Even while in the highest state if angst he'd been in recently-- well, rather his whole life-- Yurio's mind still went against him. At sporadic intervals during his fury-fueled storm to his hotel room, he could almost hear footsteps following him, whispers of his name.

Almost. He could almost hear it, except for the fact that there was nothing else; only Yurio walked the hallways, him and his mind with a dark sense of humor. Deep down, he knew he couldn't blame it on his mind, for his mind was him, but what else to blame it on? Surely not himself, for he couldn't accept it for anything else that he hoped someone in particular would be chasing after him.

It wouldn't be that easy, though. Yurio wasn't the type of person to forgive-and-forget, and he felt even more wronged right now than when his grandfather had died. Even if Otabek chasing after him was a secret fantasy, it wouldn't end as such a daydream that all fantasies did.

No, it would end in even more tears and shouts than had just occured; Yurio wasn't ready to forgive. He didn't think he ever would, but that wasn't the point-- that was just his hormones feeling betrayed. The innermost reason was him needing time to cool down, to not just think things over but to be away.

Never in his life had overexposure been a good thing. Instead, he worked best when given small doses of it, pacing his sanity each day, each hour, each minute. Facing his situation so soon would only harm him in the long run, and Yurio was well aware of that fact.

His steps were rhythmic as he approached his room, having traversed that section of the building many times. Without any thought put into it, his hand slid the key into the lock and brought his reign of malicious vibes into the small place he currently called home. Yurio walked to the bed, then stopped. He paced over to the balcony doors before pausing once more, frowning as he did so. Neither felt right, like an itch at the back of his throat that wouldn't go away. Yurio stomped back to the middle of the room and cleared his throat, trying to sort out what he needed.

"Yuri. This is Otabek. Please let me talk to you." The one person he didn't want to speak to was apparently outside his door-- Yurio was not pleased. He pursed his lips and cursed out the man just quiet enough to not be heard, attempting to keep the situation tame.

"Leave, fucker." Oh, well-- his previous endeavor was good while it lasted. For Yurio, his sour mouth would always prevail, whether a blessing or curse.

There was a moment of peace in their argument as Otabek sighed, a loud clunk emitting from the door as he most likely leaned his head against it. Yurio grabbed the remote, not disgusted by the idea of driving Otabek away by blasting it on full volume.

"This is a misunderstanding. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, I promise. I know you're upset, and I'm sorry. Just please hear me out."

Yurio grimaced, finger hovering over the power button. He didn't like the words he was hearing; he'd encountered enough lies that day, and wasn't keen on letting any others form. Otabek did make a lovely case, and he dearly wanted to say yes, but... he couldn't. Not right then, not after all he had been through to purge himself of any feelings above friendship; giving another chance would be more like suicide to him. Maybe later, when the waters had cleared, he could go back.

But not now, not when it was too foggy to see even the black storm clouds above.

"Remember w-when I was sick and you said if I left practice you'd do a-anything for me?" Yurio turned his gaze to the ceiling, away from all temptation behind the door.

"Not right now. I can't do that."

"Oh? Fucking goody, there's another thing you told me that is fake! Liar, liar, liar, lia--"

"Yura! Please see this from my point of view. I can't just walk away from you and let you fall into another hole just because of that promise. I'll fulfill it another time." Otabek was pleading now, something that only occured on a blue moon. Yurio stayed silent, his trigger finger shaking over the button that could end it all. He didn't want to respond out of fear of what he might say, out of anger for Otabek's actions, out of-- out of eveything that had transpired. Everything that he had caused himself to do.

"Your clock. Yura, do you have a soulmate?"

Yurio froze.

Literally froze, limbs stiffening and remote falling to the ground face-up. His eyes snapped forward and didn't move another inch, trying to understand, to process-- he couldn't-- and, by some power invested in him, appeared at the door. He was in the middle of the room to his hand on the door knob in an instant, fingers shaking worse than before.

