1 Month Later

Natasha POV

I finish up my training for the morning and head to the office to check on the radio line. Carol, Okoye, Rocket, and Rhodey all update me on everything around the whole Universe. Carol's been traveling to planets, helping with aid and I've supplied any materials she may need.

Rocket's the same, sometimes teams up with Carol. Okoye updates on Wakanda and other locations, how they're healing and dealing. Together we've formed a team that helps children whose parents got blipped. Maria Hill joined in to assist and together, with old agents of SHIELD and new of SWORD, we've build a location to house these children and even young adults struggling to make ends meet.

Tony of course helped fund the whole thing since housing hundreds of thousands of kids isn't easy, on top of teaching them, feeding them, giving them workplace opportunities, only ones 14 and up. We start them out easy, but we want to teach them how to be independent so they don't feel trapped with us forever.

Some of them even volunteered to be SHIELD agents. SHIELD itself is still very underground but Maria and I are working to build the ranks, along with working alongside SWORD and sending some young hopeful agents their way.

Rhodey tells me of issues that have popped up once everyone leaves the call. There's been killings of wanted criminals in almost every state and country. It's been nonstop. And my only thought goes to Clint.

No one has heard from him since the Blip. His whole family's gone and he just disappeared without a trace.

He's gone rogue.

"Anything on Jayce?" I mutter as I open a jar of pickles to eat.

Rhodey sighs and shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Nat. No sightings of anyone with spider abilities anywhere. She's removed any sort of tracking, she's off-grid. Officially."

I nod slowly, staring down at the desk in front of me, eyes glazing over every news article from every state possible the past month. She's not in the US, that's for sure. I've taken to printing news from other countries, watching the channels, there's no word at all.

And all she left me with was a note.

"Thanks anyway. Let me know if you hear anything. Stay safe."

"You too."

He cuts off the connection, leaving me alone to my thoughts while the television runs, sharing horror stories about people losing family members, people blipping at the most inconvenient times that have caused injuries, helicopters to crash into buildings, planes to go down, cars to collide.

It's the same thing every single day.

My hands snatch the jar, taking one last pickle before closing it and placing it back in the fridge. It's so quiet in the compound now.

Steve is gone most of the time at support groups, helping people. Bruce moved away. Thor is living in New Asgard, and Tony is with Pepper expecting their first kid.

I'm alone.

Usually right now, Wanda and Jayce would be bickering about what show to watch while Thor whines over an empty PopTart box. Tony and Clint are talking about some sort of economic kind of crap and Steve is trying to keep up.

It's never quiet here.

But now the only sound I can hear is the television.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying not to focus on the complete feeling of loneliness until my stomach start to turn. With a frown, I place my hand over it but slap my hand over my chest when a burning need to vomit arises.

My eyes glare at the pickle jar before I head to my bathroom, puking up all the contents before leaning back and sitting against the wall.

I've eaten those pickles for days, there's no way they're bad.

With a roll to my eyes, I accept that it's the overwhelming abandonment causing this nausea and brush my teeth. My eyes travel to the cabinet where a nagging feeling tells me to open it, so I do. Inside is a box of tampons and another of menstrual pads.

It's been over a month since my last period. It was the week before we got Tony back. The week before Thor killed Thanos.

It was my first period since Wanda helped me and fixed everything. But I haven't gotten it since.

Does stress affect your period? Isn't it supposed to be monthly?

"FRIDAY?" I say aloud and the AI comes back through.

"Yes, Agent Romanoff?"

I walk out of the restroom and into the lab, turning on the monitors, "Show me menstrual cycle stats and reports. I want to know more about it."

"Right away."

Articles and graphs pop up on the monitors. I flick through every single one while FRIDAY walks me through some of them. All of them say it should be monthly but there are cases they aren't. Like when you have a lot of psychological stress.

"Well that would make sense," I chuckle and FRIDAY speaks up again, "Another cause could be pregnancy."

My eyes snap open widely as my heart drops. That can't be possible. Can it? Jayce and I...that was a month ago. My hands fumble as I type on a keyboard, looking up pregnancy symptoms and missed periods, along with nausea with or without vomiting all come up.

No. This cannot be happening.

"FRIDAY I um...I need an ultrasound. Now."

I head to medbay where I lay down and the bionic arms start setting up the procedure. There's a gel spread on my stomach once I lift my shirt up and FRIDAY walks me through the process, all while my heart is beating in my ears.

What am I to do if I am carrying mine and Jayce's child? When she is nowhere to be found. I've wanted to be a mother my whole life. And now I may be one...alone.

I used to dream of being a mother, having a family, parenting with another, living a life away from the violence I've always had to experience, I've always caused, I've always brought with me.

