~~~

The faint chirping of cicadas echoed through the air as the sun continued to slip lower in the sky. In the distance George could hear ocean waves crashing against the sand, filling the air with a salty smell. He stared down the long boardwalk ahead of him, silhouetted against the setting sun.

Wind whipped against his face but it was warm. George ran a hand through his hair, shoving in out of his face. He smiled as his eyes landed on the faded wooden planks of the pier.

But his smile was short lived, dropping as soon he looked at Clay. Confusion still clung to George's thoughts, making his mind feel cloudier than the sky overhead. His stomach churned painfully, a sharp pang of regret surging in his gut. He felt stupid, as if he'd made a mistake but he had no idea how to fix it.

Clay glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, frowning when he saw George's furrowed brows. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," George tried to shake off his worry, fixating his gaze on the multicolored horizon. "Nothing's wrong." His stomach clenched tighter as Clay cocked his head to the right, looking dubiously at him.

"Oh come on, I'm not an idiot. Tell me what's wrong, George." He said gently, stretching his hand out to hold his.

George pretended not to notice, slowing his walking pace until he lagged slightly behind Clay. "I'm fine," George absently scratched the back of his neck. He gestured to the ocean in front of them. "Look, everything's great."

"Liar." Clay rolled his eyes and paused, waiting for George to catch up to him. "What are you thinking about?"

The wood creaked softly as George walked forward. He cleared his throat in an attempt to fill the silence forming between them. "About last night, I guess."

"What about it?" Clay questioned, stopping to lean against the side of the boardwalk.

George sighed, trying to gather his muddled thoughts. "Well, um," He stammered, unsure of how to continue. None of the sentences rushing through his brain made sense to him. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have..." He trailed off, squirming under Clay's watchful eyes. "Shouldn't have done what I did."

Now Clay looked confused too. "What do you mean?"

"I probably shouldn't have kissed you." He said slowly, trying to shove down the embarrassment the words brought with them.

"Why not?" Clay was still looking at him, a hurt expression momentarily flashing across his face. "Is that why you've been acting weird all day?"

"I haven't been acting weird!" George blurted defensively, his voice rising in volume. He looked around to make sure nobody was staring at them before continuing. "I already told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah, clearly," Clay scoffed at him. "That's why you don't want to be near me. Why you can't even look at me."

"Stop it, you're being ridiculous. That's not true."

"Oh really?" He asked while taking a step closer to George. Clay's expression flattened as he shuffled away from him. "See?"

"Clay..."

"What? Why won't you just talk to me about what you're thinking? I want to help you, George."

"That's not fair, you didn't want to talk to me before, remember?" He pointed out, bitterness creeping into his voice. "You practically said you wished you'd never met me."

Clay's eyes softened as he spoke. "George, you know I didn't mean that. I get it, I messed up and I said I was sorry. Just talk to me, I want to know what I'm doing wrong now."

Guilt burned at George's insides suddenly. He knew that arguing with Clay wasn't making anything better. "You're not doing anything wrong," He took a cautious step closer to him. "It's not you. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, George," A small smile played on Clay's lips. "Well, maybe not nothing, you're pretty weird."

He exhaled through his nose, laughing slightly. "Shut up, you're so annoying."

"Yeah, yeah. But you can tell me what you're thinking about."

"I know," George risked a glance at Clay, his breath catching in his throat as their eyes met. He felt a jolt of electricity shoot down his spine making him unconsciously shift closer. "I'm just a little confused about everything."

Clay nodded once, signaling for George to continue. "And?"

"I don't think being 'just friends' is working out very well." George muttered, prying his eyes away from Clay's and resting them over the ocean.

The thoughts that had been nagging him all day returned. Friends don't kiss each other. Friends don't want to constantly be held in the others arms.

Earlier the water had been calm, the surface appearing smooth and glassy. Now the water was dark, large waves slamming onto the shore and spraying mist onto George's face.

"Yeah, I guess it's not." Clay shrugged. "So?"

His answer only made George more confused. "So?" What do you mean, so? This isn't what normal friends do, Clay."

"Then maybe we're not normal friends."