"Y-Y-Y-You can't c-call me Y-Yur... I..." Yurio paused, not feeling his lecture, "Yes." He dropped his forehead, imagining Otabek's on the other side leaning right against his if not for the barrier.

It was a hare-brained decision, but one he would make anyday. What else to say? What else could he respond?

"Oh. And you...?"

"Yeah. My clock's s-still ticking, haha! Can't, c-can't wait t-to find my soulmate. Y-Yeah." He lied through his teeth, slightly wondering how it came so easily. Maybe because this is what he'd been an advocate for during his entire stay, what he'd been working for. His thoughts were somber, but heart robust; he wouldn't want to change his words, not a bit. This was the only way to survive he could envision, if not preparing to live in misery at the bottom of the food chain.

"That's great, Yura. Good... luck." Otabek's voice was clipped, Yurio being able to notice miniscule differences in his voice after hearing it for so long.

He breathed against the door, removing his hand from the door knob and pressing it up against the door, crunching together it as he imagined Otabek's encasing it.

Lies weren't his favorite thing; he hated them. Yurio aspired to take back what he said immediately, but if it was as important as causing him to lie, there was no way he could.

"T-thank you."

"You might not care, but I didn't. I don't know why I'm telling you this if we're in this predicament, but..."

"Continue." Yurio's voiced cracked, fist tightening. He added on as an afterthought what Otabek had taught him previously, "Please."

Another clang sounded throughout the door, residual waves of guilty vibrations coursing from Otabek to Yurio.

"The day my clock was set to finish counting, I left it at home. Not accidentally. I went into public, and... stood in the crowds. All day long. Never opening conversation with any... with anyone." He was regretful, that much was more than evident. However, it was unclear if he felt sorrows for that day or for the current dilemma; Yurio resolved to believe the former.

Yurio opened his mouth, wanting to ask why then deeming it unethical. Could he really be opening new wounds just because of an old anecdote?

Well, it was Yurio-- the impulsive teenager with so much to lose he couldn't keep track of it anymore. Of course he would ask.

"Why? W-Why did you d-do that?"

"Because, Yura, I didn't think I could find anyone better than... You know." Another bang. These were getting to be quite detrimental to Otabek's health, the constant regret-filled dunks of his head.

"No, I-I don't know."

"Yura..."

"N-N-No! Stop! Don't even, d-don't imply that. I-I've gone through fucking hell and back to get rid of-- and I, I can't a-accept-- you little shit! Stop!" Yurio's fist was fully clenched now, trying to stay away from the impending implications. Everything he'd worked so hard for, shaped his life around-- gone.

"Please do not freak out. I'm here. I won't hurt you, I'n here to help."

"D-Do you not fucking understand? S-She gave me advice, I followed t-through, I did my part of t-t-the bargain and you turn it to bullshit? N-No! Go fi-find your soulmate and live happily ev-ever fucking after! Just l-like you d-deserve!" Yurio's legs were grass blades in the wind, shaking too much to stand anymore. He couldn't find anything to grasp onto anymore, his ideals disillusioned. He wouldn't give in-- couldn't.

"What advice?"

"S-Stop! Leave!"

"Yura."

"I hate you! Leave, leave, leave!" Yurio stumbled, not wanting to recall that day. It had been his hope, his light to carve a way in the darkness. Well, just another fantast turned reality now.

He didn't want to remember. Memories were too painful, just another way to screw himself over one more time; he couldn't stop remembering. It unwillingly besieged him, not like it hadn't been doing so for a while.

• • •

"--well, catching yourself. I, well, this is the only way I can think of for what you're erasing. I've tried it before, and it really works."

He could feel her stippling foundation onto his face, patting it down with a light powder afterwards.

"Tell me."

"It's a rubber band, or an elastic strip like I just used on your hair. Wear it on your wrist and, anytime you think of something more than friendship, snap it. Don't hurt yourself, though, darn it-- use something padded. Or don't use it at all, just use mental discipline, please be sa--"

"Yes." He was nodding, not ecstatic but grateful.