"It seems that you are 4 weeks along, Agent Romanoff."

My eyes squeeze shut as silent weeps escape. All of those pictures I've painted in my head of raising a child are different. Even the more recent ones, I've pictured Jayce by my side, Yelena being an aunt, Wanda being an aunt, Clint guiding me through the process, Laura helping me.

That picture is gone.

"I'm...I'm pregnant?"

"Yes," FRIDAY says and I wipe my stomach clean as the machines return to their respective places. Shakily standing, I catch myself on a counter and shake my head, my limbs trembling, everything in me coming undone as I place a hand to my stomach.

"If I may, Agent Romanoff, you will make an excellent mother."

"Thank you, FRIDAY."

2 Months Later

Jayce POV

"JANIS, run it again."

"Right away, boss."

I take the pot off the stove and pour the hot water into my mug, stirring the tea bag around and blowing on it until I know it's safe to sip. My head turns towards my setup, seeing a distorted hologram forming.

The height isn't right. It's not lifesize. The color is too faded and glitchy. The face isn't right, either.

"Increase saturation. I will work on the image."

"Yes boss."

I grab the wires and attach the stickers to my temples, plugging the wires in and grunting when the expected zaps come through. The hologram starts to alter, form stronger, fill the shapes in my mind as it observes my mental image.

"What exactly are you doing?"

I roll my eyes and sip on my tea, "Seriously? Thought I was done with your hauntings."

Gwen walks more into view, arms folded over her chest while she chuckles, "You call it haunting, I call it your mind needing company so you imagine me. You've been working on this for weeks and it's never to your liking. Are you cloning people?"

I scoff with a shake to my head as the image I'm painting, along with JANIS's technology, forms more clearly. Peter's figure appears, slight glitches in the hologram, but it's Peter.

My breath catches in my throat, even Gwen widens her eyes.

"What is this?"

"A therapeutic mechanism. Not sure what I'm calling it yet. Still gotta work out the kinks. One in particular, I am guessing, being the voice."

I nod at Peter's figure who smiles at me lightly, "Hi Jayce."

The voice is too deep, Peter's voice is higher pitched, softer, smoother.

"Don't sound like Peter."

"No shit, Sherlock," I grimace and rub the bridge of my nose, removing the wires and sighing, "JANIS, pull up the audio modulator and audio data."

On a monitor to my right appears all the info I've imputed and changed. I start to fiddle with it while Gwen walks closer to look and hums, "So this is how you've been spending your time after abandoning the one person you had left?"

"I did not abandon her."

"Don't be so ignorant, of course you did. You left her a note."

"It was for her own good–" "Bullshit! You were being selfish. You were drowning in your grief and anger so you what, exactly? Fucked her and left? That's not like you."

"You don't know me," I huff and stand up, telling JANIS to put it away for now while I grab a jacket, praying Gwen will disappear but she presses on more.

"Like hell I don't! I know you Jayce Cameron. And I know your heart. You miss her."

"Jesus, of course I do! You don't think I know that?! I miss her like crazy, I love her. But I cannot be there. Not anymore..."

I finish my tea and place the mug in the sink, then head out the door, locking it behind me before walking across the dirt outside the house I acquired here in Australia, far enough from civilization to not be bothered, but close enough that I can protect people in Darwin and other neighboring cities.

"You could've taken her with you."

"She would've never agreed to come. Natasha is loyal. She is too loyal to the Avengers and the world to stop for even a second. She's been holed up in that compound trying to fix things, trying to help so many people, talk on that damn radio. She would've never left."

"So in return for her selflessness and loyalty to the world, you left her? When she needed your support the most you left her–" "I HAVE NO SUPPORT TO GIVE!" I scream, the volume of my words scratching at my throat, nearly ripping me to shreds as I turn on my heels, watching as she staggers back, eyes wide and concerned.

"I lost everything. All I had was Natasha and while I am glad she's alive and well, the grief, every single loss I've had, overcame me. I couldn't be there for Natalia. I can't even be there for myself. Every crevice of that compound reminds me more of what I have lost. I would be no good there. So I left. To do good. To do the best I can. To help in other ways."

I walk to the garage and grab the axe and canvas tote, heading into the woods to collect more wood since I've been running low.

Gwen is silent as she follows me into the woods. Silent enough to concern me and grab my attention.

"You're quiet."

"I'm worried about you."

"Probably rightfully so. However, there is nothing to concern yourself with my dear Gwendolyne Stacy. I am doing what I always should've done. Be the friendly neighborhood Spider. Just changed up the neighborhood."

I place the bag down at the base of a tree and hold the ax firmly as I start climbing up it with ease, steadying myself on a thick branch before swinging down at another, watching as it falls, right beside Gwen.

