inconspicuously on the bleachers and watching the game. We lost, and Jake's mood seemed even worse than that of the rest of his team.

That was the only time I saw him outside of school until the day of the funeral. My mom's cousin died, and Mom insisted that Connor and I had to go even though we had only seen the woman at family reunions and barely remembered her. She had lived in a town two hours away from us, so it was going to waste most of our Saturday, I thought ungraciously.

"Wow! Check out those houses," Connor said as we drove through a residential area on our way to the cemetery.

"Candace married into money," Mom told us. "Not that it was the reason she married Edward," she quickly amended. "They met in college and fell in love."

It was true, because Candace's husband was clearly grieving for her. Their kids were all grown, but I could tell they were close to their dad as they all cried for their mom. The whole thing was sad, and I was glad when it was over. After I awkwardly took my turn in giving them my condolences, I spotted Jake standing in another section of the cemetery. I looked again, and it was definitely him. What was he doing here?

I motioned to Mom where I was going, and she nodded and continued talking to another relative I didn't know. Connor was talking to some girl and didn't notice me walk away. Jake was as surprised to see me as I was to see him. "What are you doing here?" We had both asked the question at the same time.

"My dad and grandpa are buried here," he said.

"What?" How could Connor fail to tell me that Jake's dad died?

He saw my horrified expression. "My other dad, Cam. He died a long time ago."

Now I was thoroughly confused. "What other dad?"

"My mom was only married to him for a year. I was a baby when they got divorced, and he died when I was two. I don't remember him at all, but I come up here once in a while."

I was shocked to learn this. He had never mentioned it in all the years that I'd known him. I looked down at the headstone. "You have his last name."

"Yeah, I'm the last of the family. My dad was an only child, and he only had me," Jake said.

"Cam," Connor called. "Hey, Jake." He turned back to me. "Mom says we have to go to the wake now. I guess they're having food and stuff."

"Jake said he'd drive me home." I knew Jake well enough to be sure that he wouldn't contradict me.

"Yeah," Jake said, proving me right.

"Hold on. I'll go talk to Mom." I started to walk away then turned back to Connor. "Do you want me to get you out of it too?"

"No, that's okay. I'll keep Mom company on the ride back."

He squirmed under my disapproving glare. "Are you seriously trying to pick up a girl at a funeral? What about Jen?"

"I'm just talking to Ashley," Connor said defensively.

"Another damn Ashley," I muttered as I walked toward Mom.

To my dismay, her mom radar zeroed in on my situation with Jake. "Is he the guy?"

"Yeah," I confirmed while looking at my feet.

"I thought so," Mom said, making me look up at her in astonishment.

"As much as I love his cooking, he wasn't doing it for me."

I wondered what she meant by that. "So, can I go? Please?"

"Okay," she said. "We'll talk later."

Connor had filled Jake in on why we were there, and Jake asked me if I wanted to stop somewhere to get something to eat.

"We can stop if you're hungry." I was still waiting for him to say something about me inviting myself to ride home with him.

"I'd rather wait until we get back." He put the keys in the ignition but didn't turn on the car. His smile was warm when he looked at me. "Where are we going, Cam?"

I, too, had been thinking of our childhood game. It started one morning when I got up before everyone else. I grabbed a box of cereal and went into the garage. Mom always parked her car in the garage. Even now, we always parked over to the side of the driveway so she could pull into the garage. Back then, hers was the only car after she and my dad got divorced. I got in and pretended to drive as I munched on dry cereal. Jake found me there and got in the passenger seat. Connor would always fight with me about who got to "drive."

Jake grabbed a handful of cereal. "Where are we going, Cam?"

I decided on Texas, because that sounded like a lot of fun to me. We really got into it as we made up all kinds of adventures about what we were doing in Texas. Somehow, there were cowboys and Indians even though we were in a modern car.

"I want to drive," Connor demanded when he finally got up and found us.

I left them to go get dressed and play with my friends. It became our special thing, however. In those days, Jake only slept over on the weekend, and we had a babysitter on the nights Mom worked. Those weekend mornings became my special time with Jake.

We traveled all over the country, and I started looking things up so that I could add more places to our adventures. One time we went to Myrtle Beach, and I spoke about it from memory. It was my most treasured family vacation, because it was before Dad's drinking got out of control. I started off excitedly taking Jake to the beach with me and sharing all the things I remembered doing there. Then I started to get sad and stopped talking. I hated crying, and I squeezed my eyes shut angrily.

"Let's go to Japan," Jake said.

I gave him a watery smile. "We can't drive across the ocean."

"We can. There's a secret tunnel at the bottom, and you can drive anywhere in the world."

This fired up my imagination. "Yeah, let's go. I want to go to Japan."

"I was there once with my grandpa," he said.

My tears were forgotten as I stared at him. "You went to Japan? Did you drive through the tunnel?" I thought he had made up the tunnel, but I wasn't sure.

"No, we went on a plane. But we'll take the tunnel there now."

