The morning was spent with looking throughout the house to see if they had forgotten anything before putting the luggage by the door of the house. Shen Qingqiu stuffed the last book from the desk into his sleeve while Yue Qingyuan put two bowls of soup on the table.

"Let's eat before we leave," Yue Qingyuan suggested, "We shouldn't leave behind too much food for the owner of this house to eat."

"I doubt he would mind too much," Shen Qingqiu replied, but he agreed nonetheless.

Just like the day before, Yue Qingyuan happily watched as Shen Qingqiu ate. It was as if he still couldn't get enough of the happiness he felt about Shen Qingqiu enjoying his food. Shen Qingqiu would surely not mind it. It was a nice thing whenever Yue Qingyuan looked happy especially now that he seemed a bit unhappy all the time.

After the meal Shen Qingqiu gave Yue Qingyuan a set of familiar grey and black clothes to put on before helping him do his hair. It was weird for Yue Qingyuan to wear the sect leader's dress, but it also made him feel somewhat proud. When he was dressed he looked into the mirror until Shen Qingqiu appeared behind his reflection, holding a sword.

"This is Xuan Su," Shen Qingqiu explained and held out the sword, "Your sword. I've been taking care of it until now, but you should have it when we travel. It's safer."

Yue Qingyuan looked with amazement at the sword in Shen Qingqiu's hands. It was beautiful and looked so majestic. Yue Qingyuan couldn't believe that this sword had really chosen him. When he took it from Shen Qingqiu, the sword hummed in response. He caressed the scabbard of the sword, his eyes sparkling. When his fingers moved to the hilt to grab it, Shen Qingqiu gasped.

"No! Don't!"

Yue Qingyuan's hand instantly retracted in shock. He looked up at Shen Qingqiu and saw a look of pure terror in the man's eyes. His gaze seemed a bit clouded as if he wasn't quite in the moment but rather very far away. To be precise, like he was seeing something that had happened a long time ago.

When Yue Qingyuan realized why the man had reacted like this his face paled. Right. This sword could kill him when he pulled it. Or rather it could have back then, but now? Shen Qingqiu also seemed to have remembered and his eyes began to clear.

"I..." he stammered, then he reached out his hand, "Please. Let me."

Yue Qingyuan handed the sword back to Shen Qingqiu and watched him grip it tightly with trembling hands. Shen Qingqiu swallowed audibly before he slowly pulled the sword from the sheath. The sword didn't give off more than a faint sigh as it left the sheath. No blinding light, not even a glimmer that indicated a leak of spiritual energy flowing from the owner out of the sword. Shen Qingqiu released a shaky breath and pulled Xuan Su fully from its enclosure where the sword had spent the majority of its life.

For a second time a look of terror crossed Shen Qingqiu's face, but not only his. But eho wouldn't look absolutely terrified at a blade covered in dried blood. Shen Qingqiu reached out and touched it, remembering how it came to be there. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped his mouth.

Yue Qingyuan quickly took the sword and used a cloth to try and wipe off the blood, but it was hard to do since it had practically been baked into the metal. He would definitely need water to get it off. Shen Qingqiu though didn't care about the sword. He grabbed it by the blade and threw it aside before grabbing onto Yue Qingyuan tightly. His eyes were fixed on the other man's neck, but there was nothing. Nothing but unblemished skin.

Shen Qingqiu let his face fall into the crook of Yue Qingyuan's neck as his fingers trailed around on the man's throat. Yue Qingyuan shivered at the sensation of the hot breath against his skin and the fingertips dancing along his neck. He tightly hugged Shen Qingqiu feeling utterly guilty even when he didn't remember what he had done.

It took a while until Shen Qingqiu had caught a hold of himself again. It was rather obvious that what happened back then had been an extremely traumatic moment for him. Enough so that he had ended up genuinely traumatized and even had flashbacks.

When he had calmed down his overall demeanor had changed somewhat. Shen Qingqiu was quieter now and seemed to try and avoid making eyecontact. Even so he pretended that he was totally fine.

"Well then," he said and cleared his throat, "I'll quickly go over to the house of the landlord and tell him that we are leaving. Please put our stuff on the horses while I'm gone, alright."

"Xiao Jiu, are you-"

"I'm fine," Shen Qingqiu interrupted, "Just pick up that thing and put it somewhere into your robes. I don't want to see it for now."

Yue Qingyuan nodded. He looked after Shen Qingqiu as he left and worry shone in his eyes, yet he did as he was told and stored the sword away before cleaning the dishes and bringing the luggage outside, loading them onto the animals. Afterwards he even filled up their flasks with water and checked for a second time if they had really not forgotten anything. Afterwards he waited outside next to the horses, calmly petting their necks to calm them.

Shen Qingqiu returned quickly. He looked calmer, but it was to be expected that he was most certainly faking it. Even the smile he gave when seeing Yue Qingyuan calming down the horses looked a bit forced, as if he did feel warmed by the sight, but was still too troubled.

Shen Qingqiu took his horse's reigns and sat up. Once Yue Qingyuan was on his own horse they started off towards Cang Qiong Mountain in silence. After a whole Shen Qingqiu spoke up.

"He said that he is happy that we left some food," he told Yue Qingyuan, "His wife had been complaining that she always has  to cook for him and he never does anything to help her out. I assume he's planning on pretending that that food was made by him."

"As long as that will keep a couple from divorcing I don't mind," Yue Qingyuan replied happy that there was a topic he could distract the other with, "Besides, I think he won't be able to be lazy forever. My food won't last long enough."