She stares at it, then glares up at me, "That could've killed me."

"Ha! You're funny, full of jokes." I grin as I allow myself to fall, landing softly on my feet and chopping up the fallen branch.

"So this is your life now? To live alone in a house in the middle of nowhere?"

"Not the middle of nowhere. There's a city nearby."

"You know what I mean."

I sigh as I place the freshly cut logs into the tote, then climb the tree again, "I needed to get away. Natasha may hate me and rightfully so, but it had to be done. I would've been miserable if I stayed there in the same place Wanda and I used to hangout, right near the same city where my mom, dad, aunt, uncle, and brother all lived before they all died. Not to even mention where you also lived and also died. It was too hard. So, I will work on myself here where I can't drag Natasha into anymore danger. Every single person I have ever loved has been taken from me. Pietro even, and I wasn't there to save him because I was trapped in the Avengers tower as a prisoner."

Grunting, I swing the ax down and take down another branch, this time much higher up. Jumping down, I land with a sigh and roll my neck before cutting up the branch.

"I went dark after your death, Gwen, you know that. Lost sight of myself, stopped caring about saving people, hiding from the world. I need this time to be different. If I stayed there, I would've continued to go dark, I would've hurt people because of my rage with the world. So leaving, coming here, I feel much more at peace. I still want to help people, so I do.

I have a job as an engineer working for defense and security at a weapons and technology company. Sometimes I get to take gadgets home which is...nice. They also have a chemical industry division that they let me play around in thanks to my graduate and doctorate degree from MIT. I'm doing fine, I'm surviving, I'm helping, I'm trying to be me again. So can you just cool it with the judgment?"

I feel her eyes on me as I lift the tote once it's filled with enough wood and walk it back to my new home, twirling the ax in my hand before tossing it in the garage and bringing the wood inside for the fireplace.

Grabbing the TV remote, I turn it on, only to see yet another newsreel about the blip. Of course. I light the wood once a few logs are in and head into the kitchen while Gwen reappears on the counter, "So you're not even going to check on her?"

I roll my eyes and groan, "Oh my God, you were so much less annoying when you were alive."

"You miss me though."

With a small smile and a slight pang to the heart, I clear my throat and nod slowly, "Checking on her means facing her. I don't want to put her through more than I already have. She deserves stability. I wasn't able to give that to her."

"She loves you, Jayce. I know you're worried. What if you just call her? I know you know her number by heart."

I stare out the window, thinking about what she may be doing right now. Probably with Steve going to some group, volunteering, training. At night I think about her most, wondering if she looks up at the stars like how she used to do with me and we'd point out the constellations.

Part of me worries about her eating. I know damn well she can't cook, she mostly relied on me for that, so I hope someone is pulling that weight back there.

"The Avengers have hung up their weapons. Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man has mentioned he's spending time with his wife, expecting their first child. Captain America is attending support groups as a leader to help those grieving, and the Black Widow herself has organized a foundation to help children and teens in need of shelter after losing their parents. The Hulk has been MIA since the blip, along with Hawkeye and The Spider. Only word we have is from the Black Widow when we met up with her earlier outside an event for her foundation with Maria Hill."

My head snaps towards the television, staring as Natasha comes on screen. My heart starts pounding erratically in my chest as she smiles anxiously at the camera. Natasha has never been one to enjoy the spotlight.

"All I can say is that the Avengers are currently leading separate lives, working towards helping those in need and bringing the world together as a community while we grieve over those we lost."

She tries to smile but there's a sadness to her eyes, one that makes my heart ache and my arms buzz in need to hold her. I clench my jaw, glancing down as I replay her words in my head, knowing she fabricated a lot. She has no idea where I am and I doubt she knows where Clint is since he went off-grid as well. But she's trying to keep everyone as calm as possible.

Always the selfless one.

I turn the TV to mute before heading back to the kitchen, swallowing thickly as I look up slowly towards Gwen who tilts her head with a sympathetic smile, "You should call her."

"Yeah, whatever," I huff and open the fridge, noticing Gwen disappear, leaving me alone to my own thoughts.

My hands pull out the ingredients for my meal while my mind runs amuck. I know it'd be nice to hear her voice. Just once. Just to say hi.

No, I can't.

She doesn't need me to hurt her even more. If I call her she'll ask me to come home and I can't do that.

The last thing I need is for Natasha to ask me that because it'll hurt us both even more. And if I call, chances are she'll find a way to trace it and come here to drag me back by my neck...if she doesn't kill me first.

She's helping people, helping kids in need. She's doing alright, she doesn't need me fucking it all up for her.

She's better off without me.

__

A/N: Well....that took a strong turn :D

What do you think will happen?

What do you want to happen?