Calliber paused filling in his eyebrows with light brown powder to stare at him. She was astounded, wondering why he'd agreed so fast.

"Yes, I'll do that. Whatever I fucking need to get over... Beka."

• • •

Yurio reached up to his face; no makeup, just oil. Of course.

"Yura? Yura, open the door!" Otabek spoke after silence had sucked the air between them, him obviously worried.

"Oh, li-like y-you couldn't tell shit? I-If you're telling t-the truth, you k-know that you're just hurting me and l-leave!" Yurio took a deep breath, hardling managing another exhale before being barraged by a round of tears.

He didn't care that Otabek had just confessed-- that thought wasn't even going through his head. He was too focused, too set on driving Otabek away to indulge in the words. They were sickly sweey but with a costly blade, the words he'd fought so hard to never encounter:

"Open the door. Let me see you, and then I'll leave."

"N-No."

"Then I'm not leaving." He was telling the truth, every bit of his sentence radiating truth; Yurio fell silent at the new revelation. He knew that Otabek was stubborn, and when he said something like that he meant it.

Yurio let his hand snake up to the doorknob again, cursing under his breath as he got the urge to snap it back. That would be better-- no. No, no, no, he had to open it in order to make Otabek go away. It would be painful, but a quicker sting than the alternative undoubtedly.

He took a hold of the door knob, opening it in sync with a sharp inhale.

There he was.

Otabek Altin, standing right in front of him, looking more disheveled than Yurio had ever seen him. It was odd to think that he was the cause of that, him making Otabek's hair stick up every which way, clothes rumpled with fret.

The standing position didn't last for long, Otabek bending down and wrapping his arms around Yurio comfortingly. It wasn't too constrictive, just how Yurio liked hugs to be.

"Sssh, Yura, you're okay. I'm here, okay? You're not alone. You don't have to be alone."

"B-But the rubber b-bands, I can't, c-can't--"

"If you don't want me to leave, I won't. You don't need to punish yourself anymore, Yura." Otabek gently reached for Yurio's wrist and slipped the band off, letting it fall to the ground. "I promise I'm not lying. No more beating yourself up, okay? I love you. That feels great to finally say. I love you." He replaced his hands on Yurio's back, rubbing in circular motions.

Neither cared that the door was unlocked, both just savoring the moment. Yurio melted, but this time, in a good way. The grease was gone for good now, the thoughts, though, were a different story-- not all stopped but lessened.

No, not lessened, that wasn't the right word. Seceded, maybe, seceded for a second to give him a moment of breath in the empty air as his ribs tore his skin apart with this newfound freedom. They actually worked again, if only for a short while, but-- oh, god-- the pain. It hurt, it hurt so bad: his heart; chest; stomach; and, dare he say gut for the sake of having a gut feeling that something was off.

Yurio's tongue tasted like eroded metal, salty tears invading his mouth carrying whispers of calm. All of his hopes bubbled up and teemed out of his wretched cries, body shaking as he knew not what he was crying for. He wanted so dearly to be able to return the favor,  to break his shell fully-- but no. His arms couldn't lift up, couldn't lift up like the bride's arms did so long ago.

Such a long time ago, yet always fresh in his memory, thanks to nightmares. He couldn't end up like her, couldn't let Otabek end up like her-- ahh! The contradicting thoughts flew out his mauve, split lips as he choked up, trying to formulate words in a linear form, rather than in his twisted cries that were commandeering.

"B-Beka, you can't do that, you k-know what will happen, ensue, the risk that will-- Beka! M-My parents, t-they..." Yurio jerked back, not completely sure if it was a spasm or of his own free will.

"It's okay," Otabek gently spoke, "You don't have to tell me right now about them. I'm not forcing you. But I do know the risk, and I'm willing to take it. Yura, I love y--"

"No! N-No, they died because of it! They d-died right before me, and I'm not going t-to, I'm not letting-- How can you say that? I'm not your s-soulmate, I'm not..." He rubbed his eyes and felt his exterior breaking, cheeks turning pink from lack of oxygen, breath not a constant thing once again. At least they weren't purple, black, the things he'd grown accustomed to; red he could handle. It was simpler, easier-- only if he could manage it properly.