"If it was me, if my spouse were to complain about having to make food all the time and I never help then I would quickly learn how to cook and take care that they are happy again as soon as possible," Shen Qingqiu said and shook his head, "My spouse is such a good person. They would never complain even if they had to do everything for me. I want to give back as much of that kindness they give me although they deserve a dozen times more of what I actually can give."

"Your wife must really be someone very special," Yue Qingyuan said quietly. He ignored the now familiar stabbing feeling in his chest and just kept talking. "Personally, I wouldn't let my wife even attempt to do everything around the house. I would try my best to take as much of her work from her as I can."

Shen Qingqiu smiled. He felt his mood lighten up quickly. Yes. Yes, you would definitely do that. Even taking half of the papers of my desciples that I have to correct although you have your own stack. You're really too good for me.

"Are you not afraid that your partner would become spoiled and lazy?" Shen Qingqiu asked.

"Not at all. If this person was able to make me so happy that I thought of marrying her then she must be worthy enough to be spoiled," Yue Qingyuan replied and smiled slightly. Currently he could not imagine any woman by his side, but surely the time would come for him when he found himself falling for someone and then he would treat her like a goddess.

"So you would do this for anyone as long as they're married to you?" Shen Qingqiu asked, getting a bit nervous.

"I think not anyone could be married to me," Yue Qingyuan replied, "So in some way, yes. But I've never really met anyone whom I think I would fall in love with. The person that I will one day marry must be someone I'm sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with, someone for whom I would do anything, so me wanting to do everything for her is what it takes for me to marry her."

Shen Qingqiu was feeling a bit calmer, but he couldn't help still being a little uncomfortable. He couldn't imagine how much pain it would be to find it that Yue Qingyuan could have been like this for another person too. He wanted nothing more than to be special for this man. Irreplaceable so that he would never have the opportunity to find another because there was no one who could make him as happy as Shen Qingqiu.

Even thinking of such a thing made Shen Qingqiu panic. He trusted his Yue Qingyuan, but this one right here didn't know that he didn't have options for future spouses. He didn't know that he was already married and even less did he know that he was married to a man. Shen Qingqiu would not stop playing around, but be would definitely not let Yue Qingyuan look around for options even if he had to commit murder. Again.

Shen Qingqiu didn't let any of his thoughts show and simply kept sitting on his horse and looked ahead. Unconciously he changed direction so they wouldn't be able to come across any villages or cities that could hold good looking women and thus caused their travel to be a bit longer than they had thought.

When they had traveled a day without stopping and Shen Qingqiu had not spoken a word even when Yue Qingyuan had desperately tried to initiate, Yue Qingyuan started feeling restless. He made his horse ride a bit faster although the poor animal was already beyond exhausted, but Shen Qingqiu subtly made his own speed up too. At a last resort Yue Qingyuan spoke up again.

"Maybe we should take a rest," he suggested, "The horses look rather tired. We could look for a city or something to find a place to stay. We don't have to sleep there. Just an hour or two to let the animals rest?"

"No need," Shen Qingqiu finally replied.

"It's really not a good idea to ride a whole day without a pause," Yue Qingyuan argued.

"Fine," Shen Qingqiu gave in, "We will rest as soon as we reach a river. There will be one in about five minutes. The horses can drink and you can walk around for a while. Is that alright?"

"That's good enough," Yue Qingyuan replied, wondering why Shen Qingqiu was against searching a more suitable resting place than the shore of a river.

As soon as they were there the horses neighed excitedly and shook their heads when they were able to drink something. Shen Qingqiu sat down on a stone by the river and started eating sweets. His expression now prefectly mirrored his mood and when one of the horses looked behind itself it snorted in discomfort, sensing danger. Yue Qingyuan carefully approached Shen Qingqiu and sat beside him. He was sure that either he was still troubled because of the thing with the sword or Yue Qingyuan had done wrong something else.

"Are you alright?" he asked, "You've been quiet for a rather long time now."

"You should know that I generally don't speak much. When I do then that's an exception," Shen Qingqiu replied and stuffed a bonbon into his mouth.

"But the last few days you...I thought that over the years you just..."

Yue Qingyuan tried to understand, but he was obviously being blocked. Had Shen Qingqiu really just made an exception these past few days or was there something on his mind after all? Was he lying to him because he didn't trust Yue Qingyuan with his problems?

Shen Qingqiu didn't respond. He just kept munching away at his sweets, ignoring Yue Qingyuan. For a moment he would like to have some peace. He thought that if Yue Qingyuan were to say just one more thing to him, whether it be good or bad, Shen Qingqiu would not be able to go on with this stupid game. Either because Yue Qingyuan was too sweet or because he said something like what he had said earlier.

Yue Qingyuan felt uncomfortable and started moving around on the stone as Shen Qingqiu started scraping the sugarcoating off an apple with his teeth. He licked off the rests with his tongue before he gave a short flick with his finger. His horse came over cautiously, looking weary at Shen Qingqiu's stern expression until it spotted the apple. It gave a happy neigh and hopped closer.

Shen Qingqiu held out his flat hand with the apple and let the horse eat it. The horse ate the apple in one bite then it started sniffing at Shen Qingqiu, nudging his head with its nose. Shen Qingqiu just pushed the horse's large head away. The horse didn't give up though and tried giving Shen Qingqiu a lick at his cheek.

Yue Qingyuan laughed quietly as he watched Shen Qingqiu fight the horse. One time the horse nudged too forcefully, causing Shen Qingqiu to fall sideways into Yue Qingyuan. Shen Qingqiu glared at the horse. The horse neighed and flicked its tail. Shen Qingqiu could have sworn that the horse was grinning, but it was actually just looking like a normal horse looked after getting an apple. It joyfully trotted away and left the two men behind as it joined Yue Qingyuan's horse by the river to drink a bit more water.

