48. Damaged Beyond Repair

Aaron


"I took her with me to Boston. At first, she resisted but I could see in her eyes that she wanted to leave. Once she settled in the new place, she enrolled herself in a community college and took a nanny job for our neighbours.. I tried to persuade her into therapy but she said she doesn't want to heal. She wants this pain to be reminder for her."


By the time she stopped talking, I was in a trance. It was like I was torn between two pieces. One piece wanted to cry, scream in fact and shatter every thing in front of me but the other part just wanted to stay silent and process whatever I just heard.


"Are you fine?" she asked and that's when I noticed I have been staring at her for too long.


"Yeah.. Yeah. I'm... I don't know." I emitted. I could feel my heart beating at an alarmingly high speed and my stomach clenching in an uncomfortable way.


Was I fine? Or was I minutes away from a serious mental break down? I don't really know.


"I.. I need to go home. Um.. It's ... It's late." I said and rushed out of that apartment as early as possible. Sitting inside the car, I revved the engine and drove towards my house in high speed.


I just wanted to go home at that moment because every second I spend outside, the risk of losing my calm was increasing.


When my eyes fell on my hands holding the steering wheel, I realised that I was shaking profusely. My grip on the wheel was very loose and I feared if I didn't reach the house soon, I might cause harm to mine or someone else's life.


She was almost raped.


It took me a lot of effort to breathe. My lungs felt like they were on fire, as if I was running in a marathon.


She got pregnant.


My house was finally in my sight. I thanked God that I didn't cause any accident and safely reached home.


She was homeless.


I unlocked the door and went inside, pitch black darkness greeted me. On the back of my mind, Ava's words were constantly being repeated.


She was fired from the job.


There was a weird nauseating feeling in my stomach. Bile was rising to my throat.


She blamed herself for her father's death.


I thought drinking water would help my anxiety so I trudged towards the kitchen in the dark, without turning the lights on.


She was involved in an accident.


I opened the refrigerator and pulled out a water bottle. I tried to open it but failed miserably because of my trembling hands.


She lost the baby.


With hands still shaking and mind still numb, I opened the drawer and pulled out a glass.


She didn't speak to anyone for eight months.


Before I could place it on the counter, it fell out from my hand to the ground and a loud sound of glass shattering pierced my ears.


She was depressed for a long time.


"No." I panicked suddenly.


I broke the glass.


Shit, I broke the damn glass.


I couldn't even fucking handle a glass.


Tears spilled out of my eyes as I crouched down and attempted to find all the pieces of glass so I could glue them together. A shard of glass pricked my skin and sharp pain shot through my hand.


But I still didn't stop. In the dim moonlight coming from the glass window of the kitchen, I could see the blood flooding down my arm but I needed to fix that glass. It was the most important thing at that moment.


But I failed. There were so many broken pieces of glass that gluing them back was not an option. It was damaged beyond repair. There was a chance before but now, I just pushed it past the mending point.


I let out a loud wail at my failure and hopelessness. Sliding against the kitchen counter, I let the caged tears stream freely as my eyes zoomed in on the ruin in front of me.


...


I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the chaos of blood and glass in front of me. It wasn't until I felt someone shaking me when the trance broke and I looked around myself.


"Shit Aaron, what did you do?" Dad agonised. His gaze settled on my hand where the blood had dried along the margin of the wound.


"Clara!" I whispered her name and couldn't say anything else.


"What happened to Clara?" he asked.


"She.... I can't..." I tried to speak but my throat was dry.


He stood up and poured water for me in a new glass. Sitting beside me, he helped me in drinking the water. Once I was better, I sat straight and told him what happened to her and how Ryan left her alone.


"I don't know where she is. God, if she is in any other harm, I swear I'll kill someone, or myself." Panic prevented me from thinking straight. "She is broken Dad. Ryan broke her and left her to survive alone. You know what, if I see him again, I swear I'll kill him with my bare hands, and I'll happily get jailed for his murder.." I said all in one breath.


"Calm down Aaron. We will find her." Dad tried to pacify me but I didn't listen.


"She doesn't want to be found Dad. What if she has finally given up? What if I pushed her to take a final step? What if I never meet her again? What if she..... What if she..."


"No son. Don't think like that. She is stronger than you or me." Dad pulled me towards him and hugged me in a calming manner.


"I can't live without her. I need to find her. I need to find her and beg her to come back." I repeated in my shaky voice. Tears were blurring my vision and thickening my voice.


"She will be fine son. You just need to take each step very carefully. Like you said, these past few years broke her and if you won't handle her very carefully, you'll cause some irreparable damage." Dad said, patting my back as I continued sobbing.


"I don't know what to do." I responded.


It felt like there was an unending misery in front of me. Is that how she had felt? Is that how helpless she was? No. I have my own house, my Dad with me and money to survive. She didn't have any of that.


"We will figure it out. She will be back in this house, with you, with us. But you can't act in hurry. You have to find her first and made her realise her self-worth and dignity that she had lost throughout these six years. You have to heal her Aaron and for that, you have to heal yourself first." he said and I groaned in agony.


__________________________


Let's dive into the new journey of Aaron and Clara.

Comment