Dick had to admit Wally had some merit when he said that knowing who your soulmate was changed a little about how you looked at them. Robin quickly realized how hyper-aware he was of Kid Flash whenever they were in the same room. Dick also started noticing things about Wally that he never really paid attention to before. Like how Wally would chew on his lips when he was thinking of a hard problem or how Wally ran his hands through his fiery red hair when his was frustrated. The same red as the tips of the bird's wings. But Dick believed that discovering these things were part of being soulmates, but if his and Wally's ideals diverged, it was okay.

A thought struck him. When will he tell Wally? When would it be a good time? Would he just hide it forever? Wally probably wouldn't want that either.

Dick was laying spread eagle on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He had been staring at his soulmark in the mirror just before and had his shirt off. Bruce knocked gently on the door to announce his arrival. The boy turned his head a little to glimpse at Bruce before looking back up to the ceiling of his room. The bed dipped as Bruce sat down. Dick flipped over so his face was buried into the pillow. Bruce eyed Dick's soulmark.

"You've been in a funk and Alfred told me I need to talk to you?" Bruce sounded unsure about himself, making Dick think of that time Barbara called Bruce an 'emotionally constipated idiot'. This elicited a quiet snort from Dick.

The two sat in relative silence for a minute or two until it became clear that Bruce probably wasn't going to start the conversation. Dick sighed, "I know who my soulmate is."

"And?"

"I don't know what to feel about him."

For Bruce's credit, the man didn't freeze or anything about the gender. "Is it someone I know?"

Dick was quiet for a minute or two and Bruce waited patiently. "It's Wally."

"West?"

Dick let out another snort, "You know any other Wallaces, B?"

"No," Bruce chuckled. "Do you want him to be your soulmate?"

Dick flipped over to look at Bruce with a slight frown. "I'm not upset he's my soulmate at all. He's great, I like him a lot. But like, he doesn't care for soulmates so I'm not sure if I should tell him. And also, I don't want him to be forced to think about romantic stuff because of our marks 'cause I'm pretty sure he's straight. Also he and Artemis seem to be getting along. So we're probs just platonic soulmates or something and that's totally asterous. But yeah."

Bruce hummed in thought for a second. "I'm probably not the best person to be asking for advice on this."

Dick laughed, "I know, but I really need to tell someone and I know you won't judge, so...thanks, I guess." Dick sat up to give Bruce a quick hug, and the man awkwardly patted his back in return. Dick snickered at that.

"You're good?"

"Yeah."

"Need anything else?"

"Don't tell Barry or Wally please? I want to make the choice about it myself."

Bruce smiled. "Wasn't planning on it."

"Cool, you're the best, B."

"You ready to go down for dinner?" Bruce got up and started walking towards the door.

"Uh, yeah, just let me get dressed."

~

Dick never really noticed how Wally laughed, his eyes crinkling and the way he shook with his whole body. The boy had the dorkiest sense of humor that Artemis seemed to enjoy poking insults, with no real heat, at. Dick smiled, glad his friends seemed to be getting along. Wally seemed to be looking at Artemis differently lately too. Dick should start putting together a plan to get those two together; he should go talk to Barbara. If Wally liked Artemis, and if she made him happy, then by god, would Dick, as Wally's best friend and soulmate, make sure that Wally was happy.

Dick never truly noticed how Wally walked either, with a slight bounce that caused his curls catch the light when he was happy, or dragging his sneakers across the floor and hunched in when he was upset. Dick always tried to help him when Wally was like that, either by talking it out or playing games or just sitting quietly and enjoying each other's company. It was nice.

Dick never noticed how Wally's eyes lit up when he talked about science or mechanics or anything he loved. Dick never noticed how Wally's suit hugged the boy's figure, showing off the speedster's toned physique. Dick never noticed how warm Wally was, the heat generated from being a speedster. How Wally's touch made Robin happy and warm. Dick never really noticed how much he himself enjoyed having the speedster's attention.

Dick didn't notice either how much time Wally was beginning to spend with Artemis. How it made something ugly and mean curl in his chest.

Dick realized it was jealousy. But what was he to be jealous of? Wally was happy with Artemis, while still being Dick's best friend. It was all good.

But one night, watching Wally and Artemis joke and hold hands and share tender romantic moments, Dick Grayson realized why. He wanted it to be him. He wanted to be the one that Wally pecked on the cheek, the one Wally would proudly hold hands with, the one Wally's loving green eyes would be on, the one to laugh at Wally's lame attempts to flirt with him. The one to be there, at the end of Wally's affections. But he wasn't and he never would be. He was at Wally's side, helping Artemis get what Dick never could. And it hurt. And it wasn't nice, or good, or okay. But Wally's happiness came first, and from the hallway, watching the redhead's face light up in response to something the archer said, Dick decided that it was going to be good and fine and nice and okay, for Wally.

Dick coughed up his first petal that night. Half a year after finding out Wally was his soulmate.