Yue Qingyuan looked down at the man who had just crashed into his chest. His hair was disorderly and his cheek glistened a little. Shen Qingqiu's expression was rather bad. He looked as if he was contemplating how to prepare horse stew. In an attempt to make his mood a bit better Yue Qingyuan used his sleeve to wipe the horse saliva off of Shen Qingqiu's face.

Shen Qingqiu didn't look any less annoyed, but he didn't try to push Yue Qingyuan away. He didn't even make the slightest attempt to sit up and remove himself from Yue Qingyuan's chest. Yue Qingyuan took the time to bring some order into Shen Qingqiu's hair, doing so with an unconscious smile on his lips. When he was holding Shen Qingqiu like this his heart stirred in a fluttering sensation like a trapped bird. He liked this feeling a lot more than the one when it felt like his heart hurt.

When Shen Qingqiu looked up and saw the smile on Yue Qingyuan's face, he realized that he didn't even need Yue Qingyuan to speak to feel unable to control himself. He reached up with his arms and turned his head slightly. Luckily he managed to exercise at least a bit self control to have his lips connect not with the other man's lips but his cheek instead.

Yue Qingyuan was rather taken aback at the feeling. His eyes widened and he looked down at Shen Qingqiu for a long while. Shen Qingqiu had already looked away again and inwardly cursed himself with every name under the sun and still he was strangely happy that he had done this just now. If this got accepted too it meant another boundary that he could overstep. A boundary where there shouldn't be any boundaries.

"Another thing we do sometimes. It won't bother you, will it?" Shen Qingqiu asked innocently.

"I...O-Of course not," Yue Qingyuan stuttered.

He was glad that Shen Qingqiu seemed to have forgiven him for whatever he had done to upset him. Now he didn't want to make it worse again, so he hesitantly looked at Shen Qingqiu before quickly leaning down and pressing a small kiss on his cheek too. For some reason he had the feeling that something was not quite right about this situation. This just felt a bit too much for friends, but Shen Qingqiu had said it was normal.

Yue Qingyuan felt utterly conflicted. He trusted Shen Qingqiu, but something within him was not too convinced that this was truly something they should do. He just couldn't put his finger on what that was. He had an inkling that he should really not have that unbelievable urge that made him want to repeat the action again the he had just now performed, pressing his lips on Shen Qingqiu's soft skin again and again. Once was okay. They were friends, but several times? Something had to be clearly wrong with him. Yue Qingyuan really hoped that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't notice.

Shen Qingqiu on the other hand was already smiling happily, looking towards the horses so Yue Qingyuan couldn't see.

"I'm exhausted," Shen Qingqiu said in a monotone voice, "I will lean against you to rest."

"Alright," Yue Qingyuan replied and cleared his throat nervously.

Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes and peacefully dozed off moments later. Yue Qingyuan was doomed to serve as a comfortable pillow. The horses came from the water and curiously looked at the their masters. When they saw one sleeping they scratched the ground with their hooves and walked towards a nearby tree to sleep too. They stood side by side, their heads slowly sinking down as they too nodded off.

Yue Qingyuan was the only one left awake. He took the time to close his eyes and meditate a bit since Shen Qingqiu had told him to do so every day without exception.  He sat and meditated for about two hours, not moving a muscle although his back slowly started hurting from supporting the weight of two people, then he slowly opened his eyes. Shen Qingqiu was still sleeping. Yue Qingyuan couldn't bring himself to wake him. He looked so peaceful and calm.

Yue Qingyuan waited another half an hour. The horses were slowly starting to wake up and trotted over to them. Yue Qingyuan quickly made a decision and carefully picked up the sleeping Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu stirred little, but he quickly nestled back into Yue Qingyuan's chest when Yue Qingyuan had fully straightened up. Shen Yuan didn't notice how he was sat on the horse in front of Yue Qingyuan and they rode the remaining way back home, this time without any roundabouts.

Yue Qingyuan felt a bit embarrassed when he entered Cang Qiong Mountain,  carrying the other man, but no one seemed to care. They greeted him respectfully and looked curiously at Shen Qingqiu sleeping.

He didn't know whether he should go to Qing Jing or Qiong Ding peak, but out of  habit he just took the way towards his own. The second he entered through the gate he was swarmed by people who at first excitedly and then considerably quiet started to brabble.

Yue Qingyuan was overwhelmed by the sudden swarm of youths and didn't know how to react, but he had an image to uphold so he made himself appear calm.

"Shizun, it's been so long," a young girl whispered happily, "Is Shishu alright? Is he sleeping?"

"He is indeed just sleeping. We had a rather long journey back and you know how he is, wanting to do it all in one go," Yue Qingyuan replied calmly.

The young girl nodded quickly. "Shen-shishu is so conscientious, going so far for everyone, especially his desciples and even his shizhis. If I could I'd want to be just like him. Or you. Or both!"

"Shimei..." another desciple reprimanded in a quiet voice.

The girl blushed and looked away. Shen Yuan stood off to the side and watched this all play out. His expression grew more and more grim. Going far for his desciples. As if. Going too far would be more true. Shen Yuan truly couldn't have it to see the friendly and goodmeaning Yue Qingyuan be wrapped around Shen Qingqiu's little finger like the man wrapped the tip of a whip around his hand before striking the innocent and amazing, the wonderful and strong, goodlooking...wait, where was he? Ah, yes! Before cold-bloodedly whipping that pure child Luo Binghe.

This man was the pure evil and he...cuddled into Yue Qingyuan's chest while mumbling contently and smiling in his sleep. Shen Yuan was disturbed when his heart warmed up a little at that sight. How could he find that heartwarming?! Those guys were just...just...just two cutsleeves! And one of them was that evil scum!

