You never think that one of your best friends will die before you. I thought that when you go everything will be intact and you can go in a world without death or sadness. I was wrong.

"He was so fucking young." I sobbed quietly into Bast's neck.She just kissed my forehead and rocked our daughter Cyrus in her arms. We had gotten her from Chad two months before Rylee died and he loved her so much.

Bast held the both of us and tried to calm me down.She's been a rock for us, all of us. She goes over Lennox and Ben's every day at lunch to make sure they are taking care of themselves. She even drove to New Mexico to make sure Aaron was doing okay with the loss of his friend. And she's a constant fixture with our kids, taking over more responsibility with Criss and Cyrus while I mourn. I know it's not healthy for her to bottle in all those emotions but I need her to be strong right now and we'll just deal with the fallout later.

Ben and Lennox returned with Criss holding onto her uncle's leg. She was one of the things that kept them from breaking down. After Ben opened the bakery with Rylee he'd gotten closer with him as well. "Momma? Why won't Uncle Ben and Uncle Lennox and Mommy stop crying?" The five year-old asked,her big hazel eyes looking up at Bast.

Bast set Cyrus in her carrier and scooped Criss onto her lap. "Because your Uncle Rylee died, just like your fish Mr.Bubbles."

"Did you flush him down the toilet?" Criss implored. Ben and Bast let out a short laugh.

"No, he went to a place called paradise,where there are plenty of hot men with nine inch cocks and lots of love." If I wasn't crying into her shoulder I would've fussed at her but in all honesty, I hope that's really where he is.

"Can we go to paradise?"

"Not for a very long time.And everyone's paradise is different. Mine is just an eternity of loving your mother." Bast responded. I leaned up and kissed Bast. That was my paradise too.

"And mine is a giant orgy with Matt Bomer,NPH,Drake and Uncle Ben." Lennox injected. I laughed a little causing Bast to kiss my forehead.

Criss just nodded and settled into Bast's embrace. An older woman came out of the other rokm and told us it was time. Bast handed Criss to Ben and I picked up Cyrus's carrier.We walked to where he was being buried and Bast picked up her guitar and started singing as tney lowered the casket.

"Feel it rush like a hush in the attic, bae
You could see me blush when I tell you all about it
In a moment hit the switch
Then a moment in the dark
Then a moment so pervasive it was breaking us apart"

"The galaxy is spreading like a rumor in your jaw
Better keep your planet spinning better keep the motive tall
There's time inside my tears making diamonds on the wall
Heavy forest summer night, I confess that I'm a lightweight
Cause fate is rolling up and hate is blowing up
If it's a crime to bend the line then we should tear it up
And when the waters start to cross, I'll call you up
I genuinely love to hear your thoughts"

"Inherited these ways and they came with seven claws
Like the terror that remains every morning in the dark
And the tethers that you lace only tie you in a knot
Don't fall for all the blame, don't rely on the applause"

Bast started to cry as tears streamed down her face, her voice barely wavering.

"Your burden was the weight of a feather
I was certain if I waited you'd remember
When the comet took me out into space
When you held your breath, looking at my face
Now I comprehend that death is not the end
And the world that we destroyed wasn't real enough to live in"

She sat down as a pastor stood up to give a speech. "I miss him so fucking much." She said crying into my shoulder.

"I miss him too." I whispered into her curly brown locks. I just hope that he's enjoying his paradise.