Some people were never meant to hear the truth. Like Jack Nicholson said in that movie that proved Tom Cruise and Demi Moore could actually act their way out of a paper bag; some people were just incapable of handling it.

     If your Auntie Hazel ever asked at a family reunion what happened to that lovely wife of yours, it might be considered inconsiderate to reply that she preferred cocks that didn't belong to you. Whether or not the claim is true is irrelevant; people will not appreciate the hard truth, no matter which guy it belonged to. This was the reality Chad Barrington found himself in during the entire process of his divorce. Even though his heart broken and life in shambles, everyone still wanted their truths sugar coated to sooth their fragile egos. The longer the divorce lasted, the less Chad cared about sugar coating anything. Soon he was posting memes on facebook that made people uncomfortable, and he watched in delight as his friends list hemorrhaged like Tim Roth's stomach in Reservoir Dogs. Chad was shedding his conscious like a snake discarding its skin; he was losing the ability to give a flying fuck about anything and especially anyone. This change made Chad a lot more cynical as things that would normally make him feel bad resulted in laughter, lots of laughter.

     While this new attitude was considered anti-social in society, in the workplace Chad was becoming a more productive legal drone. He took on cases that would make most people's ball shrivel without hesitation, and Barrington was rising up in the ranks of his firm because he longer gave a shit if the people he represented were innocent. If you had the money, he would fight to the bitter end to win your freedom. His ability to not give a single fuck about society and justice went out the window the day after he was taken to the shed and raked by one of the best divorce attorneys in the city. This made the man bitter and cold inside, becoming more of a legal robot than an actual man. This also lead to Chad having one hell of a winning streak as he started to take his frustrations out on the DA and any witness he tried to fling at him and his clients. Grilling cops on the stand was starting to become a sport to Chad, as he soon became the most hated man according to all branches of law enforcement. It got to the point where district attorneys were looking for excuses to not face him in court, citing conflicts or creating them to pass the case onto some other sucker. This no nonsense approach was very appealing to clients who needed someone in their corner who didn't care if they did it or not and paid handsomely for his services. It got to the point where the firm gave Chad a corner office, not only cause he was bringing in so much business, but because he needed to be separated from the rest of the lawyers because his negativity was starting to sour the office. The firm gave him a nice raise but were afraid to make Chad a partner, fearing his new status would only make him a bully. Thankfully for the brass, Chad didn't give a shit if he made partner and wanted just the money. Alimony didn't pay for itself and that was the only thing that made him happy that year. Yet it wasn't until a big assault trial of a well known politician in town that caused Chad's life to come to a crossroad concerning his life. The councilman was being charged with assault, for slapping around a bouncer for telling him he wasn't allowed inside the bar and had to wait in line. It was during the trial where things got out of hand. The bouncer was testifying and telling his side of the story, when he started to make some claims that the councilman thought were not true. He stood up to make his thoughts known, which upset everyone in the courtroom.

     "That's a bald faced lie!" He called out while standing up to be heard.

     "Mr. Barrington," the judge called from the bench, "Could you please try to control your client."

     "Yes, your honor." Chad called back. Then without any warning, he turned around and punched his client in the stomach. All the councilman could do was exhale loudly as the wind was completely knocked out of him.

     "Mr. Barrington!" the judge called out again, her eyes wide with shock.

     "One moment your honor," Chad said as he then stood up and turned to whisper something in his client's ear. "Do that again and I'll smash you fat face into this table and break your fucking nose. Understood?"

     Now the councilman's eyes were wide with shock as he slowly sat back down in his chair, unwilling to call his own lawyer's bluff. His stomach was still aching with pain as Chad never held anything back; he might have even broken a rib.

     "My apologies your honor," Chad replied, "It won't happen again."

     "Which one are you referring to?" the judge asked, "The outburst by your client or your assaulting of him?"

     "Both," Chad said, straightening his tie, "If he knows what's good for him."

     "Mr. Barrington!" the judge called out, "Did you just threaten your client?"

     "Or course not," Chad disagreed, "I would consider that more of a promise."

     "This behavior is uncalled for!" the judge replied, clearly angered.

     "This whole case is uncalled for!" Chad shouted back, "It's a complete waste of everyone's time!"

     "Excuse me?" The judge called out, even more stunned. She was fighting a deep urge to throw her gavel at Mr. Barrington's head.

     "I don't think I will," Chad replied as he pointed over to the DA, "We've been trying to settle this case for weeks, and the DA refuses to take what I think is a more than generous offer. They're trying to make an example of my client and embarrass him because this is an election year. It's political and we all know it!"