Yue Qingyuan noticed the youth standing off in the shadows and gave him a small nod in greeting before excusing himself and bringing Shen Qingqiu inside his house.

Shen Qingqiu woke up a while later. He had had odd dreams. He had dreamt that he was a kitten that was rolled up sleeping in Yue Qingyuan's arms and Yue Qingyuan had shown him around Cang Qiong Mountain and praised him and his cuteness. Shen Qingqiu shook his head to get rid of the memories.

He had not yet opened his eyes when he noticed that he was laying in a bed. The smell was familiar. Definitely Qiong Ding peak. Yue Qingyuan was sitting right beside him looking through papers that had been stacked on the desk.

As soon as he noticed that Shen Qingqiu was awake he put down the documents and smiled.

"Good morning. You slept for quite a bit. I hope you rested well," he said.

"You carried me home?" Shen Qingqiu asked in a teasing voice "Couldn't bring yourself to wake me, could you? Did you per any chance show me around the moutaint to show off how cute I am when I sleep?"

"You- What? No. Really, why would I do that?" Yue Qingyuan asked, overwhelmed by confusion.

"Just a question. I had an odd dream," Shen Qingqiu said to clear up the confusion.

"I hope it wasn't anything bad."

"It was not. Just strange," Shen Qingqiu replied and yawned.

He really hadn't expected that he would be carried all the way home and even less that Yue Qingyuan was alright with bringing him to Qiong Ding after how bad Shen Qingqiu's mood had been. Normally that man would have become self conscious, put Shen Qingqiu into his own bed and then left after writing a message or at least he would have gone next door.

Shen Qingqiu turned on his side and stuffed his arm underneath his head as he looked at the papers in Yue Qingyuan's hands.

"What do you have there?"

"Some uncorrected student papers I think," Yue Qingyuan replied, "I was looking through them to see what they have learned under me. I can see that there's quite a few talented youngsters amongst them. What I don't understand is that there are some names here that you mentioned were apprenticed under you. This one here for example. Luo Binghe. Or Ming Fan."

"You have the tendency to take some of the papers I have to correct when you're done with your own work," Shen Qingqiu explained and smiled up at Yue Qingyuan, "You even go to the length to copy my handwriting so the desciples won't know it was you and you mimic the way I would correct them or judge them. You're quite talented at that too."

Yue Qingyuan laughed a bit.

"A good one. Did we mess them up?" he asked, clearly thinking that Shen Qingqiu was joking.

"I was not joking," Shen Qingqiu said, his expression serious. 

He got up and walked into the office next door, bringing two pages of paper. He laid them both out on the bed before sitting next to them.

"This one is mine," Shen Qingqiu said and pointed at a corrected paper from Luo Binghe, then at the other, one from Ning Yingying, "And this was corrected by you. The differences are minute. No one would spot it right away. Even I could not recognize."

Yue Qingyuan looked at the papers in disbelief. The writing was so similar all down to the signature. It was near impossible to find anything that didn't match. The way the comments underneath were written were the same too. No compliments beside 'acceptable' or 'better than the last one'. Rather critical and reprimanding.

The way Yue Qingyuan had perceived Shen Qingqiu in the last few days had not been at all this way. He seemed a rather strict teacher although he treated his friend nicely even when teaching him too.

There was only one small difference. Although the characters were written in exactly the same way, one of the documents had parts of the ink leak through to the back, meaning the writer has pressed the brush down harder than needed or that he had lingered on the characters longer. This was either a sign of lack of practice or not being used to writing in such a way. The document with this flaw was the one Yue Qingyuan had commented. He must have been writing slowly to ensure that he didn't accidentally use his own handwriting instead.

Shen Qingqiu looked on curiously when he saw Yue Qingyuan turn the paper. He smiled when he saw what Yue Qingyuan had found.

"Really perceptive indeed. That was the only way I could differentiate the two from one another, but it took me way longer than it took you to find that hint," he said, "Very interesting..."

Shen Qingqiu was amused that Yue Qingyuan could find such a thing, but still hadn't realized what Shen Qingqiu had been doing all this time. Like an investigator able to clear up a crime after sighting the crime scene only once, but not being able to to recognize the obvious advances of the victim who had been robbed.

"How did I manage to copy it like that? Did you get annoyed when you found out I could? Or because I took your work from you?"

"Why would I be annoyed that I'm important enough for you to remember my writing to such an extent? Plus, you took some work from me that I was not really thrilled to do," Shen Qingqiu replied in a light tone, "You learned this because you paid close attention to the way I write over the years. You're a quick learner, so it's not surprising. I think if you wanted you could copy the writing of the other peaklords too."

"Do you not think this is an odd ability to have? I mean, why would I pay so close attention to someone's writing? I must have spent hours looking at it," Yue Qingyuan argued.

Shen Qingqiu merely smiled in return. He knew that what Yue Qingyuan had done would surely be publicly considered as creepy, but he knew his Qi-ge. He never had any bad intentions and back then he didn't have ulterior motives either.

"Why don't we eat something?" Shen Qingqiu asked. He didn't want Yue Qingyuan to linger on that topic any longer. In the end they would just spin in circles trying to discuss it.

Yue Qingyuan had planned to ask more, but he noticed that Shen Qingqiu did not want to answer those questions, so he agreed. Shen Qingqiu didn't really eat anything. Only when Yue Qingyuan had conveniently placed some food into his bowl did he eat although his body protested a bit. He couldn't believe that this problem had actually become worse than before. Shen Qingqiu didn't want to alert Yue Qingyuan so he pretended that he just wasn't hungry and left the food further untouched.

