...

I keep asking myself, if I don't know what it feels like to be loved by you, how does my heart keep wanting it?

I've realized it's because even though you have never as much as looked at my direction, you have done so much more to me with your actions, your words and by the way you treat everyone around you.

You have shown me what it would be like to be loved by you, and everything I'm missing out on; knowing I'll never be on the receiving end of it.

...

Malika Bashir has been called impulsive all her life.

She always shrugged it off. She didn't take it seriously until she blurted out to Salman about the bullying she was facing in school and turned her own life upside down.

Malika knew what she had done would have dire consequences. Realization hit her halfway through her first class of the day, but by then the situation had ready spun out of her control. She was barely done with her second lesson when she was called to the Principal's office.

Malika found her mother and brother sitting opposite the stern-looking woman that ran the school. Principal Karim looked severely unhappy. Then again, Malika had never seen her in a good mood.

Her eyes darted towards her family. If Salman was furious, she didn't have a word to describe the look on her mother's face. There was also a couple in the room. After being with Imran for four years, Malika immediately recognised his parents.

Malika strode in with hesitant steps and was offered a place to sit. Then she was asked to speak up. Before she could respond, Neela burst out, "Why are you asking her?! The pictures have been circulating the internet just under your nose! My son found it under an hour."

Imran's mother flinched at the outburst. His father frowned. "Ask the lady to behave," he chided.

Neela almost flew out of her seat. "How dare this-"

The principal quickly requested for refreshments and turned the direction of the conversation before the situation could escalate.

"Ma'am, please calm down," she pleaded to Neela once both parties had tea in their system. "Let Malika speak."

Malika wished the floor would swallow her alive. She could barely meet her mother's eyes. Retelling the incidents in front of her family felt like a severe breach of privacy, though the irony was that she lost all rights to hers the moment her pictures went viral amongst strangers.

However, Imran was called in as well. Malika saw a flicker of fear on his face for the first time. That's when she realized he had more to lose than she did if she chose to speak up. Malika finally unburdened her heart and felt some level of satisfaction when she witnessed Imran's face going white.

There was an immediate cry of outrage from the boy's family. Imran's parents refused to believe the story. Malika watched with anger and helplessness as he denied every accusation. His parents stood by his claims and pleaded his innocence.

Imran looked almost smug when he said, "You don't have any proof I posted the photos." However, the look didn't last very long as the lady principal responded with a strict, "we have an IT team that can easily track down the location of the account and the device it operated from."

Malika came into the room with walls up and her defenses in place, however, the principal's surprising neutral stance immediately softened her.

Imran's parents did everything to save their son. Malika knew it probably would have worked. His parents were wealthy and they had a lot of influence in the community. He could have just walked away with a mere suspension.

However, Neela Bashir didn't back down without a fight. Malika knew her mother was fierce, but she never knew just how much. Neela pulled every resource and her father's influence from his days as a prominent politician of the country. She threatened to involve the police if the school didn't take appropriate actions.

The fight ensued for weeks. Neela Bashir's political connections snubbed the opposing team. At the end, Imran was expelled. The photos, and the groups they were posted in, were taken down. The school announced a public announcement during Homeroom that if anyone was caught even speaking about those pictures they would face legal consequences. Malika was forced to have sessions with the school counselor.

The newly implemented rules, once again, allowed her to walk through the corridors of her school without being harassed - something she never thought she would be able to do again.

Malika knew that despite the measures, the photos would still exist in some corner of some pervert's phone. This is the consequence she had to live with. However, once people learned they were fake and edited, the photos lost their power and people soon lost interest in them.

She faced harassment for the better half of the year and it took only a few weeks for it to almost completely go away. Malika couldn't believe it.

Once everything unfolded, Malika expected Neela to cut her into pieces and turn her into a smoothie. Instead, her mother was just upset that Malika kept secrets of this scale. Malika cried and threw a tantrum that she couldn't feel like she could talk to Neela because she was never there for her. The mother argued it wasn't true.

The fight reached its peak. Once the anger and grudges were bared and out of their systems, they were both able to be more compassionate. Neela promised to be more present. Malika realized perhaps she was too harsh on her mother, and at times, could be a brat. Neela was there to support and fight for her when she needed it the most, always, and Malika didn't take it for granted .

Despite the heart to heart, Malika was still grounded till the end of time.

Malika did very little other than go to school and help her mom with the store. Students ceased to harass her and she could attend classes fairly peacefully, except for a few odd stares here and there. On top of everything, their A'Levels were looming ahead, so the class eleven and twelve students were too occupied revising for the mock tests to care about the pictures.

It was a pleasant afternoon when Malika sat in the storage room of her mom's store, flipping through the book in her hands. Neela was in the midst of opening a second store, focusing on bridal. The carpeted floor was covered with threads, laces and pieces of clothing on every inch. Busy bodies could be heard shuffling from the front of the store as the sewing machines spun at all hours of the day.

Malika heard a tinkling from the front end of the store, indicating the little bell moving as it did every time someone entered through the main gate. She heard muffled voices and then footsteps along the thick carpet. She looked up just in time to see Farrah entering the storage room.

