𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 :  the way things go by beabadoobee 

         ( "𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦..."  )

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 : 

this oneshot is written in drew's perspective. this is a bit of a ventshot, and ooc characters?

this happens after the fight between drew and jake. 

angst heheheheheheh

(this is an excuse to practice writing dialogue. if you have tips, please please please share with me)

―

𝙃𝙀𝙉𝙍𝙔, 𝙇𝙄𝘼𝙈 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙄 𝙎𝙄𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝘼𝙒𝙆𝙒𝘼𝙍𝘿 𝙎𝙄𝙇𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀, our lunch trays abandoned and untouched in front of us. They share glances, their pinkies hooked underneath the table.

"Drew," Liam speaks up. "Drew, talk to us please."

I open my mouth to speak but my words are clogged in my throat. Tears threaten to spill and my bottom lip quivers.

Liam must notice because he shakes his head. "It's okay if you don't want to, but we'll be here when you're ready, okay?"

I nod. God, I've never been more grateful for the idiots. I wish I knew how to properly thank them in words, but what would I say? I'd probably end up hurting their feelings, like I did with him.

No, I refuse to say his name. I hate the way it burns on my tongue like poison for wine. Wrong, stinging with betrayal. We had been best friends for so long, what happened?

Another voice in my head answers too quickly. Hailey happened. The music freaks happened. All in the span of a month.

Was my company so unpleasant compared to theirs that he would leave me for a club that he'd met weeks ago?

"Drew," someone calls to me in the distance. "Drew, no, don't cry."

My head floats back down from the clouds and suddenly the noises from the cafeteria are too loud. Liam and Henry are both looking at me with matching head tilts and an expression of concern. I don't even notice I'm crying until my tears fall onto my hands.

I bite my tongue to choke back a sob and I wipe my face desperately. I don't cry. He doesn't—shouldn't make me cry.

I stand up before the two can say another word, and I run out the cafeteria. Thank god the courtyard is empty so I push open the double doors and collapse on the bench next to it.

I grip the fabric of my pants and pull my legs to my chest, letting tear after tear slip down my face.

Everything I said to him—so fucking impulsive. It makes me cry harder, makes me want to dig a hole and just... die in it. I let my feelings get in the way of my decisions, thinking with my heart instead of my head.

I know I wasn't the best friend, but I cared for him. The only thing that was taking him away from me was the music club, so of course I tried to take them away from him. I didn't know he actually liked singing, it never dawned on me that is was more than just for Daisy. Did he really think that I wouldn't understand if he told me? Did he really not trust me?

I wipe my face with my sleeve again and check my watch. Lunch didn't end until another half an hour so I leaned back and sighed, plugging in my AirPods and closing my eyes.

Suddenly, the doors next to me are thrown open and the last person I want to see comes running out.

Hailey fucking Austin.

"Drew," she breathes. She seems even more shocked to see me than I am to see her. "Er... what are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you that question," I snap, tugging my AirPods out to face her. "Shouldn't you be rehearsing with your freak club?"

"No... actually. Have you been crying?"

"No!"

She raises an eyebrow, and I scoff. "Fine. Whatever. But it doesn't matter anymore."

Why isn't she leaving? Didn't I just harass her like an hour ago? Why is she still looking at me with that stupid expression? I don't need her pity.

She sighs, and starts to sit next to me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, scooting away from her.

"Sitting down?" She teased with a smirk. "Oh c'mon, I just want to talk."

"Why? About what?" I demand. You are the last person I want to talk with.

"About Jake, obviously."

I wince and turn away. "It is not a good time right now."

"Please, Drew. It's not healthy to bottle it all in you."

"Why the fuck do you think I'd talk to you about him?"

"Well..." she pauses. "I don't know. But who else would you talk to?"

I stare at her blankly. No, I wouldn't vent to Henry and Liam. I had already dragged them into the situation, and ranting would only make things worse. Definitely not Lia or Zoey, I'm pretty sure they both hate me. Not my parents, not my siblings.

But definitely not Hailey.

"Not you."

"I'm giving you a chance to talk, Drew. It'll be good for you. I also just want to hear you out."

"Hear me out?"

"Your side of the story. You've bullied us for years, yes. You've also done some pretty bad stuff to Jake, but, believe it or not, I'm curious why."

Her voice rings through my head, and I run my hands through my hair. "Well, it's not like you would understand. You and your freak club have everything. I thought I had everything too, until you took him away from me."

"Oh Drew," she laughs. "It sounds like you're jealous."

"What if I am? I have since the fucking beginning."

She blinks. "Beginning? Beginning of what?"

Fuck, I've really messed up now.

"Just forget it. Forget everything. I don't care anymore."

"Oh but you do. Are you really going to live in denial forever?."

I ignore her and stand up to leave. "You like Jake."

I swear I heard my own heartbeat. "What?"

"Oh come on Drew, don't look at me like that. It's not like you were being sneaky about it."

"As I said before, it's not like it matters anymore. You have what you want, so just leave me alone."

She doesn't seem to have anything to say to that so she lets me stand up and walk to the doors.