After the meal there suddenly was a knock on the front door.

"I will go," Yue Qingyuan offered and got up.

When he reached the door he stood in front of a very good looking woman who appeared to be just a bit older than Shen Qingqiu. She smiled at Yue Qingyuan.

"Sect leader Yue. It's nice to see you're still in good health after concluding your travels," she said politely, but not without the slight tease in here voice that seemed to come naturally, "I assume Qingqiu is with you?"

"Qing...ah, yes. Shen-shidi is inside, erm..." Yue Qingyuan stuttered nervously.

He was uncertain about who this woman might be. She was close enough to Shen Qingqiu to call him by just his first name so they were either friends or, what was more plausible, she was his-

"Are you nervous? Last time we met you were a lot more collected and calm," the woman commented.

"Pardon me," Yue Qingyuan said and looked at the ground. He felt utterly ashamed of himself for the massive amount of unnamed emotions flooding his system all of a sudden at the suspicion he had.

"I'll just enter then if you don't mind," the woman said and pushed past him to get into the house.

Yue Qingyuan stood in the doorway for a long while until he finally decided to close the door. Instead of joining the two he went into his office instead to let them talk. In the end he just paced up and down inside his office. Yue Qingyuan was driven by a sort of restlessness he couldn't explain. It made him unable to stand still for even a moment. It was infuriating.

He couldn't explain why he was feeling so uncomfortable. It was like bundled up negative emotions that he's never felt, how could he go and listen to them talk when he felt this way? The biggest issue was that it didn't even make sense for him to feel like this. That woman had looked rather nice so it couldn't be that he felt threatened by her. Plus, he had only felt like this when he realized that she must know Shen Qingqiu rather well and he had come to assume that she might be that wife of his.

Yue Qingyuan sighed. He just couldn't make sense of himself anymore. He wanted to know what was wrong with him, but equally as much did he just want to distract himself. He looked around the office for things to do. In the end he just decided to go over to the bookshelf and find a book to read.

Mindlessly he pulled out a stack of books and sat down underneath the shelf. Yue Qingyuan looked through the books. Most of them were cultivation manuals. There were also books about martial arts from different areas, some about demons, even one about medicine and plants. All types of books that someone would put into their workspace.

Just when Yue Qingyuan thought there was nothing entertaining in the stack he spotted a booklet. It was significantly different to the other books. The cover was illustrated and it had a title that Yue Qingyuan didn't quite understand. It was most certainly metaphorical for something. Something about the cover was strange too. It was like it depicted human silhouettes, but at the same time they were so blurry and in such weird positions that it couldn't be.

Having gotten curious, Yue Qingyuan opened the booklet. At first glance he realized it was not a written book, but rather an illustrated work with various pictures of people. Yue Qingyuan froze the second he started taking a closer look at the pictures. With a yelp he threw the booklet across the room and stared at it in shock from where he had pressed himself against the wall like he was looking at a venomous snake.

The booklet lay on the floor, opened. Yue Qingyuan could clearly see the page even from where he was sitting and he had to swallow. Who would put such a thing into their office? Yue Qingyuan was disturbed. It got even worse when he remembered that this was his office, meaning that booklet was his too. Just what had ridden him to put that into his bookshelf? Anyone coming in could see this if they were snooping around.

That booklet was definitely pornography. The very graphic page that lay open for him to see proved that very well. Yue Qingyuan worked up his courage to crawl over and close the booklet when he noticed that something wasn't quite right about the drawings. Despite his discomfort he got himself to look a bit closer.

Yue Qingyuan's face grew redder as he focused on one picture of two people entwined in some unhealthy looking position. To his surprise both of them had rather broad shoulders, a muscular look and most importantly no bosom. They were male. Both.

"This...this is..." Yue Qingyuan stuttered in disbelief and he looked through the pages.

Even more such pictures appeared. Not one woman to be seen far and wide. Yue Qingyuan sat on his heels and his hands trembled as he flipped through the pages with increasing nervousness. It began to dawn on him what it meant that this was in his possession, but he didn't want to believe it was true. Not just that it was about two men doing that, but that it it belonged to him and he had it in his office. Why wasn't it somewhere more private? He was the sect leader. Had he abandoned all his dignity?

Yue Qingyuan quickly closed the thing. He had seen enough. He got up and started stuffing all the books back into the shelf then he opened a cupboard and just threw the booklet inside so it was more hidden for the time being until he had enough courage to put it elsewhere. Yue Qingyuan then sank down into the chair by his desk and sat there, his face covered by his hands.

His thoughts were racing at an incredible speed. He tried his best to deny the obvious conclusion, but there was just too much evidence. Finally all made sense. Those feelings he had not been able to explain or that he had felt that some of his reactions were abnormal. The way his heart fluttered when he looked at Shen Qingqiu or how it ached when Shen Qingqiu spoke about his wife. Yue Qingyuan was...

"I'm a cutsleeve..." he whispered, "I..."

The worst thing wasn't just that. It was totally fine that he was, but what wasn't fine was that he just had to feel like that for his best friend and his married best friend at that. How could he do that with a clear conscience? Another problem was that, now that it had dawned upon him in what way the way he and Shen Qingqiu were interacting had been strange, he realized another thing. Shen Qingqiu had said that them kissing one another on the cheek or sharing a bed, even cuddling and being together in whatever water undressed was entirely normal dance they were friends, but it was not at all. Maybe if they had been younger it would, but they were grown-ups and that was definitely way too intimate.