"Yeah, that's the problem!" He swallowed nervously and pinched the bridge of his nose, lowering his voice. " What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know, George, but you have to tell me what you're thinking. What do you want?"

"I don't even know what I'm thinking." He angled his face away from Clay, feeling warmth blooming in his cheeks. He shut his eyes, letting the sea spray splash against his face to cool them down.

"Is this okay?" Clay stepped towards him and placed a hand on his elbow, gently trailing it down his arm and grabbing his hand. He waited for George to nod before sliding their fingers together.

The skin on his hands burned where it touched Clay's. He anxiously eyed the families passing by the pier and glancing their way. "It's fine." George was a little uncomfortable with the stares boring into him but he still wanted to be close to him.

Clay tightened his grip on his hand, leading him further down the pier towards where there were less people. They were both quiet as they walked, only the creaking of wood below their feet and the roar of the ocean breaking the silence.

Once they reached the end of the boardwalk they stopped. The sun had finally sunk below the horizon, the sky beginning to darken quickly. Clay went to let go his hand but stopped when he felt George tug on his wrist.

"Wait," He shivered again, even though the air was still warm. "You don't have to let go yet."

"Are you cold?" Clay asked, wrapping an arm around George's waist and drawing him closer.

"A bit." He lied, the scent of salt and vanilla invading his nostrils as he leaned into Clay.

"Of course you are," Clay rolled his eyes fondly at George before resting his head against his hair. "You always get cold."

George turned to face him, placing his hand on the arm still fastened around his side. There was barely any distance separating their faces. "Clay," He breathed, his eyelids fluttering closed. "I don't think I want to just be friends."

Clay was unable to stop his own eyes from closing as he leaned in. He set on hand on George chest, forcing himself to gently push him away. "Hold on, wait."

Hurt pooled in George's eyes after he opened them. "What?" They were still close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from Clay's body.

"We still need to talk about this."

George couldn't tear his gaze away from Clay's lips as he spoke. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about this anymore."

"We have to," Clay brushed a strand of George's hair back from his face. "Besides, you're the one who said, we can't keep doing this."

"I changed my mind, can't we just talk about it later?"

"No, we need to now," Clay moved back. "This isn't going to work unless you tell me what you want, George."

"I- I don't know," His voice wavered. "I just want to be with you."

"As friends, or something else?"

"I don't know!" He repeated, the volume of his words climbing higher as urgency entered his tone. "I told you, I think I want to be something else."

"Hey, it's okay." He reached for George's hand again in an attempt to comfort him but it just made him more nervous. "We can be-"

"No it's not!" He interrupted, shaking his head wildly. "I don't understand, I've never felt like this about anyone before. I've never even been in a real relationship, I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"George, really," Clay tried to comfort him again. "It's okay to care about someone."

"Why is this so difficult?" He glanced out over the waves, his heart pounding hard against his ribcage. George shook his head again, his words blending together until they were almost unintelligible. "Everything's so confusing."

"Oh, George," Clay whispered into his ear, pulling him into a hug. "Come here."

He let Clay hold him for a moment, hesitantly wrapping his own arms around him before moving away. George wanted to stay how they were for a little longer but he wouldn't let himself. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Clay squinted at him, tilting his head in confusion.

"I don't know. Being clingy, I guess? I'm being an idiot."

"George, what?" He stopped, sighing as the realization dawned on him. He shot him an apologetic glance. "You're not being clingy. I shouldn't have ever said that to you, I didn't mean it."

George shrugged his shoulders, trying to pretend like he didn't care even though it was obvious he did. "Then why'd you say it?"

"I was scared," Clay said honestly. "Look, I've never really talked about this with anyone but I've never been lucky with relationships. They never seem to work for me. When I met you, I never thought any of this would happen."

"Any of what?" George's voice was hushed and laced with nerves.

"This." Clay gestured between them and how close they still were. "When we kept hanging out I thought it would just be a three week long thing, but it wasn't. And then when we had to say goodbye at the airport, I realized how much I really cared." He tried to explain. "I love you, George."

Though he had heard the words before it still caused all the air to rush out of his lungs, leaving him gasping. George felt like he'd fallen into the ocean below his feet and was stuck below the waves, drowning.

