Chapter Forty-One

Leslie couldn't seem to stop screaming. She was screaming Ian's name. Screaming for help. Screaming the word no. Screaming unintelligible things that made no sense. Madeline was crying but Leslie was only faintly aware of someone scooping the girl up as Leslie fell to her knees and turned his body so she could stare down at Ian's face.

He was pale, his brown eyes still looking into hers only now they were dead and lifeless. She didn't know if she was crying or not as she clung to his body. She didn't care about the blood or the crowd that seemed to be gathering.

She threw herself on top of him and punched his shoulder. Cursing him for dying on her. Cursing him for throwing himself in front of Frank's bullet. Though she knew that if he hadn't that bullet would have hit her or Madeline. She cursed herself for ever thinking the man had truly meant that he wouldn't die for her or Madeline. She cursed God for taking away the first man she loved that truly loved her back. She cursed the sun for shining. The earth for still spinning and life or seeming to go on around her.

"Ma'am, let us through," She kicked and screamed but was pulled away from Ian's body by two officers. Another knelt beside Ian and checked his wrist for a pulse that Leslie knew he wouldn't find. There was a gaping hole in his back where his heart had been beating only minutes ago. Frank had only been seven feet away from Ian when he had pulled that trigger.....

Leslie heard her daughter crying and saw her in the arms of a female officer, sobbing and being led away, "Where are you taking her!?" Leslie screamed.

The officer pointed to a squad car, "Just over there, ma'am. Away from...." The woman's voice trailed off and Leslie looked back down at the bloody pavement around Ian's body. Strange that the front of his body was unmarked. He had blood on his shirt only from what had pooled out of his mouth. Strange that the bullet had stopped before exiting and hitting her and Madeline. Leslie wished that the bullet had managed to kill her too. She didn't want to live in a world without Ian.

"What's going on...." Nicole's voice trailed off and Leslie looked over to see she, Bethany, Cavanaugh and Andrew working their way through the crowd.

"Stay back!" an officer ordered.

Cavanaugh shoved him out of the way, "Ian!" he yelled. "That's my goddamn brother!" he added as he shoved the cop again when the man tried to grab his arm. The cop let him go and he ran to Ian with Andrew behind him.

"What happened?!" Andrew asked Leslie, tears filling his eyes and his voice cracking.
"It was Frank," Leslie replied robotically. She pointed down a short distance away to Frank who was moaning and bleeding from several gunshot wounds as he sat propped against a car with an officer standing next to him. Frank was finally cuffed, Leslie noticed. Still this all felt surreal. Her body was now numb. Her thoughts dulled were. Her feelings emotionless somehow.

"That bastard killed my brother?" Cavanaugh growled and Leslie nodded. Cavanaugh stood slowly. He turned and faced Frank.

"Not Ian! Ian can't be dead." Andrew exclaimed as he dropped to his knees beside his brother. "Ian is Ian. He's tough."

Bethany came forward and laid her hand on Andrew's back and then he stood and turned away from Ian, taking her into his arms and sobbing against her hair.

"Don't get any ideas, son," the officer that was standing next to Frank told Cavanaugh when Cavanaugh's hand inched closer to the .45 Colt on his hip.

"Why is he still breathing?" Cavanaugh growled as Nicole came to stand beside him. Cavanaugh could tell she was trying hard to fight back her tears but several has slipped free and run down her cheeks. He felt her hand on his back, trying to offer comfort, but right now all he wanted was blood. Frank's blood.

"The ambulance is on it's way. If he lives through his injuries, he'll be taken into custody, set up with a trial and then I'm sure he'll serve the rest of his life in prison," the officer replied.

"A trial?" Cavanaugh demanded with disbelief. "You saw him murder my brother. He shot my brother in the back! He doesn't deserve a trial."

"Everyone gets a trail. This is America."

"He deserves to be strung up from the nearest damned tree!" Cavanaugh bellowed angrily.

"We don't hang folks anymore. This isn't the 1800's," the officer informed him.