That Shen Qingqiu thought that way was most certainly because he had not many friends and thus Yue Qingyuan had been able to talk him into thinking such a thing was acceptable. What was more plausible than this being normal was that Yue Qingyuan had been unable to accept that the person his feelings were directed at was off limits and would never choose him, so he had found a way to get a taste of him under the cover of friendship.

This was the only way things could be. Yue Qingyuan just knew it. His future self was not only shameless but also a lustrous man. Shen Qingqiu was so happy that him and his friend were not on bad terms anymore that he didn't even notice. Just how horrible could anyone be to take advantage of that? Yue Qingyuan felt unable to face himself and Shen Qingqiu even less. How could he look at Shen Qingqiu again now that he knew?

Yue Qingyuan had no idea how he had become like this, but he didn't want to continue it. He would have to put the due distance between himself and Shen Qingqiu as long as he had the time. All that he should want should be being the other man's friend and to help him out if he's in danger. Or rather, just the former. For the latter he wasn't needed. Shen Qingqiu's wife was strong. Stronger than Yue Qingyuan. She was very well capable of protecting her husband if the need arose.

There was only one thing Yue Qingyuan had to protect and that was his sect. If the sect leader wasn't able to be stronger than a normal cultivator he had definitely failed. The only way to get stronger efficiently was one that Shen Qingqiu had forbidden him to do, but it was also a way to be able to avoid seeing Shen Qingqiu for a few days to sort out his thoughts. Plus, Yue Qingyuan trusted that he wouldn't rush it this time and take care nothing went wrong. He just had to take care that Shen Qingqiu didn't know right away.

For the time being Yue Qingyuan stayed in his office and stared holes into the table top. He didn't want to go outside and watch the two other people interact. He wasn't really in the right state of mind for that. He would have liked to stay holed up in his office for the rest of the day, but of course he couldn't. After he had been in his office for no more than half an hour someone opened the door.

"What are you doing in here? Why didn't you come back?" Shen Qingqiu asked, his voice slightly tinted with worry.

"I thought you might want to have a private conversation so I took the time to look at the place I work at so I can get a picture of how I am right now," Yue Qingyuan lied skillfully. He avoided looking at Shen Qingqiu and pretended to be scratching away something on the tables surface.

"The conversation was not private. Even if, I wouldn't have minded you listening," Shen Qingqiu said with a smile.

"Ah, here he is," Shen Qingqiu's visitor said after also stepping into the doorframe, "I thought he was following me at first, but I didn't notice that he went here."

"It's alright, Xinmu. It's not like you had to watch him," Shen Qingqiu assured.

At the word Xinmu Yue Qingyuan looked up from the table. He was more than surprised, but somehow he was also relived. He had been mistaken. This attractive woman was not Shen Qingqiu's wife but his adoptive mother, judging by the way he addressed her.

"He'd be a bit too old for that, wouldn't he?" Shen Xinmu chuckled, "Well, I actually just wanted to say goodbye. I didn't want to disturb for too long. A-Fang is waiting. He has a bunch of work to do and I don't want him to have to do it alone."

Shen Qingqiu slightly shuddered when he heard his adoptive mother call Mu Qingfang by that name. He was feeling slightly uncomfortable. Yue Qingyuan didn't change his expression. He just nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Oh, before I forget it," Shen Xinmu said, pulling out a small bag in which she started to fumble around, "That grumpy looking shidi of yours told me you liked sweets so I brought the ones that A-Fang confiscated from his desciples. He really cares a lot about the health of others."

"Liu Qingge is too much of a gossip if you ask me," Shen Qingqiu muttered and stuffed the bag into his sleeve.

"That's not a nice way to talk about your friend," Shen Xinmu reprimanded and crossed her arms, "He troubled himself to tell me this so I knew a bit more about my son and you have nothing nice to say?"

"It was just a joke," Shen Qingqiu replied, pulling his head between his shoulders, "And...thanks for the...sweets."

"Now that's what I wanted to hear. I'll get going now. You two take care," Shen Xinmu chirped and momentarily ruffled Shen Qingqiu's hair before she left.

Shen Qingqiu just fixed his hair and kept standing where he was. That woman had actually warmed up so much to the idea of being a mother that she had started treating her adoptive son like a kid. As long as no one was there when she did it or if it was only Yue Qingyuan watching it was fine, but Shen Qingqiu feared the day that there was a meeting between the peaklords or he was standing in front of a class and she came in worried he hadn't eaten enough or his clothes were not warm enough.

"She seems nice," Yue Qingyuan commented.

"She is," Shen Qingqiu replied, "I'm sorry that I forgot telling you about this.  It slipped my mind. Xinmu only adopted me very recently, so..."

"No need to apologize. You're not obliged to tell me everything about your private life," Yue Qingyuan assured and went back to scratching at the table. He had already managed getting a small hole into the surface with his nail.

Shen Qingqiu frowned deeply. "What do you mean by that? You're my best friend. Of course you have the right to know this."

"If you wish to tell me it's alright. I just think that there should be certain boundaries."

Shen Qingqiu didn't understand. What had boundaries to do with this? Yue Qingyuan didn't make any sense anymore. And not only did his words not make sense, he also refused to look at Shen Qingqiu, scratching on the table like a mouse at a wall.

"You're pretending that I planned on telling you about my sexual experiences with my spouse," although that wouldn't even be a problem, "Why are you reacting like this when I apologize about not having told you that I've recently been adopted?"

Shen Qingqiu momentarily feared that Yue Qingyuan might feel left out because he's still hurt about not having had a parent himself, but that didn't really fit with the way Yue Qingyuan acted. It was more like he was embarrassed than offended.