"Hi," the girl greeted with a coy smile.

"Hey," Malika responded, surprise springing to her eyes.

Malika had very little communication with her friends, or anyone for that matter, since she had lost her cell phone privileges. She was only allowed the occasional visits from Dahlia and Layla until Neela could trust her again. Surprisingly, Malika enjoyed the break she got from social media. It allowed her to contemplate if the sky was actually blue, and made her realize she had more free time than she thought.

"So, what brings you here?" she asked, eyes landing on Farrah again, voicing the obvious thought that rose to her mind.

Malika hadn't spoken to Farrah at all since their fall out. They only awkwardly locked gazes in the few classes they shared.

"Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing," she responded. "I heard about Imran's expulsion."

"Oh."

"Yeah," she paused. "Let me get closer to you so we can both stop shouting." Farrah chuckled, eyes roaming over the piles of stacked clothes.

"There's a narrow pathway just beside the embroidered skirts. You see it?" The storage room resembled a thrift shop these days rather than her mother's high-end boutique.

"So what have you been up to?" Farrah asked, stepping over the several stacks of packets to get to the tiny clearing Malika was sitting in.

"You know, I've just been helping mom out with the new store," Malika said. "I have also picked up a new hobby - baking."

"Nice, you have to make me something sometime," Farrah said as she finally reached her friend. She took off her backpack, placed it on the floor and landed herself beside it. Her eyes took in the books and notes spread around her.

"How far along are you with your revisions?" Her gaze turned serious as she asked.

Malika shrugged. "Just started."

Farrah looked mortified. "Lia!"

The look in Malika's honey-colored eyes turned flat as she met the girl's gaze again. "Well, it's not like you were here to keep me on top of things."

Farrah's face fell. She swallowed and looked down, playing with her fingers on her lap. "Malika, I'm so, so sorry," she said at last. "I left you when you needed me the most. I wasn't a good friend at all."

"That's an understatement if I've ever heard one," Malika retorted.

The guilt in Farrah's eyes intensified.

"You're right," Farrah shook her head. "I was a horrible friend."

"You know what sucked the most?" Malika spoke up after a while. "If there's one person who I expected would ask for my side of the story, it was you," she said, voice turning accusatory. "You didn't even bother. Worse, you jumped to the worst possible conclusion just like everyone else."

"I know," Farrah said, closing her eyes momentarily.

"I know I'm not the most responsible person around, but I expected at least you, my friend, to be on my side. If it were you in my shoes, God forbid, you know I would have had your back. Unwaveringly."

"I-I just didn't know how to handle the situation and I ended up reacting in the worst possible way. I thought of reaching out to you several times. I know I should have. But I-," she paused. "I was such an idiot." Farrah ended with a sigh.

The betrayal Malika felt when she didn't have her anchor with her through the worst experience of her life was something that still stung. However, she also knew the way Farrah reacted was to some extent, out of concern. After dealing with people who had nothing but the worst intentions for her, Malika learned to appreciate the people who didn't - even though they didn't always show it the right way.

"You're right, you were an idiot," Malika spit out. Then the anger in her eyes simmered. "But so was I."

Her words made Farrah perk up. "I hope we can put this behind us."

She shot Farrah a small smile. "Same here."

The girl beamed. Malika let out a deep sigh. She ran her fingers through her hair, giving it a good shake. Her roots were starting to show due to lack of upkeep. For the first time in years, Malika was considering letting her deep brown hair grow.

"God, this has been the longest year of my life," she muttered, speaking each word from her heart. Malika closed the book in hand and looked at her friend. "Let's take a break and get something to eat. I think mom will relax the rules since you're involved."

Farrah's eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared in her hair. "Have you lost your mind?" she cried, taking Malika back by the sudden outburst. "You want to take a break when you're already this behind with the revisions?" She spread her hands dramatically over the books. "There can't be any breaks. We need to utilize every second from here onwards to make sure you're caught up before the exams!"

It was the last day of school.

The excitement in the air was electric. As the exam halls opened the gates, the students flooded out, throwing their hands and books in the air, walking out these doors for the last time.

Malika felt the breeze against her face, a burden lifted off her chest as she knew she would no longer have to see the faces of the people who made her miserable for so long. Farrah kept checking and rechecking her answers.

"Really, Dels? Are you sure it was Newton's Second Law of Motion? I think it was the first!"

"Oh, let it go, Furryboo," Layla said, nudging the girl on the hips with her own. "Let's enjoy the few hours we have together. You'll end up with all A* regardless."

Her friends didn't give her any more chances to protest. The girls lounged under the banyan tree at the heart of the school for the rest of the afternoon, chatting about nothing and everything, laughing their heads off at the silliest things.

Sometime late afternoon they headed over to the pitch as the football team prepared for their match against Easton High. It was the final match to win the Inter-school championship. The apprehension leading to the match turned the air tensed.

Malika knew Ibrahim was reinstated as the goalkeeper of the team. Once Imran was expelled, his spot opened up and Ibrahim had the opportunity to play in the finals.