"So he gets to live while my brother, who I'm sure died keeping his woman and child safe, is dead?" Cavanaugh demanded.

The cop nodded, "That's just the way it is. Sorry." There seemed to be real regret in the law officers voice but the way it was just wasn't going to work for Cavanaugh.

Nicole seemed to sense what he was about to do, "Don't, Cavanaugh, please, they'll kill you!" she exclaimed but Cavanaugh had his mind made up.

He used one hand to push her aside so that the bullets the cops fired wouldn't hit her and then with reflexes faster than any other person he'd ever met, he pulled his gun and fired a shot at Frank's head. He never found out if his shot hit it's intended target before a strange sensation overcame him and everything went dark.

***

"Mommy, mommy where are we? What happened to daddy?" Leslie stared around at the clouds surrounding she and Madeline. Cloud walls on each side, cloud floor, cloud ceiling. She lifted her nervous daughter into her arms and held her tight.

"I don't know," Leslie replied honestly. Her stomach was turning, her heart was broken. She had had no idea that one person could feel this much pain and still be alive.

Ian had told her about the cloud place one night as they had rocked together in the porch swing and watched the sunset. Leslie had wondered if maybe he was pulling her leg but this place looked exactly like what he had described. But what were she and Madeline doing here?

"Leslie?"

Leslie whirled around and felt her heart skitter to a stop, "Ian...?"

"Daddy!" Madeline exclaimed as she jumped from Leslie's arms and ran to him.

Ian scooped her up and his eyes closed as he held her in a nearly desperately tight embrace and kissed her hair. Leslie couldn't believe what she was seeing. Ian looked...alive. There was no blood, no paleness to his skin, no lifelessness in his eyes.

Leslie wasn't sure how her legs worked but somehow she managed to move herself across the space between she and Ian and he shifted Madeline to his hip and wrapped his free arm tight around Leslie, pulling her against his chest and kissing her lips desperately.

"Enough of that," a voice that Leslie didn't recognize said from behind her and she felt Ian stiffen. Instantly she was pushed aside and Madeline was thrust into her arms.

Ian put his body in front of them as he pulled his gun and pointed it straight at the rather scary looking woman. She had knotted and ratty blond hair streaked heavily with gray. Her face was a mess of lines and wrinkles and her blue eyes were a blue so light they were nearly translucent. She was dressed in furs and animals skins and she was smiling at Ian, revealing a mouth full of broken and missing teeth.

"Are you going to shoot me, Ian McEllis?" she asked with a laugh in her raspy voice.

"The thought had crossed my mind," Ian replied with a half shrug. His voice was calm, his posture was relaxed, (if you ignored the fact that he was pointing a gun at an old woman's face) and his breathing was normal. Leslie had no idea how he stayed so calm. She was shaking, breathing hard, confused, dazed and bewildered. What had happened? How had they gotten here? Where were the others? Why was Ian suddenly alive? Was he going to stay that way? So many questions and no answers seemed to be coming in any sort of a hurry.

"What would that solve?" the woman asked. Leslie felt Madeline holding more tightly to her neck, clearly frightened of the old woman.

"I'm not sure, Mary, but it sure would make me feel a hell of a lot better. I did say back when you first shoved your ugly ass into my brothers and my life that I would shoot you the next time I saw you."

"That's not a very nice thing to say to the person who gave you that time I gave you with those two beautiful women."

Ian grumbled and lowered his gun, "So am I dead?" he asked as he holstered it.

Mary simply tilted her head, "You died, yes."

Ian felt his heart fall. He'd been hoping he hadn't really died though he didn't regret his choice to come between his angels and that bullet and he knew that given the chance he'd die again. "So what is this?" Ian asked as he raised his hands and waved at the brilliantly white surroundings, "My chance to say goodbye?"

Again Mary tilted her head, this time to the other side, "You can say anything you want, I suppose," she replied.

"Could I have some privacy?"

"To?" Mary asked quizzically.