"Can we please just talk about something else?" Yue Qingyuan asked and finally looked up. He ignored the way his heart jumped when he looked at Shen Qingqiu's worried face. Once this feeling had felt good and made him happy, but now it felt like his heart tore with every flutter it gave. Yue Qingyuan never knew that anything could feel this painful.

"Then about what do you want to talk?" Shen Qingqiu asked, trying to be diplomatic.

"How did she become your mother?" Yue Qingyuan asked with little interest. He was just happy to not have to explain himself right now.

"I asked her. She had always been an empathetic person and she took care of me at some of my worst times, so I asked her a few weeks ago. She seemed to like the idea and accepted. We've pretty much been like mother and son before just that there was this boundary of respect that we had since we didn't really see one another often," Shen Qingqiu explained.

"Sounds nice. Does she also live on the mountain?"

"Yes. She used to live else where, but I wanted her somewhere near me so she would be save."

"Where was she before then?" Yue Qingyuan asked. He was starting to get a bit more used to the new situation and tried to engage in a fairly normal conversation, if only to not make Shen Qingqiu suspicious.

Shen Qingqiu hesitated for a moment. His Yue Qingyuan knew about everything that had gone down the last couple of year, but this one probably thought of him as some saint who would never even think about stepping into a brothel for whatever reason. Shen Qingqiu knew that man very well and the way how he raised Shen Qingqiu on a pedestal that was definitely way too high for him. But in the end it wouldn't make a difference to tell him since he would not judge him for too long. In a few days he would be back to his usual self and everything would be nice.

"She used to work at the Warm Red Pavillion in a city not too far from here."

"The..."

Yue Qingyuan frowned as it dawned on him what place Shen Qingqiu was referring to. Suddenly he felt even more embarrassed than earlier.

"A brothel," Shen Qingqiu confirmed, "You might ask yourself how I got to know her if she worked there."

"I...don't think I should-"

"It's not what you think. Although I went there a bunch of times it was not because I wanted to have sex," Shen Qingqiu interrupted, "I remember telling you about my inability to sleep alone. I didn't always have someone by my side and I had to find a way to be able to rest at least once a week without nightmares and a brothel was, well...easy."

Yue Qingyuan looked a bit ashamed now. He had really not been able to picture Shen Qingqiu to go to a brothel at all. Hearing that it wasn't for such a thing was surely a relief.

"We got her out of there the day she adopted me and the other girls too. They're living in the village at the foot of the mountain," Shen Qingqiu continued to explain, "I would have liked them all up here, but you were against it. At least I managed convincing you to put them under the sects protection."

"Isn't that going to bring up questions when other sects find out?" Yue Qingyuan asked.

"Surely. But there's definitely more interesting things on the gossip market right now than that and saving women from a brothel and offering them a new start is something noble in my eyes," Shen Qingqiu argumented.

"That's true..."

"I'm glad you agree," Shen Qingqiu said with a smile, "Xinmu also just told me that all of them are doing great. It appearently got out where they were from in some way, but the village people didn't really care too much since the women were friendly and willing to help out wherever they could. Some even help out on the farms and others take care of the children if they're unable to do heavy works. And Xinmu is helping out Mu Qingfang with sorting medicine and drying or collecting herbs. She's having a lot fun doing that, although I can't really understand why she would."

Yue Qingyuan just nodded. Although he could have said something in reply, he was not really in the mood to do that.

"From what she said it's also obvious that she's getting along well with our Mu-shidi. Maybe a bit too well for my taste," Shen Qingqiu said, muttering the last sentence, "Mu Qingfang is younger than I. I really don't want to think of the possibility of him and Xinmu..."

"I can imagine. But she's an adult and I assume Mu-shidi is a good person. Should they become closer, your mother will have someone respectable by her side," Yue Qingyuan said in order to make Shen Qingqiu feel better.

"I guess you're right. Let's not talk about it anymore then, yes?"

Yue Qingyuan nodded again.

"You didn't eat much earlier. How about I look if I have some ingredients lying around and make something better for later," he offered.

Immediately his inner voice knocked and shook its head, reprimanding:

'Who do you think you are. All this time already you've been making food for him although he only likes the one made by his wife. You felt so full of pride because he liked it? Maybe he just said it so you don't feel bad.'

But it was too late to take back the offer. Yue Qingyuan could just look away again as guilt flooded his system.

"Sounds good," Shen Qingqiu answered, looking happy.

Yue Qingyuan would have been happy if it had been half an hour ago. He would have felt proud, but now he thought that Shen Qingqiu was lying to him. Yue Qingyuan felt how more and more doubts clouded his judgement as he got up from the chair and quickly made his way to the storage area of the house.

Mindlessly he picked out rice and some vegetables that someone must have put here recently. On his search for spices he found a wooden box stuffed in a corner. Normally Yue Qingyuan would have ignored the box as it was one amongst many in the storage, but this one made it curious for a very obvious reason. There was a sign on it saying 'Do not touch.'

Naturally there was three types of reactions a human would have. Being curious, but ignoring it because it said so, not caring and ignoring it or being curious and opening it. Yue Qingyuan had the third type of reaction. He approached the box and after looking left and right he opened the lid. The contents were rather uninteresting. Just a couple of jars that, after doing a smell test, just contained some wine.

Yue Qingyuan closed the box again. He was a bit disappointed. Why would someone put wine into a box with a sign saying not to touch it? Was it poisonous? But if so, why would it be with the food? Maybe it was rare wine and the jars shouldn't get broken.

After deciding that he should probably ask Shen Qingqiu about it later he finished searching for spices and headed for the kitchen. Having been distracted from most of his worries by the confusing box in the storage, he was actually able to concentrate well on making the food and against his expectations it smelled well. Although he hadn't really been feeling it when he was cooking he still had produced something edible.