~

Fucking chrysanthemums. Dick stared at the fire colored petals he clutched in his hands.

Chrysanthemums, also known as chrysanthemum morifolium, a relative of the daisy flowers. There were many meanings associated with this flower, including lasting friendship, true friendship, optimism, rebirth, enduring life, loyalty, devotion. and finally, love. The universe had a cruel sense of humor. After all, red chrysanthemum represented love and passion while yellow ones represented sorrow and neglected love. And the petal clutched in Dicks hand was the same color as the thunderbird's feathers. A gradient from red to yellow. The universe had a cruel sense of humor, indeed.

For the first time since his parent's deaths, Dick cried himself to sleep. Oh god, he had hanahaki. Dick was dying. Dick was in love with Wally. Wally West. Beautiful, funny, obvious, adorable Wally West. Head over heels in love with Artemis, totally straight, his best friend, Wally West. Dick was dying. He could either lose on of the most important attributes of his person or die loving Wally. What was Dick going to do? Dickwasdying. Hewasdying.HewasinlovewithWallyWest.Dyingdyingdying-

~

No one really knew how hanahaki worked. Flowers that fed off of one's pains and took root in one's lungs. They grew and grew, until one day, it's too much and they killed you.

Hanahaki usually developed from unrequited love. And more often than not, from unrequited love between soulmates.

It was described as painful, but those who developed hanahaki said that the pain meant little compared to the happiness of the ones they loved.

The disease was different for each person, too. Some developed quickly and became terminal quickly. Others progressed slowly, taking even years for it to become deadly.

There were two known ways to cure hanahaki disease.

One was surgery, artificially removing the flora embedded in their lungs, taking with them the person's ability to love. Not just romantic love. No, all kinds of love, parental, platonic, family, all of those bonds, lost.

The other...

~

Dick knew a man who developed hanahaki once. It was one of the good people in Gotham, an owner of a small diner on the corner of 5th and 8th. He was kind and affectionate and Dick would pop by his diner after an argument with Bruce. The man had the warmest smiles and the best hair ruffles.

Dick remembers seeing bloodied white jasmine flowers being exhaled from his breath.

The bouquet of star-shaped flora the man coughed up. Dick watched as it slowly became harder and harder for the man to stand, to work, to breathe.

Then one day, Dick walked in and he was better, greeting customers with a smile. Dick was confused at first until the man turned to Dick and suddenly the boy wonder understood. The smile held no warmth, the man's words had no attachment.

And suddenly, Dick knew that no matter what, that if he ever somehow had hanahaki, he would never get the surgery, because Dick couldn't live like that.

Dick ran on love, on the affection of Bruce, and Alfred, of Wally, of his teammates. And that new kind of older sibling love he recently discovered for that little boy Bruce took in, Jason. He couldn't lose that, no matter what. It was worse than dying.

~

It was better knowing that Dick was in love with Wally. He knew what to look for and what to hide. He knew how to label the emotions that bubbled up inside him.

But everything was a painful reminder of what he couldn't have. He would see a couple walking down the street and his lungs would seize and his heart would drop for a second because that could be him and Wally.

Dick wanted to tell someone, but that would end with putting Wally into a position that Dick didn't want for the happy boy.

And maybe he's been avoiding Wally a little more than usual. Maybe he'd been a little more distant. But Dick couldn't help the burning and the pain in his chest whenever he saw those emerald green eyes.

~

Wally came to ask what was up after a training session.

Dick breathed slowly and calmly. "I don't know, maybe the stress is getting to me. Or maybe I'm coming down with something. I should take a break...maybe."

"Dude! You're like the best out of all of us! But like, your mental health is super important and if you need a break, just tell us okay?" Wally placed his hand over Dick's and his heart soared while his stomach sank. It wasn't fair. "Besides, you should totally just have some time as Dick Grayson, flutter around, maybe you'll find your soulmate!"

The thought of soulmates always cheered Dick up. Wally knew that Dick was excited to meet his soulmate and always used the reminder to bring up his spirits. This time, it didn't work because Dick's soulmate sat right there, with his hands placed gently over the younger boy's and it never felt so wrong. And maybe Dick was being selfish, wanting more when Wally had already given him so much.

Wally frowned at Dick's lack of reaction and reached over to check him temperature. Wally was really close to Dick. And Wally was in one of those sleeveless shirts and holy shit, Wally's shoulders had freckles. Who knew little concentrations of melanin could be so interesting? "Rob! You're burning up!"

Robin blinked and checked his temperature himself. Wally was right, he did seem to be running a slight fever. Dick's sweat drenched clothing wasn't helping the fact either.

"Would you look at that," Robin mused. "I should change."

Wally had already thrown a shirt at Robin when he finished speaking and demanded the boy to change.

Robin rolled his eyes fondly and was about to change right there when his brain caught back up to him. Quickly tugging his shirt back down, Dick dashed into the bathroom.