"Wait, there's something I wanted to do before this," Dahlia whispered in Malika's ear, then before she could question, the hijabi asked to be excused from their other friends and quickly grabbed Malika's wrist.

They snaked their way through the narrow seats. They went up the stairs and made their way to the back.

"Where are we going?" Malika asked, the confusion evident in her eyes.

Dahlia looked over her shoulder, eyes sparkling with determination. "There's something I wanted to do before we left."

Malika received her answer as her eyes landed on Umaira and her friends.

Malika went still. She barely showed anything on her face, but her heart was pounding on her chest. She hadn't faced Umaira or any of Imran's friends since she got him expelled. Sure, she ran into them during classes or in the corridors, but both parties maintained sufficient distance.

Umaira and the girls were huddling close together, away from the crowd, looking out of place. The haughtiness had faded from their faces. After Imran's expulsion, Umaira and a few others faced a suspension for partaking in harassing Malika. Once that happened, several people came forward as victims of bullying by Imran and his friends. It started a MeToo movement against Umaira on Facebook. The entire student body - the very crowd that harassed Malika relentlessly- turned against her in a matter of days.

In another world, Malika would have rejoiced the turn of events. But she learned just how dangerous mob-mentality could be, and how terrifying it was to be on the receiving end of it. So after experiencing what she did, watching her ex-acquaintances get harassed made her uncomfortable.

Umaira's face turned unpleasant. "What do you want?" she demanded, the assertiveness of her tone still intact.

Malika landed her curious eyes on the hijabi, trying to figure out what she was up to. These girls had spent the entire year purposely keeping the prayer room busy during Dhuhr prayer, doing absolutely nothing inside it, just to mess with Dahlia.

Dahlia slowly unlocked her phone and shoved the screen on the girl's face. A video began to play. Then the hijabi played another one. She showed the girls a few more.

Malika raised her eyebrows. They were clips of the girls laughing and gossiping. They were making assumptions and cruel remarks about students, teachers and the management. She could see Umaira's face slowly going pale.

Dahlia, a smug look on her face, lowered the phone. "I recorded these when you were busy keeping me from praying. You girls were so careless about what information you exchanged, you never thought anyone could touch you, did you?" A sweet smile graced her lips. "If I choose to make the videos public, I don't think you will leave the building with the last shred of respect you have left. I doubt Principal Karim will hand you your diploma anytime soon after you called her a spinster."

The girls were fuming. Then Dahlia did something that surprised everyone. She deleted the videos. "Well, I have no intention of doing so. You're way beyond canceled as you are." She rolled her eyes. "I just wanted to show you that if I wanted to, I could add to your difficulty. But I choose not to because it will serve no purpose at this point and I believe in rising above people, even if they don't deserve it."

Dahlia was about to leave, then she looked at the girls again, their faces darkened and stunned. "But if you mess with my friend again, I won't show you the same grace next time. That's a promise." With that, Dahlia spun around.

Malika, pressing her lips to hide a smile, was about to do the same. Umaira's eyes caught hers. The girl's lips were parted. She was used to seeing pride, cruelty and anger on that face, but for the first time, she saw hesitation in Umaira's gaze.

"I-I thought Imran was only going to threaten you with the photos," she spilled out. "I didn't think he would go as far as he did."

Malika had an inkling that Umaira was the mastermind behind the leaked photos. True, Imran was nasty, but he wasn't malicious enough to come up with something like this on his own. It had her name written all over it.

She ran her eyes over Umaira's features once. She looked haunted.

Pity rose to Malika's chest. She knew Umaira's situation at home wasn't pleasant and she was still carried the burden of maintaining a certain reputation. Malika once did as well.

However, Malika could never imagine being so bitter towards anyone to want to destroy them the way Umaira did to her.

She maintained her silence and turned around. Malika followed Dahlia back to their seats. She had nothing more to say to those girls. She was done with them, once and for all. The crowd was going wild by the time the two girls made their way through the narrow pathway between the bleachers.

They found Farrah and Layla once more. Malika expected her friends to start asking where they were. Instead, she found their eyes glued to the game, excitement shining in them.

The crowd went wild as Aryan Malik scored. "We're winning!" Farrah cried.

Malika watched the latter half of the game with her friends - the confrontation from earlier, along with the vicious girls - completely wiped from her mind. They clung to their seats as the game went to overtime. Ibrahim Ahmad allowed York Academy to win by saving a last minute goal from the opponent team.

There was a massive cheer from their school.

"Is-is my idiot brother crying?" Dahlia shouted over the roar of celebration, watching the big guy break down into sobs in the middle of the field.

Malika wrapped her arms around the hijabi as the rest of her two friends jumped up and down with excitement, tears rolling down her own cheeks as she cried along with Ibrahim Ahmad.

A/N: As a teacher who spends a lot of her time with the youth, in the case of bullies always choose to get help! Consider reaching out to anyone, any adult, you think can help you or you feel safe with. Your silence only benefits the bully!