Two days later | Dear Diary,

Fawnie is such a brat sometimes. She gets everything she wants and appreciates none of it. John constantly gives her one pound notes and she is always asking for more. I never know what she is spending it on but it's so unfair.

She called me a wanker and then ran off to tell Polly I was being mean. I wish I didn't get annoyed so easily. I wish I was nicer. I guess I'm somewhat nice compared to my brothers.

After she told Polly I was being mean, I had to cook dinner all on my own as punishment. I don't mind cooking so it wasn't all that bad. Pol said she knew Fawnie was lying. And that made me angry.

I asked why she didn't yell at Fawn for fibbing and Polly said that sometimes you had to lose the battle to win the war. I swear all she does is hypothesize. That's the word for today. It's funny looking and fun to say.

I saw the boy again. He's so pretty. I've never considered a lad to be pretty before but he has the prettiest smile. He was in the Garrison when I went to take Harry some bread Polly made for him and his family. I almost forgot to give Harry the bread when I saw the boy.

I wish I knew his name. I'll call him Charlie. He looks like a Charlie. Anyways, Charlie, he was drinking and smoking all at once, it was mad. He looked like Tommy whenever he's stressed. I swear Tommy smokes more fags than he breathes.

But I gave Harry the bread and had no excuse to stay so I left. I can't get Charlie out of my head though. He looks sweet. I want to talk to him but what would I say? I have nothing interesting to offer.

I read books for a living and get high marks in school. Someone who drinks and smokes at once could give fuck all about how smart I am. Sometimes I wish I was more like Tommy and less like Ada. She's smart and like a firecracker but I'm smart and boring. Ada speaks up for herself. Maybe I'd like to be more like Johnny. He never shuts up.

One week later | Dear Diary,

I met the new barmaid, Grace and decided I like her. She's pretty too. I like her accent, Irish she said it was. Her hair is beautiful. So is her nose, it's much different than mine. Mine is like a upside down bridge and hers is like the curve on the top of your eye.

She spoke to me extensively, it was nice being listened to. Grace said she liked reading too and asked what I liked to read. I read almost anything but my favorite stories are the fictional ones. I hate real life, it's boring and painful.

The stories about unreal things are my favorites! She said she would bring me books if she remembered to and I almost hugged her over the bar. I gave her the list Polly sent me with and noticed Charlie sitting alone in a booth.

Grace asked me to check on him and wow, I found myself with a reason to speak to him and I choked up. I walked to the booth and then... no sound came out of my mouth. I felt like an idiot when he finally looked up and noticed me. I was so embarrassed yet again.

I blurted out an apology and ran from the Garrison like a right fool.

Ada would call me a sissy for running. She never runs from boys. They run from her! God I wish I was more like her, she's so much like Polly. I have exams soon, I think I'll do alright. Tommy said if I do well we'd all go to the carnival as a family. I want to do well so we can see an elephant. Fawnie loves the carnival.