"I freaked out when you didn't say it back,"
Clay kept going. "Which is fine, I get that you're not ready." He added, seeing George's change in expression. "But I didn't think you actually cared. I didn't know what to do so I tried to ignore you. I didn't want you to feel bad for me and talk to me out of pity."

"What? Clay, that's not what-"

"I know, I know. But I thought that if I hurt you then you wouldn't feel like you were obligated to talk to me. It's stupid, but I was scared."

George's eyes were wide with surprise. He bit his lip nervously before pulling Clay back into a hug. "It's not stupid. But I promise, I do care about you."

"I know," He smiled slightly, resting his head on top of George's. "I'm such an idiot."

"Only sometimes." George pulled back a little tilting his face up to look at Clay, warmth spreading throughout his entire body and making his toes curl.

Clay laughed, gazing down affectionately at George and combed a hand through his hair. "I never thought I'd fall in love again after the first time I did, but now I can't imagine not feeling like this about you."

Suddenly George's thoughts drifted to the conversation he'd had with Layla months ago about Clay's last girlfriend. Curiosity clawed at the back of his mind. He cleared his throat. "What happened the first time?"

The smile on Clay's face faltered momentarily, his eyes clouding over with memories. "Her and I had been dating for three years but we'd known each other since elementary school. Our parents always used to joke about how we were going to get married and I seriously thought we would," He paused, making a face. "I was so stupid, we were only nineteen years old.

"It was our third year anniversary and I'd planned this dumb surprise dinner. I went home from work early that night to set it up but she was already there," Resentment coated his words. "And so was another random guy. She didn't even apologize, she tried to blame me for coming home early. Apparently she'd been cheating with a bunch of different guys for more than half of our relationship and I'd never known."

"That's awful," Harsh anger swelled in George's gut when he thought about someone doing that to Clay. "She's the idiot, not you."

"Yeah, I know," He laughed humorlessly. "I was so pissed off that I just left our apartment and went to my Mom's house and broke down. She tried to talk about it with me but I couldn't do it. I got so mad and yelled at her and Layla for just tying to help me. I guess I thought it'd e easier to be alone than have to explain what I was feeling."

"Clay, I'm so sorry-"

"You don't need to apologize. I started doing Youtube after that, and," Clay smiled, his eyes flitted over to George. "I'd say things worked out pretty well for me."

George looked away from him, opting instead to pick at the sun stained wood of the boardwalk and trying to hide his embarrassment. "Whatever."

"Though that might be why I hate surprises so much," He grinned at George. "Well, not anymore."

"I take it back, you maybe you are an idiot." George giggled still avoiding his eyes. Butterflies fluttered madly in his stomach as Clay placed a hand on his chin and lifted his face upwards until their eyes met.

"You're right, I'd have to be an idiot to fall in love with you," His grin had abruptly morphed into a smirk. "But you know what? I think I'm okay with that."

"Shut up." George felt his heart start racing again as Clay leaned in closer to him.

"Okay." He murmured softly before closing the gap between them.

George's mind finally went quiet as they kissed, all worries and doubt vanishing from his head. The only thing he could think of was Clay. His warm hands around his waist and the comforting smell of vanilla that made George feel like he'd been set on fire.

He threaded his fingers through Clay's hair, pulling him closer until their chests were pressed together and there was no more space between them.

The pounding of the ocean was static in his ears, almost completely drowned out by his thoughts repeating Clay's name over and over again. George desperately clutched at the material of his shirt, almost afraid to let go. Once again he wondered whether or not he was dreaming, but if it was a dream, it was one he never wanted to wake up from.

When they finally pulled apart they were both gasping for breath. George 's face was burning, even though the cool sea breeze was still blowing against it. was grateful that is was dark outside and that the pier was basically empty.

His mind felt like it was burning too, each individual nerve set on fire. George shut his eyes for a second and tilted his head back, trying to process his racing thoughts. He inhaled sharply when he felt Clay kiss his forehead but he didn't try to move away.