I was jealous, because I had never flown on a plane. Once we started traveling the world, our imaginations came up with unlimited journeys. We even decided to time travel at one point. The game continued well past when we should have been too old to play it. Sometimes we just sat in Mom's car and talked. I would tell him about something hilarious that had happened to one of my friends, and Jake would tell me funny stories about his brothers and sisters. The game ended when we were twelve, shortly before I overheard him telling Connor that I was pretty.

It was hot, and our air conditioner wasn't able to cool the house down enough for me to be comfortable in my pajamas, so I put on the thin nightgown Mom had bought for me but I had never worn. It kept me cool, because there wasn't much material to it. It was short and only thin straps covered my shoulders. Jake was drinking a glass of milk when I walked into the kitchen, and he started coughing.

I whacked him on the back, even though he couldn't really choke on liquid. "Went down the wrong pipe, huh?"

"I'm okay." He turned away from me, even though he was still talking to me. "Want me to make you breakfast?" By this time, I was aware of his skill in the kitchen.

"No thanks. I'm going for a ride." I walked past him and opened the cabinet to get a glass. I could feel the nightgown ride up as I reached for a glass. When I turned around, Jake was staring at me. "What?" I asked

."Nothing. Want some juice?" His voice was in the process of changing. Maybe that was why it sounded funny.

"Yeah." I set my glass on the counter while he took a carton of orange juice out of the fridge.  "Thanks," I said after he filled my glass. I took a big gulp of it before setting it down on the counter. Mom would kill me if I spilled it in her new car, so I left it there for later. I licked the juice off my lips and swiped a hand over my mouth.

Jake was silent as he followed me out to the car. I slipped on my flip-flops before stepping out into the garage. Jake stepped into his tennis shoes. We took our usual places in the car. "Where are you gonna go when you get your own car?" I asked.

"Where do you want to go, Cam?"

"I meant for real, Jake. Where do you want to go when you get a car?" After all the places we had pretended to go, I was curious where he would pick to go in real life.

"Wherever you want to go, Cam. As long as I can really drive there." He smiled, probably remembering the imaginary tunnel at the bottom of the ocean.

"You'll take me with you?" I was pleased that he was including me in his future plans.

"I'll always take you with me, Cam." His blue eyes looked kind of intense then.

"Can we go without Connor?" I asked to lighten the mood.

"Connor who?" Jake joked.

"I know," I said, seized with sudden inspiration. "We'll be bank robbers."

He was looking at me like I had lost my mind. "That's what you want to do when I get my car?"

"No, silly, now. Okay, the cops are after us. We need a hostage. You be the hostage."

"How can I be the bank robber and the hostage?" Jake asked.

"We'll pretend that bank robber you is driving. I want to be the one holding the gun." I climbed over into his lap and held my hand up to his head like a gun.

"Cam," he said desperately, "get off." His voice cracked as he spoke.

"Shut up," I said, getting into my role. "Don't give us any trouble, and we might let you live."

Jake was looking at me in a way I had never seen before. I didn't know what that expression was, but it kind of mesmerized me for a minute. This close up, I noticed that he was starting to sweat, even though he was only wearing his boxer shorts. My discomfort snapped me out of my trance. "You have a rock in your shorts," I stated.

I didn't know why he would be embarrassed by that. Rocks came in handy for pranks and for defending yourself against bullies. Plus, they were just fun to throw at things. Jake, however, looked so embarrassed that he was turning red. "I have to go to the bathroom." He sounded almost like he was in pain.

I climbed off him and back into the driver's seat. "Okay, I'll hold off the cops until you get back."

He never came back though. After a while, I got bored and went into the house. Jake was sitting at the kitchen table with Connor. "It was too hot," he said in answer to my questioning look.

I shrugged and drank the rest of my juice.

"I didn't know it was Halloween," Connor said. "Nice costume, Cam, but you still don't look like a girl." He laughed at his own lame joke.

I looked curiously at Jake, who was flushing in embarrassment again. "Wanna play video games, Connor?"

"Yeah, it's too hot to go outside." Connor finished eating his cereal, and they went down into the basement.

I was a little hurt that Jake hadn't asked me to play too. He always had before, even though I usually opted not to hang out with Connor. I took out a bowl and poured myself some milk and cereal. Oh well, I didn't want to play with them anyway.

It turned out that Jake didn't want to hang out in Mom's car with me anymore either. He would busy himself in the kitchen making breakfast for us. We still talked, but we had to speak in hushed voices in the house. Our time in the car had been more private and fun, but I guessed that he had become bored with our silly games.

"Oh," I said now, realizing what had happened back then.

"What?" Jake asked.

"I was just thinking about the last time we hung out in Mom's car. Do you remember that?"

"I'll never forget it. That was the highlight of my preteen life," he said with a smile.

"I really thought it was a rock," I said, laughing at my cluelessness.

"The best part is that it took you this long to figure out that it wasn't," Jake laughed. "Only you, Cam. Only you." He turned on the ignition and started driving toward the cemetery exit.

"You know," I said. "We never took that trip you promised me we would after you got your car."

He glanced at me. "Do you still want to go with me, Cam?"

"Do you still want to take me?" I felt like I was asking about more than just a road trip.

"That depends, Cam. Where do you want to go?" It seemed that he, too, was also talking about more than a road trip.