     "Your honor!" the lawyer at the opposing table said as she stood up, "This is an outrageous accusation."

     "Being outrageous doesn't make it less true," Chad retorted, "Your boss is pressuring you to drag this out; just fucking admit it!"

     "Mr. Barrington!" the judge screamed out this time, her shriek piercing the ears of every member of the jury. "You're fined five hundred dollars for this outburst!"

     "Are you serious?" Chad said, laughing at her. "Five hundred bucks?"

     "Alright," The judge replied, "A thousand dollars."

     "No offense your honor," Chad called back to her, "but a thousand dollars wouldn't cover half the contempt I have for this court."

     "Two thousand dollars then!" The judge roared back.

     "Please, I make that over lunch," Chad replied, this time solicitating a laugh from a member of the jury.

     "Four thousand!"

     "Bite me, your honor."

     "Five thousand!"

     "Whatever."

     "Six thousand!"

     "Do us all a favor, your honor" Chad coldly responded, "Please find a private space and self fornicate."

     There was a hush in the courtroom. Even the bailiff was stunned and he had been working in courtrooms for over two decades. He had never seen such disrespect shown to a judge in all his years. The lawyer representing the district attorney was covering her mouth, also shocked to hear what Chad just told the judge.

     "Excuse me," the judge said, standing up from the bench. "Did you just tell me to go fuck myself?"

     "Sure sounds like he did," The bouncer on the stand confirmed.

     "Bailiff!" The judge roared, her voice echoing throughout the courtroom. "Mr. Barrington is in contempt of court. Send him to lockup... NOW!"

     "Finally," Chad said, letting out a big sigh as he held his hands up for the bailiff to toss on the cuffs without a fight. As the bailiff was walking his past the witness stand to the door to lock up, he turned to the witness still on the stand. "You're a lucky man. I would have made you my bitch on cross. You would have been crying for your mamma by the time I was done with your lying ass!"

     "Get him out of here!" The judge roared. "And clear the courtroom!"

     Chad knew the route and made the turns with the bailiff which made his job a little easier. It was sad to the old bailiff that he knew the route by heart, just a sign of how many times angry judges had tossed Chad's ass in the slammer for contempt.

     "Chad, when are you going to learn?" the bailiff asked him.

     "Never," Chad said as he stopped in front of his cell. "This was not your average courtroom outburst. Trust me when I say this act had sound reasoning behind it."

     "Empty your pockets," the bailiff replied, not paying attention.

     "Come on Roger," Chad said to the old man, "Let me keep my phone and I'll buy lunch. Constantini's on me."

     "My wife gets mad when I don't eat her lunches," Roger answered, "She has this sixth sense that allows her to tell if it was properly eaten or tossed out. How do you propose I take care of that?"

     Chad sighed loudly, "I'll eat it. Just let me keep my cell."

     Rogers thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. "Alright, but everything else goes into the bin."

     "Deal," Chad conceded as he started to empty his pockets. He took out his wallet and looked inside to realize there were only hundreds in it. He looked back up at Rogers and then took out two bills and handed it to him.

     "Constantini's isn't that expensive," he told the lawyer.

     "Get lunch for everyone," Chad told him, "But I'm only eating your lunch. What did Maggie make today?"

     "Tuna," Roger replied, making a face. "She keeps forgetting I hate tuna."

     "I'm cool with Tuna," Chad said, stepping into his cell, "Thanks Roger."

     "That was over the top, Councillor." Roger said as he tisked him. "Did you really need to tell her to go fuck herself?"

     "Yeah, that was a bit much." Chad admitted, "Yes, I will apologize."

     "Good," Roger replied, glad he didn't have to ask or order him to. "I'll be back in a few hours with your lunch."

     "Thanks," Chad said, as he took off his jacket and his tie, "Looking forward to having some tuna!"

     "You say that now," Roger said, laughing as he walked away.

     Chad had no issues with the sandwich, as it was filling and nicely seasoned. He was sitting in his cot, playing candy crush on his cell phone when someone walked up to his cell. It was Mr. Murphy, one of the senior partners at his firm.

     "Chad," Mr. Murphy started, "You really stepped into it this time."

     "I did?" Chad said, between bites of his sandwich.

     "You told off a judge!" Murphy reminded him, "That kind of conduct is not going to be tolerated anymore, especially from you!"

     "Are you sure about that?" Chad asked, somewhat skeptical. "What happened in the courtroom after I left?"