He remembered how his tutor had explained it to him, saying it was 'nature's way of justifying things'. She'd given him an analogy; when zygotes are being formed into humans, if the DNA has too many mistakes, nature will sometimes cut it off.

A miscarriage.

That was before he'd met Otabek; Yurio had drank up every word she uttered with utmost attention. He hadn't known his parents had... He had thought they were soulmates.

Karma was his personal take on it; not following what life had been prepared, being a deterrent-- nothing was out of place. If an action is done, the consequence ensues, and what a wondeful consequence at that. Absoluely amazing, if amazing meant sleepless nights in fear of his own thoughts and cheeks bitten too raw to taste anything other than his own blood.

'Nature's way of justifying things.'; Yurio couldn't ever forget those words. He wasn't a student any longer, he was the zygote faced with a decision; risk or safety? Love or life?

Well, there was a chance that nothing would happen, of course. He was more rational than that, knowing that it was a risk rather than a suicide mission.

But, was it worth it? Otabek seemed to think so, his hands rubbing concentric circles on Yurio's back not trembling at all. They were firm and opinionated, only waiting for the compliance of Yurio.

He sighed through his gulps, putting his palm up to his cheek as if it could remove the redness rather than just cover it temporarily.

"You... You'll always be right by me?"

"Always and forever, until the day I die." Otabek smiled genuinely, face free of etched worry; he was sure.

"That's not good enough-- what if you don't? What if you leave me?"

Otabek sighed.

"Then you can kill me, because I'm never, ever leaving you. I swear it."

"Kill? No." Yurio disagreed.

"Because I won't leave. See?" He urged, smile increasing a bit.

"Yeah. I see, Beka. I promise, too."

Yurio looked straight at him, ceiling far out of his mind. This sight was better, he knew that for a fact, and he also knew what to do. It had taken him long enough, but, as all things, nothing worthwhile came easily.

Words weren't enough to explain, so he settled for nodding-- an uncrisp, messy nod that sent the drying tears flying off his body in a whirlwhind of havoc, but it was effective. Effective enough to even make Otabek's eyes crinkle up in overwhelming joy and embrace Yurio again, this time a mutual action.

The former leaned back, staring at Yurio with an intensity that could melt steel and talking as if it was something he'd been trying to conceal, but couldn
anymore.

"Yura... Can I kiss you? Only if you want to." Otabek bit his lip, only making his question sound more appealing to Yurio, who had been nodding before the question was even asked.

"Y-Yes."

And so Otabek leaned forward tenderly, tilting his head at just the right angle to press against Yurio's. It was chaste, ending as soon as it began, but immediately inducing a round of flushed faces between the two.

Yurio had been expecting what always happened in the books, but in reality, things weren't peachy perfect. He could feel Otabek's teeth clash with his own, feel the awkwardness overpowering the sweetness-- it was a first experience. And, like most things, he did not take a happy cheer to it at the first encounter.

"B-Beka, I don't like it. Too much saliva," Yurio shuddered, "I don't want to kiss again."

"That's alright, we don't have to. I don't love you for your lips."

"Y-You don't like my lips?" Yurio touched them insecurely, leaning back with caution.

"Yura, of course I do. I love all of you." Otabek smiled again, and Yurio sniffed loudly, partly because of the cascading sobs being littered and pary due to being unsatisfied. He was much less straightfoward, not expecting Otabek to be so blunt about everything.

Maybe it was because of the heat of the moment, maybe it wasn't. Regardless, he'd learned one thing about risks: not all were bad. If nature thought that he would be better off without Otabek, maybe it wasn't something worth believing in.

~ ~ ~

A/N: I had planned on making this chapter longer, but its already over 3100 words, so I'm going to end it here... oh, well. The book is almost over, but the story isn't (cue maniacal laughter).