"Just... talk to him, okay? He wants to talk to you too."

"Whatever."

⨳

 "𝘿𝙍𝙀𝙒, 𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘼𝙍𝙀!" 𝙇𝙄𝘼𝙈 𝙔𝙀𝙇𝙇𝙀𝘿, 𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙍𝙊𝘼𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙈𝙔 𝙇𝙊𝘾𝙆𝙀𝙍. "Where were you? It's not like you to skip class."

"I fell asleep in the courtyard." I lie. My voice feels like coarse sand against my throat.

"Oh," Henry sighs in relief. "Well, it could've been way worse than that."

"Henry... shut up." Liam grits his teeth, elbowing the latter. "Anyways, bud, are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, err, thanks guys." I say, smiling with my teeth.

"Of course man! Anything for a friend, right?"

I notice the music club walk past us, I assume they're heading to the music room to make up for their missed rehearsal during lunch. But Luke stays behind and tells me to follow them.

"It's about Jake."

Oh dear Rosy.

Once the door of the music room is shut and locked, Hailey forces me into a chair and they crowd around me like a pack of wild dogs. "Jake will be here any minute. You and him are going to talk everything out so you both will stop sulking."

I want to kill myself on the spot when I hear a series of knocks on the door. "Hailey? Zander? Are you guys in there? Why's the door locked?"

"Uh yeah, be right there Jake!" Hailey yells. She turns and gives me a thumbs up. Sean opens the door.

"Oh..." is all he says when he sees me in the chair. "Hey Drew."

Does he have to be so fucking awkward?

Hailey pushes a chair in Jake's directions and tells him to sit directly in front of me. "Now, talk it out. Avoiding each other will do you both no good."

"Will you all leave?" I snap. "I don't see how any of this is your business."

"Fine, let's go guys." Hailey beckons the group and they disappear out the door. Jake and I are left to accompany the lone instruments.

"Thanks for being honest," I say. "That's all I ever wanted from you."

"You don't get it Drew."

"I don't get anything according to you. Haven't you ever stopped to think that maybe you're the one who isn't explaining?"

"I've explained all that I can."

"Bullshit."

"I wanted to tell you guys. I wanted to explain my love for singing and the comfort the music club brought me. I was just scared you'd judge me, seeing as you already bully the club."

"Is that what you think, Jake?" I cross my legs. "You think that I would have judged you if you told me the truth?"

He's silent for a moment. "Yes."

I lean back, fighting the urge to cry. "I see."

"I'm sorry, okay? I had so much going on at once, and I didn't really know how to tell you."

"You could've said anything! Were you happy, playing all of us? Did you enjoy lying to us?"

"No!"

"Well it sure damn seems like it."

My anger covers my fear. My fear of him. Of Jake.

"Drew... we are more similar than you think."

"Shut up. Don't pretend to know me, don't pretend to understand."

"Well, maybe I do! You can lie to me, to Henry and Liam, but you can't lie to yourself. So stop running because you know you can't hide."

I already know what he's thinking. Jake continues, adopting my anger and taking it as his own.

"Just accept that you're a coward, Drew."

I grit my teeth, his words cut my heart in half. He's right. I know he's right. I'm so tired of everyone being right.

"How do you know?" I yell, without meaning to. "I thought I masked it. But you always have to ruin everything!"

"I know!" He matches my volume. "Because I am just like you."

"No. No, that's not true."

My head is spinning, and my vision focuses on nothing but Jake. "Admit it. Say it, Drew. You're lonely. That's why you're so attached to the Jomies. You're lonely just as I am."

"I'm not lonely. I'm not as pathetic as you, Jake." I spit, but I immediately regret it.

"Drop the act, Drew!" He's louder than me at this point. "You know I'm right. Have some hope for yourself and others around you."

"Hope?" I ask, my voice tattered with laughter. "Hope gets you nowhere. Hope is useless. But you wouldn't know, huh? "

Jake looks at me, looks at me. His stare burns, his voice stings, and his love hurts. Everything hurts.

"You lost someone." He finally says, realizes.

"You fucking idiot. I lost you!"

He's quiet. He knows. He's known since the beginning.

"I'm sorry."

"You're not. You haven't lived in a world where you watch each one of your loved ones walk away. Where they wither into corpses, corpses of memories you know that you won't build anymore. You cherish their laughs because you know you'll never hear it again. You know that whatever you do, you'll never be special to them. You'll always have nobody, and you just have to accept it. You don't realize how powerful loneliness is until you truly experience it."

"You think I haven't experienced loneliness? Drew, don't pretend to know me either. I know what it's like to come to school knowing nobody there gives a damn about you. Everyone hates you because you're different, or maybe they hate you because they don't want to face the fact that they hate themselves. Sure, Drew. You might have gone through more than me, but don't tell me I don't know what loneliness feels like."

I am not afraid of him. I am afraid of loving him.

It's my turn to apologize. I know because I can see all the hurt in his face.

"I'm sorry."

It's his turn to say;

"You're not."

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒:

bye this was better in my head

also rushed ending 'cause idk how to end chapters

wc: 1,958 words