If it was tasty he would have to find out later, but at first he had to undergo his daily meditation for a couple of hours. It was extremely awkward this time. Yue Qingyuan sat there with Shen Qingqiu's hand on his wrist for about six hours and he could barely focus. Not ten minutes passed without Shen Qingqiu having to give him some type of correction or comment. It made Yue Qingyuan feel like when he had first joined the mountain and had made one mistake after the other, just that this time it wasn't his shizun correcting him, but his best friend and that he wasn't making mistakes because he tried to be quick, but because he was distracted by the man he had stupidly managed to fall in love with without noticing it.

After the six longest hours of his life were over, Yue Qingyuan quickly set the table so they could eat. They started to eat quietly. Yue Qingyuan was so distracted that he barely tasted his food, but Shen Qingqiu only had to take two bites before frowning.

"The taste is a bit muddy. Have you forgotten to wash the vegetables before cooking them?" he asked.

Yue Qingyuan looked at Shen Qingqiu with a questioning look, but then he also tasted it. His face face paled.

"I'm so sorry! I-" he exclaimed and jumped up, trying to take Shen Qingqiu's bowl.

"Relax. You were a bit distracted weren't you? You've been odd since this morning. Has something happened?" Shen Qingqiu asked and just kept eating his soup.

"Xiao Jiu, don't eat that! It's really not necessary that you finish this! There's dirt in it!" Yue Qingyuan said loudly, ignoring the question.

"I've eaten Ming Fan's cooking once. It's fine. The dirt won't kill me and the taste is subtle. Now answer my question," Shen Qingqiu demanded.

"Nothing happened. Please stop eating this."

"You're lying," Shen Qingqiu stated.

"No, I-"

"Don't deny it. I always know when you're lying. Always. Tell me the truth," Shen Qingqiu interrupted. His expression grew grim.

"I was distracted because I was confused by something I found in the storage," Yue Qingyuan replied, hoping that answer got accepted.

Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. He knew that Yue Qingyuan was not telling the whole truth, but it was specific enough to let it slide.

"Tell me what it was that managed to occupy your mind so much."

"There's a box with wine in the storage. On it is a sign saying no to touch it. I was confused why that was there. The sign I mean," Yue Qingyuan explained.

Shen Qingqiu's expression grew stern. "It's there because I put it there," he replied in a monotone voice.

"You?"

"Yes, me. Who else would do such a thing? Do you think Liu Qingge or Qi-shimei cares about you ever drinking wine again? I didn't want you to touch those jars again so I stared them away and wrote the sign."

"But why do you-" Yue Qingyuan asked. Then he remembered. "Oh...It was wine I drank that night, wasn't it? You..."

"That night?" Shen Qingqiu repeated and laughed darkly. Yue Qingyuan got startled by that laugh. He didn't know what about it, but something about it scared him. "Night is good. I went to Xinmu because I couldn't sleep at the morning of one day. The same day you holed up in your house, all mirrors and windows covered. I returned three days later. Three whole days where you in this room here, pulverizing your sanity with that forsaken wine. The room reaked of alcohol. You were a total mess. After three days it wouldn't have been odd if you had just died from that crap!"

Yue Qingyuan's eyes widened. He slightly retreated from the aggression in Shen Qingqiu's eyes.

"You were so much of a mess I barely believed it was you. If it had only been one night... I will never let even a drop of that stuff near you," Shen Qingqiu finished, his expression full of emotion. Anger, fear, sadness, all merged together on his face.

"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, please..." Yue Qingyuan begged.

He had managed yet again to wake up bad memories in Shen Qingqiu with his stupidness. Shen Qingqiu simply looked away.

"Yes. You shouldn't have. I'd rather not be reminded again of that time. Those were truly the worst two months of my life," Shen Qingqiu replied. Initially his voice was stern, but it gradually degraded into a broken whisper.

That's right. Yue Qingyuan had almost forgotten. Not only did Shen Qingqiu have to witness him in this state, there were still those events that followed afterwards. Yue Qingyuan's try to end his own life because he had thought Shen Qingqiu would be better off without him and then the two months in which Shen Qingqiu had believed that he had actually managed to do it and had been devastated as he was prisoned and people thought he was the one who had tried killing him.

Yue Qingyuan truly wasn't able to look at Shen Qingqiu now. What had he done. He was truly horrible. Shen Qingqiu's wife had given him the happiest days of his life and Yue Qingyuan had done nothing but give him pain and fear and he even had the audacity to feel these feelings and want a piece of his affection. He truly deserved to be alone with nothing bit his sect to take care about.

"I...do you allow me to take a walk for a moment?" Yue Qingyuan asked, looking at the floor.

At a handgesture of Shen Qingqiu's, he got up and hurried outside. He couldn't take it. He really could not take looking at Shen Qingqiu any second longer. He felt how all those feelings of guilt and pain crash into him like wave. He hadn't really planned kn going on a walk. He had needed to get some distance between himself and that man for a few days and get a hold of himself first.

Yue Qingyuan knew that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't follow him right away now. Maybe later once it got dark would he start to worry, but that was enough time. Even if Yue Qingyuan felt awful having Shen Qingqiu worrying again, but he had to do this now.

Yue Qingyuan made his way to the back of Qiong Ding peak unnoticed and entered the cave system that was located there. He navigated the dark tunnels like a headless chicken, running into whatever cavern felt like it had the best prospects of being good to cultivate in and just sat down in the middle of the cavern on a flat rock.

He just needed peace. His mind needed rest and he had to become stronger to protect...the sect and nothing else. Now was the perfect opportunity.

Yue Qingyuan closed his eyes and let his mind slip into darkness as he began to meditate.