"The last steady thing,
To which she clings,
Comes apart at the strings,"

"Are you ready?" Khalid asked from outside the room door.

"One sec," I said.

I was getting ready to go to Aunty Lina's for dinner. 

Today, Khalid and I had both been home, and it was really nice.  We'd began to become less awkward with one another, and slowly, I could feel the politeness between us dissipating and making room for comfort.

I was glad.

I pinned my hijab in place, then walked out.

"Let's go."

Khalid offered me his hand, but just as I reached out to take it I felt a wave of nausea hit me.  The taste of blood flooded my mouth, and I knew immediately that I was going to throw up.  I ran towards the bathroom, getting there just in time to make it to the garbage. 

I stayed in the same position a moment, feeling dizzy and hoping it was over.

There was a knock on the door, "Hiba?"

I stood up, gargled, croaked, "I'm okay.  I'll be out in a minute."

But I wasn't okay.  I could feel an unexplainable dread fill me, my head was heavy and my hands cold.  I brushed my teeth, trying to get the taste out of my mouth, stepped out.

"What happened?" he asked in concern.

"I threw up," my voice was still raw, and there was an ache in my gut.

"I'm going to call Ami and say you're sick, one second."

"Why don't you go?" I suggested, "I'm okay.  I think it was just a one time thing, I'm pretty sure it's passed."

Khalid just gave me a look and picked up his phone. 

A moment later, he'd told Aunty Lina we couldn't come and pulled out every medication in our cupboard.  He handed me a thermometer and waited as I took my temperature.

"It's normal," I said, handing it back to him, "I don't need medicine."

He raised an eyebrow, "You think it was food poisoning?"

"I'm not sure," I shrugged.

My phone rang, and I rushed to find it.  It was in my purse, which I should have guessed.

"Hello?"

"Hiba?  As salaamu alaikum," Ami said, a sob in her voice.

"Wa alaikum us salaam, Ami, is everything--"

"Your father is i-in the hospital."

"Wh--What?" I whispered.

"Come," she choked out, "And let Lina know please.  As salaamu alaikum."

"W-Wa alaikum us s-salaam."

I think I dropped my phone, I'm not entirely sure, I can't remember.  The edge of the table dug into my palms, my vision suddenly blurry.

"Khalid?" I mumbled, voice too soft for him to hear, I thought.

But somehow he did, and he came in, "Yeah?"

"A-Abu-- in the h-hospital-- have to go-- I--" I stuttered.

Khalid's eyes went wide in shock, and he came over to me.  I was still gripping the table too hard, and he placed his hands over mine, gently prying my fingers off the surface and into his palms.

"Chalo, (let's go)," he murmured.

I followed him out the door, shock still overpowering every other emotion.  We were in the car, at the hospital, walking to Abu's room in a sort of blur.  Khalid did all the talking, holding me all the while, and remaining calm enough to function while I tried to find my head.

We were very close to the door when nausea suddenly hit me hard again.  I rushed to the nearest garbage can, vomited.  At the same second, I heard the loud beep of a monitor flatlining.  I gasped, knowing where it came from.

I looked at Khalid, who was right behind me.  I saw him swallow, saw the Adam's apple bob in his throat.  I ran into the room, the shock clearing to make way for fear. 

I was greeted with a sobbing mother and brothers and Hana.  I looked over at the bed, frantic.

There lay my father's body, eyes still open.  I walked over, bent down by the bed, placed my hand over his eyes and closed them. 

I cannot describe the emotion at that moment, the rush of feelings so strong they nearly knocked me off my feet.  I felt a sob bubble at my lips, rip out of them with such force that it hurt. 

I looked down at his hands, at his face, at his body, at his arms.  I felt my body shake, and in a single moment I saw every one of my memories with Abu flash in front of me.  My fists clenched, and I was grateful for the pain of my nails digging into my skin, for the opportunity to focus on something tangible.

Khalid's arms wrapped around my body, hands over mine, thumb brushing against the back of my hand. 

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" he whispered.

His face was pressed against my shoulder, and I felt tears soak through the fabric.

I repeated his words, my thoughts too loud in my head for me to even hear my own words.  I heard the door open, Aunty Lina's voice, but my mind was too fuzzy for me to acknowledge her. 

I heard her speak, heard it faintly, like she might be miles away, and Khalid say in a cracked voice, "She's in shock."

A moment later, "Hiba, baby?"

I think I nodded.

"Do you want to come sit?"

He stood up, pulled me by the hand.  And then I saw Ami, her eyes red and her lashes soaked.  I tore away from Khalid and ran into her arms.

"Mama!" I croaked.

She wrapped her arms around me, kissing my head between sobs.

"Babygirl," she whispered, "Meri shazade (my princess)."

We were like that a long time.