     "The prosecution asked for a mistrial!" Murphy informed him, "Because at least one of the jurors found your outburst amusing and laughed. The DA used that as an excuse to wipe the slate clean and now our client has to start all over again. Do you think he's going to pay us again to re-prep for trail?"

     "Nope," Chad said, still calm as he ever was, "but there isn't going to be a trail."

     "Is that so?" Murphy asked, wondering what he knew. "What do you know?"

     "I know this case is going bye bye," Chad said as he tossed a piece of his crust back into the sandwich container. "The client asked me to stall. We have a source that revealed the DA has new evidence that's going to come forth soon. So he wanted today's testimony stalled for a day or two to minimize his humiliation. It's apparent that the DA wanted to embarrass our client before it came forth in discovery, a political assassination in open court and on the record."

     "That's a bold accusation," Murphy said, thinking about it. "Do you have any evidence to back it up?"

     "No," Chad answered, "but I will when the evidence clearing our client magically appears out of thin air. My goal was just to be held in contempt of court. I didn't want a mistrial, but I'll take it. The goal was to embarrass myself, jump on the sword for my client. I didn't have to win this time; I just had to be a human shield."

     "Why does he need a shield?" Murphy asked.

     "I'm not entirely sure," Chad said, thinking about it. "All I knew is there's some bad blood between him and the DA, so I was asked to stall things and minimize his embarrassment until this thing went away by itself. So that's what I did."

     "Did he ask you to punch him in the stomach?" Murphy asked.

     "No," Chad informed him, "That was improv. Not telling our client made his response that much more genuine. No one suspected a thing and I got get a little rage off my chest at the same time. I have to admit, it felt fantastic."

     "You will have to apologize to her honor." Murphy continued.

     "Of course I will," Chad agreed, "Duh."

     "You're not going anywhere either," Murphy added, "She's going to leave you here overnight. And don't you say a damn word, you earned it."

     "Fair enough," Chad replied, aware this was a possibility. "Can you have Janet bring me some supper later tonight as well as a charge cord for my cell?"

     "I'll see what I can do." Murphy replied, "In the meantime, I suggest you think of what you want to say in your apology and I suggest you make it a good one or the next time you plea for your life it might be before the bar."

     "Yes, Sir." Chad said, as he gave his boss a half assed salute.

     "You need to realize something," Murphy said, unimpressed. "Just because you're right doesn't give you a license to be a complete douche bag."

     "Excuse me," Chad replied, "A douche bag?"

     "Something I learned from my grandson," Murphy admitted, "That's pretty much a word we save for people who are supreme assholes. God like pricks. I happen to think it fits and I'm not alone in that opinion."

     "What does that mean?" Chad asked.

     "I suggest you check the post online," Murphy answered, "Because your new nic name is going viral as we speak."

     Mr. Murphy laughed as he walked away thus concluding their conversation, which was when Chad jump back onto his cell and loaded up the post's website. He looked at the front page and sighed deeply when he discovered what his boss was referring to. His new name, splashed atop of the online post:

Councillor Douche Bag: Lawyer punches
his own client and then tells judge off.

     "Oh my," Chad whispered, realizing why his boss was so steamed. Had it not been for his explanation earlier, there was a good chance the partner was there to fire him for embarrassing the firm. He surely dodged a bullet, but it caused Chad to put the phone away and sit there in his cell, thinking about how reckless he had bean and he his career could have ended due to his risky gambles. It had paid off, but it was clear that Chad had strayed far too close to the edge than he would have preferred.

     He had assumed the judge would hold him in contempt right after he assaulted his client, ironic since his client was being charged with the same crime. Then he told the judge to bite him, and Chad was surprised that wasn't enough to land him in cuffs. He had to push harder,and he was happy to finally push her over with his final comment. The thought of trying to do worse after that would have surely gotten him disbarred. Chad was confident if his apology was sincere enough, the judge wouldn't put him before the bar. Yet that was a risk he should have made in the first place. No client was worth ruining an entire career over, and yet Chad had been making risks like this over and over again for the last few years. He had lost his regard for many things I life since his heart was broken and that kid of living was catching up with Chad.Things had to change, he had to do something or it would be the end of him and his career. He didn't want that yet for some reason his mind what going on bender, taking almost every dare life tossed his way and that often got Chad into trouble. As he laid down to sleep for the night, Chad had no idea what the next day would bring, but he knew it the judge wasn't going to be lenient with him. This was the fourth time he had been held in contempt the last four months alone. If he didn't change his ways, Chad was sure he was going to ruin his life, all over a person who didn't even care about him to begin with. He didn't want to be a douche bag, but at the moment it was a label that was going to stick with him for quite some time.