Hey everybody! I know I haven't updated in quite a while, and I thank you for your support and patience as I write a book that will not be seen by many. Again, thanks for the support, love and for reading this!

I was  on the bus, Miksa was pestering me again about what he should say to Cecil, I was listening to "Keep yourself warm" by Frightened Rabbit, and the song made me think: 

'I don't even like her, I just like having someone who likes me around! I'm just a straight girl who is sad that she doesn't have anyone who likes her in that way, I don't like Cecil, I just want to be able to love and be loved back, I don't like her!

 The words of the song got to me. I realized I didn't know who I was: I didn't know myself and wanted to be able to keep being loved, I wanted to be me. But if I did not know who I loved, much which gender I liked, what would I be? What is it that I could be. I realized I have lost, I was no one, I knew what I liked and what I disliked- but I didn't know who  I liked, maybe I was still lost and would always be lost, but I could run towards what makes me happy. I can run towards Cecil, run towards that kiss and figure out what I loved, maybe I could be happy, maybe I could figure myself out.  

I ripped my headphones off my head and headed out the door of the bus, Miksa was yelling at me, "Lulu, he". I'm going to go get a girlfriend.

________________________________________________________________________________

Cecil's P.O.V

I woke up that day with the smell of coffee and paint. My room was cluttered with art stands, awards, sketches and Lulu's yearbook picture next to a pile of failed portraits. So much for trying. I really liked her- I was going to ask her out and get a girlfriend, I wanted her so bad. I was encased in a dream that I should have known that she was straight. I was convinced that I could change her, but people don't change- they never do. I feel like they can at least be happy with themselves once they get their crap straight. I know setting her up with all those guys was wrong- I knew they were jerks- I had had bad experiences with them and hoped if Lu had bad experiences with them she might not like guys. I am an asshole, she doesn't deserve me, I can't offer her anything as a girlfriend. And just as I was moping about Lulu, I saw Miksa- Lulu's best friend who I knew liked me- come over and say, "Hey, uh, I, you- dance- Wait! Iwantedtoaskyouifyouwantedtogotothedancewithme." 

"Huh?"

"I wanted to ask you out to the dance..."

Flashback:

Lulu had been avoiding me for the last few days because of the kiss. 

Well, she kissed me! It's not fair, I mean, at least say something! You don't just kiss someone, then run into the classroom and ask to go to the nurse's office because you had a headache. You don't avoid someone like that!

I was absentmindedly walking through an empty hallway on my way to art when I started thinking again. I can't believe Lulu. I sort of brought this on myself,  I forgot rule one: never fall in love with a straight girl. 'Cause they will flip your shit. Just as I was thinking of ways she had been a female dog to me when I saw the girl with the kaleidoscope eyes appear- speak of the devil. Lulu didn't walk towards me- she ran. I was wondering if she was here to slap me and give me the "How dare you, you filthy homosexual" talk, but instead came something much better. 

Lulu's lips crashed into mine as she began kissing me. I was pissed. I pushed her away- "Are you kidding me, Lulu? You kiss me, avoid me and then try to do so again? I'm sorry but who the hell do you think you are!" "A very confused person who just found out her sexual orientation and is wanting to try again with the one girl who she was in love with in the first place!"

Now it was my turn to kiss her. You know, making out against the lockers was pretty fun. At the end of that day, I ended up getting a kiss, a date and an issue with a dress.

End of flashback

"I, um, I already have a date...sorry"

Miksa looked crestfallen, "...Really? Who?"

Lulu had asked me out after the lockers, she asked me to keep it a secret, and so I said why not. But she also mentioned that Miksa liked me and that he might get upset if he found out she was going out with me.

"Someone you know, bye!" I said, quickly running to the photography room and closing the door behind me. "Cecil?" "Lu? is that you? What are you doing here?" "Enjoying the view, you?" "Running away from Miksa." "I see."

Lulu was something else. She always looked beautiful, especially right now. She was one of those girls who never wore makeup, pink or anything overly feminine. She was a sweet person but a cynical poet and was an avid fan of several plays (Heathers, 21 Chump Street, Hamilton, Wicked, etc.). But at this moment, Lulu was wearing numerous bracelets that read different things; LGBT rights, breast cancer, photography club, debate team and honor roll. She was wearing a white shirt and jeans. Her hair was in a messy bun, her brown eyes wide. "Cecil? Are you ok? You've been looking dead ahead of you for 5 minutes, also, your face is super read...Do you need to go to the nurse?" Lulu was about to open her mouth again, "I'm good, I was just admiring the view," Lulu went from brown to crimson. 

"I appreciate the compliment, Thomas"

"No problem, Dijuarez"

Hey guys, me again! Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate each and every read that this "book" gets. Many thanks for your patience and love!

- MA