Ian once again thought about pulling his gun and shooting her right between her witch eyes, "Say goodbye," Ian ground out as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Mary nodded, "Sure. Sure. If that's what you want to do," she replied and she walked away, fading into nothing as she did so.

Ian turned slowly and forced himself to look at Leslie and Madeline. They were both staring at him with tear streaked faces. Madeline's eyes had dried up, clearly the girl thought he was here to stay and didn't understand. Leslie however, was sobbing quietly and her eyes were spilling tears. Each droplet breaking Ian's heart a little more as it slipped down her cheek.

He walked forward quickly and moved his thumb across her cheek, wiping away the hot droplets, "An outlaw like me ain't worth those, Leslie," he said around the lump in his throat as he fought back rising emotions of his own. Leslie nodded as she looked up at him. He loved her eyes. So gray and full of life. Like gray clouds gathering before a summer storm on the plains. He was going to miss those eyes.

"Yes you are," she managed to gasp, right before she completely broke down. Madeline looked scared and Ian scooped the girl up and propped her on his hip as he wrapped his arm around Leslie and pulled her into him, letting her sob against his chest.

They were silent for a long time, only Leslie's hitching breaths and sniffs filling the quiet, "How am I supposed to make it without you, Ian?" Leslie finally asked him hoarsely as she pulled away just enough to look up at him. Ian managed a sad smile and kissed her brow tenderly.

"You'll be just fine, Leslie. You are a strong woman. A brave woman. You and Madeline will both carry on and have long and happy lives. Hopefully they took care of..." Ian's raised his brow and Leslie nodded.

"Cavanaugh did," she assured him.

Ian nodded, finding no surprise there. After all Cavanaugh had lost in his life, he defended what he had left without any remorse. Of course he would shoot and kill the man who had taken his brother's life.

"Daddy, why is mommy so sad?" Madeline asked nervously.

Ian's already shattered heart broke a little more as he looked at her, "Because daddy has to go away, Maddy."

Madeline was suddenly angry. Ian saw that her tears had put streaks through the flower on her cheek, causing the colors to run together and blend on her skin, "No! You can't go away! You promised to buy me a real pony and teach me how to ride!"

"I know I did, Maddy, but it looks like I'm not gonna be able to do that. Please don't be mad at me.." Ian was horrified when his voice broke. "Daddy doesn't want to leave, but I don't have a choice."

"But I'm gonna miss you..." she whined with a sniff.

Ian felt Leslie shudder with new tears against him, "I'm gonna miss you too, cowgirl," Ian assured her and then he sat her down. "Can you go over there and sit and let me talk to your mommy for a second?"

"Okay," Madeline said sadly. Ian gave her cheek a kiss and then she ran to the cloud bench and sat down.

Ian took Leslie's cheeks gently in his hands and made her look up at him, "I'm not worth all this sadness, Leslie. I know it doesn't seem like it now but I've done a lot of bad things and most people would agree that I needed to die. At least I died nobly instead of the way I probably would have died if I'd never met you and Maddy. You and that little girl are the best things to ever happen to this outlaw and I want you to remember that."

Ian saw her harden her chin and knew that she was fighting back more tears. Then her hand was on his cheek and he felt moisture there. With shock he realized it was a tear. His tear. God, this woman was holding back her tears because she wanted to be strong for him while he cried.

Ian gathered her up in his arms and crushed her against his chest. Not caring that she'd be able to feel his shudders as he cried against her hair. Ian had never allowed himself to fall apart like this but he found he didn't seem to have a choice right now.

"Ian, how....? How am I supposed to go on now? With you I knew what it was like to be really love. How do I live without that?"

Ian sucked in a deep breath to calm himself and pulled away a little to look back down into her eyes, which were searching his desperately for some kind of answer, "You'll be fine, Leslie. You're tougher than anyone I know. And you have to be strong so you can take care of that angel over there. I wish I had something to leave you with. I have a lot of money but it's all back in 1875." Ian reached in his pocket and pulled what little he had left of the money Cavanaugh had leant him. It was only about ten dollars and he held it out to Leslie.