Clay was grinning down at him in the moonlight, his eyes glowing brighter than the sun ever could. George felt trapped. He was entirely unable to tear his gaze away but if he was being honest with himself, he didn't want to.

"Oh my God," He mumbled, still feeling dizzy. George felt like his legs were going to give out beneath him. "Wow. That was..." He wracked his brain for a word to explain how he felt but he came up empty. "Wow."

"I know," Clay leaned their foreheads together. "God, George, I love you so much."

He thought the words before he even realized what was happening. I love you too.

Immediately, his mouth fell open with shock. George's hand flew up to cover his mouth even though he hadn't said anything. He scrambled backwards, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Clay's face contorted with concern before understanding seemed to click in his brain. "Sorry, that just slipped out. George, you know you don't have to say it back-"

"No, no!" He flinched as his spoke, his voice too loud in his ears. "It's not that, it's fine." His eyes were still wide and swimming with fear, his chest rising and falling rapidly with his breaths.

George stared out over the ocean, forcing himself to look at the white caps of the waves rather than Clay's worried expression. The water was dark, almost black, but the surface still reflected the moonlight shining overhead.

He jumped as he felt Clay's warm hand brush against his own and had to stop himself from pulling away. He took a deep breath and their pinkies hook together.

"Is this okay with you?" Clay's voice faded in and out of focus. George's mind was still reeling, unable to stop replaying the thought in his head. I love you, I love you, I love you, I-

"Yeah, it's fine." He tried to even out his breathing but oxygen still entered his lungs in short rasps. George felt like he was going to hyperventilate.

"Are you sure? We don't have to if you're uncomfortable." Clay worried, starting to pull his hand away.

George grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "No, it's not that. I'm just not used to it." He lied, slowly moving his hand until their fingers intertwined again.

"George," Clay turned to look at him nervously. "Do you want to do something tomorrow night?" He cringed at his wording.

"What?"

"Like a date." Clay clarified, cringing once again.

"Oh," His thoughts were still racing too fast for him to comprehend. He smiled down at his feet before giggling slightly. "Yeah, okay."

Unsaid words burned the back of George's throat as they began the walk back to Clay's apartment. He wanted to tell him how he felt, to tell him how much he liked the feeling of their hands fitting together or how he felt like he was floating whenever Clay smiled at him. He wanted to tell him that he was in love with him.

Before he could get any of the words out George clamped his mouth shut. His mind felt undone, as if he was going crazy. He felt warm and fuzzy but a cold fear still lingered in the corner of his mind, staining his thoughts like dark ink spreading over white page.

He knew that he had never been in love before. Never felt the constant need to be around someone, the thrilling warmth that being close to them brought. Never before had George considered it worth it place his trust so heavily in another person. But now, everything was different.

George couldn't help but smile as Clay's laughter echoed through his head, louder than the ocean behind them. The smile widened as he remembered the time him and Clay had danced around his kitchen while cooking breakfast. As he searched through all the memories together, it seemed as if falling for Clay was as inevitable as an ocean wave crashing against the shore.

The smile stretched even wider as he turned to look at Clay now, his heart soaring. He pulled them to a stop and faced him. "Clay, I..." He stopped abruptly, realizing what he was about to do. Without thinking, George grabbed his face and pressed a quick kiss against his lips.

Clay blinked in surprise before wrapping an arm around George as they walked. He eyed him curiously. "What was that for?" His laughter bubbled into the night air. "Not that I'm complaining."

"No reason," George melted into his side, all the tension leaving his body. "I just really wanted to do that."

"Well, you're welcome to do it again," Clay's eyes were glinting. "If you ever want to."

"I'll remember that." Hope swelled in George's chest along with the pleasant warm feeling he'd grown familiar to. He still felt terrified after realizing how he felt, his feelings drifting into uncharted waters. But maybe, He thought to himself as his gaze wandered over to rest on Clay's smiling face, being in love isn't always a bad thing.

~~~

hello, i hope you're all well and staying safe!! let me know your thoughts and or predictions for the next chapter or any suggestions for improvement!
also, feel free to point out any typos if you see some, it's greatly appreciated!

as always, i love you all and
i hope you have a great day or night wherever you're from and whenever you read :)