"I don't want it." she said as she shoved his hand away. "I want you."

Ian shoved the money into the pocket of her jeans and then pulled her into his arms. He lowered his mouth to hers and devoured her lips. She moaned and clung to him, digging her fingers into his back. Their tears mixed together on their faces and the saltiness of them teased their tongues.

"I love you," Ian said as he pulled his mouth from hers and rested his forehead against her own.

"I love you too," Leslie replied, looking deep into his eyes.

Ian jerked away from her, forcing his legs to move back several steps before motioning for Madeline to come to him. She ran to him and he dropped to his knee and hugged her tight, "You be a good girl for your mommy." he whispered hoarsely.

"Okay daddy," Madeline replied and as Ian pulled away she wrapped her arms tight around Leslie's leg.

Ian turned his back on them both, knowing that if he continued to look at what he was leaving behind he would break completely down once again and as far as he was concerned, once was enough.

"Alright, Mary. I'm ready," he said as he squared his shoulders and stuck his thumbs through his belt loops.

"Ready for what exactly?" Mary asked as she once again materialized from the clouds.

"To go wherever it is an outlaw like me goes after they die."

Mary studied him for a moment and then a wide grin split her wrinkled face, "Does Dodge City, Kansas in the year 1875 work for you?"

Ian stared at her and then pulled off his hat and scratched at his hair. What in the hell was this woman talking about? "Ma'am?" he asked with a frown.

Her smile grew, "Well I said you died, but I didn't say you had to stay that way."

Ian heard Leslie's cry of surprise and disbelief and he stepped forward, plopped his hat back on and pulled his gun as he stalked toward Mary, "Are you fucking with me?" he growled, realizing that he was starting to growl as much as Cavanaugh and Jamison but unable to seem to be able to stop himself.

"No, you are not my type." Mary replied dryly and Ian shivered at the image her words brought to his mind.

"But I got shot, Mary. I felt myself die."

"Yes, you died in 2011 however you did not die in 1875. Perhaps you would like to go back to 2011 and stay dead, yes?"

"NO!" Leslie screamed. "No, please don't do that!"

"Wait," Ian said as he put his gun away, deciding that shooting Mary wasn't going to solve anything.

"Yes?"

"Are you saying I've learned what I need to learn? What exactly was the point of all of this? I get that Andrew was supposed to learn to calm the hell down, Jamison was supposed to realize that he was an ass and Cav needed to learn how to live again but what was wrong with me?"

"You're just like your mother. Always questioning and doubting."

"Just answer me," Ian said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You needed to learn how to truly care about someone else. How to love. How to open your heart and put someone before yourself. To learn responsibility."

Ian looked behind him at Leslie and Madeline watching him, "I love them," he said as he turned back to Mary.

"You died for them" she informed him thoughtfully. Ian nodded as the realization of just how big of a deal that was for him, hitting him for the first time. "A very big accomplishment for a man who often claimed he would never risk himself for anyone else," Mary stated with a smile.

"So you gave them to me, only to have me prove that I'd lose them in order to keep them safe."

"Yes."

"You've got one sick and twisted sense of humor lady."

Suddenly Leslie was beside him with Madeline on her hip and she slipped her arm through his, "We're going back to 1875 with him."

Ian slipped his arm around her waist, "Yes they are," he agreed.

Mary looked at them both in turn and then snorted, "Bossy little things aren't you?" she asked.

Madeline nodded, "Yes they are."

Ian smiled as he looked over at her and thanked God that he wasn't dead and could still spend the rest of his life being their father and man.

"Of course you're going back to 1875 with him. I'm glad you agree because you don't really have a choice. Now hold tight to each other and I'm afraid to say that when you wake up again, you'll have a bit of a headache. Also your brother Jamison is in Dodge and the rest of your brothers will be there as well."

"Thank you," Ian said sincerely and Mary nodded with the warmest smile Ian had ever seen on her face. "Oh and Mary," Ian added and Mary tilted her head. "Kindly stay the hell out of my life from now on."

Mary laughed, "Of course."